It hit me all at once tonight; my baby boy is starting driver's ed in three weeks! He's going to be operating a vehicle...with me in the passenger seat...in the ice and snow. Somebody pour me a stiff drink!
As excited as I am for him to advance to the next stage of being human, I'm saddened by the speed at which these boys have gone from toddlers to teenagers. The proverbial 'blink of an eye' really takes full effect for a parent right about this age. I've mentally scanned through the last 15 years of this kid's life in the last minute. Parenthood is so crazy.
Having been through this whole thing with my oldest, you might think it would be easier. I might have thought it would be easier. No, it is worse. My baby isn't a baby anymore and he will soon join his brother out on the road, out of my sight, vulnerable to all the dangers a person can face. That's scary shit.
Maybe it's selfish, but when these two walk out the door, my whole life is out there, beyond my bubble of protection. I might have free time, be able to watch a movie or read a book without interruption, or hell, even go out with friends myself when they aren't here, but all of it is just a distraction from the constant worry that runs like a rip current under it all until they return. Knowing my 15 yr-old will be joining his brother out on the roads in a heap of metal, surrounded by other 'unpredictable' heaps of metal and fiberglass...well, that's just something this mom is going to have to work on accepting to avoid a total nervous breakdown.
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