I Have Almost NO Idea What I'm Doing, And I'm Okay With That

I'm getting better at managing the negative impulses that pop up when I'm overwhelmed. When it comes to doing things that I am relatively unfamiliar with, it seems I've had more opportunity to face the naysaying thoughts, and disarm them. A few still manage to get through, but my general reaction these days is to shut that shit down, and fast. Nothing good comes from undermining confidence; it just leads to panic and total lack of momentum and effort.

Few people can tackle a task they've never done, or know little about, with complete confidence and seamless progress. What I failed to recognize earlier in life, was that no one really expects you to wow them with your amazing ability to do everything perfect when you have no experience doing it. I mean, kudos if you manage to do just that, but most of us are fledgling our way through the steps, hoping we get it right...or at least close enough.

Occasionally, I mess up. Really, providing it isn't too bad, it's just a learning opportunity. The thing that's tough isn't making the mistake, it's owning it, and letting the self-disappointment roll off while preserving the lesson. That takes a lot of character; something that only comes from really letting go of negative energy, and stopping it whenever it tries to move back in.

My current work life is definitely a challenge. I could let myself be overwhelmed. I could open the door to self-doubt and laziness. I could, but I won't. The chance to learn something new, no matter how uninteresting it might be in some respects, is the best part about starting an entirely new career. My brain might be fried, I may not have great prioritizing skills when it comes to balancing work and life, but I like that I'm able to leave the self-defeating rhetoric behind, while I dive in head first. In a strange way, I feel a little like Katniss jumping from the train with the Dauntless for the first time, only to jump into the pit off the roof immediately after. Granted, I'm not doing anything heroic here, but I'm leaping all in, because I believe I can (and I won't let myself fail).