This blog came about as a way to highlight something positive in every day. It is quite possible that an entry begins with things that are not-so-positive, however. Exploring the things that I don't like allows me to really appreciate the things that I do enjoy.
Today I discovered a number of things that were worth adding to my Do Not Like list. First would be rude people. I will never understand the cluelessness/entitled attitude some people display in public. There is little to no need to stand fixed in the middle of an aisle/sidewalk or other area and remain unyielding to passersby. Ignorance and rudeness. Pretentious $10 salads that are essentially a bag of mixed greens and cheese...I mean I love salad, but there needs to some SUBSTANCE. $2 water bottles that are 8oz in size. Motion sickness. Sand fleas. Sticky bar tables, and sketchy double parking situations in parking lots.
Pretty much the rest of summer rocks. Hot sun, cool breezes, green trees, smiling people, ice cream, and finding my car absolutely safe after risking sketchy double parking situations are amazingly awesome. An entire day laughing and catching up with my bestie absolutely tops it all.
I'd suffer through the stench of the Portland waterfront at two in the afternoon and sit in the most hot/humid weather stuck on the bridge if it meant I got to hang with my best friend for a few hours. The best things in life make the shitty things seem trivial. Really, having crappy things to compare the awesome shit to, certainly reinforces how great life really is. It really is as simple as that.
Monday, June 30, 2014
Sunday, June 29, 2014
I'm Pretty Sure My Crazy Is Within An Acceptable Range
I don't do 'in-between' well. It's all in or all out, and no matter how much I try to alter this, I eventually find I fall right back into this manner of being. I don't think this makes me unreasonable or difficult, since that approach only applies to me and my efforts.
When I am social, I am amped to go out and get together multiple times a week - sleep is overrated, right? Of course, when I'm a homebody I typically forego contact and interaction with those around me. I can't find the happy medium, though I am not altogether sure I need to.
The past few weeks I've become increasingly tied to home. I'm in a writing mindset, and that doesn't usually produce much if I'm out and about with friends. I've certainly made exceptions here and there, but overall I would prefer to think the world outside had gone on vacation without me. Maybe then I could actually finish a book.
So, it is by no means a personal thing if I have been slower than usual responding to texts and calls, nor does it mean I have moved on to bigger and better things. When I withdraw it is because I'm finding it difficult to have the discipline necessary to write the way I know I need to. That, and I'm also attempting to embrace the moody creativity without losing myself completely.
I should probably just accept that I'm mad...I really have to be to want a writer's life.
When I am social, I am amped to go out and get together multiple times a week - sleep is overrated, right? Of course, when I'm a homebody I typically forego contact and interaction with those around me. I can't find the happy medium, though I am not altogether sure I need to.
The past few weeks I've become increasingly tied to home. I'm in a writing mindset, and that doesn't usually produce much if I'm out and about with friends. I've certainly made exceptions here and there, but overall I would prefer to think the world outside had gone on vacation without me. Maybe then I could actually finish a book.
So, it is by no means a personal thing if I have been slower than usual responding to texts and calls, nor does it mean I have moved on to bigger and better things. When I withdraw it is because I'm finding it difficult to have the discipline necessary to write the way I know I need to. That, and I'm also attempting to embrace the moody creativity without losing myself completely.
I should probably just accept that I'm mad...I really have to be to want a writer's life.
Saturday, June 28, 2014
I Might Wain, But I Never Break
Re-evaluation. Every so often I consider those things in my life that have weathered time, just to make certain they are still relevant in the current climate of my life. I'm doing the re-evaluating thing at the moment...and I must say there are changes to be made. Big changes, slight alterations, and tweaks that are wholly necessary for this life to continue along it's merry-ass way.
I enjoy evolving as a person. I find comfort in the acceptance that not everything lasts forever. As a person I am grounded, and completely flexible to change. As long as I have been alive, the one constant in my life has been change. Fairly big change for the most part. Regardless of how often I'd attempt to beg off upheavals, kinks in the works, and unexpected hurdles, they still occurred. More importantly, however, I managed to survive in spite of it all. And it isn't because of resilience or fortitude, but because of the support and stability that never leaves me. My friends and family make it possible to go through pain and uncertainty with far more confidence than I might muster on my own.
Of course there are some changes that require more effort and will. These are the things that push me to draw, however silently, on the strength and reassurance I've managed to store up from those closest in my life. No matter how positive I choose to approach life, negativity is always there to challenge my position. Sometimes it taunts me in the slightest, but knowingly effective ways. It is in those times that I see just exactly what I am made of. And if I don't like what I see, the determination to push for positive will often kick me in the backside. It is impossible to stay stuck for long.
Between responsibilities, interests, others' expectations, and all the distractions this life is mine-fielded with, it is amazing any of us manage to accomplish the things we do. Being pulled in multiple directions for an extended period of time should make the sanest of us absolutely mad. Instead, it serves to define those of us who refuse to be halted by ego, failure, and challenge.
I decided some 23 years ago that negative thoughts, events or people would never affect my life to the point that I stopped making progress. I cannot fathom giving any of those things 'credit' for my failures or my gains. In spite of the lot, I will continue to become the me I am suppose to be. For me, there simply is no other way to exist and expand. I am who I am at this very moment, everything I could possibly be, yet tomorrow or the next day I will be more than I might have dreamed yesterday.
I enjoy evolving as a person. I find comfort in the acceptance that not everything lasts forever. As a person I am grounded, and completely flexible to change. As long as I have been alive, the one constant in my life has been change. Fairly big change for the most part. Regardless of how often I'd attempt to beg off upheavals, kinks in the works, and unexpected hurdles, they still occurred. More importantly, however, I managed to survive in spite of it all. And it isn't because of resilience or fortitude, but because of the support and stability that never leaves me. My friends and family make it possible to go through pain and uncertainty with far more confidence than I might muster on my own.
Of course there are some changes that require more effort and will. These are the things that push me to draw, however silently, on the strength and reassurance I've managed to store up from those closest in my life. No matter how positive I choose to approach life, negativity is always there to challenge my position. Sometimes it taunts me in the slightest, but knowingly effective ways. It is in those times that I see just exactly what I am made of. And if I don't like what I see, the determination to push for positive will often kick me in the backside. It is impossible to stay stuck for long.
Between responsibilities, interests, others' expectations, and all the distractions this life is mine-fielded with, it is amazing any of us manage to accomplish the things we do. Being pulled in multiple directions for an extended period of time should make the sanest of us absolutely mad. Instead, it serves to define those of us who refuse to be halted by ego, failure, and challenge.
I decided some 23 years ago that negative thoughts, events or people would never affect my life to the point that I stopped making progress. I cannot fathom giving any of those things 'credit' for my failures or my gains. In spite of the lot, I will continue to become the me I am suppose to be. For me, there simply is no other way to exist and expand. I am who I am at this very moment, everything I could possibly be, yet tomorrow or the next day I will be more than I might have dreamed yesterday.
Friday, June 27, 2014
No More Waiting
Everything in life runs its course. Childhood, teenage years, the ability to eat whatever you want and not gain an ounce...interests, relationships, and life itself. Best to make the most of as much of it as you can while time is on your side.
I find I am face with a few choices, though exactly what I will choose to do I'm not certain. Coming to the end of a run is one thing, but admitting you've reached the end of the road is another entirely. Letting go and moving on aren't always as easy as we'd like.
I suppose that overthinking things won't do much other than add to the muddled mess of thoughts already congregating in my consciousness. Given enough time, the best direction will become clear. Well, that's true most of the time.
Of course leaving people or things behind as we move in a different direction isn't always so simple. Moving beyond doesn't mean you can't take all the good memories and things gained with you. For me, it's time to weigh the options and push any fear or uncertainty aside. More of life is around the corner and I'm not waiting for it to land in front of me.
I find I am face with a few choices, though exactly what I will choose to do I'm not certain. Coming to the end of a run is one thing, but admitting you've reached the end of the road is another entirely. Letting go and moving on aren't always as easy as we'd like.
I suppose that overthinking things won't do much other than add to the muddled mess of thoughts already congregating in my consciousness. Given enough time, the best direction will become clear. Well, that's true most of the time.
Of course leaving people or things behind as we move in a different direction isn't always so simple. Moving beyond doesn't mean you can't take all the good memories and things gained with you. For me, it's time to weigh the options and push any fear or uncertainty aside. More of life is around the corner and I'm not waiting for it to land in front of me.
Thursday, June 26, 2014
Some Of The Best Surprises Are The Little Things
So, this is what I found typed in my blog post area today when I went to start an entry:
Hey mom, I just wanted to say hi and I hope you're having a good day despite your back.
How can I not be 100% in love with this kid? Somehow he 'gets' that it's the little things in life that matter. A sweet little note, a listening ear, an unexpected smile from a passerby...things that don't cost a thing, but reach deep into a person's soul.
The fact that there's thought involved makes those little things meaningful. That at some given moment one person chose to bring a little warmth and sunshine to another person's day - it's what incredible people are capable of. Being able to step outside of yourself for a few moments, isn't something everyone can do. Far too many people are wound up in themselves so tightly that they are unable to see connecting with those around us is where purpose comes from.
There is no purpose unless what we do impacts others. Regardless of what we believe or strive for, the ultimate goal affects others in some way. The quickest way to a better life, that is also the most resonating, is doing for others. When we give of ourselves, we are giving the most unique gift possible. There isn't a person in the entire world that can duplicate another person's presence and time.
Don't overthink it, just do what comes naturally. Smile, laugh, get creative, just give of yourself. Be the bright spot in someone's day.
Hey mom, I just wanted to say hi and I hope you're having a good day despite your back.
How can I not be 100% in love with this kid? Somehow he 'gets' that it's the little things in life that matter. A sweet little note, a listening ear, an unexpected smile from a passerby...things that don't cost a thing, but reach deep into a person's soul.
The fact that there's thought involved makes those little things meaningful. That at some given moment one person chose to bring a little warmth and sunshine to another person's day - it's what incredible people are capable of. Being able to step outside of yourself for a few moments, isn't something everyone can do. Far too many people are wound up in themselves so tightly that they are unable to see connecting with those around us is where purpose comes from.
There is no purpose unless what we do impacts others. Regardless of what we believe or strive for, the ultimate goal affects others in some way. The quickest way to a better life, that is also the most resonating, is doing for others. When we give of ourselves, we are giving the most unique gift possible. There isn't a person in the entire world that can duplicate another person's presence and time.
Don't overthink it, just do what comes naturally. Smile, laugh, get creative, just give of yourself. Be the bright spot in someone's day.
Wednesday, June 25, 2014
You Can Put That Weight Down And Walk Away
So here's the thing: I was thinking about people and negativity today, and happened to hear The Grudge by Tool. I've known the lyrics for quite some time, but today they were so fitting for what was going through my mind.
I'm not sure there is a more perfect description of what hanging onto ills will do to a person. I remember thinking how powerful the message in this song was the first time I heard it, but given where I am in life now, I think this song is genius. I wish there were some way of conveying how important it is in attaining happiness for those harboring grudges to unburden themselves.
It's completely natural to immediately feel wronged, slighted, or hurt by the actions and words of others, whether they intended those outcomes or not. The freedom of choice that we have shouldn't be utilized so sparingly; when negative energy enters our space, we should be actively choosing to immediately free it and embrace something more positive. No good has ever come from hanging onto the shit from the past. Anger, contempt, and misery are all life sucking voids that restrain us and prevent that forward motion into better times. Why on earth would anyone choose to stay shackled to emotions that stunt their growth and severely limit the life they could be experiencing?
By no means is it easy to learn to let go, but when you consider the alternative of constant strife and the oppressive weight of such negativity, it's a cake walk with benefits. My heart feels sadness for those who cannot bring themselves to let go of the load they've shouldered for far too long. Sadness because they could have long been over whatever wrong occurred and have moved onto enjoying the truly amazing things in life.
We 'let go' for ourselves. In doing so, we affect those around us in multiple ways; we give them hope, example, and a far better version of ourselves to bond with. Really, it's simple; the law of attraction. To be surrounded by good things and positive people, we first need to be positive. Without forgiveness and release, it isn't possible to be kind of positive that breeds positivity. Letting go and moving on are key to allowing ourselves to be whole.
When we release the ills, we create the kind of space that will allow the good to flourish, give ourselves permission to be happy, and make it possible to believe we are worthy of all the amazing things life has to offer. Tend the path that will lead to unlimited possibilities, and leave the road of heavy burden behind.
I'm not sure there is a more perfect description of what hanging onto ills will do to a person. I remember thinking how powerful the message in this song was the first time I heard it, but given where I am in life now, I think this song is genius. I wish there were some way of conveying how important it is in attaining happiness for those harboring grudges to unburden themselves.
It's completely natural to immediately feel wronged, slighted, or hurt by the actions and words of others, whether they intended those outcomes or not. The freedom of choice that we have shouldn't be utilized so sparingly; when negative energy enters our space, we should be actively choosing to immediately free it and embrace something more positive. No good has ever come from hanging onto the shit from the past. Anger, contempt, and misery are all life sucking voids that restrain us and prevent that forward motion into better times. Why on earth would anyone choose to stay shackled to emotions that stunt their growth and severely limit the life they could be experiencing?
By no means is it easy to learn to let go, but when you consider the alternative of constant strife and the oppressive weight of such negativity, it's a cake walk with benefits. My heart feels sadness for those who cannot bring themselves to let go of the load they've shouldered for far too long. Sadness because they could have long been over whatever wrong occurred and have moved onto enjoying the truly amazing things in life.
We 'let go' for ourselves. In doing so, we affect those around us in multiple ways; we give them hope, example, and a far better version of ourselves to bond with. Really, it's simple; the law of attraction. To be surrounded by good things and positive people, we first need to be positive. Without forgiveness and release, it isn't possible to be kind of positive that breeds positivity. Letting go and moving on are key to allowing ourselves to be whole.
When we release the ills, we create the kind of space that will allow the good to flourish, give ourselves permission to be happy, and make it possible to believe we are worthy of all the amazing things life has to offer. Tend the path that will lead to unlimited possibilities, and leave the road of heavy burden behind.
Tuesday, June 24, 2014
Like Mother, Like Son
I imagine that most people might not appreciate or understand the humorous moments my youngest son and I share. This child (who is nearly a grown man) looks like his father's side of the family, occasionally he sounds like his father, has a mind and animated self expression akin to my own. There is no preferential treatment between my sons, they each bring immense happiness to my existence.
A good portion of my time as a mother has been attempting to retain some semblance of closeness to my oldest, despite the fact that he is quite a lot like I was at his age. I hadn't realized just how much my youngest was like me in some ways. It might seem somewhat egotistical to spend time comparing my sons' traits to my own, but in truth it's not about ego, it's about staying connected through those difficult teenage years.
There are times when I wonder exactly who it is that resides in this house with me, because, let's face it, teenage boys are as bizarre and foreign as an alien. It can't hurt to celebrate the little things like common ground, the same sense of humor, or arriving at the same conclusion to something at the same time. Two days from now I might be asking myself where my kids went and who has taken their place, it wouldn't hurt to have these bonding moments to focus on and remind myself that even at their most independent, they are still part of me.
A good portion of my time as a mother has been attempting to retain some semblance of closeness to my oldest, despite the fact that he is quite a lot like I was at his age. I hadn't realized just how much my youngest was like me in some ways. It might seem somewhat egotistical to spend time comparing my sons' traits to my own, but in truth it's not about ego, it's about staying connected through those difficult teenage years.
There are times when I wonder exactly who it is that resides in this house with me, because, let's face it, teenage boys are as bizarre and foreign as an alien. It can't hurt to celebrate the little things like common ground, the same sense of humor, or arriving at the same conclusion to something at the same time. Two days from now I might be asking myself where my kids went and who has taken their place, it wouldn't hurt to have these bonding moments to focus on and remind myself that even at their most independent, they are still part of me.
Monday, June 23, 2014
The Sun Seems To Always Want Me To Come Out And Play
Oh were there more hours in the day ... I'd surely continue to spend them less wisely than I know I ought to. I'm unable to resist the sunshine's urging to go out and frolic about in the waves and sand. The call of summer madness has me behaving like a child following the piper's tune. How can I sit inside and write productively when there is beautiful weather and the promise of peaceful relaxation outside my door?
Regardless of how good the excuse of fresh air and vitamin D might be, the end result is that I'm procrastinating. I certainly don't have time to procrastinate, as I should be so immersed in the world I've been working to create that I can resist the temptations of distractions in this world. (Sigh) I am still a work in progress when it comes to discipline.
It definitely doesn't help concentration and focus, spending a couple of hours in the sun. I could go to sleep for the night right now, and it is far too early for that. I was close to going out for a drink, but remembered that I've made a commitment to write more and go out MUCH less. And now I'm beating my head against an imaginary wall trying to find a writing groove.
I suppose I might attempt to approach this focus issue the way I do with working out; start with a less overwhelming word count expectation or goal, and work up to more. Clearly there are no word counts in an exercise regime, but you know what I mean. It would be amazing if I could categorize my thoughts, since half my issue seems to be erratic ideas. There's just way too much going on in this brain. Certainly would be a great time to figure out how I could utilize that other 80 percent we humans are rumored not to use. In truth, I just need to learn how to maximize my time and filter my thoughts to the task at hand. And maybe start make good use of the overactive mind I get when I'm about to go to sleep.
Isn't sleep overrated or something? Well, I know what isn't overrated and that's quality sun time and socializing with good people. Got to figure if I cut those things out completely I won't likely be in any mindset to create at all. Got fuel the imagination and the spirit!
Regardless of how good the excuse of fresh air and vitamin D might be, the end result is that I'm procrastinating. I certainly don't have time to procrastinate, as I should be so immersed in the world I've been working to create that I can resist the temptations of distractions in this world. (Sigh) I am still a work in progress when it comes to discipline.
It definitely doesn't help concentration and focus, spending a couple of hours in the sun. I could go to sleep for the night right now, and it is far too early for that. I was close to going out for a drink, but remembered that I've made a commitment to write more and go out MUCH less. And now I'm beating my head against an imaginary wall trying to find a writing groove.
I suppose I might attempt to approach this focus issue the way I do with working out; start with a less overwhelming word count expectation or goal, and work up to more. Clearly there are no word counts in an exercise regime, but you know what I mean. It would be amazing if I could categorize my thoughts, since half my issue seems to be erratic ideas. There's just way too much going on in this brain. Certainly would be a great time to figure out how I could utilize that other 80 percent we humans are rumored not to use. In truth, I just need to learn how to maximize my time and filter my thoughts to the task at hand. And maybe start make good use of the overactive mind I get when I'm about to go to sleep.
Isn't sleep overrated or something? Well, I know what isn't overrated and that's quality sun time and socializing with good people. Got to figure if I cut those things out completely I won't likely be in any mindset to create at all. Got fuel the imagination and the spirit!
Sunday, June 22, 2014
A Most Beautiful Day...All Around
Though nothing spectacular occurred today, it was an amazing day. Beginning with spending time first thing in the morning with my mother, I continued to be graced with the presence of some incredible women. Old friends and new, I know that choosing to live a positive life has led to more positive people in that life.
I revisited days long forgotten, mixed with the challenges and triumphs of parenthood. When the seriousness and obligation of life falls away, more relaxed and rejuvenating moments are often revealed. As we work through the process of aging, we can sometimes get caught up in the things that don't bolster the best in us. It's easy to become bitter and jaded when we neglect to laugh and celebrate.
Whether I know a person well, or have just found common ground with someone new, being able to relate to them is essential to any kind of relationship. If all involved are free from the burdens of prejudice and the tendency to judge, more of us would be able to get along. If you exude a friendly, accepting nature, you cannot help but draw similar people in. I feel as though far too many people overlooked this simple memo.
Living well and achieving happiness cannot be done if you're hung up on pointless bullshit. I don't care how much you make, where you shop, what designer you wear, and I definitely don't care what your sexual orientation is. All I want to know is if you're happy. That's all. If you're happy, you're destined to bring that energy to other's lives and that's what attracts me to someone. Being able to possess that kind of aura makes a person invaluable. No matter what comes and goes, that quality always remains. Should you cross paths with this type of person, embrace all they offer. Allow it to further free your own great qualities and continue the wave of positive energy outward from you.
Each and every woman I was with today, emanated a deep kindness and amazing soul. The weather was as near perfect as I could have imagined, but I believe my view of it was colored a bit more rose because of the people I spent time with. The best part of today? I was completely content with everything around me.
I revisited days long forgotten, mixed with the challenges and triumphs of parenthood. When the seriousness and obligation of life falls away, more relaxed and rejuvenating moments are often revealed. As we work through the process of aging, we can sometimes get caught up in the things that don't bolster the best in us. It's easy to become bitter and jaded when we neglect to laugh and celebrate.
Whether I know a person well, or have just found common ground with someone new, being able to relate to them is essential to any kind of relationship. If all involved are free from the burdens of prejudice and the tendency to judge, more of us would be able to get along. If you exude a friendly, accepting nature, you cannot help but draw similar people in. I feel as though far too many people overlooked this simple memo.
Living well and achieving happiness cannot be done if you're hung up on pointless bullshit. I don't care how much you make, where you shop, what designer you wear, and I definitely don't care what your sexual orientation is. All I want to know is if you're happy. That's all. If you're happy, you're destined to bring that energy to other's lives and that's what attracts me to someone. Being able to possess that kind of aura makes a person invaluable. No matter what comes and goes, that quality always remains. Should you cross paths with this type of person, embrace all they offer. Allow it to further free your own great qualities and continue the wave of positive energy outward from you.
Each and every woman I was with today, emanated a deep kindness and amazing soul. The weather was as near perfect as I could have imagined, but I believe my view of it was colored a bit more rose because of the people I spent time with. The best part of today? I was completely content with everything around me.
Saturday, June 21, 2014
Just A Wee Bit Tired
I rush around more often than not, and on those rare occasions all the activity knocks me on my ass, I feel like I could sleep for days. Today has been one of those days. Up far too early at the tail end of a crazy week, I know it's bad when even a Red Bull can't snap me out of the sleep haze that's pulling on my eyelids and making my head heavy.
Far from a complaint, these rare times remind me that I'm grateful for my sanity and health; without which I could not maintain the stamina and focus that gets me through each and every day. Most of the time I try to keep from packing too much into a day, but there are exceptions. It's not quite convenient when those exception days coincide with days my body and mind go into shut down.
Making the will to push on with all that needs to be done more difficult today would be the perfect weather. What better way to lull a person into inactive mush than to be warmed by a bright sun and entranced by a soft breeze? I guess you could say I am currently drunk on summer, experiencing the inability to converse, move about at a normal pace, or keep my eyes open for longer than mere seconds.
Were it not for the ills of sun exposure, I think I'd sit sleepily in my chair under the sun for days.
Far from a complaint, these rare times remind me that I'm grateful for my sanity and health; without which I could not maintain the stamina and focus that gets me through each and every day. Most of the time I try to keep from packing too much into a day, but there are exceptions. It's not quite convenient when those exception days coincide with days my body and mind go into shut down.
Making the will to push on with all that needs to be done more difficult today would be the perfect weather. What better way to lull a person into inactive mush than to be warmed by a bright sun and entranced by a soft breeze? I guess you could say I am currently drunk on summer, experiencing the inability to converse, move about at a normal pace, or keep my eyes open for longer than mere seconds.
Were it not for the ills of sun exposure, I think I'd sit sleepily in my chair under the sun for days.
Friday, June 20, 2014
Home Is Where It's At
Some might find it boring to stay in most nights. Truth is, I'd rather just be home and comfortable. I wouldn't say I'm antisocial, rather selectively social. Well, that, and after working all week I need a break from being 'social'.
Admittedly it's easier all around to park my ass on the couch, laptop in hand, and just chill until I'm finally ready to go to bed. As outgoing as I am, I've always been a homebody. Short of going out to see a band, there aren't many times that it isn't a feat of immense proportion to find the will to go out.
This is another reason I adore my neighbors. Any night of the week or weekend, there are always people outside socializing. I can pull up a chair and wear sweats if I want to (which is quite often). Laughter is always present, so ending the day with a smile and all around bolster spirit is easy.
I think the secret to appreciating life and loving how you live it, is to find people who foster and reinforce the good. Positivity is truly the key to living well and experiencing every moment to the fullest possibilities. I'm headed out to the front steps for some homebody social time; laughter is in high order tonight.
Admittedly it's easier all around to park my ass on the couch, laptop in hand, and just chill until I'm finally ready to go to bed. As outgoing as I am, I've always been a homebody. Short of going out to see a band, there aren't many times that it isn't a feat of immense proportion to find the will to go out.
This is another reason I adore my neighbors. Any night of the week or weekend, there are always people outside socializing. I can pull up a chair and wear sweats if I want to (which is quite often). Laughter is always present, so ending the day with a smile and all around bolster spirit is easy.
I think the secret to appreciating life and loving how you live it, is to find people who foster and reinforce the good. Positivity is truly the key to living well and experiencing every moment to the fullest possibilities. I'm headed out to the front steps for some homebody social time; laughter is in high order tonight.
Thursday, June 19, 2014
Happiness Is Available To EVERYONE, All They Need To Do Is Accept It
Those moments when everything seems peaceful...those are the best. When I love my job, my kids, and where I live, yes those are the moments that make everything difficult so worth it. This is the stuff we should always make time to celebrate and revel in.
I adore my life when things are so streamline I couldn't imagine making them flow any smoother. Work is productive, fueling my creativity, my neighbors are wonderful people, and I look forward to spending time with them in the evenings, not to mention the weather has been absolutely fantastic the past few days. I'm healthy, vibrant, and open to the wonderful possibilities when life is this amazing.
I love that I've figured out that to embrace the amazing things life has to offer, all I had to do was let go of the negative. Something so small, but oh so necessary can make the difference between wishing, hoping, dreaming and LIVING. Grab hold of the rainbows life has to offer and use them to fuel your journey through happier days.
I adore my life when things are so streamline I couldn't imagine making them flow any smoother. Work is productive, fueling my creativity, my neighbors are wonderful people, and I look forward to spending time with them in the evenings, not to mention the weather has been absolutely fantastic the past few days. I'm healthy, vibrant, and open to the wonderful possibilities when life is this amazing.
I love that I've figured out that to embrace the amazing things life has to offer, all I had to do was let go of the negative. Something so small, but oh so necessary can make the difference between wishing, hoping, dreaming and LIVING. Grab hold of the rainbows life has to offer and use them to fuel your journey through happier days.
Wednesday, June 18, 2014
Time Apart Cannot Diminish True Friendship
There isn't enough time in any given day for me to get to know and appreciate everything about each of my friends' lives. Much as I'd love to say I know most of them 'well', that's a very relative term. What I know well about each of them are the traits and personality that fill a space in my life. Now that I've said it, it doesn't sound right. I'll try to explain it better.
I've had the advantage of time to get to know a few of my friends quite well; nearly as well as I know myself. They fill more than a space, they make up a good portion of my life. Much as I know and can read them with just a look, pick up on an out-of-sorts mood by just hearing one word, and communicate through a string of facial expressions alone there are still many things about them that I don't know.
Our lives rush by during the day-to-day routine, and we sometimes find it difficult to remember what day of the week it is, let alone everything that is going in in the lives of our closest friends. Before we know it, weeks - sometimes months have passed without exchanging a single word. Sometimes we feel slighted, and other times we chastise ourselves for not being a better friend, but in the end we let those negative feelings slip away. There is, after all, so much more to a friendship than regular contact.
In those days and weeks between interaction, there are the well-wishing, positive thoughts of those friends that keep them active around our souls. The gift of a long lost memory surfacing, or a flash of their smiling face crosses our mind unexpectedly remind us that the bond of friendship runs deep and is immensely forgiving of periods of time apart. If ever there was a doubt about that, the first moments of reconnecting like no time has passed at all are the most convincing proof.
I have degrees of friendship with a variety of people, and I value every one of them. Whether I see them intermittently and our time consists of lighter conversation and laid back interactions, or we get together more often, stay in touch, and immediately pick up where we left off regardless of the time that has passed, their existence and influence in my life has a purpose. Each and every impact is important, because I wouldn't be the person I am without them all.
So to my friends, near and far, long-time and new, I think of you often, always enjoy hearing from you, and am grateful for your friendships. Even if I haven't said it before, I treasure any and all the time I am fortunate enough to share with you.
I've had the advantage of time to get to know a few of my friends quite well; nearly as well as I know myself. They fill more than a space, they make up a good portion of my life. Much as I know and can read them with just a look, pick up on an out-of-sorts mood by just hearing one word, and communicate through a string of facial expressions alone there are still many things about them that I don't know.
Our lives rush by during the day-to-day routine, and we sometimes find it difficult to remember what day of the week it is, let alone everything that is going in in the lives of our closest friends. Before we know it, weeks - sometimes months have passed without exchanging a single word. Sometimes we feel slighted, and other times we chastise ourselves for not being a better friend, but in the end we let those negative feelings slip away. There is, after all, so much more to a friendship than regular contact.
In those days and weeks between interaction, there are the well-wishing, positive thoughts of those friends that keep them active around our souls. The gift of a long lost memory surfacing, or a flash of their smiling face crosses our mind unexpectedly remind us that the bond of friendship runs deep and is immensely forgiving of periods of time apart. If ever there was a doubt about that, the first moments of reconnecting like no time has passed at all are the most convincing proof.
I have degrees of friendship with a variety of people, and I value every one of them. Whether I see them intermittently and our time consists of lighter conversation and laid back interactions, or we get together more often, stay in touch, and immediately pick up where we left off regardless of the time that has passed, their existence and influence in my life has a purpose. Each and every impact is important, because I wouldn't be the person I am without them all.
So to my friends, near and far, long-time and new, I think of you often, always enjoy hearing from you, and am grateful for your friendships. Even if I haven't said it before, I treasure any and all the time I am fortunate enough to share with you.
Tuesday, June 17, 2014
Oh The Things I Could Tell You
I've got more than enough material to write a blog (possibly even a coffee-table-style book) completely based on what NOT to do as a hair client. Not a week passes that I don't consider it based on those kinds of things that make me shake my head. Just for my own personal amusement, I just may do it.
How To Be A Good Hair Client...not bad. Or maybe 101 Things To Avoid With Your Stylist. Hmm, better. Oh, whatever I arrive at for a title, I think the contents will be a funny read.
Never ceases to amaze me the things people will say or do despite the fact that they've placed their hair's fate in someone else's hands. The LAST thing a client should do is push limits when scissors are involved. Now, I'm not saying that I'd ever (nor have I ever) reacted in a vengeful way; no matter how much a client has said or done to insult or upset me, their hair is my professional reputation. Of course I may have had a fleeting thought or two about chopping those infamous 'three layers' into someone's hair for even having asked for that kind of cut.
After 17 years of a stylist (therapist, friend, life coach, and style guru) there are far more interactions to treasure than not, but it still amazes me how the same faux pas continue to be committed. Of course, I wouldn't have much to write about if they didn't. The silver lining in less than desirable stylist moments? I have the choice to let them bring laughter into my life, instead of headaches.
How To Be A Good Hair Client...not bad. Or maybe 101 Things To Avoid With Your Stylist. Hmm, better. Oh, whatever I arrive at for a title, I think the contents will be a funny read.
Never ceases to amaze me the things people will say or do despite the fact that they've placed their hair's fate in someone else's hands. The LAST thing a client should do is push limits when scissors are involved. Now, I'm not saying that I'd ever (nor have I ever) reacted in a vengeful way; no matter how much a client has said or done to insult or upset me, their hair is my professional reputation. Of course I may have had a fleeting thought or two about chopping those infamous 'three layers' into someone's hair for even having asked for that kind of cut.
After 17 years of a stylist (therapist, friend, life coach, and style guru) there are far more interactions to treasure than not, but it still amazes me how the same faux pas continue to be committed. Of course, I wouldn't have much to write about if they didn't. The silver lining in less than desirable stylist moments? I have the choice to let them bring laughter into my life, instead of headaches.
Monday, June 16, 2014
And The Kids Have It
Upon arriving at my beach of choice today, I had a momentary irritation seeing school busses lining the parking lot. As soon as I got out of my car I could barely hear the ocean waves over the screams and screeches of kids. Deciding to not let it get the better of me, I walked a good ways down the beach to put some distance between the throng of middle schoolers and myself. Turns out I didn't walk far enough, as I encounter another, smaller group of kids. No bother, I knew they'd be leaving in a little while anyway based on the time.
During the forty-five minutes they were there, I observed that not much has changed since I was that age. The cliques are the same, and just from sheer attitude I could tell which were which. As far as I could tell, despite the obvious divisions, most of the kids were well behaved. Definitely kids, but they weren't out of control or anything. I laughed to myself at how quiet it got once they headed back to their busses.
I settled a little deeper into the sand and prepared to relax for an hour on the much less crowded shore. Evidently, this was not the day for relaxing, because not five minutes before kids vacated the area a trio of obnoxious college girls had arrived. I had originally thought they were just loud because it was hard to hear much over the kids, but even after the schools left the volume persisted. Now, I'm far from a prude or a Debbie Do-gooder, but cracking open a few Coronas ("Can you grab me the lime", "Did we bring cups", "Oh well, we can just wrap them in towels") not five feet from teachers and students seems a tad bit inappropriate. Never mind that state parks are 'no glass' areas.
For an hour I lay on my towel, trying to focus on the waves, but my ears were assaulted with "Oh. My. God.", "so her boyfriend had GPS tracking on her phone", "I'm the chunkiest I've ever been"(followed by) "I brought the chips!", and an endless barrage of valley girlish drivel that had me wishing the kids had stayed. Finally, I couldn't stand the annoying blathering any longer, and I packed up my shit and left the beach.
By no means was the day a wash. I did spend quality time with the sunshine, and I learned a bit of a lesson. The next time I arrive at a beach and see a slew of school busses, I won't groan or roll my eyes. Listening to kids have fun is far more welcoming than having no choice but to overhear a trio of self-absorbed, shallow bubbleheads and their immature banter.
During the forty-five minutes they were there, I observed that not much has changed since I was that age. The cliques are the same, and just from sheer attitude I could tell which were which. As far as I could tell, despite the obvious divisions, most of the kids were well behaved. Definitely kids, but they weren't out of control or anything. I laughed to myself at how quiet it got once they headed back to their busses.
I settled a little deeper into the sand and prepared to relax for an hour on the much less crowded shore. Evidently, this was not the day for relaxing, because not five minutes before kids vacated the area a trio of obnoxious college girls had arrived. I had originally thought they were just loud because it was hard to hear much over the kids, but even after the schools left the volume persisted. Now, I'm far from a prude or a Debbie Do-gooder, but cracking open a few Coronas ("Can you grab me the lime", "Did we bring cups", "Oh well, we can just wrap them in towels") not five feet from teachers and students seems a tad bit inappropriate. Never mind that state parks are 'no glass' areas.
For an hour I lay on my towel, trying to focus on the waves, but my ears were assaulted with "Oh. My. God.", "so her boyfriend had GPS tracking on her phone", "I'm the chunkiest I've ever been"(followed by) "I brought the chips!", and an endless barrage of valley girlish drivel that had me wishing the kids had stayed. Finally, I couldn't stand the annoying blathering any longer, and I packed up my shit and left the beach.
By no means was the day a wash. I did spend quality time with the sunshine, and I learned a bit of a lesson. The next time I arrive at a beach and see a slew of school busses, I won't groan or roll my eyes. Listening to kids have fun is far more welcoming than having no choice but to overhear a trio of self-absorbed, shallow bubbleheads and their immature banter.
Sunday, June 15, 2014
Love Being In Stitches
If this life isn't about the ongoing journey, I'm not sure what it's all about. Where I'm going changes far too often for me to get wrapped up in just finding the destination. As a matter of fact, any success-celebrations are minor in comparison to the stops along the way.
One of the things I'd never pass up, or willingly forget would be laughing to tears. There is something so intensely rejuvenating by an exhaustive fit of uncontrollable laughter. Most often the most innocuous subject or comment can set off a laughing jag that is relentless and produces streams of tears. This is always the best. Whenever I'm with my sisters, sons, or friends and we are reduced to this type of laughter, I know that the trigger might not seem the least bit funny to anyone outside of us. Quite honestly, given different circumstances all around, and I myself might not find the topic worth even a half-hearted chuckle.
Some of the best moments I've had are those very non-stop-giggle-cry-fests. I rarely ever remember what started the laughing jag, but I have no problems recalling the breathlessness, inability to stop, and the ab workout I nearly always get. Yes, laughing until I cry is one of my favorite things about the journey my life has been.
One of the things I'd never pass up, or willingly forget would be laughing to tears. There is something so intensely rejuvenating by an exhaustive fit of uncontrollable laughter. Most often the most innocuous subject or comment can set off a laughing jag that is relentless and produces streams of tears. This is always the best. Whenever I'm with my sisters, sons, or friends and we are reduced to this type of laughter, I know that the trigger might not seem the least bit funny to anyone outside of us. Quite honestly, given different circumstances all around, and I myself might not find the topic worth even a half-hearted chuckle.
Some of the best moments I've had are those very non-stop-giggle-cry-fests. I rarely ever remember what started the laughing jag, but I have no problems recalling the breathlessness, inability to stop, and the ab workout I nearly always get. Yes, laughing until I cry is one of my favorite things about the journey my life has been.
Just A Few Words
I hadn't realized how long it had been since I'd done something fun with both of my sons, until the other day. With my oldest working most of the time, it's typically just my youngest and I. I like any time I get to spend with my boys, but the time we get to spend as a family when I'm the happiest.
Literally nothing about life in general can generate negative energy when I'm spending time with my boys. They make me laugh, more than almost anyone else does. I love that I know when I think back over their lives, the overall theme will be laughter. I mean, how incredible is it to be able to say that? These two are my everything, and I wouldn't trade a second for anything.
Were I to never accomplish anything further in this life, I am more than happy to have succeeded at motherhood.
Literally nothing about life in general can generate negative energy when I'm spending time with my boys. They make me laugh, more than almost anyone else does. I love that I know when I think back over their lives, the overall theme will be laughter. I mean, how incredible is it to be able to say that? These two are my everything, and I wouldn't trade a second for anything.
Were I to never accomplish anything further in this life, I am more than happy to have succeeded at motherhood.
Friday, June 13, 2014
Co-Parenting: Are You Doing It Well?
While it is true I am a divorced mother of two teenage boys, co-parenting with their father never became a reality. Not for lack of trying on my part, or the desire to give my sons unified support. Being able to co-parent requires BOTH parents working together for the greater good of their children.
The reasons behind a divorce or break up should no longer be an active argument once the relationship is dissolved, and they should never affect a child/children. Pitting offspring against the other parent only serves to undermine that child's sense of security and stability, not to mention the manipulating parent's credibility and motives. Whenever I hear or witness this type of negative parenting it saddens me. I no longer waste my energy becoming incensed by this complete disregard for a child's well being, because my anger solves nothing.
Guilting a child into keeping secrets, spending time with a parent, or other desired behaviors is bad parenting. Coercion comes in many forms, not the least of which involves some degree of guilt. It's deplorable and the reason so many children enter adulthood packing a shit ton of dysfunctional issues.
Communication is essential and should always be possible verbally. What one party wants shouldn't trump the other's because of past issues. Children are not tools to be used for vengeful undertakings and bids for control. Parents do not have to agree on everything, but they need to be able to compromise and work together. Without cooperation and some semblance of respect there can be no true co-parenting.
Short of neglect or detriment to a child, no parent should see their rights and input diminished simply because the other parent cannot put down their ax to grind. Children are not to blame and should never be thrust between two people who cannot manage to grow up and get along. There is little wonder as to the catalyst for the sheer number of dysfunctional individuals wandering this divorce-prevalent society. For decades parents who called it quits as a couple have continued fighting, weighing their own need for constant validation, control, and payback over their children's needs to be loved, supported and WHOLE.
The reason? These so-called adults have never developed coping skills, or established total maturity. I cannot begin to imagine ever putting my needs or wants before my sons'. Despite being a single parent whose co-parenting opportunity never emerged, I always reminded myself that my issues with my ex were mine, and not my sons'. I tried to maintain open communication, and kept my opinions and thoughts about their father to myself. While I wish that our post-divorce interactions would have given our boys a sense of balance, I am thankful for the foresight to let what I cannot control fall away.
I wish that more parents, both married/together and apart would learn to let what is best for their children be their guidance in childrearing and not become consumed and distracted by their issues with each other.
The reasons behind a divorce or break up should no longer be an active argument once the relationship is dissolved, and they should never affect a child/children. Pitting offspring against the other parent only serves to undermine that child's sense of security and stability, not to mention the manipulating parent's credibility and motives. Whenever I hear or witness this type of negative parenting it saddens me. I no longer waste my energy becoming incensed by this complete disregard for a child's well being, because my anger solves nothing.
Guilting a child into keeping secrets, spending time with a parent, or other desired behaviors is bad parenting. Coercion comes in many forms, not the least of which involves some degree of guilt. It's deplorable and the reason so many children enter adulthood packing a shit ton of dysfunctional issues.
Communication is essential and should always be possible verbally. What one party wants shouldn't trump the other's because of past issues. Children are not tools to be used for vengeful undertakings and bids for control. Parents do not have to agree on everything, but they need to be able to compromise and work together. Without cooperation and some semblance of respect there can be no true co-parenting.
Short of neglect or detriment to a child, no parent should see their rights and input diminished simply because the other parent cannot put down their ax to grind. Children are not to blame and should never be thrust between two people who cannot manage to grow up and get along. There is little wonder as to the catalyst for the sheer number of dysfunctional individuals wandering this divorce-prevalent society. For decades parents who called it quits as a couple have continued fighting, weighing their own need for constant validation, control, and payback over their children's needs to be loved, supported and WHOLE.
The reason? These so-called adults have never developed coping skills, or established total maturity. I cannot begin to imagine ever putting my needs or wants before my sons'. Despite being a single parent whose co-parenting opportunity never emerged, I always reminded myself that my issues with my ex were mine, and not my sons'. I tried to maintain open communication, and kept my opinions and thoughts about their father to myself. While I wish that our post-divorce interactions would have given our boys a sense of balance, I am thankful for the foresight to let what I cannot control fall away.
I wish that more parents, both married/together and apart would learn to let what is best for their children be their guidance in childrearing and not become consumed and distracted by their issues with each other.
Maybe Another Look In The Mirror Would Help
The complaining and drama of those little things we really shouldn't sweat tends to to exasperate me. When grown adults nitpick, point fingers, and expend so much of their energy ranting about other people, I think the only thing adult about them is their age. Why do people waste so much time being negative?
It's unlikely anyone can go through life without venting or complaining about something once in awhile; it's an easy thing to fall into. Being able to stop and push your focus in a different direction is what separates the adults from the overgrown children. It's my opinion that those who preach religion and judge others' behaviors are in the same category as the overgrown children.
Nipping that outwardly obsessed tendency is really as simple as asking yourself a couple of questions when the need to point fingers or judge surfaces. Why does having to point this out matter to me? Will my complaining or nitpicking here make a positive impact on my life, or the lives of those involved? What qualifies me to pass such judgements?
The need to shift focus on others in a negative way, often fools only the similarly minded. Those who behave in this way are most often guilty of the same things they are whining about, or at the very least something they don't want anyone else to see. It's one of the biggest indicators of insecurity, and easy to recognize.
To be a true adult who is secure and positive, a person should turn that outward focus inward and change those things that they feel the need to hide by nitpicking everyone else.
It's unlikely anyone can go through life without venting or complaining about something once in awhile; it's an easy thing to fall into. Being able to stop and push your focus in a different direction is what separates the adults from the overgrown children. It's my opinion that those who preach religion and judge others' behaviors are in the same category as the overgrown children.
Nipping that outwardly obsessed tendency is really as simple as asking yourself a couple of questions when the need to point fingers or judge surfaces. Why does having to point this out matter to me? Will my complaining or nitpicking here make a positive impact on my life, or the lives of those involved? What qualifies me to pass such judgements?
The need to shift focus on others in a negative way, often fools only the similarly minded. Those who behave in this way are most often guilty of the same things they are whining about, or at the very least something they don't want anyone else to see. It's one of the biggest indicators of insecurity, and easy to recognize.
To be a true adult who is secure and positive, a person should turn that outward focus inward and change those things that they feel the need to hide by nitpicking everyone else.
Wednesday, June 11, 2014
The World According To T.S. Chamberland
It is not my intention for this post to 'toot my own horn', rather it is meant to celebrate the things about myself that I have come to value and love.
There were moments today when I felt like a mediator, negotiator, a therapist, and a life coach. It was an amazing day, because I embraced each one of these roles completely. While I may have let my excitement carry me away here and there, the end result is that I felt like I was 'in my element' with each and every one. At the end of the day, if I can say I added to someone's life in a good way, rather than detract from it in a bad one, it's a win.
When I learn something in life and put it into regular practice, it's impossible to keep it to myself. There is always someone else who can benefit from something we have figured out, but the only way they will is if we are willing to be open and share it. Part of being in this human condition is relating to others, and learning. We can't do either if we aren't actively willing to share.
The older I become, the more matter-of-fact I become. I remember a day when I swore I wouldn't be that person, but I'm okay with eating crow on this. Far too many people waste precious time on nitpicking, complaining, and whining about everyone else and what they are or aren't doing, that could be spent on creating and enjoying happiness. IT DOESN'T MATTER what others are saying, thinking, or doing, what DOES MATTER is what you are doing/saying and how you feel about it. The one and only person you have to deal with every second of every day is YOURSELF, so value who you are, believe in what you can do, and let everyone else's opinions and comments be their problem or issue.
When you have a bad day - feel it. Don't fight it or try to shrug it off all the time. In order to move past something, you need to face it, deal with it, and make the conscious effort to let it go. Make the changes you need to, and release the things you have no control over. Every single one of us has shitty moments (sometimes days), but we are the only ones who can make sure those times don't last too long.
Start small, find something good and focus on it. When shit hits the fan, acknowledge it, then work on directing your energy into the things that are going well. The more we feed the positive, the less effect the negative can perpetuate. It seems to me that people need to stop being their own worst enemy, and start being their own cheerleader.
Tuesday, June 10, 2014
Sometimes We Take Socializing For Granted
Ever have one of those days when someone tries your patience? I mean, without doing anything wrong. There's just something about them that taxes you beyond comfort. It's usually a challenge for me to tough those moments out, but I manage to do a little better all the time.
There are people who cross my path through work that require extra time in my chair. Not because I've screwed up, but because they need someone to listen. Despite the utter lack of interest I may have in what they are telling me, or the fact that the extra allotment of time infringes on my ability to earn a living, I typically force myself to engage them.
The sad truth in most of these situations is that the person droning on about their life and all it's nuances has few people who entertain their need to be heard and interact. The lack of an outlet in their relationship (should they be in one) and friendships, causes a desperation that leads to overdoing it. When I listen to my clients, I try to listen to the off-hand comments or inferences before becoming annoyed by the nonstop conversations. More often than not this tells me they are either in abusive or neglectful relationships. Other than taking up my time, what is wrong with what they are doing? The answer I have found is nothing. While I may be able to think of a hundred things I could be doing besides being their audience of one, I'm quick to remind myself that part of what I do (and truly part of having human decency) is giving my time and attention to those around me who need it.
I don't have to love it, but it helps to accept that sometimes being there - even if just as a listening ear, is the most important thing I can do at that moment. While some individuals may have made choices that led them to their state of loneliness, it doesn't mean I have to refuse them entrance into a social environment. After all, I've spent time on far more frivolous and inconsequential things. Sometimes the biggest gift you can give another person is your time.
There are people who cross my path through work that require extra time in my chair. Not because I've screwed up, but because they need someone to listen. Despite the utter lack of interest I may have in what they are telling me, or the fact that the extra allotment of time infringes on my ability to earn a living, I typically force myself to engage them.
The sad truth in most of these situations is that the person droning on about their life and all it's nuances has few people who entertain their need to be heard and interact. The lack of an outlet in their relationship (should they be in one) and friendships, causes a desperation that leads to overdoing it. When I listen to my clients, I try to listen to the off-hand comments or inferences before becoming annoyed by the nonstop conversations. More often than not this tells me they are either in abusive or neglectful relationships. Other than taking up my time, what is wrong with what they are doing? The answer I have found is nothing. While I may be able to think of a hundred things I could be doing besides being their audience of one, I'm quick to remind myself that part of what I do (and truly part of having human decency) is giving my time and attention to those around me who need it.
I don't have to love it, but it helps to accept that sometimes being there - even if just as a listening ear, is the most important thing I can do at that moment. While some individuals may have made choices that led them to their state of loneliness, it doesn't mean I have to refuse them entrance into a social environment. After all, I've spent time on far more frivolous and inconsequential things. Sometimes the biggest gift you can give another person is your time.
Monday, June 9, 2014
A Few Words On Fatherhood
This is a tough one to write.
As Father's Day approaches, I get a bit teary-eyed and emotional. The obvious reason would be that this will be the 19th year without my father, and one month from now he will have been gone from this life 20. It is impossible to avoid missing him, as it is to wonder what might have been. He was far too young to have left this world when he did. That will always be tough for my family and I.
Over the past few weeks I have watched my stepfather, his sister, and their mother go through the pain and anguish of losing a husband and father. While it is most certainly a blessing he lived a long life, being an active part of their lives for 66 years, it is no less painful. Sunday will be the first in a long line of Father's Days they will be without the man that shaped and encouraged them. A sadness those of us who have lost a father know all too well.
This kind of loss is the reason my sons' situation is so maddening. Try as I might, I cannot escape the fact that I wish things had turned out far different. When I consider the magnitude of love and involvement my father had for my sisters and I, it leaves me fighting bitterness that the man who fathered my children never fully committed to that type of fatherhood. Maybe I have unreasonable expectations, given the man who reared my younger sister and I had no biological or legal responsibility to do so. He came into our lives with our youngest sister, and never treated us any less his own. I believe that is the very reason we three girls never see ourselves as anything but true sisters.
So how is it that a man can sire children, go through the motions of raising them, and then lose all credibility as an adult and father? My sons are amazing young men. They are thoughtful, caring, giving, and welcoming; and while I'm proud to be given some credit in how they have grown up, it isn't the way I expected it to go. Despite divorce, I had hoped my sons would have a father that loves them as much as I do; that would be involved and interested in every part of their lives. Someone who would actively encourage them, and never make them feel guilty about anything.
Since they chose to sever ties with their father, I have learned a number of things about why they made that choice. The revelations are heartbreaking. In what version of fatherhood is it appropriate to manipulate and guilt your children? Use them as therapists? Vent anger and hostility at them simply because he cannot acknowledge or face his own shortcomings? This is not fatherhood, nor is it love. It is emotional and mental abuse, and grounds for any child to step away to preserve their own well-being.
I know that I am not responsible for their father's actions (or inaction), but I chose to have children with him, and that part is on me. In a thousand lifetimes I wouldn't ever change that choice, because these boys are my life. In a perfect world, I would want a co-parent who is focused on his children's lives over his own. A father who knows how to be tender, as well as stern. A man that takes the initiative to build the bonds between he and his sons, not let them wither and die. Someone who owns their mistakes and takes responsibility for his role in parenting; constantly improving as he goes, instead of blaming the world at large for his woes.
I am forever grateful that both of my boys have visible role models of what fatherhood looks like. The misfortune of their own father falling so incredibly short, is lessened by the ample examples they have in their grandfather, uncles, great uncles and cousins. Without a doubt it takes some of the sting out of the situation, but I will always think of these men and wish things had gone differently for my boys. I am not fearful they will fall short when their turn at fatherhood arrives. It is clear from who they have become that that sad fate will never befall them. In spite of spending their formative years without paternal involvement, I am certain they will give all that they are and more when it is their turn.
As Father's Day approaches, I get a bit teary-eyed and emotional. The obvious reason would be that this will be the 19th year without my father, and one month from now he will have been gone from this life 20. It is impossible to avoid missing him, as it is to wonder what might have been. He was far too young to have left this world when he did. That will always be tough for my family and I.
Over the past few weeks I have watched my stepfather, his sister, and their mother go through the pain and anguish of losing a husband and father. While it is most certainly a blessing he lived a long life, being an active part of their lives for 66 years, it is no less painful. Sunday will be the first in a long line of Father's Days they will be without the man that shaped and encouraged them. A sadness those of us who have lost a father know all too well.
This kind of loss is the reason my sons' situation is so maddening. Try as I might, I cannot escape the fact that I wish things had turned out far different. When I consider the magnitude of love and involvement my father had for my sisters and I, it leaves me fighting bitterness that the man who fathered my children never fully committed to that type of fatherhood. Maybe I have unreasonable expectations, given the man who reared my younger sister and I had no biological or legal responsibility to do so. He came into our lives with our youngest sister, and never treated us any less his own. I believe that is the very reason we three girls never see ourselves as anything but true sisters.
So how is it that a man can sire children, go through the motions of raising them, and then lose all credibility as an adult and father? My sons are amazing young men. They are thoughtful, caring, giving, and welcoming; and while I'm proud to be given some credit in how they have grown up, it isn't the way I expected it to go. Despite divorce, I had hoped my sons would have a father that loves them as much as I do; that would be involved and interested in every part of their lives. Someone who would actively encourage them, and never make them feel guilty about anything.
Since they chose to sever ties with their father, I have learned a number of things about why they made that choice. The revelations are heartbreaking. In what version of fatherhood is it appropriate to manipulate and guilt your children? Use them as therapists? Vent anger and hostility at them simply because he cannot acknowledge or face his own shortcomings? This is not fatherhood, nor is it love. It is emotional and mental abuse, and grounds for any child to step away to preserve their own well-being.
I know that I am not responsible for their father's actions (or inaction), but I chose to have children with him, and that part is on me. In a thousand lifetimes I wouldn't ever change that choice, because these boys are my life. In a perfect world, I would want a co-parent who is focused on his children's lives over his own. A father who knows how to be tender, as well as stern. A man that takes the initiative to build the bonds between he and his sons, not let them wither and die. Someone who owns their mistakes and takes responsibility for his role in parenting; constantly improving as he goes, instead of blaming the world at large for his woes.
I am forever grateful that both of my boys have visible role models of what fatherhood looks like. The misfortune of their own father falling so incredibly short, is lessened by the ample examples they have in their grandfather, uncles, great uncles and cousins. Without a doubt it takes some of the sting out of the situation, but I will always think of these men and wish things had gone differently for my boys. I am not fearful they will fall short when their turn at fatherhood arrives. It is clear from who they have become that that sad fate will never befall them. In spite of spending their formative years without paternal involvement, I am certain they will give all that they are and more when it is their turn.
Sunday, June 8, 2014
It's The Simple Things, Really
Even the best laid plans fall short sometimes. Despite the fact that I did not make it to the Old Port Festival, I managed to accomplish and enjoy a number of other things today just the same. There was time to write, sun worshiping, and time with the boys. Can't complain about things like that.
As I laid in the bright sun, contemplating whether or not to go in the cold water, I found it more worthwhile to watch the activity on the beach. Little ones screaming and laughing, adults walking by, having conversations or chasing toddlers around to keep them busy and happy ... all of these were competing volume-wise with the crashing of the waves as they rolled in. A few birds joined the mix, which caused me to wonder exactly what it all would sound like if it were just me, the birds and the ocean.
Try as I may, I didn't have much success imagining that kind of solitude. Instead, I witnessed a young couple arrive, and lay down their blanket shortly after an older couple did the same. The older couple were attempting to set up a beach tent with little success. The young man turned and offered to help them set up without hesitation. This entire exchange made me smile, because it was the best example of the continued existence of thoughtful people. I have no doubts my own sons would act in the same manner as this guy did, and there is no doubt he was also raised well. The older couple was comical throughout the undertaking, as the 'pop-up tent' was not nearly as easy as the instructions (yes, he read them aloud) indicated it would be. I laughed to myself, as I know all too well how complicated the supposed 'easy' things end up being.
I packed up to leave shortly after this, still smiling because human decency is alive and well. This very thought has carried me through the rest of the day; the perfect kind of focus positive energy flow needs. These are the little things that are far too easily missed day to day, and they are what makes up the threads of the reality we all live in. Simple doesn't mean unimportant; on the contrary, it's the purest of experiences and should never be overlooked.
As I laid in the bright sun, contemplating whether or not to go in the cold water, I found it more worthwhile to watch the activity on the beach. Little ones screaming and laughing, adults walking by, having conversations or chasing toddlers around to keep them busy and happy ... all of these were competing volume-wise with the crashing of the waves as they rolled in. A few birds joined the mix, which caused me to wonder exactly what it all would sound like if it were just me, the birds and the ocean.
Try as I may, I didn't have much success imagining that kind of solitude. Instead, I witnessed a young couple arrive, and lay down their blanket shortly after an older couple did the same. The older couple were attempting to set up a beach tent with little success. The young man turned and offered to help them set up without hesitation. This entire exchange made me smile, because it was the best example of the continued existence of thoughtful people. I have no doubts my own sons would act in the same manner as this guy did, and there is no doubt he was also raised well. The older couple was comical throughout the undertaking, as the 'pop-up tent' was not nearly as easy as the instructions (yes, he read them aloud) indicated it would be. I laughed to myself, as I know all too well how complicated the supposed 'easy' things end up being.
I packed up to leave shortly after this, still smiling because human decency is alive and well. This very thought has carried me through the rest of the day; the perfect kind of focus positive energy flow needs. These are the little things that are far too easily missed day to day, and they are what makes up the threads of the reality we all live in. Simple doesn't mean unimportant; on the contrary, it's the purest of experiences and should never be overlooked.
A Send-off And A First Time Celebration
There are many better ways to spend a beautiful weather day than family. If I'm going to be with people to celebrate an occasion or milestone, my family is where it's at. There is always an easy going undercurrent, making it a relaxing and memorable experience.
My mother and stepfather are retiring in a few short weeks, and then hitting the road with their fifth-wheel in tow for Alaska. While I myself have zero desire to ever visit that state, their excitement about the trip is contagious. This will be the first time in 21 years that I won't be able to 'visit' my mother at will. I talk to her daily, and see her nearly once a week; a routine that has long been part of my life. When I am out running errands or grabbing lunch, there will no longer be the pop-in visit to see her at work. That, mixed with the two of them being of retirement age has me shaking my head, wondering how so much time could have passed already.
Certainly, this adventure is one we are all excited for, as each of them has worked hard all their life. The prospect of keeping up with their travels through my mother's blog is also something I'm looking forward to. And thankfully, in this day and age, they are just a phone call away. I believe we all would find it difficult to go three months without talking to or hearing from one another.
Our small get-together to celebrate Father's Day as a family (for the first time since my step-father completed our family), and give them a send-off was full of chatter and laughter. The grandchildren had an epic water balloon fight while most of the adults sat on the porch and watched. One of my brother-in-laws incited an all out splash or be splashed challenge when he brought out cups filled with icy water. Fully clothed, nearly every single kid was soaked, though the weather was warm enough they dried off quickly. Watching it all, I realized that this would be a memory all of us will share.
It was the kind of gathering that promises to tide us over until our own dynamic duo returns from their exploration. But then I would say looking back over the years, most of our get-togethers are full enough to take us through the weeks between seeing each other. It's no wonder even the toughest moments in life have been far less troubling to weather; there is always something good to recall and remind me what truly has the bigger, longer-lasting effects.
My mother and stepfather are retiring in a few short weeks, and then hitting the road with their fifth-wheel in tow for Alaska. While I myself have zero desire to ever visit that state, their excitement about the trip is contagious. This will be the first time in 21 years that I won't be able to 'visit' my mother at will. I talk to her daily, and see her nearly once a week; a routine that has long been part of my life. When I am out running errands or grabbing lunch, there will no longer be the pop-in visit to see her at work. That, mixed with the two of them being of retirement age has me shaking my head, wondering how so much time could have passed already.
Certainly, this adventure is one we are all excited for, as each of them has worked hard all their life. The prospect of keeping up with their travels through my mother's blog is also something I'm looking forward to. And thankfully, in this day and age, they are just a phone call away. I believe we all would find it difficult to go three months without talking to or hearing from one another.
Our small get-together to celebrate Father's Day as a family (for the first time since my step-father completed our family), and give them a send-off was full of chatter and laughter. The grandchildren had an epic water balloon fight while most of the adults sat on the porch and watched. One of my brother-in-laws incited an all out splash or be splashed challenge when he brought out cups filled with icy water. Fully clothed, nearly every single kid was soaked, though the weather was warm enough they dried off quickly. Watching it all, I realized that this would be a memory all of us will share.
It was the kind of gathering that promises to tide us over until our own dynamic duo returns from their exploration. But then I would say looking back over the years, most of our get-togethers are full enough to take us through the weeks between seeing each other. It's no wonder even the toughest moments in life have been far less troubling to weather; there is always something good to recall and remind me what truly has the bigger, longer-lasting effects.
Friday, June 6, 2014
C U Next Tuesday??? For Real, Dude? I Don't Even Know You...
I found myself bursting into laughter today when I moved into the center turning lane, awaiting my turn to ... well, turn. There was a truck in the same lane facing me, so I assumed he was either turning into the same place as I was, or he was waiting for a break in traffic to merge. Evidently, neither of these scenarios seemed to be the case as he abruptly merged and made an overly dramatic swerve around me (though I was completely in the center lane) and yelled out his open window, calling me a cunt.
A cunt? Really? I was fairly certain the only people who would resort to calling me that were a select few guys I made the grievous error to date, after I dumped them. Oh, and my ex-husband. I loathe the word. Even writing/typing it seems wrong. Clearly this guy was having an epically bad day (and likely has many of those given he would resort to using trashy words like that), since nothing about where my car and I sat at that moment prevented him from being able to turn in either direction or rejoin traffic.
That encounter got me thinking. How often do we react heatedly, without thought, to exactly what has upset us? Is there ever a time when we consciously stop ourselves and back up a step or two, to evaluate the situation and the retort/response we were about to unleash? There should be.
I've managed to come by good practice in patience and not allowing my knee-jerk reactions get the better of me on my commute to and from work. During the course of that 40-minute drive I experience erratic drivers, the occasional school bus, cars pulling out in front of me with little notice, and yes, people flipping me off or cussing me out most often because I came into their field of vision at that unfortunate moment. It would be easy to get heated and retaliate, but in the end that would only make the situation worse. Better to be the one to let it roll off and move my focus and energy on to having a great day. The longer we sit fuming about things we can do nothing about, and are frequently not done with any intention of offending or wronging us, the less time we get to enjoy the rest of the world we encounter, smiling and performing acts of kindness. Those are the important things; the only things that should be allowed to make noticeable impact. A person can be carried much farther on the kindness they are bestowed, than on the meanness cast in their direction.
A cunt? Really? I was fairly certain the only people who would resort to calling me that were a select few guys I made the grievous error to date, after I dumped them. Oh, and my ex-husband. I loathe the word. Even writing/typing it seems wrong. Clearly this guy was having an epically bad day (and likely has many of those given he would resort to using trashy words like that), since nothing about where my car and I sat at that moment prevented him from being able to turn in either direction or rejoin traffic.
That encounter got me thinking. How often do we react heatedly, without thought, to exactly what has upset us? Is there ever a time when we consciously stop ourselves and back up a step or two, to evaluate the situation and the retort/response we were about to unleash? There should be.
I've managed to come by good practice in patience and not allowing my knee-jerk reactions get the better of me on my commute to and from work. During the course of that 40-minute drive I experience erratic drivers, the occasional school bus, cars pulling out in front of me with little notice, and yes, people flipping me off or cussing me out most often because I came into their field of vision at that unfortunate moment. It would be easy to get heated and retaliate, but in the end that would only make the situation worse. Better to be the one to let it roll off and move my focus and energy on to having a great day. The longer we sit fuming about things we can do nothing about, and are frequently not done with any intention of offending or wronging us, the less time we get to enjoy the rest of the world we encounter, smiling and performing acts of kindness. Those are the important things; the only things that should be allowed to make noticeable impact. A person can be carried much farther on the kindness they are bestowed, than on the meanness cast in their direction.
Thursday, June 5, 2014
I Was An Awkward, Overly-Energetic Child
I absolutely believe a person is only as good as the people they have around them. Think about it. Every person you know that makes you smile just thinking of them, that sets examples you strive to follow, that brightens any area they occupy - they all have amazing souls flanking them throughout their lives.
Though I've said it many times before, it bears repeating: I am awestruck by how many incredible souls have touched my life these past 42 years. From family to friends, old and new, then there are those who stayed a short time, and even a few who have made numerous cameos. Not to wax-poetic, but I am luckier than I might ever have imagined I could be, and only hope I prove through my own life and actions to be as deserving of these people as anyone should be.
When I think back to my childhood, there's always a twinge of discomfort. I know that there were so many good things that I should remember, but the gravity of the negative lingers heavy and vivid. Even though today I can recall unhappy events or negative feelings and swiftly choose to focus on better things, the ugliness of things beyond my control can never be forgotten. Like it or not, those times are a part of who I am; they are part of the many reasons I am this version of me.
Like so many kids, I was teased and made fun of when I was young. Certain things about my home life made me stubborn; thicker skinned, so I was able to shake off the cold and hurtful stuff - at least as far as my taunters could see. While my mother wouldn't agree, I was an awkward child. Red hair, coke bottle glasses, and beyond crooked teeth. Cute was never a word non-family members would use to describe me. Gawky would be more like it. It's funny how I can still feel the pang of alienation that came with being called four eyes, among other names. My true friends were few, though they made up for the less than accepting majority.
I was loud, high strung, and often over-the-top exhausting. The desperation to be accepted can sometimes lead to over doing it in the hopes it will distract others from what has previously been determined as undesirable qualities. Of course as I got older, those tendencies weren't as prevalent; they were slowly replaced by flippant indifference.
When I was six, I had the good fortune of being a first-grade student in a young teacher's classroom. She wasn't worn out from years of bad attitudes, unruly children, or demanding curriculums. On the contrary, she was patient, accepting, and full of enthusiasm. It was contagious. For a relatively poor child with a host of afflictions just waiting to be exploited by other children, this teacher was a gift. When I think of the impression she left on my life, what I see and still feel is a warmth only acceptance and being cared for by another person can produce. I was always an affectionate child, and in that time it was acceptable for students and teachers to hug one another. She never refused, even when she was near maternity leave. I was never the kind of student that sat quietly, listening to instruction; I was overly social and needed redirection fairly often. Were I to have taught a child like I once was, I doubt I would have had the grace and heart this teacher did.
I moved away after that year, but I never forgot that teacher and just how much I loved going to school because of her. Even with the wonder of social media, I never thought I'd ever interact with this incredible woman again. Surprises do happen and not only am I in touch with her again, but she took time out of her day to surprise me with flowers and a quick hug and hello at one of the salons I work at today. What an awesome thing it is to have the chance to get to know a person who impacted my childhood as an adult all these years later. Such an amazing gift.
Life events such as this certainly have a diminishing effect on those negative memories. I might have once been a cross-eyed, redheaded stepchild, but I've always been a genuine soul with the ability to gravitate to positive and amazing spirits. I am more than what you see, I am the reflection of those incredible individuals, including that wonderful teacher, and the amplifier of our collective positive energy. May we all be able to say the same.
Though I've said it many times before, it bears repeating: I am awestruck by how many incredible souls have touched my life these past 42 years. From family to friends, old and new, then there are those who stayed a short time, and even a few who have made numerous cameos. Not to wax-poetic, but I am luckier than I might ever have imagined I could be, and only hope I prove through my own life and actions to be as deserving of these people as anyone should be.
When I think back to my childhood, there's always a twinge of discomfort. I know that there were so many good things that I should remember, but the gravity of the negative lingers heavy and vivid. Even though today I can recall unhappy events or negative feelings and swiftly choose to focus on better things, the ugliness of things beyond my control can never be forgotten. Like it or not, those times are a part of who I am; they are part of the many reasons I am this version of me.
Like so many kids, I was teased and made fun of when I was young. Certain things about my home life made me stubborn; thicker skinned, so I was able to shake off the cold and hurtful stuff - at least as far as my taunters could see. While my mother wouldn't agree, I was an awkward child. Red hair, coke bottle glasses, and beyond crooked teeth. Cute was never a word non-family members would use to describe me. Gawky would be more like it. It's funny how I can still feel the pang of alienation that came with being called four eyes, among other names. My true friends were few, though they made up for the less than accepting majority.
I was loud, high strung, and often over-the-top exhausting. The desperation to be accepted can sometimes lead to over doing it in the hopes it will distract others from what has previously been determined as undesirable qualities. Of course as I got older, those tendencies weren't as prevalent; they were slowly replaced by flippant indifference.
When I was six, I had the good fortune of being a first-grade student in a young teacher's classroom. She wasn't worn out from years of bad attitudes, unruly children, or demanding curriculums. On the contrary, she was patient, accepting, and full of enthusiasm. It was contagious. For a relatively poor child with a host of afflictions just waiting to be exploited by other children, this teacher was a gift. When I think of the impression she left on my life, what I see and still feel is a warmth only acceptance and being cared for by another person can produce. I was always an affectionate child, and in that time it was acceptable for students and teachers to hug one another. She never refused, even when she was near maternity leave. I was never the kind of student that sat quietly, listening to instruction; I was overly social and needed redirection fairly often. Were I to have taught a child like I once was, I doubt I would have had the grace and heart this teacher did.
I moved away after that year, but I never forgot that teacher and just how much I loved going to school because of her. Even with the wonder of social media, I never thought I'd ever interact with this incredible woman again. Surprises do happen and not only am I in touch with her again, but she took time out of her day to surprise me with flowers and a quick hug and hello at one of the salons I work at today. What an awesome thing it is to have the chance to get to know a person who impacted my childhood as an adult all these years later. Such an amazing gift.
Life events such as this certainly have a diminishing effect on those negative memories. I might have once been a cross-eyed, redheaded stepchild, but I've always been a genuine soul with the ability to gravitate to positive and amazing spirits. I am more than what you see, I am the reflection of those incredible individuals, including that wonderful teacher, and the amplifier of our collective positive energy. May we all be able to say the same.
Wednesday, June 4, 2014
Absolute Nonsense
I'm not a fan of things I can't change. Rather I'm not a fan of not being able to make changes. Especially when it has to do with the way I feel about something.
The ability to look on the bright side is beneficial, thought it isn't always as effective as I'd like it to be. Being bigger than the negative things in life isn't easy. Sometimes it's an old issue or an emotion associated with an undeniable circumstance, and the bright side just can't cast all the damn gray away.
I suppose that it's a bit unrealistic to expect to avoid that stuff entirely. Ho-hum, blah moments are great reminders to appreciate and enjoy the good things. I can't imagine what other purpose negative things serve, if not to highlight the best stuff. Well, there might be other reasons, but I refuse to acknowledge them.
My Inner Brat is having a foot stomping tantrum, because I'm not letting her win. She has a tendency to magnify the bad, which defeats the whole 'silver lining' focus. And clearly she has a way of creating havoc with my writing when I try to move beyond the pity party she tries to throw us.
Interruptive, insubstantial, and irrelevant.
The ability to look on the bright side is beneficial, thought it isn't always as effective as I'd like it to be. Being bigger than the negative things in life isn't easy. Sometimes it's an old issue or an emotion associated with an undeniable circumstance, and the bright side just can't cast all the damn gray away.
I suppose that it's a bit unrealistic to expect to avoid that stuff entirely. Ho-hum, blah moments are great reminders to appreciate and enjoy the good things. I can't imagine what other purpose negative things serve, if not to highlight the best stuff. Well, there might be other reasons, but I refuse to acknowledge them.
My Inner Brat is having a foot stomping tantrum, because I'm not letting her win. She has a tendency to magnify the bad, which defeats the whole 'silver lining' focus. And clearly she has a way of creating havoc with my writing when I try to move beyond the pity party she tries to throw us.
Interruptive, insubstantial, and irrelevant.
Tuesday, June 3, 2014
Jimmy Stewart Said It Best
There is something incredible about being able to respond to my son's what was the worst part of your day question with "I didn't really have a worst part." These kind of days are what all the positive reconditioning are about. To be able to enjoy every part of a day from the moment I wake up, until the moment I fall asleep, that is what makes it all worthwhile.
Nothing extraordinary occurred over the course of the last thirteen hours. No big, exciting news; no fabulous surprise, nothing. It was just a fluid kind of day...seamless. Of course the fact that my oldest son made it home safe from his mini road trip to NYC has been the height of my night.
If I stop and think about it, I experience more days like this than I realize. Without a doubt, this is one of the top reasons I love my life as much as I do. It is far too easy to get wrapped up in the ugly stuff that can occur, and much easier to recall that stuff than to remember specific good moments. The positive things, especially when they are simple, should be viewed in a way that makes a bigger impact than the negative.
I could more than likely list off a number of less than stellar moments over the past couple of weeks, but if I'm honest with myself, exactly how many good things can I recall? And more importantly, how close would that list of good come to the list of bad? The fact that I can just simply appreciate an entire day and chalk it up to great is promising. It isn't that I'm likely to forget the not-so-great experiences, I just think working to focus on the better things allows even more good in, completely changing my overall outlook. It certainly is a wonderful life.
Nothing extraordinary occurred over the course of the last thirteen hours. No big, exciting news; no fabulous surprise, nothing. It was just a fluid kind of day...seamless. Of course the fact that my oldest son made it home safe from his mini road trip to NYC has been the height of my night.
If I stop and think about it, I experience more days like this than I realize. Without a doubt, this is one of the top reasons I love my life as much as I do. It is far too easy to get wrapped up in the ugly stuff that can occur, and much easier to recall that stuff than to remember specific good moments. The positive things, especially when they are simple, should be viewed in a way that makes a bigger impact than the negative.
I could more than likely list off a number of less than stellar moments over the past couple of weeks, but if I'm honest with myself, exactly how many good things can I recall? And more importantly, how close would that list of good come to the list of bad? The fact that I can just simply appreciate an entire day and chalk it up to great is promising. It isn't that I'm likely to forget the not-so-great experiences, I just think working to focus on the better things allows even more good in, completely changing my overall outlook. It certainly is a wonderful life.
Monday, June 2, 2014
It Doesn't All Have To Be Hard Won
Being presented with a challenge can be incredible fun, and it can be immensely rewarding. When all the hard work and dedication pay off, the celebration that was dreamt of through the entire process makes it all seem real and worth it. What happens when what is strived for remains elusive? What about when we ignore those easier, better fits in life, because we think nothing gained without blood, sweat, and tears is good enough?
Maybe its a fear of complacency, or the reluctance to accept that we deserve to achieve, to have, and to enjoy those things and people that complement us. It might be that we are addicted to the chase. Either way, it is a sad thing when amazing people who work hard throwing all they are into something, and continue to do so without ever achieving success, because they have no idea how to accept and enjoy everything around them, regardless of whether it came easily or not. These are the people who are not driven to achieve, they are addicted to chasing and struggling. Unwittingly always being two seconds late and five steps behind.
These individuals would benefit from reprogramming their expectations and learning how to appreciate the little things. I was one of these people; I was part of the 'we'. It isn't that I don't challenge myself anymore, it's that I allow all the achievements and successes, regardless of the work they required, to be a part of who I am. If I make it through a day without dropping something, it's a great day. If I spent weeks or months pecking away at something and it finally comes to completion, it's also a great day. Even on my worst days there is always something to look at and appreciate. And with friendships and relationships it's the same; it doesn't always have to be an uphill climb (and in the instance of any relationship, it really shouldn't be).
I watch people around me, particularly those I immediately identify with because they are chase addicts, and I wonder what will finally click with them one day, so they can enjoy the happiness they already have. A-ha moments are different for everyone, whether they share the same 'affliction' or tendencies as others or not. The thing I would hope for most, is that they do have that moment, and that they still have enough time in life to start living it as the most whole version of themselves possible.
Sunday, June 1, 2014
I Choose To Be A Mother, Not A Warden
I'm halfway through my oldest son's first road trip, and I'm faring far better than I would ever have anticipated. Knowing he will be returning in a couple of days is the major reason this mama has remained calm. This has thus far been a nice, first step into an eventual life without my son living at home.
It is highly unlikely that I will reach the point of empty nest without shedding tears. The fact that I can feel excited and happy for one of my children, without the need to be a part of every waking second is something that reassures me I will be alright in the end. That kind of reassurance is priceless.
The only time I have been apart from my children was when I had to be away for business, or because they've been at a sleepover. This experience is the first of its kind, and I know it won't be the last. I discovered that giving my sons the freedom to have fun, to have their own life without me knowing every last detail keeps them close to me in the only way that truly counts.
My boys spend time with me, talk to me, and respect me because I never coerce them. There is nothing more difficult than being a parent and recognizing when to step back and allow your children to spread their wings. Being able to get beyond the fear and apprehension of the unknown actually makes it possible to embrace the best part of parenthood: watching all the time, energy, and love you've invested reach out to touch a world only your children can explore.
It is highly unlikely that I will reach the point of empty nest without shedding tears. The fact that I can feel excited and happy for one of my children, without the need to be a part of every waking second is something that reassures me I will be alright in the end. That kind of reassurance is priceless.
The only time I have been apart from my children was when I had to be away for business, or because they've been at a sleepover. This experience is the first of its kind, and I know it won't be the last. I discovered that giving my sons the freedom to have fun, to have their own life without me knowing every last detail keeps them close to me in the only way that truly counts.
My boys spend time with me, talk to me, and respect me because I never coerce them. There is nothing more difficult than being a parent and recognizing when to step back and allow your children to spread their wings. Being able to get beyond the fear and apprehension of the unknown actually makes it possible to embrace the best part of parenthood: watching all the time, energy, and love you've invested reach out to touch a world only your children can explore.
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