Rainy, damp weather. There's always something redeeming about days when it rains, and the damp air goes straight through to the bone. It is the perfect for reading, writing, curling up on the couch with a blanket, and of course, hot chowder.
Neither one of my sons has ever liked stews or soups, with the exception of chowder. There is never a problem getting them to eat the stuff. One spoonful and it turns them into eating machines. And no chowder eating would be complete without burning a few tastebuds; I mean, who can wait for it to cool before digging in? Clearly not the three of us!
Dreary weather also makes something like a mammogram not so bad. No, that's a lie. Mammograms are hell on earth. No amount of knowing I'm not missing a sunny, beautiful day to get my breasts squashed, mashed, and crushed between two hard, flat surfaces that function like a vice grip could ever make them less awful to endure.
Music, in my world, pairs well with a stormy day. Depending on the type of rain (downpour, drizzle, ongoing showers), I'll listen to anything from Damien Rice to Chevelle and Sevendust. Dark, brooding grooves always put me in the best mood. What can I say, finding the good in what might look not so good at first is something of a pastime. Not to mention a little bit of loud guitar, thundering drums and screaming vocals go a long way towards erasing the mammogram experience.
Sure, I prefer the sun and warm weather, but rain isn't snow and that automatically makes it okay with me. Movie time and another glass of red, after a chat with my first grade teacher via facebook. Social media has some redeeming aspects after all :)
Monday, March 31, 2014
Sunday, March 30, 2014
Just Because I See It Doesn't Mean It's What I Think I See
I like that I can look out the back door and only see woods beyond the small deck. I wouldn't say I love being in remote, country areas...well, not unless I'm hiking, but I'm good with the illusion of peace and quiet this view gives me. Nearly the best of both worlds; the serenity of nature, yet the close proximity to city hubbub.
I find the unpredictability and lack of populous in rural areas disconcerting. Crime might be more prevalent in town, but the feeling of being connected to others, even if just because countless others occupy the same space, is oddly reassuring to me. I'm sure a therapist or psychologist would have a few theories as to why that is, but the plain truth of it is that I like the constant hum and noise of the people around me. Being alone sends my brain into overload; too much peace and quiet and I go stir crazy.
I remember going to Paris and being disappointed in the Eiffel Tower. Well, not so much the structure, as its location. I'd seen countless photos of this landmark, not to mention movies that had scenes in the general vicinity of it. All of my exposure to this city and its landmarks was prior to internet information being so readily available. My idea of this tourist stop was that it was in a more open location. Far from spacious, the spot is abutted by buildings, parking lots, streets and trace greenery. I realized the moment I approached the steel attraction that perception is greatly skewed without all the facts. I knew the tower was big, and I'd known there were garden-esque areas nearby, I just had no clear comprehension of how the two were in such contrast until I actually saw it with my own eyes.
Nearly everything in life can lead to the same type of skewed impressions. We draw conclusions or concoct comfortable scenarios about a number of things, and we base our actions and inactions on what we believe or have chosen to believe, and all too often our foundations aren't made of the material we allowed ourselves to think they were. Sadly, we make this same mistake in relation to the people we know; particularly when we first meet them. Maybe it's because most of us need something to tether us to something solid, giving us the security to make choices, form opinions, and in general, live.
I am completely aware that the view through my back door is an illusion, and any conclusions I may draw that are somehow impacted by that picture, also take all that lies beyond that narrow view into consideration. Whatever I believe about someone or something, I try not to form such a rigid point of view that I cannot be flexible if new information comes to light. Loosening up the grip on whatever anchors me to this life might just make the difference between being alive and experiencing life.
I find the unpredictability and lack of populous in rural areas disconcerting. Crime might be more prevalent in town, but the feeling of being connected to others, even if just because countless others occupy the same space, is oddly reassuring to me. I'm sure a therapist or psychologist would have a few theories as to why that is, but the plain truth of it is that I like the constant hum and noise of the people around me. Being alone sends my brain into overload; too much peace and quiet and I go stir crazy.
I remember going to Paris and being disappointed in the Eiffel Tower. Well, not so much the structure, as its location. I'd seen countless photos of this landmark, not to mention movies that had scenes in the general vicinity of it. All of my exposure to this city and its landmarks was prior to internet information being so readily available. My idea of this tourist stop was that it was in a more open location. Far from spacious, the spot is abutted by buildings, parking lots, streets and trace greenery. I realized the moment I approached the steel attraction that perception is greatly skewed without all the facts. I knew the tower was big, and I'd known there were garden-esque areas nearby, I just had no clear comprehension of how the two were in such contrast until I actually saw it with my own eyes.
Nearly everything in life can lead to the same type of skewed impressions. We draw conclusions or concoct comfortable scenarios about a number of things, and we base our actions and inactions on what we believe or have chosen to believe, and all too often our foundations aren't made of the material we allowed ourselves to think they were. Sadly, we make this same mistake in relation to the people we know; particularly when we first meet them. Maybe it's because most of us need something to tether us to something solid, giving us the security to make choices, form opinions, and in general, live.
I am completely aware that the view through my back door is an illusion, and any conclusions I may draw that are somehow impacted by that picture, also take all that lies beyond that narrow view into consideration. Whatever I believe about someone or something, I try not to form such a rigid point of view that I cannot be flexible if new information comes to light. Loosening up the grip on whatever anchors me to this life might just make the difference between being alive and experiencing life.
Saturday, March 29, 2014
Maybe I Really Am The Only One...
Life is implicitly interesting.
People are unpredictable, and oddly addicting to watch. Their actions speak volumes more than their words could ever dream of saying. If one were to step back and consider their role in others' lives, what they would find out could shed light on exactly what to look for and just what to avoid when forging relationships.
I consider the people I have invested time in, and exactly what it is about them that I value; what it is that creates the bond I share with them and know I cannot live without. My interactions with people, my personal investment in long term friendships, relationships, outright kinships is based on far more than one thing. Each person brings something or possesses qualities that I find worthwhile. And with each of them, it is more than just one thing.
My nearest and dearest friends are made up of layers of awesome. They have humor, the deepest sense of loyalty, they listen, they trust...they are trustworthy. Every one of them show up big, and hangs around when nothing much is going on. They reach out and check in, and they are receptive to my reciprocal gestures. They are honest, even when it means I might get stung. And I could not imagine ever basing a friendship with any of these incredible people on just one specific aspect and foregoing the rest of what makes them amazing.
It's the same with family. Sure I have specific ties to individual relatives, but a family as a whole depends on being able to celebrate and acknowledge more than just what we find useful or fun in that person. My aunts, uncles, cousins, siblings, and parents are more than just shared genetics. They are witty, caring, and supportive people who have shared a lifetime of connections, good and not so good. We know about each others interests, about hardships, and we rally together through tough times and milestones worth cheering. If we only related to one another at the holidays, or saw each other as one-dimensional, what kind of family would we really be?
I can't really speak to relationships of a romantic nature, except maybe to what I have experienced. Thus far, the awareness that a person should be appreciated for more than just one specific aspect of what makes them who they are seems to continue to be obvious to me alone. This type of relationship is more challenging, because the focus is rarely broad initially. It's fine tuned and fixated; far too many people are rarely able to take in the numerous other facets of the person who holds them captivated, as they are so mesmerized by whatever one thing caught their attention in the first place. Few relationships of this nature move into the friend/family territory of connection, because it takes something called personal investment.
With family and friends, investment comes somewhat easier; the threat of rejection isn't as great. It is possible to have several familial relationships, and equally many meaningful friendships, without the need to be beholden to just one person. The kind of commitment a romantic relationship requires is typically of the one-of-a-kind variety. When you are interested in becoming involved with another person intimately, as a significant other, in most cases it is the only relationship of this kind you will have at any given time. That type of investment isn't made as easily. And from my experience, there are far fewer opportunities to find another person who will see and appreciate more than just the initial spark in us that grabbed their attention in the first place the more the world around us changes.
We are not, as a whole, a society that emphasizes the same depth and meaningful qualities in romance as we do in family and friends. So much is about surface; appearances, ambition, financial gain, fulfillment of any variety of needs, physical attraction - and so little importance is placed on what can and does lead to long term happiness. How a person behaves is so immensely pivotal to maintaining not only a successful relationship, but also the integrity of both individuals.
Without opening ourselves up and being receptive to the whole person, we stifle the freedom needed for that person to remain whole. Sure there are couples that have stayed together because they have fun, or because they make each other look good, or because the sex is great, but longevity doesn't always mean depth. There are, sadly, people who have spent years with their partner or spouse and have no real idea who that person truly is. What is worse though, is that they have sat on the hands of interest and curiosity so long, they wouldn't even know where to begin in trying to really know them.
People ask me, quite literally on a daily basis, why I am single. Sometimes it's knee-jerk, other times they are simply nosy, but there are some who seem genuinely baffled. Those are the people who won't ever understand my answer. They are of the same narrow-minded, surface-thinking, single-interest fixating type who will only ever see what is in front of them, and never what is just beyond. A person's appearance, job title, car, or public influence is not what makes them. I have come to believe that those things are like checkpoints on the road to any relationship, though they seem far more difficult to proceed beyond in the romantic kind. If a person is open to what lies beyond someone's pretty face or enticing physique, they've past the first checkpoint. The more willing they are to learn and explore all that makes up the person and what was initially attractive about them, the further they progress, bringing them closer to a relationship that has substance and the freedom to grow indefinitely. I'm single, because I have yet to find another person who also understands these things and lives them.
It does not matter to me what type of relationship I engage in, they are ALL based on the same basic premise: who you are is more than just what the world sees. If you and I share a bond, regardless of how old or new, I am invested. I have no interest and do not care to waste my time or yours with a shallow exchange. All I really hope for in life is that the people I care about extend me the very same. Anything less is essentially opportunistic, one-sided, and disingenuous. Life is too short for any of that.
People are unpredictable, and oddly addicting to watch. Their actions speak volumes more than their words could ever dream of saying. If one were to step back and consider their role in others' lives, what they would find out could shed light on exactly what to look for and just what to avoid when forging relationships.
I consider the people I have invested time in, and exactly what it is about them that I value; what it is that creates the bond I share with them and know I cannot live without. My interactions with people, my personal investment in long term friendships, relationships, outright kinships is based on far more than one thing. Each person brings something or possesses qualities that I find worthwhile. And with each of them, it is more than just one thing.
My nearest and dearest friends are made up of layers of awesome. They have humor, the deepest sense of loyalty, they listen, they trust...they are trustworthy. Every one of them show up big, and hangs around when nothing much is going on. They reach out and check in, and they are receptive to my reciprocal gestures. They are honest, even when it means I might get stung. And I could not imagine ever basing a friendship with any of these incredible people on just one specific aspect and foregoing the rest of what makes them amazing.
It's the same with family. Sure I have specific ties to individual relatives, but a family as a whole depends on being able to celebrate and acknowledge more than just what we find useful or fun in that person. My aunts, uncles, cousins, siblings, and parents are more than just shared genetics. They are witty, caring, and supportive people who have shared a lifetime of connections, good and not so good. We know about each others interests, about hardships, and we rally together through tough times and milestones worth cheering. If we only related to one another at the holidays, or saw each other as one-dimensional, what kind of family would we really be?
I can't really speak to relationships of a romantic nature, except maybe to what I have experienced. Thus far, the awareness that a person should be appreciated for more than just one specific aspect of what makes them who they are seems to continue to be obvious to me alone. This type of relationship is more challenging, because the focus is rarely broad initially. It's fine tuned and fixated; far too many people are rarely able to take in the numerous other facets of the person who holds them captivated, as they are so mesmerized by whatever one thing caught their attention in the first place. Few relationships of this nature move into the friend/family territory of connection, because it takes something called personal investment.
With family and friends, investment comes somewhat easier; the threat of rejection isn't as great. It is possible to have several familial relationships, and equally many meaningful friendships, without the need to be beholden to just one person. The kind of commitment a romantic relationship requires is typically of the one-of-a-kind variety. When you are interested in becoming involved with another person intimately, as a significant other, in most cases it is the only relationship of this kind you will have at any given time. That type of investment isn't made as easily. And from my experience, there are far fewer opportunities to find another person who will see and appreciate more than just the initial spark in us that grabbed their attention in the first place the more the world around us changes.
We are not, as a whole, a society that emphasizes the same depth and meaningful qualities in romance as we do in family and friends. So much is about surface; appearances, ambition, financial gain, fulfillment of any variety of needs, physical attraction - and so little importance is placed on what can and does lead to long term happiness. How a person behaves is so immensely pivotal to maintaining not only a successful relationship, but also the integrity of both individuals.
Without opening ourselves up and being receptive to the whole person, we stifle the freedom needed for that person to remain whole. Sure there are couples that have stayed together because they have fun, or because they make each other look good, or because the sex is great, but longevity doesn't always mean depth. There are, sadly, people who have spent years with their partner or spouse and have no real idea who that person truly is. What is worse though, is that they have sat on the hands of interest and curiosity so long, they wouldn't even know where to begin in trying to really know them.
People ask me, quite literally on a daily basis, why I am single. Sometimes it's knee-jerk, other times they are simply nosy, but there are some who seem genuinely baffled. Those are the people who won't ever understand my answer. They are of the same narrow-minded, surface-thinking, single-interest fixating type who will only ever see what is in front of them, and never what is just beyond. A person's appearance, job title, car, or public influence is not what makes them. I have come to believe that those things are like checkpoints on the road to any relationship, though they seem far more difficult to proceed beyond in the romantic kind. If a person is open to what lies beyond someone's pretty face or enticing physique, they've past the first checkpoint. The more willing they are to learn and explore all that makes up the person and what was initially attractive about them, the further they progress, bringing them closer to a relationship that has substance and the freedom to grow indefinitely. I'm single, because I have yet to find another person who also understands these things and lives them.
It does not matter to me what type of relationship I engage in, they are ALL based on the same basic premise: who you are is more than just what the world sees. If you and I share a bond, regardless of how old or new, I am invested. I have no interest and do not care to waste my time or yours with a shallow exchange. All I really hope for in life is that the people I care about extend me the very same. Anything less is essentially opportunistic, one-sided, and disingenuous. Life is too short for any of that.
Friday, March 28, 2014
Me, Myself, and I
It isn't often, surprisingly so, that I have a night alone. No kids, no plans, just me and Netflix doing it up. And a cuddly cat curled up at my side. Quite life isn't so bad I guess.
I wouldn't say I love the loudness of crowded places, but I am partial to a certain level of happy noise that comes from my sons and their friends. Having the fairly mellow hubbub as a near regular part of this atmosphere, I'm more than grateful. I must admit that I miss it, even during the little breaks and lapses like tonight.
While my outgoing, and at times endearing personality might suggest I need constant company, the reality is I spend most of my down time alone. Most of the time I enjoy it, though like tonight, it may take me awhile to settle in and really be ok with it. Change has always been a rather slow acceptance process for me.
I'm fairly certain I would have been labeled A.D.D. as a child (and it's likely I fit the bill to this day). When it's too quiet, my mind speeds up and I have difficulty focusing on any one thing. When there's background noise, it is far easier to keep the overactive areas of my brain from darting off into a thousand directions, because they are relatively occupied while the rest of me can chip away with whatever task is at hand. When I'm by myself, the television is always on, and I'm carrying on several conversations via text or messenger. Idle time is dangerous for a mind like mine.
For the duration of the evening, the boob tube will be taking the place of my sons, so that I can funnel focus into writing. Maybe it's time to learn how to be okay with silence. I've always wondered what it would be like to experience a restful mind. At the moment I cannot even begin to imagine.
I wouldn't say I love the loudness of crowded places, but I am partial to a certain level of happy noise that comes from my sons and their friends. Having the fairly mellow hubbub as a near regular part of this atmosphere, I'm more than grateful. I must admit that I miss it, even during the little breaks and lapses like tonight.
While my outgoing, and at times endearing personality might suggest I need constant company, the reality is I spend most of my down time alone. Most of the time I enjoy it, though like tonight, it may take me awhile to settle in and really be ok with it. Change has always been a rather slow acceptance process for me.
I'm fairly certain I would have been labeled A.D.D. as a child (and it's likely I fit the bill to this day). When it's too quiet, my mind speeds up and I have difficulty focusing on any one thing. When there's background noise, it is far easier to keep the overactive areas of my brain from darting off into a thousand directions, because they are relatively occupied while the rest of me can chip away with whatever task is at hand. When I'm by myself, the television is always on, and I'm carrying on several conversations via text or messenger. Idle time is dangerous for a mind like mine.
For the duration of the evening, the boob tube will be taking the place of my sons, so that I can funnel focus into writing. Maybe it's time to learn how to be okay with silence. I've always wondered what it would be like to experience a restful mind. At the moment I cannot even begin to imagine.
Thursday, March 27, 2014
Tears Nearly Always Tell A Story
Sometimes, no matter where you are, who's around, or how much you might try to avoid it, emotions happen. Tears well up and spill over, running down your face before you can even begin to choke them back. It could be a great loss that triggers the waterworks, physical pain, and occasionally there is no immediately describable reason.
Doing what I do for a living, I have experienced my share of spontaneous tears from clients. Sometimes I see it coming, but most of the time I am briefly caught off guard when the crying begins. In those moments, I stop whatever I may be talking about or doing and reach out physically, offer sympathy and a listening ear, reassuring each person that sometimes we just have to let it all out. In a busy salon, it can be more than a little challenging to maintain a client's privacy, but it can be done.
Whether my job and the interpersonal skills spill over into my personal life or not, people seem to trust me with all manner of private information. I don't mind, at least not since I figured out that it is a compliment, and one that's about more than flattery. When another person extends trust in me to be vulnerable, it's tough to not feel the weight and amazement that trust carries. It's becomes part of who I am, and if I can be the safe person for someone, I'm honored to be that.
There are moments when the tears, frustration and sadness cannot be contained. We would all do better to pay attention to what our bodies and souls are telling us and just let it all out. A lighter, happier state of being awaits all who do.
Wednesday, March 26, 2014
Bawling Like A Baby
There are days that I would love to put everyone I love in a protective bubble, safe from anything negative. No sickness, no bad days, nothing that would hurt at all; just laughs, good times and total happiness. But that would make the good stuff tougher to appreciate in the long run. The good isn't as good if you don't have firsthand knowledge of the bad.
Whether I want to admit it or not, a tough decision may well be at my door. I look at my sons, how they've rallied around their beloved fur-brother, hand feeding him, comforting him and wiping tears from their eyes as they feel helpless to make things better, and it's beyond difficult to accept that we are here right now. This cat has always been precious to us, part of the family, so whatever comfort there is to grasp onto it is that he has never known neglect or harm.
Every day he has been a part of our lives, he has been the tagalong. He's the alarm clock, the chatterbox, chore companion, and there is no better cuddler in the world. We are walked to the door when we leave and excitedly greeted when we return. He may be underfoot and trip us up now and again, but the sound of his purrs and the warmth of his happiness are the best reciprocation of love any of us could ever ask for. Even when he's in a bad mood, he's still amazing.
Sitting at the vet's office today, waiting while they took samples, hearing him cry I just wanted to wrap my arms around him and make this all go away. Just like with my two sons, his pain is my own. I'm scared to lose him. I've been crying all day, and apparently, I'm not done quite yet. I love this fur kid and all he's brought to my family. It can't be time to let go...
Whether I want to admit it or not, a tough decision may well be at my door. I look at my sons, how they've rallied around their beloved fur-brother, hand feeding him, comforting him and wiping tears from their eyes as they feel helpless to make things better, and it's beyond difficult to accept that we are here right now. This cat has always been precious to us, part of the family, so whatever comfort there is to grasp onto it is that he has never known neglect or harm.
Every day he has been a part of our lives, he has been the tagalong. He's the alarm clock, the chatterbox, chore companion, and there is no better cuddler in the world. We are walked to the door when we leave and excitedly greeted when we return. He may be underfoot and trip us up now and again, but the sound of his purrs and the warmth of his happiness are the best reciprocation of love any of us could ever ask for. Even when he's in a bad mood, he's still amazing.
Sitting at the vet's office today, waiting while they took samples, hearing him cry I just wanted to wrap my arms around him and make this all go away. Just like with my two sons, his pain is my own. I'm scared to lose him. I've been crying all day, and apparently, I'm not done quite yet. I love this fur kid and all he's brought to my family. It can't be time to let go...
Tuesday, March 25, 2014
Ewww, That's So Grody!
Perfection does not exist. We all have faults. I have plenty of my own.
While I know pointing out other people's shortcomings isn't something I should do, there are things that irk me and I cannot ignore them. Smoking. Plain and simple this has to be one of my biggest irritations with other people. Nothing worse than having someone come to the salon and sit in my chair, or be in line in front of me at the store and stink like those awful cancer sticks.
I abhor close quarters like small waiting rooms and elevators with smokers. Sure they may not be actively smoking, but the evidence of their nasty habit lingers like when you step in dog shit and it never seems to wipe off. Some people smoke so much the odor permeates their skin, giving off that stale, sick cigarette smell even after they've showered and changed clothes.
It's bad when not even two shampoos can strip the tar and nicotine from a person's hair, but nothing compared to having to heat style it afterward. I've become practiced in keeping my distance and shallow breathing. As awful as it sounds, I realize it isn't the person it's their habit that I loathe.
The stench that fills vehicle, doorways to buildings, clings to my hair capes, and stays lodged in my nasal passages is aggravatingly unwelcome and it's a constant assault on my ability to breathe better air. Life would be far more enjoyable were there no such thing as smoking tobacco.
While I know pointing out other people's shortcomings isn't something I should do, there are things that irk me and I cannot ignore them. Smoking. Plain and simple this has to be one of my biggest irritations with other people. Nothing worse than having someone come to the salon and sit in my chair, or be in line in front of me at the store and stink like those awful cancer sticks.
I abhor close quarters like small waiting rooms and elevators with smokers. Sure they may not be actively smoking, but the evidence of their nasty habit lingers like when you step in dog shit and it never seems to wipe off. Some people smoke so much the odor permeates their skin, giving off that stale, sick cigarette smell even after they've showered and changed clothes.
It's bad when not even two shampoos can strip the tar and nicotine from a person's hair, but nothing compared to having to heat style it afterward. I've become practiced in keeping my distance and shallow breathing. As awful as it sounds, I realize it isn't the person it's their habit that I loathe.
The stench that fills vehicle, doorways to buildings, clings to my hair capes, and stays lodged in my nasal passages is aggravatingly unwelcome and it's a constant assault on my ability to breathe better air. Life would be far more enjoyable were there no such thing as smoking tobacco.
Monday, March 24, 2014
Kitty Concerns
I was startled with a physical revelation this weekend, and I have been far more emotionally sensitive as a result. Our 12 yr-old cat has lost a noticeable amount of weight in a short period of time. There have been no other signs that something is wrong, though I have taken to cleaning the litter box myself to keep track of what I suspect is a definite decrease in use. When there are several people caring for the needs of a fur kid, signs that something may be wrong can go undetected. It hasn't crossed any of our minds to update one another on the day's litter box haul, water and food consumption, or our beloved pet's general, overall behavior.
Just before we moved, our big fur ball was given a clean bill of health. It's easy to lose sight of the fact that animals age faster than we do, and their health can change more rapidly than our own, as we tend to view them as part of the family whole. Though I know his life with us will be shorter than our own, it doesn't make the inevitable parting any easier to accept.
My hope is that my worst fears about his current state of health prove false and that his time with us goes on for a few more years. I have watched him grow and change along with my sons; playing and cuddling, his attention competed for by each of them. He follows us all around as we go about our weekly morning routines, and cries by the door when he knows we are about to leave. I've watched him wake from what seemed like eternal slumber and run to the door the moment he heard anything that suggested one or both of his boys were home.
Though he talks to us, seemingly sharing his day through a series of meows, there is no way to know if he's trying to tell us something isn't right. Much like with a baby, it is a process of elimination and visits to the doctor to pinpoint the issue. He may well just be getting old, in which case we will just have to adapt accept that his aging body may not be able to wrestle as much, be able to jump up on the couch as well, and his bones may continue to become more prominent as time goes by. I hope that this is all just part of the feline aging process. We are not ready to make hard choices, or experience life without him in it. I doubt we ever really could be ready for those things.
At the moment, while we are waiting to see his new veterinarian, its cuddling and doting as usual. Ok, maybe in light of our fears it's a bit more than it was last week. Today I appreciate the copious amount of cat hair clinging to my clothes and furniture; I mean is it really a big deal if I go out in public with evidence that I have a fur kid at home? Those who have their own understand, and those who don't well...I can only wish they one day know the love and joy of a four-legged family member.
Just before we moved, our big fur ball was given a clean bill of health. It's easy to lose sight of the fact that animals age faster than we do, and their health can change more rapidly than our own, as we tend to view them as part of the family whole. Though I know his life with us will be shorter than our own, it doesn't make the inevitable parting any easier to accept.
My hope is that my worst fears about his current state of health prove false and that his time with us goes on for a few more years. I have watched him grow and change along with my sons; playing and cuddling, his attention competed for by each of them. He follows us all around as we go about our weekly morning routines, and cries by the door when he knows we are about to leave. I've watched him wake from what seemed like eternal slumber and run to the door the moment he heard anything that suggested one or both of his boys were home.
Though he talks to us, seemingly sharing his day through a series of meows, there is no way to know if he's trying to tell us something isn't right. Much like with a baby, it is a process of elimination and visits to the doctor to pinpoint the issue. He may well just be getting old, in which case we will just have to adapt accept that his aging body may not be able to wrestle as much, be able to jump up on the couch as well, and his bones may continue to become more prominent as time goes by. I hope that this is all just part of the feline aging process. We are not ready to make hard choices, or experience life without him in it. I doubt we ever really could be ready for those things.
At the moment, while we are waiting to see his new veterinarian, its cuddling and doting as usual. Ok, maybe in light of our fears it's a bit more than it was last week. Today I appreciate the copious amount of cat hair clinging to my clothes and furniture; I mean is it really a big deal if I go out in public with evidence that I have a fur kid at home? Those who have their own understand, and those who don't well...I can only wish they one day know the love and joy of a four-legged family member.
A Life Free Of Reading Would Be Hell To Me
Reading is one of my favorite pastimes. A good book, a quiet space and the endless possibilities of imagination that an author's words can evoke; what's not to love? I will take a good book over a movie more times than not. Somehow, even though I'm sitting still, not doing anything physical or 'productive', reading feels far more beneficial and justifiable then vegging out to something on TV.
There may be other things that need to get done, but somehow putting them off until later doesn't seem like shirking chores and responsibilities when I'm enthralled in good tale. I think if I hadn't found a vocation that suited me so well in hair, I might well have chosen a profession where reading played a large part. For me, to be able to comprehend the words and ideas of another person simply through reading is one of life's amazing gifts. Literacy is something every person, regardless of gender or socioeconomic background should have. Given how advanced the world has become, it's appalling to me that there are still so many who are illiterate. Certainly there are circumstances that not everyone is able to foresee or work around, but I would like to think we would've been able to make some headway over the last decade. Unfortunately, if all the statistical data paints a reliable picture, the rate of illiteracy in America alone hasn't changed in that time. Somewhere around 32 million Americans are considered illiterate (http://www.statisticbrain.com/number-of-american-adults-who-cant-read/). I find this information saddening.
Were I not able to read, I imagine the quality and relative ease of my every day life would be impacted greatly. Information would not be so readily available, and I'd be relying on hearsay or other's summed up versions of things. My choice in vocation would be whittled down to positions that require no reading, and almost certainly pay below any real living standards. Lacking the ability to read would almost certainly limit me in nearly every facet of life.
Whenever I encounter someone who doesn't actively read because it was never their 'thing', I'm left feeling upset. I can think of little worse than neglecting or underutilizing something as powerful as literacy, especially when there are still so many who are afforded that same choice. How ungrateful are we that we can take something like the ability to read for granted?
I have always encouraged my sons to read, though only one does so regularly. I also believe that I need to be an example, which is why I often choose to read in the same room my sons are occupying, whether they are doing homework, on their laptops, or watching TV. When I was younger I didn't always read regularly, though as I've gotten older I find it a fulfilling and necessary part of life enjoyment. My hope is that both my sons will be avid readers and set the bar high for their own children down the road.
There is nothing wrong with enjoying a good movie or TV show, as long as life is balanced with a healthy amount of reading too.
Saturday, March 22, 2014
Dream A Little Dream
In my lifetime, there are a few places that I want to let my bare feet touch the earth. Italy - more specifically wine country, Fiji - I mean the whole exotic beach thing and all, and Ireland. If it ever came down to just one of these places, it would be the Emerald Isle for certain.
I'm not sure I could ever explain why except that the thought of being surrounded by lush green, rolling hills and being on the edge of an intensely beautiful coastline makes it's way through my mind, taunting me frequently. Someday. Though I hope that someday turns into now sooner than later.
Whether or not I can drink the beer, a pub tour is a definite must. Whiskey is a fine substitute for Irish ales or stouts, and I am a fan of that particular spirit. The smaller and further off the beaten path the pubs are, the more I may lose myself to Ireland.
Even the dreary, blustery weather appeals to me. Not that I wouldn't hope for a sunny day, but to experience the truest of all the green countryside has to offer is what this girl's dreams are made of. As far back as I can remember, this place has been at the very top of my bucket list. In bold, permanent ink.
Yes, someday is one day closer. When I get there, I may well never leave.
Friday, March 21, 2014
Maybe I Should Have, But I Didn't And That's Life
Whenever I realize that something isn't exactly as I would have expected, wanted, or thought it to be I have a tough time letting go of the disappointment or guilt about reality. Hindsight is a killer of confidence. Life is full of retrospective gazing, not to mention should have, could have, would haves.
There are a few things in my life that I have wished I'd done differently. Particularly when it comes to my sons. At the peak of any defining moment, I've always done the best I could, thought this doesn't mean I don't see that there may have been other options or avenues that I previously missed out on. Sometimes I feel like I was practically wearing blinders when I look back at moments that could have played out better; more beneficial.
Sure there is a twinge of regret, but missed opportunities have a way of bringing that particular emotion to the surface. Of course there is little point expending energy on what has already happened; better to focus on what's to come. We do the best we can with the information and resources we have at the time. After that, all we can hope for is the wherewithal to accept the outcome and look toward the next opportunity.
I suppose, things being as they are, I'm in the best place I could find myself. The options I have in life now are not what they would be had I chosen to skip instead of run. No good can ever come of always assuming there are other, parallel lives that could have been my reality. Well...except a decent plot idea :)
There are a few things in my life that I have wished I'd done differently. Particularly when it comes to my sons. At the peak of any defining moment, I've always done the best I could, thought this doesn't mean I don't see that there may have been other options or avenues that I previously missed out on. Sometimes I feel like I was practically wearing blinders when I look back at moments that could have played out better; more beneficial.
Sure there is a twinge of regret, but missed opportunities have a way of bringing that particular emotion to the surface. Of course there is little point expending energy on what has already happened; better to focus on what's to come. We do the best we can with the information and resources we have at the time. After that, all we can hope for is the wherewithal to accept the outcome and look toward the next opportunity.
I suppose, things being as they are, I'm in the best place I could find myself. The options I have in life now are not what they would be had I chosen to skip instead of run. No good can ever come of always assuming there are other, parallel lives that could have been my reality. Well...except a decent plot idea :)
Cheers...it's not just a television show, it's the way bar-going should be
When I go to a bar, regardless of size or atmosphere, there are certain things I look for. The most important of which is bartender interaction. The second is good and SAFE parking, like not getting towed in a poorly posted area...just sayin'.
It's not as though I am at a bar every night of the week. I have a few haunts that I gravitate to, and I have no desire to stray. At least not far anyway. When a place feels like 'home' it's the right atmosphere - the best atmosphere actually. For me, rapport with the bartender is paramount to an at-home, favorable experience. If I don't know my bartender, there is little reason for me to frequent a place. The person behind the bar, mixing or pouring my drink, needs to be a friend. It's just as simple as that for me.
Sure it might seem needy and even spoiled to want the kind of relationship with my barkeep that I have with my friends, but doesn't it make sense? When I walk through the doors of one of my go-to, favorite establishments, I love that the bartenders a) recognize me, b) call me by name and/or greet me personally, and c) know what I drink. Any bartender worth their weight in top shelf spirits understands that those little but meaningful personal connections makes a world of difference in everything from the type of tips they will make to the new faces each and every regular will bring through the doors whenever they stop in for refreshing bevvies.
I adore the handful (ok, FOUR) places I frequent, because each of the bartenders I encounter know these simple, yet oh-so-effective things. Recognition; the type where it's obvious I'm welcomed and a happy sight. Personal interaction through conversation and laughter, and of course knowledge of my beverage preference. I don't barhop, as a rule, because I find it far more enjoyable to be somewhere that at least the bartender knows my name. It's comfortable and real.
So to Ryan, Mark, Leon and Mike, thank you for being the most awesome at what you do. It makes being of legal drinking age a far more enjoyable thing!
It's not as though I am at a bar every night of the week. I have a few haunts that I gravitate to, and I have no desire to stray. At least not far anyway. When a place feels like 'home' it's the right atmosphere - the best atmosphere actually. For me, rapport with the bartender is paramount to an at-home, favorable experience. If I don't know my bartender, there is little reason for me to frequent a place. The person behind the bar, mixing or pouring my drink, needs to be a friend. It's just as simple as that for me.
Sure it might seem needy and even spoiled to want the kind of relationship with my barkeep that I have with my friends, but doesn't it make sense? When I walk through the doors of one of my go-to, favorite establishments, I love that the bartenders a) recognize me, b) call me by name and/or greet me personally, and c) know what I drink. Any bartender worth their weight in top shelf spirits understands that those little but meaningful personal connections makes a world of difference in everything from the type of tips they will make to the new faces each and every regular will bring through the doors whenever they stop in for refreshing bevvies.
I adore the handful (ok, FOUR) places I frequent, because each of the bartenders I encounter know these simple, yet oh-so-effective things. Recognition; the type where it's obvious I'm welcomed and a happy sight. Personal interaction through conversation and laughter, and of course knowledge of my beverage preference. I don't barhop, as a rule, because I find it far more enjoyable to be somewhere that at least the bartender knows my name. It's comfortable and real.
So to Ryan, Mark, Leon and Mike, thank you for being the most awesome at what you do. It makes being of legal drinking age a far more enjoyable thing!
Wednesday, March 19, 2014
Friends Are Like Fabulous Jeans
An old pair of well-worn, perfect fitting jeans; there's nothing like 'em. Every time you pull them on, they feel perfect, almost like a second skin. They look great, hug curves just the way they should, and completely boost confidence levels the moment they are zipped up.
I have a pair of these jeans, and a hoodie, and even a pair of shoes. I also have friends that have a similar effect...except maybe the curve hugging part. Uh, ok so maybe there are one or two that could claim that since they are amazing huggers. In any case, these are the people that no matter how long I've known them I couldn't imagine not having them in my life. Even though some of them there are times that I've been out of touch with them for awhile, the moment I do see them, the 'fit' is still the same.
There are just some people whose personalities are so compatible with our own that no amount of time and life experience can change the core of that connection. I like that. It's exactly like those favorite pair of jeans. And there are different jeans for different occasions. Completely unique styles for every season. Each friend brings something a little different from the next, yet they were and still are must haves that never got put back on the sales rack.
And though I've said it a number of times, I feel incredibly fortunate to have so many perfect fitting jeans. No matter what day it is, which pair I happen to have on, I'm bound to be in a great mood, enjoying life and counting the memories. What better existence is there? In my opinion, none.
I have a pair of these jeans, and a hoodie, and even a pair of shoes. I also have friends that have a similar effect...except maybe the curve hugging part. Uh, ok so maybe there are one or two that could claim that since they are amazing huggers. In any case, these are the people that no matter how long I've known them I couldn't imagine not having them in my life. Even though some of them there are times that I've been out of touch with them for awhile, the moment I do see them, the 'fit' is still the same.
There are just some people whose personalities are so compatible with our own that no amount of time and life experience can change the core of that connection. I like that. It's exactly like those favorite pair of jeans. And there are different jeans for different occasions. Completely unique styles for every season. Each friend brings something a little different from the next, yet they were and still are must haves that never got put back on the sales rack.
And though I've said it a number of times, I feel incredibly fortunate to have so many perfect fitting jeans. No matter what day it is, which pair I happen to have on, I'm bound to be in a great mood, enjoying life and counting the memories. What better existence is there? In my opinion, none.
Tuesday, March 18, 2014
Sometimes I Can Be A Grump
I'm not proud of the fact that I get grumpy when I'm hungry, even less so that I am pretty rotten to the people around me when I've gone far too long without food. Considering the state of the world, it's sort of reprehensible. To complain about eating later than I'd like seems highly insensitive in light of so many who go hungry for days.
I've grown comfortable with this life I lead. Things like food, shelter, clothes, and the freedom to do things I enjoy are all things I realize I've taken for granted. Of course, there is little chance that the expectancy of what I've come to know will disappear completely, it might be in my best interest for further growth to reflect on how fortunate I truly am more regularly. Good idea; tough implementation.
Worse than losing sight of what I have, is taking out my frustration due to a momentary lapse of 'having' on the people I care about most. This most often occurs with my sons. No amount of pre-emptive preparation justifies my curt attitude or prepares the recipient for what is about to go down. Damn! Just when I think I'm getting better at this whole being a better me thing, I find more crappy things about myself that really need to change.
An easier way to cut back on this kind of outburst would be to make sure I don't go too long without eating...though practicing a little patience and appreciative focus might go a bit further.
I've grown comfortable with this life I lead. Things like food, shelter, clothes, and the freedom to do things I enjoy are all things I realize I've taken for granted. Of course, there is little chance that the expectancy of what I've come to know will disappear completely, it might be in my best interest for further growth to reflect on how fortunate I truly am more regularly. Good idea; tough implementation.
Worse than losing sight of what I have, is taking out my frustration due to a momentary lapse of 'having' on the people I care about most. This most often occurs with my sons. No amount of pre-emptive preparation justifies my curt attitude or prepares the recipient for what is about to go down. Damn! Just when I think I'm getting better at this whole being a better me thing, I find more crappy things about myself that really need to change.
An easier way to cut back on this kind of outburst would be to make sure I don't go too long without eating...though practicing a little patience and appreciative focus might go a bit further.
Monday, March 17, 2014
Do Not Mistake My Kindness For Subservience
In my striving to live a better, more positive and fulfilling life, I've hit a couple of sizable hurdles. It appears (read: I've been told point-blank) that I'm inherently too nice. Now, that is not to say that I'm always chipper, happy-go-lucky, or incapable of being mean. In the context it has been stated, I am far too willing to inconvenience myself or bear the burden of awkward, uncomfortable feelings in order to accommodate others. Doesn't sound too bad, until I step back and realize that I've subjected myself to situations I could have (and most definitely SHOULD have) avoided. *sigh*
While sparing someone else's feelings is a good thing to practice, allowing myself to be the always open ear, ever available shoulder, and consummate consolation, sixth-round draft pick isn't. It isn't good practice to foster self-indulgent, narcissistic behavior in others, and it isn't a good way to demonstrate how others should determine my worth. There apparently is such a thing as taking the 'treat others how you want to be treated' way of interaction too far. I've just been operating so far beyond that fine line, I couldn't say exactly when and why I ever crossed it.
Sure, there have been some positive results to keeping it all nicey-nice; like others seeing me as dependable, likable, trustworthy, and caring. It's the other side of this that isn't great; the side that suggests I'm expendable, easy, and that I'm okay with being treated beneath my worth. Essentially, this is paramount to allowing the positive, good-natured part of who I am to be repeatedly exploited by others' whims. That is not to say that these things are done with ill intentions; quite often it is that my lack of self-preservation creates the perfect 'when in Rome' environment. A number of people aren't even aware they have the tendency to mistreat or devalue another person, because they aren't observant and have been submerged in their own bubble of 'me, myself, and I' for far too long. Of course, there are those who seize the opportunities that overly accommodating people (evidently someone like me) create to advance or better their own agenda/life, completely indifferent to any hurt or hardship they leave behind.
I have far more to offer than many realize. Rather than allow another person to assist in dialing down my worth, I would be wise to be more selective in my interactions, and far more reserved than my open door, red-carpet niceness of late. There is nothing wrong with holding people accountable for their actions, and for waiting until they earn the hand of friendship before it is extended. And there is nothing that says once extended, that hand of friendship cannot be retracted in the wake of misuse.
While sparing someone else's feelings is a good thing to practice, allowing myself to be the always open ear, ever available shoulder, and consummate consolation, sixth-round draft pick isn't. It isn't good practice to foster self-indulgent, narcissistic behavior in others, and it isn't a good way to demonstrate how others should determine my worth. There apparently is such a thing as taking the 'treat others how you want to be treated' way of interaction too far. I've just been operating so far beyond that fine line, I couldn't say exactly when and why I ever crossed it.
Sure, there have been some positive results to keeping it all nicey-nice; like others seeing me as dependable, likable, trustworthy, and caring. It's the other side of this that isn't great; the side that suggests I'm expendable, easy, and that I'm okay with being treated beneath my worth. Essentially, this is paramount to allowing the positive, good-natured part of who I am to be repeatedly exploited by others' whims. That is not to say that these things are done with ill intentions; quite often it is that my lack of self-preservation creates the perfect 'when in Rome' environment. A number of people aren't even aware they have the tendency to mistreat or devalue another person, because they aren't observant and have been submerged in their own bubble of 'me, myself, and I' for far too long. Of course, there are those who seize the opportunities that overly accommodating people (evidently someone like me) create to advance or better their own agenda/life, completely indifferent to any hurt or hardship they leave behind.
I have far more to offer than many realize. Rather than allow another person to assist in dialing down my worth, I would be wise to be more selective in my interactions, and far more reserved than my open door, red-carpet niceness of late. There is nothing wrong with holding people accountable for their actions, and for waiting until they earn the hand of friendship before it is extended. And there is nothing that says once extended, that hand of friendship cannot be retracted in the wake of misuse.
Sunday, March 16, 2014
Life, I'm Up For The Challenge
There are times when I think that living life without limits would be incredible. It probably would be, but the reality is that kind of approach is unlikely. Learning how to break down limits and find ways around them is probably the closest any of us will ever come to a limitless existence. After all, we are limited by our own mortality.
On our way to meeting goals, we overcome obstacles (limits), making progress and eventually managing success. The harder we push, the further we get. If we stay in one place and never challenge ourselves, we remain unaccomplished, bound by limitations. Every choice we make has a set of limits that we have to figure out how to move past. Sometimes limits take more than one attempt to break through.
Occasionally I find it necessary to step away and rethink my approach when I can't move beyond a point. Of course I have to remind myself that this isn't failure, just an opportunity to get creative. Creativity can produce even better results than expected every once in awhile.
I'd rather struggle a bit along my path, then never experience the color and energy of life. I'll take the life that repeatedly gives me a chance to succeed over one that is dull any day.
On our way to meeting goals, we overcome obstacles (limits), making progress and eventually managing success. The harder we push, the further we get. If we stay in one place and never challenge ourselves, we remain unaccomplished, bound by limitations. Every choice we make has a set of limits that we have to figure out how to move past. Sometimes limits take more than one attempt to break through.
Occasionally I find it necessary to step away and rethink my approach when I can't move beyond a point. Of course I have to remind myself that this isn't failure, just an opportunity to get creative. Creativity can produce even better results than expected every once in awhile.
I'd rather struggle a bit along my path, then never experience the color and energy of life. I'll take the life that repeatedly gives me a chance to succeed over one that is dull any day.
Though They Have Passed On, Loved Ones Never Really Leave Us
It happened gradually, without my ever noticing. Every day the intensity of it lessened, little moments faded until they became forgotten memories, and in general life pushed on in that unstoppable way it always does. And then one day something transpires that brings a flood of those long forgotten, neatly and lovingly stored memories. Complete with all too familiar emotions.
There aren't many days that have passed in the almost 20 years since my father died that I don't think about him. It did take a long time before those momentary glimpses and recollections were of happier times. In the short time from him being diagnosed with liver cancer and his final breath, a seeming lifetime of grief consumed my family. Three months of wishing, hoping, denying, and ultimately being faced with the reality that we were losing one of the most important parts of our family. Bouncing back from that kind takes time; lots of time.
A good friend of mine has endured his own version of this loss, and though I cannot know exactly what this has and will do to his life, I can understand the uncertainty, disbelief and grief that surrounds he and his family. The finality of death is beyond immediate comprehension. We learn to live life in the absence of our loved ones, but their impact on us remains. Out of the blue we see glimpses of those we've lost in ourselves, our mannerisms, and in our children's expressions. Sometimes those moments are bittersweet, but they eventually become gifts from the person who left us all too soon.
Once we can wrap our minds and hearts around the void left behind, we are free to celebrate all the things we remember and everything we have as a result of knowing and loving the person who departed from our life. The only thing better than instantly thinking about the person we lost during random moments, is sharing that experience with others. The more people who tap into the energy surrounding memories of a loved one, the closer we feel to that person. The memory of their presence is as close to the days when they were here with us as it can possibly get. That's the celebratory effect.
Remembrance is important to keeping our loved ones alive within us. There are those recollections that are personal; private and ours alone, but most memories are meant to be relived with others. It is absolutely the best way to connect and share the love and the energy planted within us by whomever we've lost. Loss can be devastating, but the reverberations of that person's soul resound through the lives they touched. Be the amplifier that reminds the world of who has been lost; keep their energy and use it wisely.
There aren't many days that have passed in the almost 20 years since my father died that I don't think about him. It did take a long time before those momentary glimpses and recollections were of happier times. In the short time from him being diagnosed with liver cancer and his final breath, a seeming lifetime of grief consumed my family. Three months of wishing, hoping, denying, and ultimately being faced with the reality that we were losing one of the most important parts of our family. Bouncing back from that kind takes time; lots of time.
A good friend of mine has endured his own version of this loss, and though I cannot know exactly what this has and will do to his life, I can understand the uncertainty, disbelief and grief that surrounds he and his family. The finality of death is beyond immediate comprehension. We learn to live life in the absence of our loved ones, but their impact on us remains. Out of the blue we see glimpses of those we've lost in ourselves, our mannerisms, and in our children's expressions. Sometimes those moments are bittersweet, but they eventually become gifts from the person who left us all too soon.
Once we can wrap our minds and hearts around the void left behind, we are free to celebrate all the things we remember and everything we have as a result of knowing and loving the person who departed from our life. The only thing better than instantly thinking about the person we lost during random moments, is sharing that experience with others. The more people who tap into the energy surrounding memories of a loved one, the closer we feel to that person. The memory of their presence is as close to the days when they were here with us as it can possibly get. That's the celebratory effect.
Remembrance is important to keeping our loved ones alive within us. There are those recollections that are personal; private and ours alone, but most memories are meant to be relived with others. It is absolutely the best way to connect and share the love and the energy planted within us by whomever we've lost. Loss can be devastating, but the reverberations of that person's soul resound through the lives they touched. Be the amplifier that reminds the world of who has been lost; keep their energy and use it wisely.
Friday, March 14, 2014
Ranting To Myself In Full View Of Everyone Else
I am ridiculously practiced in the art of procrastination and getting quite skilled at being distractible as well. The thing is, I was supposed to be working on becoming more focused and diligent about writing. Two self-imposed deadlines have come and gone and I'm no closer to a finished work than I was two months ago. Infuriated at myself, because I am all-too-aware that I'm shirking the very thing I claim to want so much.
Amazingly, I have not gotten bored, distracted, or fed up with parenting. My sticktoitiveness hasn't gotten a whole lot of exercise in the 42 years I've been breathing. When it comes to people and relationships, I actually fare surprisingly well. I'm far less likely to abandon a friend or loved one the way I might a project or goal. Sadly, I haven't figured out the way to maintain both.
I suppose I shouldn't be too harsh on myself; I've been fairly consumed by raising sons and creating a more positive environment for them and for myself. And I haven't fallen short or given up on either of those things. Maybe if I cut myself a little slack every now and again, I might not feel suffocated by disappointment and the sting of failure. It isn't as though I've not been writing, I just need to write more often and focus on specific content to get to where I need to be.
Routines are things that I have always disliked, though to some extent they are necessary. Like them or not, I seem to be more productive when I work within one. Finding the right one is the tough part. I won't last two minutes if I make things too restrictive, but I won't follow through without enough structure. It's like parenting myself!
Honesty with oneself publicly is certain to be a sign that immediate attention is paid to this issue. Time to make progress. Here goes nothing :)
Amazingly, I have not gotten bored, distracted, or fed up with parenting. My sticktoitiveness hasn't gotten a whole lot of exercise in the 42 years I've been breathing. When it comes to people and relationships, I actually fare surprisingly well. I'm far less likely to abandon a friend or loved one the way I might a project or goal. Sadly, I haven't figured out the way to maintain both.
I suppose I shouldn't be too harsh on myself; I've been fairly consumed by raising sons and creating a more positive environment for them and for myself. And I haven't fallen short or given up on either of those things. Maybe if I cut myself a little slack every now and again, I might not feel suffocated by disappointment and the sting of failure. It isn't as though I've not been writing, I just need to write more often and focus on specific content to get to where I need to be.
Routines are things that I have always disliked, though to some extent they are necessary. Like them or not, I seem to be more productive when I work within one. Finding the right one is the tough part. I won't last two minutes if I make things too restrictive, but I won't follow through without enough structure. It's like parenting myself!
Honesty with oneself publicly is certain to be a sign that immediate attention is paid to this issue. Time to make progress. Here goes nothing :)
Thursday, March 13, 2014
The Buzz Doesn't Last Long, But What A High It Is
Summer. Summer, summer, summer...I cannot stop thinking about your light, airy breezes, warm sand beaches, crashing waves and near blinding sunshine. I'd like to just take the entire summer off and be a beach bum. Reading, writing, basking in the rays of intense heat...
But no, I live in Maine. Snow will be lingering in piles under trees and in shady areas until the end of May. Lawns will be murky brown and squishy, causing anyone who dares step off the pavement to sink and lose a shoe. The temperature will change from one hour to the next like it's a totally different season...oh wait, that's pretty much year 'round. All told, the time of year I wait for through brutal cold and blustery months, adds up to roughly two weeks of actual summer weather. Yes, fourteen days (if we are lucky). Sad.
Even so the blink of an eye is a coveted thing here in the northeast. And during the two and a half months designated as the summer season, those 14 days are dispersed here and there, so we don't get use to clear skies and beach weather too quickly. At least the climate isn't outright cruel.
The colors of fall are gorgeous, and the air is delicious smelling. The first snow is always a beautiful, and the last is a celebratory event. The clean smell of spring and the new life it brings is always something to smile about. None of these seasons, at least for me, carry half of the excitement and soul fire energy as those all too short, carefree 14 days of summer.
But no, I live in Maine. Snow will be lingering in piles under trees and in shady areas until the end of May. Lawns will be murky brown and squishy, causing anyone who dares step off the pavement to sink and lose a shoe. The temperature will change from one hour to the next like it's a totally different season...oh wait, that's pretty much year 'round. All told, the time of year I wait for through brutal cold and blustery months, adds up to roughly two weeks of actual summer weather. Yes, fourteen days (if we are lucky). Sad.
Even so the blink of an eye is a coveted thing here in the northeast. And during the two and a half months designated as the summer season, those 14 days are dispersed here and there, so we don't get use to clear skies and beach weather too quickly. At least the climate isn't outright cruel.
The colors of fall are gorgeous, and the air is delicious smelling. The first snow is always a beautiful, and the last is a celebratory event. The clean smell of spring and the new life it brings is always something to smile about. None of these seasons, at least for me, carry half of the excitement and soul fire energy as those all too short, carefree 14 days of summer.
Wednesday, March 12, 2014
Never What You Think
I dance with feelings I shouldn't
Think thoughts I ought not entertain
When I'm at my best I'm amazing
But should you see my worst remember these things:
We are each one of us, human. We want, we bleed, we dream. Regrets and hopes occupy the same brain waves and it's only consciousness that separates the two.
I can have a hundred thoughts in a short period of time, and in one second just one to nullify them all. There are times I doubt the path that I'm on, but not for purpose or aim. I doubt my motives and actions when they are in another spirit or vein.
I love my life, though at times it seems I'm straining to upheave it all. Tonight my mind is a jumbled mess, but sleep will straighten it all. I've loved, I've laughed a time or two, had fun, and after all is said and done, I have more memories than I might ever recall. I'd relive most moments, again and again, save for a few I'd prefer stayed intact, once lived and whole.
Think thoughts I ought not entertain
When I'm at my best I'm amazing
But should you see my worst remember these things:
We are each one of us, human. We want, we bleed, we dream. Regrets and hopes occupy the same brain waves and it's only consciousness that separates the two.
I can have a hundred thoughts in a short period of time, and in one second just one to nullify them all. There are times I doubt the path that I'm on, but not for purpose or aim. I doubt my motives and actions when they are in another spirit or vein.
I love my life, though at times it seems I'm straining to upheave it all. Tonight my mind is a jumbled mess, but sleep will straighten it all. I've loved, I've laughed a time or two, had fun, and after all is said and done, I have more memories than I might ever recall. I'd relive most moments, again and again, save for a few I'd prefer stayed intact, once lived and whole.
Tuesday, March 11, 2014
Delivery Is Everything
There was a time when I would have been unable to resist the urge to defend myself and recount the conversation that led to whatever betrayal I was being accused of. These days I just take a breath and hold my tongue. Of course that does depend on the situation.
Sometimes harsh truths are spoken. Honesty may be appreciated initially, but after it sits and festers, most people will do or say anything to reject it. There are three sides to most stories, though when I find myself in the defensive role because the other person regrets something that has nothing to do with me, two sides are nearly the same version.
When people aren't ready to make changes in their lives or hear the truth about something, their recollections become selective. This is where I step back and realize that any accusations or coldness doesn't really have to do with me. Deflection is easier to do than actually face the truth and accept that nothing can be as it was again.
My propensity for being honest won't change much, though there are times when I curb my input or response. Some relationships are not worth the full extent of honesty you might be willing to deliver. I've just decided that I'd rather be as honest as the recipient can handle, because being right isn't nearly as important as being supportive at the pace another person needs.
Sometimes harsh truths are spoken. Honesty may be appreciated initially, but after it sits and festers, most people will do or say anything to reject it. There are three sides to most stories, though when I find myself in the defensive role because the other person regrets something that has nothing to do with me, two sides are nearly the same version.
When people aren't ready to make changes in their lives or hear the truth about something, their recollections become selective. This is where I step back and realize that any accusations or coldness doesn't really have to do with me. Deflection is easier to do than actually face the truth and accept that nothing can be as it was again.
My propensity for being honest won't change much, though there are times when I curb my input or response. Some relationships are not worth the full extent of honesty you might be willing to deliver. I've just decided that I'd rather be as honest as the recipient can handle, because being right isn't nearly as important as being supportive at the pace another person needs.
Monday, March 10, 2014
You Have My Heart, No Really, You Do
Life has a funny way of reiterating a point, even if you're already well-versed in the lesson. I have always been outgoing and personable, and despite the times that I would have done better to exercise a more selective approach to whom I associate with, I wouldn't dream of changing that part of my personality. People gravitate toward me because of these attributes, and in some way I believe part of my purpose in life is to be someone other people can count on, confide in, and trust to be supportive when they need.
I've had a love/hate relationship with this part of me, mainly because it is tricky to maneuver without becoming too affected personally. Without a doubt, compassion takes personal involvement, but there is a fine line that is not easy to stay on the right side of. My advice giving can occasionally get out of control, or at the very least be ill-timed. The older I get, the more evident it becomes that I need to give far more consideration to whom I allow myself to interact with. Engaging as my nature is, the repercussions I feel as a result of finding myself in the midst of things I wouldn't choose to be part of are becoming enough to cause me pause. I never expected to second guess that particular part of who I have become.
It isn't that I don't want to be exactly who I am. It's not even that I don't want to share my friends' burdens when they most need me to. The thing is, I want to continue being who I am, I just don't want to lose myself being the go-to girl. The key lies in acceptance; pure and simple. Can I accept that my life brings contact with many people in conflict, and in need of a listening, consoling ear? Am I willing and able to weave it all into the overall fabric of who I am and who I will become?
I've had a love/hate relationship with this part of me, mainly because it is tricky to maneuver without becoming too affected personally. Without a doubt, compassion takes personal involvement, but there is a fine line that is not easy to stay on the right side of. My advice giving can occasionally get out of control, or at the very least be ill-timed. The older I get, the more evident it becomes that I need to give far more consideration to whom I allow myself to interact with. Engaging as my nature is, the repercussions I feel as a result of finding myself in the midst of things I wouldn't choose to be part of are becoming enough to cause me pause. I never expected to second guess that particular part of who I have become.
It isn't that I don't want to be exactly who I am. It's not even that I don't want to share my friends' burdens when they most need me to. The thing is, I want to continue being who I am, I just don't want to lose myself being the go-to girl. The key lies in acceptance; pure and simple. Can I accept that my life brings contact with many people in conflict, and in need of a listening, consoling ear? Am I willing and able to weave it all into the overall fabric of who I am and who I will become?
Given the above point of view, there is simply no answer, save yes. Without effort, these things are already part of who I am, and I doubt I could ever separate them from me. My heart, my experience and my soul are what I offer those I meet, and I will not skimp to save myself pain. Pain is where we have the most potential for growth and betterment. I choose to stay open and engaging; to be exactly who I am, no matter how risky it may initially seem to be. My heart may break, my ego may bruise, but I heal and continue to grow.
It's Like A Bubble Bursting
No matter how much time passes, or how comfortable I become with this human existence, there are still things that fascinate and baffle me. Physical distances, for instance. That we can be with someone one day and then be separated by thousands of miles the next is, to some extent, unbelievable. Sure, I understand that it is possible, but despite that understanding, it still takes some time to get used to.
I think, at least from my own POV, that when we are with another person, regardless of the nature of the relationship, our energies bond. When that bond is broken by distance, it takes a while to feel 'whole' again. All the more reason to work towards having positive experiences. Sort of softens the blow.
Aside from trying to focus on creating good memories, learning to just appreciate that at some point energy was shared can put things in perspective. There are people with whom our paths will never cross again, and as difficult as it is to accept, hopefully, that person left us residual positive energy to draw upon. When we connect with someone, it's near impossible to not want to experience that same connection again. It's what makes us tick; this shared energy with others.
By the same respect that we crave sharing energy with people who buoy us in happy moments, we dread those who anchor us in unpleasant experiences. I'd say it is unfair to put the 'blame' on the other party; wouldn't that just credit all happy things to someone else as well? No, negative energy may start with one person, but in order for the second party to be touched by it, they have to be a conduit. We are all capable of producing and emitting both positive and negative energy, it is how we chose to react to both that creates a good or bad situation.
Our knee-jerk reaction to a negative experience is typically avoidance. Occasionally we react in kind, though neither of these options allows for personal growth or the ability to overcome what is undesirable to us. Better we focus on changing the negative energy we feel surrounding us with a positive burst of our own than allow it to overtake and mire us instead. Avoidance just continues to give negativity room to grow, just as mirroring adds to it. Reacting to that type of energy by injecting it with something kinder does two things; it stunts the negative cloud's growth and it protects both parties from further exposure to unpleasant feelings.
There is value to sharing energy with every single soul we meet, but only we can determine what that value is and how we use it to better our lives.
I think, at least from my own POV, that when we are with another person, regardless of the nature of the relationship, our energies bond. When that bond is broken by distance, it takes a while to feel 'whole' again. All the more reason to work towards having positive experiences. Sort of softens the blow.
Aside from trying to focus on creating good memories, learning to just appreciate that at some point energy was shared can put things in perspective. There are people with whom our paths will never cross again, and as difficult as it is to accept, hopefully, that person left us residual positive energy to draw upon. When we connect with someone, it's near impossible to not want to experience that same connection again. It's what makes us tick; this shared energy with others.
By the same respect that we crave sharing energy with people who buoy us in happy moments, we dread those who anchor us in unpleasant experiences. I'd say it is unfair to put the 'blame' on the other party; wouldn't that just credit all happy things to someone else as well? No, negative energy may start with one person, but in order for the second party to be touched by it, they have to be a conduit. We are all capable of producing and emitting both positive and negative energy, it is how we chose to react to both that creates a good or bad situation.
Our knee-jerk reaction to a negative experience is typically avoidance. Occasionally we react in kind, though neither of these options allows for personal growth or the ability to overcome what is undesirable to us. Better we focus on changing the negative energy we feel surrounding us with a positive burst of our own than allow it to overtake and mire us instead. Avoidance just continues to give negativity room to grow, just as mirroring adds to it. Reacting to that type of energy by injecting it with something kinder does two things; it stunts the negative cloud's growth and it protects both parties from further exposure to unpleasant feelings.
There is value to sharing energy with every single soul we meet, but only we can determine what that value is and how we use it to better our lives.
What It Is I See, May Not Actually Be
I realized last night that when I'm out with friends, I really don't take in my surroundings. I can be a people-watcher, but if I'm focused on conversation and interacting with others, I've virtually oblivious to what is outside that immediate social circle. That and my hearing and eyesight have seriously limited range.
I've been accused of being stuck up and a bitch, because I often don't realize I've looked right past, or walked by someone I know without acknowledging them. I am anything but. My vision clarity is limited to about an eight-foot radius in good lighting and more like a three-foot radius in dimly lit rooms. In all honesty, that's probably being generous. If I don't acknowledge you and we are on good terms, it's because I literally don't see or recognize you. Problems of the visually impaired.
As my distance vision declines, I just can't people watch the way I use to. Sad really. I miss sitting back and playing witness to all sorts of scenarios. In a well-lit environment, I can still see those stolen glances between people who think no one is watching, the posturing and facial expressions that suggest discord, the playfulness, the deep-in-thought, new loves, old loves, best friends...the list goes on and on.
Witnessing any interactions between people, even from a distance, somehow makes me realize that too many of us rely so heavily on being validated by others, that we fail to accept things solely on our experience. All-day long people witness a good portion of our lives and form opinions of us without us ever knowing, yet those conclusions are drawn just the same. How important is it to embrace all that happens to us in a day's time simply from our own point of view? For me, being able to move through my waking hours without concern of what anyone else might be thinking fosters incredible confidence; confidence fosters the perfect environment for happiness.
While I do care to some extent how others perceive me, it rarely impacts the way I live. The opinions of people who know me do carry more weight and may in some small way, influence my decisions, but that of those I do not know well are simply background noise. The more positive the person, the less impact negativity from others is likely to make.
I've been accused of being stuck up and a bitch, because I often don't realize I've looked right past, or walked by someone I know without acknowledging them. I am anything but. My vision clarity is limited to about an eight-foot radius in good lighting and more like a three-foot radius in dimly lit rooms. In all honesty, that's probably being generous. If I don't acknowledge you and we are on good terms, it's because I literally don't see or recognize you. Problems of the visually impaired.
As my distance vision declines, I just can't people watch the way I use to. Sad really. I miss sitting back and playing witness to all sorts of scenarios. In a well-lit environment, I can still see those stolen glances between people who think no one is watching, the posturing and facial expressions that suggest discord, the playfulness, the deep-in-thought, new loves, old loves, best friends...the list goes on and on.
Witnessing any interactions between people, even from a distance, somehow makes me realize that too many of us rely so heavily on being validated by others, that we fail to accept things solely on our experience. All-day long people witness a good portion of our lives and form opinions of us without us ever knowing, yet those conclusions are drawn just the same. How important is it to embrace all that happens to us in a day's time simply from our own point of view? For me, being able to move through my waking hours without concern of what anyone else might be thinking fosters incredible confidence; confidence fosters the perfect environment for happiness.
While I do care to some extent how others perceive me, it rarely impacts the way I live. The opinions of people who know me do carry more weight and may in some small way, influence my decisions, but that of those I do not know well are simply background noise. The more positive the person, the less impact negativity from others is likely to make.
Sunday, March 9, 2014
Sometimes Irritations Make Us Better People
Nothing beats great friends and good conversation, though adding good food certainly ups the awesome quotient. The whole spontaneity of the last couple of days is sitting surprisingly well with this girl. I do believe this should be a regular approach to, at the very least, my social life. Especially now since my sons are always happy to have the house to themselves for a few hours.
The more I choose to put effort into experiencing and enjoying the world around me, the better I feel about every part of life. I find it easier to laugh about things that would have stressed me into a negative cloud a few years ago. More importantly, in situations I'd rather not be in or interacting with people I'd prefer to avoid, I'm able to find something redeeming which makes the time pass less grudgingly.
Doing what I do, I cross paths with people that I could have gone the rest of my life never meeting. It might seem harsh, but the reality is we can't mesh well with everyone that comes into our lives. Some people, in my opinion, are simply there to challenge us. And no matter who we are, we all fill that role for someone else. I'm sure there are a number of people who just don't 'get' me, and react in the same way I do when interaction with me is unavoidable. If they allow life to shape them, instead of drag them down, getting through less-than desirable moments isn't as irritating as it would be otherwise.
The easiest way to get through uncomfortable situations for me is to find something, anything about a person that is interesting. Then I direct all my focus on that instead of adding to the list of why I would rather not share air with that person. Occasionally even that tactic doesn't work long enough to get me through, and that's where all those awesome friends and family come in. If all else fails, I count the blessings of everyone I couldn't imagine living without and who make all life's lessons that much more valuable.
Thursday, March 6, 2014
Yes There Really Is Such A Thing As A Hair Splinter...And It Sucks!
Fabulous day doing what I love. I can't think of a better way to spend my time; if you have to work, let it be something you absolutely love. I mean, aside from the whole having other people's hair all over your clothes, in your eyes, all over your exposed skin, somehow creating a new lining to your bra thing, it's amazing. The hair splinter thing is the sad and oft not talked about darker reality of being a hair stylist.
If you've ever had an ingrown hair, you get the basis of what I'm saying. Of course this is not an ordinary kind of ingrown hair, and it's no ordinary splinter; it's someone else's hair working it's way into your skin, and even the most fantastic tweezers fall short of the task of removing it. This is something few people outside of the hair industry experience. I myself, have lost count of the times I've endured the sharp, needling pain of a hair splinter in my feet, hands, and (gasp) gums. I am NOT kidding. Think about it; hair stylists talk, while cutting hair...the hair flies about in the air...and those flexible pieces of biological material somehow manage to work their way between teeth and gums becoming more irritatingly lodged than popcorn kernel skin. No amount of brushing, flossing, or toothpick probing can thwart the annoying discomfort of this predicament.
You have got to love your job beyond belief when you spend the day covered in other people's hair; hair that at times is not clean, leaves you unable to get away from the stench of cigarettes from a client four hours ago, covers your phone case, permeates every bag you carry, or article of clothing you dare to wear to work. Only a truly devoted stylist can take the loose strands of hair wound around their fingers during a shampoo, tangled in color brushes making precision application beyond challenging, clogging sink drains, filling brush bristles, and magnetizing to clothing and simply grab hold and discard them all the while maintaining creative professionalism.
Stylists, more often than not, can find hair in their food, remove it and continue eating. We can withstand ten hours or more in hair riddled clothing, styling client after client, but the moment we are finished our day, the itchy, picky irritation of the last twelve plus haircuts immediately drives us to the point of near madness. Still, I love my job. No amount of hair splinters, dandruff, skin conditions, or less than enjoyable client personality could make me hate what I do. I create the type of art that people define their appearance with, and along the way it also boosts the confidence and spirit of those same individuals. Hair splinters, regardless of where they manage to embed themselves, are just physical evidence of this particular creative process.
So, if you have a friend who expresses their creativity as a hair stylist, be understanding when they explain they can't simply meet you after work or go out straight from the salon...tiny bits of hair, while part of their job, are uncomfortable as all fuck. The need to shower, or at the very least change is not vanity; it's absolutely fucking necessary if you want to avoid bitchy demeanors and diva-like meltdowns. Friends don't make friends suffer through a night out in a bra that has managed to accumulate enough hair to knit a scarf. They drive their asses home (or to the closest store) and patiently wait for them to slip on a hair-free bra and clean clothes before heading out on the town. At least my friends do.
If you've ever had an ingrown hair, you get the basis of what I'm saying. Of course this is not an ordinary kind of ingrown hair, and it's no ordinary splinter; it's someone else's hair working it's way into your skin, and even the most fantastic tweezers fall short of the task of removing it. This is something few people outside of the hair industry experience. I myself, have lost count of the times I've endured the sharp, needling pain of a hair splinter in my feet, hands, and (gasp) gums. I am NOT kidding. Think about it; hair stylists talk, while cutting hair...the hair flies about in the air...and those flexible pieces of biological material somehow manage to work their way between teeth and gums becoming more irritatingly lodged than popcorn kernel skin. No amount of brushing, flossing, or toothpick probing can thwart the annoying discomfort of this predicament.
You have got to love your job beyond belief when you spend the day covered in other people's hair; hair that at times is not clean, leaves you unable to get away from the stench of cigarettes from a client four hours ago, covers your phone case, permeates every bag you carry, or article of clothing you dare to wear to work. Only a truly devoted stylist can take the loose strands of hair wound around their fingers during a shampoo, tangled in color brushes making precision application beyond challenging, clogging sink drains, filling brush bristles, and magnetizing to clothing and simply grab hold and discard them all the while maintaining creative professionalism.
Stylists, more often than not, can find hair in their food, remove it and continue eating. We can withstand ten hours or more in hair riddled clothing, styling client after client, but the moment we are finished our day, the itchy, picky irritation of the last twelve plus haircuts immediately drives us to the point of near madness. Still, I love my job. No amount of hair splinters, dandruff, skin conditions, or less than enjoyable client personality could make me hate what I do. I create the type of art that people define their appearance with, and along the way it also boosts the confidence and spirit of those same individuals. Hair splinters, regardless of where they manage to embed themselves, are just physical evidence of this particular creative process.
So, if you have a friend who expresses their creativity as a hair stylist, be understanding when they explain they can't simply meet you after work or go out straight from the salon...tiny bits of hair, while part of their job, are uncomfortable as all fuck. The need to shower, or at the very least change is not vanity; it's absolutely fucking necessary if you want to avoid bitchy demeanors and diva-like meltdowns. Friends don't make friends suffer through a night out in a bra that has managed to accumulate enough hair to knit a scarf. They drive their asses home (or to the closest store) and patiently wait for them to slip on a hair-free bra and clean clothes before heading out on the town. At least my friends do.
Wednesday, March 5, 2014
No Feet Stomping, Temper-Tantrums, Or Pouty Face
Maintaining composure when multiple things arise or go the opposite as one would like requires practice, and above all, patience. I've always been a reactionary person, so 42 years in, this is a feat I am still working on. Today I managed several unexpected things better than I might have a year ago, surprising myself in the process.
At some point I think it helps to be able to do snap, or 'quick' assessments in order to keep an even mood and timely redirection of emotions when issues pop up or the unexpected happens. Dwelling on the negative aspects just serves to ensure anything that comes after the disappointing occurrence will become a weight that drags a person down, and not a strand in the rope that could pull them back to a more positive place. Swift navigation, not haste; anticipating and reacting accordingly not overreacting.
Nearly everything in my life that has seemingly gone awry has always managed to come back around and work itself out. Initially, it can be stressful at times, but in the big picture most of those things weren't worth the headache and frustration I allowed them to churn up. I might not refrain from reacting a bit stronger than I should, but I have found the dimmer switch to adjust my reaction quickly. Hey, it's decent progress.
Inconvenient and maddening as today's events may have been, I didn't overreact, I was still able to focus on life's bigger picture, and I was aware of new experiences and interactions with the people around me. In other words, negativity was not the focal point and it didn't overwhelm me. All in all, I'd say this was a really good day that just had a couple hiccups.
At some point I think it helps to be able to do snap, or 'quick' assessments in order to keep an even mood and timely redirection of emotions when issues pop up or the unexpected happens. Dwelling on the negative aspects just serves to ensure anything that comes after the disappointing occurrence will become a weight that drags a person down, and not a strand in the rope that could pull them back to a more positive place. Swift navigation, not haste; anticipating and reacting accordingly not overreacting.
Nearly everything in my life that has seemingly gone awry has always managed to come back around and work itself out. Initially, it can be stressful at times, but in the big picture most of those things weren't worth the headache and frustration I allowed them to churn up. I might not refrain from reacting a bit stronger than I should, but I have found the dimmer switch to adjust my reaction quickly. Hey, it's decent progress.
Inconvenient and maddening as today's events may have been, I didn't overreact, I was still able to focus on life's bigger picture, and I was aware of new experiences and interactions with the people around me. In other words, negativity was not the focal point and it didn't overwhelm me. All in all, I'd say this was a really good day that just had a couple hiccups.
Tuesday, March 4, 2014
Sometimes I Need To Think Less And Experience More
Throw caution to the wind and do whatever comes to mind every so often. It rejuvenates a person's whole sense of being when they switch things up and have fun just for the sake of having fun. I've come to the conclusion that I need to do much more of this myself.
All too often I let life steer me wherever it wants and I don't focus on enjoying it the way I should. There are times when I pass up opportunities to social or kick back and then I nearly always wish I hadn't. Too many missed chances and I could find myself wondering just where I could be had I walked down all those other paths I previously skipped by.
Since I've chosen to live my life with fewer regrets, I realize that I first need to accept the choices I make, but that I also need to really consider my choices carefully to make sure I don't give myself reason for regret later. I can't always stay on the practical, safe side of things. Sometimes fun requires stepping out of the comfort zone, or even just pushing past the fatigue or a full day.
Each time I step outside my comfort zone, my life gets better. When I make choices, I weigh the pros and cons, but I also consider how taking the risk would make me feel overall. I like not overthinking things for responsibility sake; I like putting my gut in the position to make choices. Some of my best moments have come about this way. I recently such a choice and I have no doubt that it will lead to a great and happy place. The wind is blowing... :)
Monday, March 3, 2014
Lemmy Tell You 'bout My Day...
Once in a while, I have a day that challenges me. The stress, self-doubt, and irritations that I typically overcome, seem to vie for control. Positive and negative energies wrestling it out. Lucky for me there are a plethora of music choices to match whatever mood I'm in. And music always makes every mood better for me.
Hands down the worst thing I can do, I've found, is sitting around and overthink things. So, I push myself to do something. At first it can be something trivial like fold laundry or clean, and eventually, I move on to chores or activities that require more focus. Often before half the day has passed I've left whatever negative energy I woke up with behind me.
Today was a Motörhead kind of day. I channeled all the stress of emotional overload and frustration over my seriously depleted fitness level into every incomprehensible syllable that Lemmy laid on my ears. Fueling the purge were the likes of Overkill, The Hammer, Waiting For The Snake and of course, The Ace Of Spades. Bye, Bye Bitch Bye Bye (one of the few songs I can actually understand most of the lyrics to) made it relatively easy to say goodbye to all the shit that seemed to want to stick around today.
Nothing banishes a crappy mood or negative state of mind better (for me) than the heavy stuff. I don't know quite how to explain it, but the heavier, more guitar filled the music, the more extensive the soul cleansing. The hows and whys this particular method works for me aren't of any real importance, I just love that it works at all.
After a day of heavy auditory therapy, I feel far more like the upbeat me I've grown accustomed to being. Whatever works to get a person out of their funk shouldn't be scrutinized; if it isn't hurting anyone, roll with it. I know I'm far better off cranking the loud stuff, and it doesn't cost as much as a therapist.
Hands down the worst thing I can do, I've found, is sitting around and overthink things. So, I push myself to do something. At first it can be something trivial like fold laundry or clean, and eventually, I move on to chores or activities that require more focus. Often before half the day has passed I've left whatever negative energy I woke up with behind me.
Today was a Motörhead kind of day. I channeled all the stress of emotional overload and frustration over my seriously depleted fitness level into every incomprehensible syllable that Lemmy laid on my ears. Fueling the purge were the likes of Overkill, The Hammer, Waiting For The Snake and of course, The Ace Of Spades. Bye, Bye Bitch Bye Bye (one of the few songs I can actually understand most of the lyrics to) made it relatively easy to say goodbye to all the shit that seemed to want to stick around today.
Nothing banishes a crappy mood or negative state of mind better (for me) than the heavy stuff. I don't know quite how to explain it, but the heavier, more guitar filled the music, the more extensive the soul cleansing. The hows and whys this particular method works for me aren't of any real importance, I just love that it works at all.
After a day of heavy auditory therapy, I feel far more like the upbeat me I've grown accustomed to being. Whatever works to get a person out of their funk shouldn't be scrutinized; if it isn't hurting anyone, roll with it. I know I'm far better off cranking the loud stuff, and it doesn't cost as much as a therapist.
Sunday, March 2, 2014
Staying Home Isn't As Dull As It Sounds
My preference, more often than not, is to stay in and do next to nothing. In light of my lack of social options, it's probably a good thing. A good book or decent movie, pjs, wine and good company are nearly always preferable to loud, crowded and overrated bars with obnoxiously inebriated people and having to dress up even slightly.
Oh there are occasions when I enjoy going out with friends, but outside of those times, I don't have the desire to socialize. It might be my age, though it is more likely the socializing I do all week long at work that has affected my desire to maintain an after hours nightlife. The absence of single friends could play a role in this as well ;)
At 42, I choose to invest my time wisely, nurturing the relationships and friendships I currently have, rather than continuing to start new ones. I'm not opposed to meeting new people, I'm just selective about who I will continue to get to know and let into my life. It's about quality and not quantity.
For me, I find it far easier to experience memorable moments when I'm not rushing around trying to do as much as possible in the limited hours of a day. Time flies by so much faster than I wish it would; living life in a blur isn't the answer. Choosing interactions and social partners wisely is probably the closest to slowing life down that I will ever come to. I'm good with the less is more way of life.
Oh there are occasions when I enjoy going out with friends, but outside of those times, I don't have the desire to socialize. It might be my age, though it is more likely the socializing I do all week long at work that has affected my desire to maintain an after hours nightlife. The absence of single friends could play a role in this as well ;)
At 42, I choose to invest my time wisely, nurturing the relationships and friendships I currently have, rather than continuing to start new ones. I'm not opposed to meeting new people, I'm just selective about who I will continue to get to know and let into my life. It's about quality and not quantity.
For me, I find it far easier to experience memorable moments when I'm not rushing around trying to do as much as possible in the limited hours of a day. Time flies by so much faster than I wish it would; living life in a blur isn't the answer. Choosing interactions and social partners wisely is probably the closest to slowing life down that I will ever come to. I'm good with the less is more way of life.
WTF Am I Watching?
Sometimes watching TV with my sons can produce a jolt of gratefulness. As in grateful neither one of my sons chooses to do ignorant, dangerous, boneheaded stunts. In the age of people capturing video of every mundane and embarrassing moment within their sight, I find it lacking in all self-preserving common sense to willingly be an ass in public.
Once posted on line and/or forwarded to all known contacts, whatever ridiculous thing a person did has the potential to haunt them for the rest of their life. Then again, most of the people I've seen appear to have no common sense to begin with. The why not and just because I can mentality is largely responsible for the idiocy we click and view every day. Of course, without them, what would I laugh my ass off at?
I'm all for having a good laugh at myself when I trip or fall, walk into something or what have you. Even getting a tear-inducing laughing jag out of someone else's mishap, but I won't ever understand the predominantly testosterone driven antics some people subject themselves to. It's all about completely horrifying others, and it's not entertaining. In my opinion.
All this , yet I'm still driven to watch the 'car wrecks' my sons continue to watch. Glutton for punishment or just as depraved as the people who enact these acts of idiocy to begin with? Potentially a bit of both it would seem.
Once posted on line and/or forwarded to all known contacts, whatever ridiculous thing a person did has the potential to haunt them for the rest of their life. Then again, most of the people I've seen appear to have no common sense to begin with. The why not and just because I can mentality is largely responsible for the idiocy we click and view every day. Of course, without them, what would I laugh my ass off at?
I'm all for having a good laugh at myself when I trip or fall, walk into something or what have you. Even getting a tear-inducing laughing jag out of someone else's mishap, but I won't ever understand the predominantly testosterone driven antics some people subject themselves to. It's all about completely horrifying others, and it's not entertaining. In my opinion.
All this , yet I'm still driven to watch the 'car wrecks' my sons continue to watch. Glutton for punishment or just as depraved as the people who enact these acts of idiocy to begin with? Potentially a bit of both it would seem.
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