Whether My Family And Friends Agree Or Not, I'm A Rather Boring Person Compared To What I Want To Be

It occurred to me the other day that I am not as in touch with the world around me, or as knowledgable about the things I'd like to be. In fact, I feel as though I'm quite sheltered, and maybe even a little bit ignorant. This frustrates me, but more importantly it has me thinking 'why' and 'what can I do about it'.

I'm not unhappy with the person I am, though I know I'm capable of more. I use to read a broader array of genres, and lately I'm aware I've been in a YA rut. Why? They are easy, interesting, and the perfect escape because of the effort most authors put into creating the world their story takes place in. That and I have toyed with writing my own.

Since moving to South Portland, I have (thanks to my amazing and much younger friend) tried numerous new restaurants and bars, gotten to socialize and meet new people, and been filled with an energy I have been missing for quite some time. My willingness to try new things and take slightly larger risks has certainly increased, but I lack the clarity of mind to really hone in on diverse experiences. I am still too immersed in motherhood to truly branch out and indulge in my own interests to any great extent. Given my sons ages I ought to put forth more effort to start building a foundation for that fast approaching empty nest.

I have no issues admitting that I'm green when it comes to culture. I'm aware it exists in many forms, but having spent a majority of my life in an area that does not boast much in the way of culture, it's no surprise I have serious limitations. Much as I would love to travel to destinations rich with culture and history, my current life does not allow for that. Fortunately there are books and web sites that make nearly anything, any place explorable. Maybe picking a country to read about and tour virtually, while learning more about its history will suffice.

There are many things that I am, but today I want to start working on becoming more than just a small town Maine girl.

A Profound Life

In my entire life I doubt that I will ever be able to comprehend what 67 years of marriage would be like. At the moment, I can't even relate to that span of time, given I've only been alive 42 years. And my longest relationship lasted thirteen. Nearly three-quarters of a century is just unfathomable.

My step-father's parents spent their 67th wedding anniversary with their children, daughter-in-law, my son Riley, and myself this past Saturday. There were gifts of flowers, good food, and a lot of reminiscing about things I had yet to hear about. Any plans I may have originally had for my Saturday off paled in comparison to time spent with family; especially knowing how short and precious time with Grandpa Shine has become these days.

Shine may not have recognized my son and I, but he was still so engaging in conversation. It didn't matter that his words made little sense, or that his stories were a jumble of presumably many. He made eye contact, held our hands, and gave us his full and good-natured attention. When I looked at him, stretched out in his hospital bed, I didn't see a soul to be pitied or experience an emotional meltdown, I saw a gentle, kind and loving man - a spirit that is genuine, noble, and absolutely timeless. This man is quite possibly one of the most real gentlemen I have ever had the fortune to meet. And for nearly twenty years, I have been lucky enough to have him as family.

My heart aches for what is slowly approaching; the parting of such a stellar life. The world, my family's world, will be forever blessed for the time we were able to share with him. There is no filler for the void a loved one's loss creates, rather it serves as a measure and reminder of just how much their presence meant.

To Amy, Cleo, Carry, and Joey, know that Grandpa isn't alone, and though you cannot be here, your names and many stories are being spoken about, surrounding this wonderful man with every ounce of love I know you have for him. I truly believe this will make his journey peaceful, because the hearts and energy of those he loves are carrying him through these difficult days. One more thing, thank you for sharing such a beautiful man with my sisters, our families and I. We are so fortunate to have you all, as well.

**I have never before written about a loved one as they have made the trek toward the end of their life here on Earth. And while I do not plan out what my nightly blog will be about, I do go off whatever has recently transpired for inspiration. In some ways I wish I had begun the documenting and expression of thoughts and emotions in this type of situation many years ago. Being able to go back and read what I was experiencing, rather than just rely on memory might also help in remembering the person. As painful as loss is, it serves a much bigger purpose in our growth, how we relate to and treat others, and in revealing what is of the truest value in our lives. Writing my grief helps me pull every ounce of meaning to the surface to use, as well as to share.

The Air Is Just Plain Better Here

For the first time in as long as I can remember, I love where I live. When I'm driving back from work, rather than getting antsy at the end of the long drive, I get excited. The closer I get to Portland, the more in touch with the freedom I feel since moving here. It's an amazing feeling.

I met up with a couple lovely ladies I am recently fortunate enough to call friends today for drinks in town. We talked about the depressing cloud that seems to hang over the town we work in, and how different it truly is from the Portland area. Sure, every town or city has it's drawbacks. Maybe it's just the ocean air, but the lightness and energy are undeniable.

I would go so far as to say the collective energy in any area has a direct effect on it's vibe. Unfortunately, Lewiston-Auburn appears to be a bit heavy on the negative. There are so many pushing the positive, but thus far to no avail. It's difficult to see my hometown in this way, and it may seem like a negative move to have 'given up', but sometimes the more positive thing is to move forward from what doesn't work.

I haven't been here long, so sure, it could be the 'honeymoon' effect, but I tend to think it's more.

Time To Pause And Adjust My Life Intention

When I veer off a path, it isn't just one major change of direction. Most of the time it is little things that add up, and even though I might subconsciously know I'm headed off track, it isn't enough to stop the progression. Then I wake up one day and realize just how far from where I want to be I have allowed myself to get. I've got to get better at course correction.

After moving and acclimating to my new routine, there were definite moments when I knew I wasn't walking with the same intention as I had been. Few things about my life are as they were seven months ago; though whenever I am asked by someone I haven't seen in some time how things are, my response is 'Good. The same.'. I suppose there is a bit of truth to that, as my answer comes more from my own immediate recollection, and not so much from the point at which I last saw or spoke to that person.

Far too frequently, this internal acknowledgement comes with an overwhelming awareness of how much work lay ahead of me. I don't strive to get back where I may have been, but at least headed in the direction I had been going. Rather than allow these 'side trips' to upset or stress me out, I try to focus on what I have experienced and learned while on my unintentional break from a specific journey. Just because I've been ignoring a goal or path, doesn't mean life stopped. Whether I'm on task or not, the whole point is that I'm living.

There really is no straight and narrow to get wherever I want to go. Distractions, curiosity, responsibility, and fun have a way of filling my peripheral vision; it's no surprise I'd turn to see things from time to time. Berating myself for doing so is pointless, not to mention counter-productive to enjoying a more positive and full life. Sure I might get to where I am going far faster, but I would undoubtedly miss out on moments that may lay the groundwork for something incredible down the road; moments I can never get back once I've let them go by.

Picking and choosing what to follow and what to pass on is really just about what makes the most sense to me at the time. Maybe my life is altered in a way I am unable to see or predict, and maybe it is just reinforced in direction and meaning; that's what chance is. I am aware, at the moment, that I've taken a few more detours than I probably should have, but I've got a clearer sense of where I want to go as a result. Though my initial reaction might be to give in to the negative thoughts, every time I pause to regain my original focus my resolve is stronger. Reigning myself in has become an exercise in resilience, determination, and positive thinking. I'm not procrastinating, as much as I'm learning and growing. Time to take what I've recently acquired and adjust my course.

Someone Else's Happy Can Be Yours Too

When things are good in life, it's easy to be happy. It doesn't even require making a 'conscious' choice. What's even better is when it's someone else's good fortune that makes you happy. In a way, I think this particular kind of happy is better, because it doesn't directly impact you...other than the spill over of positiveness. 

There are moments when I realize that there is more to life than what goes on in my immediate surroundings. Not that I don't already get that, but every once in awhile something comes up that redefines what happy can mean. And when it's something that is amazing in your friend's life, that's when the 'spill-over' is about to occur.

Learning tidbits of information might make a person want to draw conclusions about the entirety of the situation or about the friend the snippet pertains to. It's far too easy to let your own mind fill in the blanks, and leave you with a jaded view or the wrong idea entirely. Part of caring about someone else is accepting there are things about them you may not know, and even when you find out, you may never truly understand. 

I have a good friend who was separated from her family for reasons I was not immediately privy to, but I understood that there were extenuating circumstances. She was recently given the most amazing gift and reunited with a member of this family. The family she has now, and the one she'd lost so long ago are now together for the first time. The overwhelming feeling of happiness I have for her and her families is beyond anything that I could have ever imagined. 

Whatever else might be going on in my own life has been affected by this joy. That I could be happy for someone else's good fortune without any first hand connection, is exactly the reason I am so happy. I hadn't ever expected to get more out of someone else's happiness than I do from my own. When the people I care about are happy, the rest of my life benefits. I almost like this source of happy more than anything I can produce on my own.

Impatiently Drumming My Fingers Waiting On Summer

I had planned to get my first hike in this weekend, but Maine weather being what it is...that isn't going to happen. Given the pollen and allergens mucking up the air, it's probably just as well. Besides, this just gives me a little more time to figure out which trails I want to tackle through the summer.

I actually enjoy watching the rain from the living room. The wooded area behind us is the perfect backdrop for a rainy day. Of course it has an effect similar to watching Bob Ross; makes me want to drift off to sleep.

It is rare that I find any real motivation in this weather. Too perfect for lounging about, reading or watching movies. Possibly the only time I feel any different about it is during the summer. Warm weather and rain are far less cozy, and I can't sit still waiting for the sun to come back. My favorite time of the year is so short lived, who has time for rain?

Outside is where most of my free time will be spent, and honestly, it isn't happening fast enough. Regardless of far too active histamines firing off in response to all things in bloom, I've had more than my fair share of indoor routine. Cold does little to motivate me; my winter is spent in a quasi-hibernation. I'm fully awake now, so while this little rain show is a sign the weather is headed in the right direction, it'd be great if it would speed on by.

Somehow, It Always Comes In Threes

The decline of a man I wish I knew better. The thing with merging families when you're older and have a family of your own, is it is far more difficult to establish a deep connection. That isn't to say that it doesn't happen; it just take longer. And more importantly, it takes more effort.

I cannot say that I haven't spent quality time with my step-grandfather, but looking back over the past 19 years, I wish I had spent more time with he and my step-grandmother. I love his accent (extreme Maine), his always perfect flat top (you know imma pay respect to great hair), and mostly his laugh. There has never been a time when he has laughed that I haven't found myself laughing and smiling right along with him.

I don't care how old you are, or how old the people are who are poised to leave this world, there is not easy way to deal with it. Loss is loss, and what it would mean to lose someone close to you today, would likely not change much years from now. And when you are the one watching someone you love suffer the loss, it never becomes more natural or fluid. You hurt for them and wish, each and every time, that you could unburden their hearts, minds and souls of the enormity of their loss.

My step-father is an incredible person. He is beyond intelligent (earning him the name F'n G), he is personable, caring, funny, and seems to always have the perfect words or anecdotal story for every occasion. In many ways he is like his father. At least from what I have known the past two decades. Both men garner respect and genuine likability; a feat most of us aspire to, and while we may achieve it, it is with far less ease and a whole lot more effort.

One of the hardest things to comprehend for me, is watching a strong person decline in health. Regardless of how slow it happens, seeing someone who was active, independent and full of life dissipate into a person who requires assistance with the most basic of life's tasks is tough. It is difficult because we do not surrender our picture/image we have of the people we love easily, and we (whether meaning to or not) personalize the experience. It is not pleasant to see ourselves in similar situations, just as it isn't second nature to alter our realities when our loved ones are not well.

As with every end of life situation I have experienced, the short span of life is again emphasized. We are here for so little time, and our lives should be full of experience, laughter, and every little thing we can cram into it. I believe that my 'grandfather' has lived such a life. His face bears the signs of a full life, his eyes were always alight with ideas and thoughts churning away, and he hugged like he meant it.

My family of three has been recipient to knowledge, kindness, and memories enough to carry us through our elder years. Far from the same as continuing to have his presence, we will make due with the unexpected and amazing gifts he has given. For me, the gift of the best grandfather and role model I could ever have wanted for my sons will be at the top of the list.

I Have No Time For Dishonesty...In Any Form

Sneakiness. One of my biggest pet peeves. I find it incredibly irritating when people are sneaky. It typically doesn't matter what about, except maybe when it is for positive gain where all parties are concerned (ie, a surprise party). Absolutely, without a doubt, hands down when it involves keeping things from someone else.

At no point should any of us be okay with hiding things from the people we care about. I have known far too many people who resort to sneaky behavior to continue doing whatever they may have agreed not to, or just plain shouldn't given the nature of their relationship with the other person. It's lying; plain and simple. Lying is reprehensible and makes things difficult when it comes to redemption.

The whole 'let's see how much I can get away with' attitude is beyond high school. This particular approach to sneakiness screams immaturity. It's also hard to extend any trust to someone who's motivating behavior is solely about pushing limits, and shows no concern for how their actions affect another person. Another act that is despicable is giving only part of a story. Intentional omission is underhanded, and the product of control and deceit. There is a big difference between 'I went to a party' and 'I went to a party and hung out with this guy/girl I use to date for the whole night'. The thing is, at least in a situation that involves two people who are romantically involved/committed, it doesn't necessarily matter if 'nothing' happened, when details are left out it automatically creates doubt and destroys trust.

In my opinion, deliberately hiding things like conversations, hook-ups, and even financial matters (depending on the level of commitment) from a significant other is the worst kind of sneaky. It is disrespectful and causes unforgettable hurt when the truth surfaces...and it always does. That one person can lie to one person, while leading on another says very little about that person's character. A good, caring, and honest soul would not forego honoring what someone means to them in favor of satisfying their own curiosity and urge.

I've seen the end result of all of these, and yes, even experienced them myself. Self-indulgent behavior is never justifiable with sneakiness and lies; it is the biggest reason social media has been labeled a drama machine and relationship wrecker. Far too many people claim they have trust issues, and while most often for good reason, they go too far toward the other end of the spectrum exercising constant suspicion and micro-managing of whomever they are involved with.

If a person cannot be open and honest about their actions, they either shouldn't entertain their whims, or they should reconsider their level of commitment to the relationship they are in. If you want out, get out. There is no having your cake and eating it too without consequences. Pretty soon the evidence will be on your hips for the world to see.

Can I Please Just Go Back To Regular Sneezing?

The older I get, the more I appreciate the value in seeking out more natural remedies for common ailments. One of the things I have always dreaded about aging, was the likelihood of finding myself with multiple prescriptions for an assortment of maladies. I'm nowhere near old enough for this to be the case, but I figured the more of my current health I take into my own hands, the better. Now and down the road.

Since I can remember I have been plagued with seasonal allergies. I remember how bad my mother's first husband (that is how I choose to refer to him) had them and I always hoped mine would never reach that level of severity. Unfortunately, they have. Mix into that a mild little case of asthma and it's a full blown recipe for breathing hell.

I find myself at odds with all the medications available for this affliction; partly because they only scratch the surface of symptoms, and because I hate putting that stuff into my system. The problem with natural remedies is that it takes multiple types of roots, extracts and such to combat each allergen. And then there is the whole asthma thing. So far nothing homeopathic is a viable alternative to inhalers.

Allergy season seems to bring out the Captain Obvious in nearly everyone. I find it somewhat amusing when people either offer advice like 'you should take something for that', as though those of us who suffer seasonally are completely unaware there are such options. And then there are those who seem unable to stop themselves from blurting 'I'm so glad I don't have allergies', because having that kind of heavenly existence dangled in front of my face makes it all better. I've spent a majority of my adult life going through the spring and fall sneezing, wheezing, and running for the tissues in the middle of a hair cut, and overall, my clients are far more understanding and sympathetic than Captain Obvious. For that I am immensely thankful.

Now, by my best estimate, the severity of these symptoms should subside in a week or two; hopefully not leading to pneumonia. No joke. If I cannot get my whole upper respiratory system in check, I will be wishing for my current state of malaise.

As much as I love the promise and freshness of spring, I dread it at the same time. Try as I might to refrain from whining, there are days when it is near impossible to avoid. There are far worse conditions out there to have, and most of the time I just accept my lot. Today is just not one of those days; I am regrettably ornery when I have not slept and cannot breathe freely. Tomorrow is a new day and hopefully a better one. I won't soon forget how easily I take my general good health for granted. And considering I've managed to miss all winter sickness, I suppose a couple of weeks in allergy hell won't be so bad. At least I know there's an end in sight :)

There Are Many Things I Don't Know, But They Don't Matter Next To This One Thing ...

Ever get a glimpse into someone else's life and realize just how much you don't know? Like just seeing what they're interests are or what they do for a living, and having zero clue about any of it. Initially, whenever this happens I fight the whole 'I'm an idiot and I have no culture' feeling of inferiority. Of course, in a few minutes I laugh at myself, because there is no possible way I can know or have experienced everything in life; I mean, that would defeat the whole purpose of getting to know other people and being exposed to different things.

I'm intelligent, but there are far smarter people around me. I came out of the awkward years looking surprisingly good, but there are so many who possess amazing, stunning beauty. I can string words together fairly well, yet there are those with far more talent and imagination. I am more than okay with being average in these respects. There is one thing that I do better than anyone else; one thing that always makes me shake my head at ever being foolish enough to entertain the feeling of being 'less than' others in life, and that is that I am the best me there could ever be.

No one else could ever be the mom I am to my sons, the daughter, sister or granddaughter I am, and while there may be more eloquent, skilled writers, no one could ever express what is on my mind better than I can. How do I know this? The same way I know that each and every person in my life is the best at being them. All imitations would leave any connections I share lacking and off-color.

Everyone has at least one moment in their life where they felt out of their element or as though they didn't measure up to the situation and people around them. The thing is we can't be great at, know, or have done everything. We can, however, be who we are, and make no apologies. Those who get you will embrace you, those who don't - well, maybe there just isn't anything to be gained by either party. We don't have to impress others, find ourselves equal with, or gain approval from everyone we encounter.

As simple as it seems, just being who I am, being as good or skilled as I can be at whatever I do, is enough for me to confidently brush off any feeling of insecurity or otherwise self-defeating thoughts. Shouldn't we all just be amazed at who we are, instead of listing all the things we aren't? I'm not über brilliant, but I'm pretty sure the world would be a somewhat happier place if we all allowed ourselves to be amazed by all we are.

If I Get Another Go-Round Here On Earth

Crossing paths with people I rarely see outside of the world of Facebook can be awkward, or it can be great. This all depends on how much interaction I've had with the person, and exactly what type of interaction it was. More often than not I luck out and it's a good encounter.

In no way do I know all, or even interact with all the people I am connected to through social media. There would never be enough time in my life to effectively get to know everyone. I follow who I do, chat with who I want, and stay in touch with my real-world friends when we get too busy to get together.

In another life, I'd like to set out and meet as many people as possible before the end of my time. Not just meet, but actually get to know them. I imagine my life, my heart and my soul would be larger than I could ever imagine. I think I'd love to walk the world, learn things I could only learn by being in each and every place, and find out what makes everyone I meet happy.

I am fortunate in this life however, because I have met and continue to meet new people every day. Many of them I get to know over time, and in some cases I get to see what makes them happy. I have a deeper, truer understanding of life than I might otherwise, if I had chosen a different profession. The human condition is more varied than hairstyles, but so much more a common theme than we realize.

I like running into people I know, no matter how it is I know them. It reminds me that I am not alone in the world around me. No matter how different and intriguing people are, we are all living day-to-day wanting to be happy - that's all that reason any of us should need to smile and be good to those around us.

Adoration and Appreciation

Over the years I have crossed paths with countless individuals. Some I have let walk on by, and others I have made room for in my life. There are long periods of time when I may not see some of these people, but once we reconnect, I instantly remember why I wanted them around me. I would never want to know what life would be like had our roads never intersected.

There are people who light up any given area they occupy; who affect your mood so completely you get an emotional high being near them. Their energy is so genuine and magnetic, resistance is futile. Maybe it's just me, but I believe my hometown produced a virtual goldmine of such souls once upon a time, and I am one of the many benefactors.

I smile until my cheeks hurt, feel a sense of comfortable peace, and know how rich my soul is because of the people I grew up with. No matter where we all have landed, there is little doubt in my mind that my life is better because of these friendships. Many of them have been paused for other aspects of life, but the moment I run into any of these people, a warm reassurance wraps around me. There are no walls of caution or insecurities in light of the gaps of time between conversations.

It is amazing to talk with most of these people and feel so connected to me. The me that I was, and sometimes lose track of; the me that had fun, loved big, and valued incredible friends. In spite of all the twists and turns I've traveled through, it's an incredible blessing to see a friend, and know with 100% of my being that no matter where I am, I am always home.

How Often Do We REALLY Talk To One Another...How Often Do We Listen?

Less and less actual communication takes place today. People text, message, and pic chat their every thought, at the instant they think it. The trouble is that when it comes to face-to-face conversation, fewer and fewer people seem capable of doing it. 

With the ability to tap out and send a message, comes the expectation of an instant response. Aside from the shortened patience and attention spans, people have become unable to sit through another person speaking without interrupting and talking over them. I've heard it time and again in public, and it leaves me wondering exactly where we are headed as a society.

Relationships that either go on when they shouldn't or last an eighth of the time they should all because people cannot step outside of themselves and their own need to be heard. Verbal volleying, increasing voice levels, and eventual arguments are the only results when the main form of communication is done through social media and messaging sources. How anyone hopes to form functional relationships with meaning without first learning the importance and skill of effective, face-to-face communication. 

Schools are relying heavily on technology to teach, cutting back on the kind of curriculum that encourages reasoning and appropriate consideration of facts over an acceptable time frame. We are so fixated on instant gratification that we have lost sight of things that are truly gratifying, because we no longer wait and work for the things we want. Too few people ever succeed at much, because they give up before they have really started when the results don't come in the first five minutes. 

If we don't find a way to fit some of the 'old' ways of doing things into this life, we are headed for unhappy and unfulfilled days. Those of us who still remember when, would do well to pick up the craft of personal, non-technological communication and remind ourselves what it means to listen and express ourselves effectively, without losing sight of what it all means because our attention spans are severely shortened. And sharing this lost art with the younger generations is what will get us out of the mire we are so entrenched in. 

No matter where I move to, or how far away from home I find myself, there will always be reminders of those people who are the 'keepers' in life. Friends who are more like family; whose presence is always missed, though sometimes it takes being away and then reunited to remember just how much. I just hope that those reunions continue to occur before the sands run out.

I am, and will always be tied to my roots. My address may change, but I will always be transported home

What We Know As A Tree, May Well Appear Different To You Then To Me

I have no first hand experience with clinical depression. I have known an unfortunate number of people who do. Most of them manage it, but sadly there have been a few who just couldn't.

No matter how you might try to be sympathetic to someone in turmoil, if you've never experienced what they are feeling, you can't possibly understand. Every part of you might strain to offer comfort, but your lack of experience keeps you just beyond reach. Utter helplessness may follow.

In attempting to make sense of the world around us, or more specifically the people we interact with, we tend to first project our ideals and imagined ways of coping, dealing, and feeling. We forget, even for just seconds, that the person our heart breaks for at any given moment is not us. The moment we remember that each of us is unique, it sinks in how alone we all are at times. We share some ideas, reactions, and views, but we can only imagine what it is to be in someone else's shoes. It is impossible to ever really stand in them, let alone walk a mile in them.

What amazes me is how readily some of us are to berate ourselves for not being better friends, loved ones, or confidantes. If we accept that we are all unique souls, responsible for ourselves and our continuous experiences, then at what point do we decide it is just to take on the burden of someone else's difficulties or inability to navigate the treacherous waters of life?

Be sad. Be affected. Be completely sideswiped and blown away. When a cared for individual is unreachable emotionally, mentally, or spiritually, it isn't because of anything we as their friends, siblings, parents, and relatives have done or have failed to do. We simply have not ever experienced the depths of despair that grip them so tightly. It is like trying to pound nails into wood with the picture of a hammer; not even remotely the right tool for the job.

It isn't that caring words and the offer of a listening ear shouldn't be extended. But should we refrain, we ought not lament over what we already concluded we did not understand. Even if we continue to do our best to convey sympathy, we can't possibly fault ourselves when it all falls short of empathy.

As much as we all rely on our connections with other people in life, we must find some way of being at peace and comfortable in the knowledge that we are, in many respects, alone. Practicing both my own awareness of this and the celebration of being able to connect with others, has undoubtedly kept me from falling over the edge into that pit of despair and depression. I have lived through shit I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy, yet I am here and able to stay out of the grip of that particular darkness.

I don't know depression; I can only imagine what it must be like. I cannot imagine ever contemplating the end of my existence for any reason, except to save my sons. I don't have the answers, but I do know how to just be present when someone is in need. And while someone I know choosing to end their pain in such a final and irreversible way is sad, it is not an act anyone who hasn't walked that line could ever possibly understand. Life takes a dizzying amount of turns, and second guessing or reciting 'should have', 'could have', or 'what ifs' only blurs the lines of truth.

Be the best version of you that you are able to at any given moment. Should someone in need be touched by your candor, warmth, or giving heart, rejoice. But if your words, actions and positive energy never reach that person, remember that their soles are worn in ways you cannot ever comprehend; never fault yourself for not being enough. We cannot force our own clarity into someone else's din. All we can do is shine our light, and be there for those who follow it out of their dark times.

What started out as Corey Taylor scrolling, ended up with me falling in love with Maynard James Keenan's voice all over again. As if I could ever have fallen out of love with it. He sounds every bit as etherial as I imagine an angel (were I to believe in them) would sound like. 

Being True To Yourself Is Sometimes A Tough Thing To Do

The biggest arguments I have in life are with myself. Did I make the right decision? Was I justified in my actions? Will I ever make a choice and get on with (whatever it might be)? There are times when I feel as though I've lost, and given that I'm the only one involved, it's a bizarre feeling to have.

Of all my inner debates, I'd say the manner in which I conduct myself, particularly in precarious situations, is the most common. Far from a chameleon, my action (or inaction) are heavily dependent on other parties involved. While this approach has worked for the most part, I've begun to realize the unnecessary stress I am subjecting myself to - at the detriment of my soul's balance.

Treading lightly is necessary in some situations; typically any historical pattern of reaction from the other party automatically dictates such. Though more and more often, if I really take the time to assess more about past dealings with certain individuals, there is a common theme. Insecure and self-involved people seem to be more sensitive and likely to strong, negative reactions - the kind I prefer to avoid. Wishing to skip 'the drama' is understandable, but there are times when it occurs to me I am just placating, and feeding the beast. I'm not doing the other person or myself any favors by skirting through  all interactions.

Much like not taking responsibility for someone else's actions, I need to stop feeling responsible for any potential reaction of undesirable nature from other people. If I say or do something, without ill-intent, it isn't my issue how the other party chooses to deal with it. Regardless of relationship, I have the choice to walk away and let them sit with whatever negative or misleading emotions they conjure up as a result.

Currently, I find myself faced with an uncomfortable situation; sure to be the first in a line of many such events. I began considering the extent of my involvement in this particular, already heavy situation, because as history has shown, there will be false interpretations of my actions by an individual involved. Something inside me clicked however, and I made the decision to conduct myself as I would in any other, similar case and not give any expected reactions by this person a second of my attention.

To approach this, and all interactions like it, any other way is to compromise the person I am. I have worked far too hard to allow undesirable reactions to alter the good things about me. I have a big heart, and am innately caring; when someone is hurting or struggling I don't ever want to analyze my actions to the point that I withhold support or come off as disingenuous. That type of reservation just robs both myself and the other person of honest communication. I just can't have that.

Ain't Nobody Got Time For That

It's no secret that there is a difference between needy people and people in need. For some of us though, it can be tricky to recognize that difference. When a person is inherently kind hearted, even knowing the difference doesn't ensure they will put an end to the life-sucking attachment a needy person makes.

Maybe this will come across as insensitive or cold-hearted, but I have no time to spare in this life on needy people. I divorced a needy guy, and subsequently refused to date similar ones. I have cast off these types of friendships, and am all the happier for it.

Still, these life suckers who will never know happiness because they cannot loosen the grip, or give up that all-encompassing view of how everything affects them circle around me madly, waiting for an opportunity to latch on. Apparently, I need to work on my callous attitude. Then again, I'm willing to bet that needy people are like most parasites and will latch on to anyone given the opportunity.

Like I said, I'm sure this seems over-the-top unfeeling to some, but it serves a point.

A person in need is someone that might actually require the help of another person to get through a tough spot, or hold them up when they just don't have the strength to stand on their own. Not so different from what a needy person may seem to be requesting; except that a person in need is capable of moving forward after a time. They are also able to extend that very same assistance and kindness to others. In short, a person in need can take, but more importantly give.

In my own experience, the needy types are nearly always narcissists. These people are literally incapable of ever being empathetic. Sadly, their perception of the world around them is based solely on how it impacts and undermines their life. No amount of encouragement, love, or support will ever lead them to see things differently. For the rest of us, continuing to think 'if only I could make a difference', 'maybe if I try harder', or 'he/she just needs someone to understand them' will only serve to rob us of precious energy and time.

Does this mean I disregard needy individuals? No, but I know where to draw the line and how to avoid taking on responsibilities that are not mine to hold. Being co-dependent, or enabling someone to continue draining me emotionally is just not my idea of life. If I am responsible for my own happiness, then I choose to not engage too often or deeply with people who will never truly benefit from what I have to offer.

In the end, we each need to be able to look back on our existence without much regret. Letting go of feeling responsible for others who have never and will likely never be their own keeper goes a long way toward being free of regret. It is totally possible to be a good and caring person and not be host to emotional parasites.

Kindness, It's Easier Than We Think

If you aren't part of the solution, you're part of the problem.

This saying, either as it is or variations of it, is always at the forefront of my thinking. I may not always choose the right path, but in the end I'd rather do something positive. Even if it means I'm part of the minority. 

I have long been of the opinion that it is best to appreciate those who handle your food, cut your hair, and wipe your ass when you need it. There are some grueling and thankless jobs out there, but if no one did them, exactly where would we all be? I'll tell you where; starving (or at the very least having to constantly cook for ourselves), looking unruly (doesn't seem all that bad until you need to put your best self forward for oh say a job interview), and sitting in a disgusting mess (when you are unable to care for yourself, this is a BIG deal). 

While I can't change the overall disregard people have for many service industry jobs, I can alter the way I show my appreciation. It isn't enough to tip well, or be nice. How you treat someone in these vocations should set an example to everyone around you. It should also reinforce to those doing the jobs that they are worthwhile, and what they do does mean something. They should be shown or told, on a regular basis that they are needed and make a difference. No fluff or smoke being blown up anyone's backside; decency is something we are all capable of and something we all deserve.

When someone is rude or demeaning the impact is immediate and long-lasting. It can cause the wrong kind of ripple effect. Each and everyone of us has the opportunity to intercept that effect and push back with something more positive; to not let what we perceive as bad or less than stellar service influence how we act in return.

While I always try to take extenuating circumstances into consideration, sometimes I forget to take a beat to breathe. The difference between a shitty day spreading like wildfire, and one that turns around for the better is often just one person willing to be positive, despite the resistance they may encounter. A smile, a kind word or gesture, and the willingness to ignore negativity are all that stands between a society stuck taking people for granted and one that knows how to show it's humanity.

Place More Importance On Your Own Self-worth

No matter how many people like you and truly enjoy your company, there will always be people who don't. The reasons may vary, and in some cases, you may never know why. The thing is unless there is some common, underlying theme you might want to consider addressing, it really shouldn't matter.

As a kid growing up, one of the toughest things to accept was that other kids could just randomly dislike you and there was nothing you could do about it. This may have closely followed the realization that Corey Hart, Jon Bon Jovi, or Johnny Depp would never suddenly become aware of your existence and fall head-over-heels, madly in love with you. I did say 'may have'.

Preparing your own children for the same possible frustrations (minus the hot celebs) is even harder. The idea, from a parent's perspective, that anyone could not like your child is unfathomable. We see them as amazing, and our own love prevents us from conjuring the possibilities of anyone who doesn't see that as well.

Thankfully, neither of my sons has ever allowed themselves to get wrapped up in another kid's dislike for them. I'm sure they've come across this now and again, but they appear to be able to shrug it off and just accept that it is part of life. It's not callous or egotistical to know your own value and be able to let haters hate while you keep being yourself; it's emotional maturity.

I saw or read something that made me consider this earlier today; I couldn't begin to remember what exactly. I'm sure there are several people who roll their eyes in annoyance at the mention of my name, and I won't ever know why, but it really wouldn't make any difference in my life if I did. There are probably even a select few who behave as though they are my friends in my presence but vent their real feelings the moment I leave the room. It really does not matter. Though, over time, these particular individuals become easier to recognize.

When you become aware that you yourself have spent time as the hated, the hater, and the hater disguised as a friend, it is suddenly easier to avoid the trap of wanting to be liked by everyone. I haven't always made the right choices, been the nicest person, or had the self-awareness to shrug other people's opinions off, but I've never been big on perfection either. I have spent a lot of time working on improving what I don't like about myself, and in the end, the only opinion that truly matters is my own.

If you can live with who you are without regret, you will always attract haters. Not allowing those people to alter who you are or how you live is what will continue to attract souls who are true friends.

Photo Op Pause

Instantaneous preservation of a moment. Better yet, the ability to retake a photo to ensure the most flattering moment is captured to memory. No bulky camera to lug around, no waiting on film to be developed, and no more missing prime photo ops.

All that is good and well, but sometimes it feels like experiences are somehow being worked in between photo sessions. Selfies, food, embarrassing videos that will live on long after they are no longer funny...we've become a society obsessed with visual preservation of life, at the expense of really living it. How much did I miss of what was going on around me the other night because I was focused on getting pics of my favorite band and of my friends and I? I'm not knocking photos and their ability to help us recall times passed. I just wonder if the digital aspect hasn't taken away from truly immersing ourselves in life as it is happening.

Maybe it is selective memory, but when I think back to the days of film photography, I don't remember picture taking being the focal point of any outing. We took photos and put the camera aside to get on with the experience. Sure there were times we got the film developed and just missed the moment, or someone wasn't ready when the shutter closed, but there was something real in it.

I am at odds with what used to be and the convenience and wonder of what is. Being able to click through photos of a vacation, growing families, and nights out with friends is amazing. Twenty years ago I would never have imagined getting to experience things through photos in the way we do today. We are able to watch people's lives change and see what they've seen, all without the threat of photo paper degradation. We don't have to file as much detail away to preserve memories, because typically one look at a photo will prompt a flood of recollections surrounding the captured moment. And of course, photos serve as proof we did, saw, partied, loved, knew and experienced life to the fullest. 

The funny thing is, some of my most treasured memories were never documented with a picture. I have been places and experienced times with people I cared about at one time or another and have zero photographic evidence that those many moments ever actually occurred. Sometimes I have regretted this, only to realize that maybe those times were suppose to remain between the people or person I was with and myself. My best friend and I exploring caverns in Virginia in 1992, my sons' first steps, a short-lived relationship without a single photo of the two of us together, my grandmother's unbelievable smile at seeing a great-grandchild born...these are all moments that I am allowed to selfishly keep as my own.  

 Life is imperfect, and while it is great seeing photos with everyone putting on their best smile, or being able to capture the exact second the magic in any given moment happens, being able to pass up on capturing everything in the perfect photo is essential to uninterrupted experience.  

Pointless Thoughts Ricocheting All Over The Place

It's been a week of color. Blue skies, bright sunshine, and a whole lot of changing hair hues! Happiness comes in a near endless amount of shades...well, at least in my world.

Even better than the color is the fact that nearly all of my clients gave me the freedom to do what I thought would look great. They were all happy, and my only regret was not taking photos of any of them. Not one single photo. (sigh)

Some weeks it's all about fresh new cuts, and others it's a mix of the two. Clearly, I love what I do, and there isn't much about it I'd change - except maybe perms, I hate perms. Aside from the size of the curl, perms are sorely limiting in any kind of creativity. The stench, the stinking papers that stick to everything...not to mention they are b-o-r-i-n-g to do. Passé.

There are a number of things in life that I loathe in the same manner that I dislike perms. Slow drivers, public arguing, marmite, lima beans, and writer's block just to name a few. And shortly, black flies and mosquitos. 

Well, the last two are worth the warm temperatures in all honesty. The rest still suck no matter what time of year it is, especially perms. Nobody wants to have their sense of smell assaulted with the rotten egg/sulfur stench of a permanent wave. Seriously, not even hair stylists.

No One Wants To Look Like A Creeper

Ok, so I dig social media. I really do. Being able to reconnect with family, friends, and even a long lost teacher is great. There is one thing I'm not sure of, however. Crossing paths with a face from Facebook in the real world.

Exactly when is it ok, if ever, to acknowledge someone that you instantly exchange looks of familiarity with, but only 'know' because of Facebook? This has happened a few times over the years. I can think of one person in particular; we aren't friends, but we have a fair amount of mutual friends. It is clear, from the real world looks of recognition, that we are familiar with one another. I would venture a guess that our realization of exactly where and how we know one another might be what limits further interaction. Despite the random conversations and friendly smiles reserved for greeting friends, we still continue to stay stuck in some sort of denial or unwillingness to just admit we only know the other from someone's Facebook page.

Normally, I have no issue with social norms, but the whole Facebook thing throws me. I mean if we were friends on the big-blue-and-white-addiction-maker site that would be one thing, but we only share mutual friends. It seems there is an unspoken line between wanting to clear up awkwardness and not wanting to cause it by looking like you troll your friends' friend's pages. Of course, I am undoubtedly overthinking this.

I suppose that, should I cross paths with this person again (or any one else in a like situation), I ought to just address the obvious, without worrying how it could look. I mean, if we are all honest about it, there is a bigger likelihood we indirectly interact with a number of people we wouldn't normally when we comment, like, and post to our own friends pages. It really isn't so odd that we might run into someone we don't actually know, but do recognize in the real world. The broad reach the internet and social media sites give us exposes us to far more people than we would ever meet without the two. And now I'm just rambling...

Pain Only Weighs More Than Joy As Long As It Is Allowed To

Anniversaries are either momentously happy occasions or somber reminders. Most people have their share of each. And no one likes the fog that surrounds those days a thousand pleas and wishes couldn't reverse.

Birthdays and romantic anniversaries are some of the most celebrated and shared moments. Well wishes and good cheer are easily given; everybody enjoys the good feeling atmosphere and it's almost effortless to join in. Being part of happiness has a lasting effect.

When I see people enjoying their lives, creating incredible moments that will become memories, it's impossible not to smile. Sometimes some long lost recollection of my own surfaces and intensifies my mood. Being happy, genuinely happy, is what allows us to experience our own amazing contentedness.

Just as the blissful air of celebratory events permeates everyone within reach, the shockwave of sadness can still the heart of anyone it touches. As easy as it can be to share in pleasant times, it might just be easier still to be stricken with the weight of loss. The moment you feel a twinge of empathy for someone, particularly if they are going through something you may have gone through yourself, it becomes unavoidable to suppress your own pain.

Losing people and reliving traumatic events are just as entwined in our memories as any happy occasions. We remember the weather, what we were wearing, a song heard, or bits of conversations that transpired. All too often these are the defining moments that seem to burn deeper into our memories, causing the most reaction when recalled. Far more intense then the calm and warmth of a happier time. Pain is so unyielding. And it can dominate the anniversary cycle for years, though it doesn't have to.

We remember the pain, we shed tears, get angry, and run through the scenario right up until the moment of loss. If we've learned from the pain at all, these 'stages' become milder and far shorter in duration, and are followed by memories that level things out and even lighten our overall state of being. When we think back on the good things, we can strengthen their echo and deepen their effect by allowing ourselves to let the positive energy they evoke run through us - unchecked. The moment I learned to do this, the easier it became to utilize that energy and move beyond the pain and negativity of those sad memories.

It isn't about forgetting or ignoring; it's about embracing and continuing to smile the most honest of smiles while life pushes onward.

Sometimes Life Requires Substitutions

One of the minor frustrations I encounter from time to time is getting ready to cook or bake something and realizing I don't  have a key ingredient I totally thought I had. So, whenever I can, I improvise. Sure it doesn't always work, but in the end it was worth trying. Interestingly enough, to me anyway, this is pretty on course for life. Things rarely pan out the way I expect, so I've chosen to find ways around obstacles.

So somethings turn out different; occasionally you get surprised and things turn out better. Food without gluten, for instance. Some of it is wretched; I mean, it should be considered false advertisement to claim rice pasta is in anyway remotely comparable to regular pasta. It blows! I did, however, come across a recipe for brownies that kicks ass on any regular version of this chocolate indulgence, and I might never have tried it were I not on a gf diet.

We didn't get any definitive answers regarding our cat's heath issues, so we are watching, waiting, and attempting to do whatever we can to make him comfortable. There is no way to know if any of what we are doing will help, but he has shown signs of the cat he's always been. I think we may be experiencing a setback this evening, so we are altering things a bit. Here's hoping it helps.

There are more choices in life than any of us will ever begin to have opportunity to make; getting caught up in trying to foresee how the choices we do make will turn out only prevents us from experiencing all there is on the road to living as who we are. It's better to make a move and correct the course while staying in motion.

Breathing Is So Much More Enjoyable When The Air Isn't Arctic

While it wasn't the sun-basking day I had hoped it would be, it was great to walk around and not feel the bitter sting of cold for a change. Everything I have to do outside of the house in warmer weather seems less like a chore and somehow more productive. It isn't even that I get more done, yet I suppose the energy saved not shivering and fighting to stay warm during the hustling to and from the car might have something to do with it.

It really isn't something I think about; the impact of weather on my feelings of accomplishment. Though I'd say it's safe to say, at least for me, that the increase in daylight hours and the milder climate have me feeling far less rushed. If I don't feel rushed and my body isn't directed so much energy into trying to stay warm, everything seems all around better. There is no question about it, I get more done and feel less tired as soon as the weather warms up.

There are a few other things that I've noticed about the weather's affect on me. I'm more social, I spend less time in front of the television or on my laptop, I eat better, and in general I have the motivation to get out and experience the world around me. There are those who can stay active and function nearly the same in winter as any other time of year, but I have never been one of those people. I do find them fascinating, however.

The simplest of things are what make my life incredible. Great weather brings so much of what I enjoy, and I fully intend to spend as much time outdoors, hiking, biking, walking on the beach, soaking up the sun, and exploring as often as I possibly can. Right up until the weather turns into that bitter bitch Winter again.

No Matter How Old They Get, They Will Always Be My Babies

Watching my children sleep was always something I loved. Even now, on the rare occasions they fall asleep where they sit, seeing their peaceful, at rest faces makes me smile. In that instant, they are the little angels they once were. While they're traversing their dreamscape, I'm reliving their lives from the moment they were born.

My cousin and his wife welcomed their son into the world today. He joins an excited big brother, and has instantly become part of our amazing family. I have been through the incredible, overwhelming joy of meeting the child I carried for over nine months, twice. Each time was amazing, and as I have watched them grow that amazement never fades. Far from the tiny hands, soft skin and coos of infancy, each of my sons still possess a quality of those first months that is only visible when they are sleeping.

There are a few things that, if I had the chance to do over again, I would do quite differently. Having my sons is not one of them. Being a single mother, solely responsible for their care, security, and growth has been more fulfilling and meaningful then anything else I have ever done, or will ever do. These two are the very best of me. If ever I doubt my purpose in life, all I have to do is look at them and know I'm doing exactly what I was meant to do.

A Little Laugh Break

This week I put a number of things on hold and spent time with friends. I laughed a lot; boy, did I need to laugh. If there was a remedy for stress, laughter is it.

It's easy to get wrapped up in life and forget to live. Weeks, sometimes months have gone by and I realize that I haven't stepped outside of work or home to do something not related to responsibility. Taking a break and rerouting my energy towards laid back socializing certainly makes getting back to the everyday stuff a whole lot less unpleasant.

I enjoyed the sun today with some long time friends. What began as a cheer-up session for one friend, rejuvenated all of us. My perspective is more positive, and the issues that were weighing me down before aren't so heavy anymore.

Sometimes, friends are the best therapy, motivation and entertainment life has to offer. No, they are those things nearly all the time. I know my existence is a blessed one, because no matter what else I find lacking, the quality of friends I have are not.

Nearly any negative frame of mind can be altered by sitting quietly in the sun. After a long winter, any time spent in

Just five days stand between me and Sidecar Radio's reunion show. Cannot wait for the week to pass by. Just a bit on the excited side. Great music and I get to hang out with my girl Pam Ella!

When Will People Learn

I am happy that only one of the two people arguing for the past hour outside my bedroom window lives next door. I feel sorry for the woman who does live there, and whose son is being attacked with the non-stop, self righteous tone of the young woman doing most of the arguing.

I finally gave up trying to sleep, as the conversation got louder and what was being said became clearer and clearer. It's embarrassing to overhear other people's dirty laundry. I don't want to be privy to this kind of thing, and for a number of reasons. It isn't my business. Every time I pass this guy in the parking lot, I will now recall the late night argument and attempt to pretend I heard nothing. Without meaning to, I have already become irritated with this woman simply because of what was forced upon my dying-to-catch-some-Zzzs-ears.

Public divulging of personal and private issues is unnecessary and speaks volumes about the person or persons involved. When you are in a relationship with another person, and some disagreement or hardship occurs, and you become so incensed or wrapped up in your own anger or feelings that you become boisterous and unyielding, it is less about passion and love and more about being right and attempting to forcefully bring the other person around to your way of thinking. In my opinion, when people argue in this manner, they have lost sight (or never came close to seeing) beyond their own needs and desires. You cannot argue your way back into another person's heart. No relationship is successfully turned around by two people talking over each other, in circles. And no enviable love is spawned from one person sitting silent while the other bellows and berates them.

Talking is a productive act that requires both expression and open listening. No one hears anything when there is constant interruption and interjection. Raising the volume of your voice to talk over the other person only proves how incapable of open communication a person is, and just how self-absorbed they truly are.

I am no stranger to the pitfalls of anger and relationships. I've been yelled at, talked over and dismissed; I've also been the offender. It solves nothing, and only serves to drive a bigger wedge between two people. Despite what I may have thought in the heat of anger or disappointment, it is possible to communicate without the drama and exhaustion. And honestly, if the hurdle is the other person's inability to calmly listen and discuss things without hurtful tones and words, there is nothing that can be said and no manner in which to best state things that will ever fall on open ears. There are some relationships that you simply need to distance yourself from. It takes two to create the right kind of healthy environment to vent, communicate, and love, but it only takes one person to end what has become unhealthy.

Earlier this evening I was feeling somewhat blah about my current single status. At the moment, I am counting the blessings of a peaceful existence, free of this kind of rampant drama. I am, however, attempting to remain hopeful that there is someone out there, well-suited for me, who actually 'gets' this all as I do. Make love not war people. Let go of your damned egos and give more, it isn't the end of the world. In fact, it is the beginning of so much more.

What Might Have Been Is Just A Waste Of Energy That Could Be Spent On What Can Be

Not everything you might set out to accomplish or acquire goes the way you'd expect. Detours can be frustrating and it's easy to lose sight of where you're going. Distractions are everywhere and tough to see past when the path stays on course, never mind when you get pushed on several off-chutes along the way.

Each time I have set out to make a positive change, the universe appears to be testing my dedication and resolve. I wouldn't know if anything worth having could actually be won the easy way, it just isn't how my life unfolds. Far from complaining, I am grateful that my years have been hard won. I know, more than most, just what I am capable of and just how hard I will keep pushing toward something because of the many challenges I've faced before.

Maybe this is why I have never felt overwhelmed or burdened raising my sons alone. While it has been nothing close to easy, I know it could have been so much more difficult. The more we go through as a family, the stronger we become. I might never have chosen to risk the security of a 40 hour a week paycheck to work for myself doing what I love, had I not come out of divorce and entered into single parenthood a more positive and driven person. And without the love and respect of my sons, no amount of strength or vision could have led to me making such a choice.

I am a happier, less stressed, more involved mother than I was just three years ago. Though I'm far from the version of motherhood I had once hoped to exemplify, the direction I've moved in is far more natural and seems to garner the boys' cooperation and respect rather than forcibly extract it. We are unconventional in many ways, and right now I am quite okay with that. It works for us.

I may look back and wish I had done things differently, years from now, but I doubt that I will ever second guess my effectiveness as a mother on the whole. I never planned to have children, and when that changed, I didn't plan on raising them alone. Things happen the way they do and sometimes it's the universe's way of getting you to prove to yourself what it already knows; you can do, face, and rise above any hurdle or roadblock, though sometimes you might need help gathering up self-confidence and belief.

This is the life that I have been given. I may not be able to change what has passed, but I can make choices that shape the days that are still to come.

It Occurs To Me That I Do Not Lead An Exciting Life

Ever have those days when you want to just do something completely reckless? Today has been one of those kind of days. I would have enjoyed a reprieve from responsibilities and my daily life.

It wasn't a bad day, busy and productive. The weather was finally firmly about freezing, and I spent time with a number of people whose company I enjoy. My sister finally let me do something daring with her hair color. Still, I didn't do anything reckless.

It's not that I want to do something irrevocably damning; in truth, I don't even know what it is I would do that would qualify as reckless. Yet, when I get in this mood it tends to preoccupy my mind. I can't imagine acting out in a manner that would hurt or insult anyone else, breaking the law, or doing anyting that would cause me to want to hide from the world long enough for everyone I know to forget whatever I might have done. I guess what I consider reckless isn't really reckless at all.

Perhaps I'm just anxiously awaiting some carefree time lounging in the sun. Summer and all it's lazy freedom, for the short window of time it exists is my absolute favorite time of year. This is the worst case of spring fever I think I've ever come down with.

Soap And Water People, Soap And Water

There are things in life that I will never be able to understand. The internet is one of them. Don't get me wrong, I get the whole 'surfing the web' thing, I just have a tough time with the vastness of it all. And then there's the whole 'how is it people can be so lazy in raising their children' thing. Granted there is no guide book to parenting, but some things should be a given.

Things like, oh I don't know, hygiene for instance. Soap and water don't cost much, so the whole poverty thing is a shit excuse. No, I'm serious. Of course I know that lack of hygiene transcends socioeconomic class. Bathing isn't complicated, and really, if you start when your kids are young enough, they have no issues comprehending the whole soap up and rinse off routine. Well, except maybe between the ages of 11 and 13, but you just have to be smarter than them and know they only ran the water and never actually stepped in. That brief time period aside, good habits are fairly easy to instill, so why are so many parents failing this???

There is a distinct difference between a child who has been outside playing all day and smells a tad sweaty and a kid that hasn't bathed in a week or more and stinks of filth. Granted, the parents of these unfortunate children aren't usually examples of cleanliness, but one would think at some point in their lives someone called their lack of freshness to their attention. Why would anyone damn their children to being teased, ridiculed, or given a wide berth on the playground?

Maybe it's just me, I don't know. I just took my role as a parent to include instilling skin care and personal hygiene in my sons. They might dress odd, act ridiculous, and make poor choices from time to time, but they take cleanliness seriously.

I feel sad for the kids who sit in my chair for a haircut and it's obvious this type of neglect is happening in their life. It is difficult for me to fend off the irritation I feel toward the parent(s) as I avoid inhaling too frequently throughout the haircut. Something as simple as regular showering is the very least any parent can teach their children, and it instills a healthy amount of pride. I just don't get why lack of self-care skills are so prevalent.

Truthfully, I am aware there are instances when this issue is just a symptom of a much bigger, more unfortunate issue. Abuse, neglect, and a host of other problems like drug and alcohol use by the parent are far too frequently the underlying issue, and something like cleanliness just doesn't seem like a big deal in light of those things.

I suppose my hope is that at some point unkempt, filth-coated children will only be the result of a full day of actively playing outside in the dirt, climbing trees, or building things. No child should ever know neglect, including lack of hygiene.