A Thought Or Two

I am a soul prone to romanticized notions, passionate opinions, empathy, and bursting with love. On the flip side there lurks cynicism, self-deprecation, and a resistance to trust others. A human representation of conflict and celebration.

In my interactions with others, I explore topics of a seemingly infinite range, often sharing stories and reliving anecdotal moments of my sons, family and friends. My nature is open and honest, and my own joy is quite often magnified by being audience to another person's tales. Being supportive, caring, and protective come naturally to me, and it is hugely uncommon for me to do those things only halfway.

For far too long I allowed myself to be depleted by people who made it a practice to use the resilience and heart of others rather than rebuild and replenish their own. Learning to be selective and aware of another person's intentions seems to go against being open and giving, but it preserves all that I am and all that I want to continue to be. It is a tricky line to walk, and stumbling along has become part of the journey.

A Hint Of Poetic, Literary, And Flowery Worded Sentiment

I am feeling particularly literary this evening, as events this day have inspired.

Words, old ink, worn pages...the colorful words and expressions of a friend  This life, absent of those things, would be a penance of terrible proportions. It is not enough to speak with flourish, as passion and depth must run true beside each word.

Time has always been a concept I have never completely grasped. Though recently, I've come to know that it is so incredibly relative to each and every specific situation. Something that may be seen as though it takes forever, like waiting in line at an insanely busy/loud store, may in turn be so quick you blink and miss in a milestone moment with a child or a loved one. It is impossible then, to hold like situations and people to the same timely restraints and expectations. Ten years can seem impossibly lengthy when associated with how long a friendship has traveled, but so incomprehensibly short when tied to a child's growth or the absence of a loved one.

A twenty minute ride on a bus, subway or train across from a stranger, where nothing by facial expressions and body language are exchanged can linger in one's memory as though it lasted for days, should the current between the two parties run strong. A long-awaited gathering between friends, often seems to fly by in an instant. Those things we release ourselves onto, completely focused on the enjoyment of the moment, rarely seem to stretch into the luxurious expanse of time we wish they would. And far too frequently the measure of time seems unbalanced and distorted when the painful and traumatic events in life occur.

How is it that the negative events so frequently outlast the happiest of moments? Is there some way to turn the tables on this perverse and unjust reality? In this very second, I believe there may well be.

Should we be aware of the enticing and engaging vibrations that precede, and often accompany those fun and exhilarating events, we might be wise to pace our senses, rather than bombard them as we race to devour every morsel of epic excitement. Savoring every second of happy, in the way we lament every pang of sadness...imagine the intensity reliving such incredible times could induce!

Too much of our days are threatened with the onslaught of negativity, and there comes a point when the deprivation of our existence must be prevented. Clinging to the high and postulating about the pleasures life's great experiences provide can help turn the tides on time and it's distorted companion, negativity. We are amazing beings, capable of incredible things, and we should always choose to focus on what makes life unforgettably awesome.

This Period Of Growth Is Extraordinary

Push beyond your level of comfort. Do things you haven't done. Meet new people. Smile. This is how I extend my circle of happy potential. With every new experience comes a feeling might now otherwise be generated in the typical daily routine. Being open to anything, and recognizing that the unknown doesn't have to be negative makes all the difference.

Amazingly, my mind was on this particular track when I came across an insightful article, full of reminders about to maintain a positive outlook despite present hardships. I wouldn't necessarily define my current circumstances as difficult or any kind of hardship, but I will go so far as to acknowledge that adjusting to life in a new place (even eight months after moving) takes a bit more time and focus than I had anticipated. Being able to push myself into venturing out and stepping out of my safe routine and established circle of friends has certainly made the transition more enjoyable.

Today may be another day in the life, but it is also the day I was finally able to see the positives in a situation that didn't turn out as I had expected. A couple of years ago, hell, even one year ago, I might have allowed myself to fall into a cycle of lamenting that bred negative energy. I am grateful to be capable and so motivated that the outcome has just solidified my resolve to stay positive minded. I do believe that everything happens for a reason, and this belief is the core of why I strive to make the most of all I have and all I do.

In light of this particular personal feat, I cannot help be recognize that I have also reached a place of real patience. The lack of panic or irritation at a time line I cannot predict is refreshing. Being able to let go of the crappy feelings that deter a better life is invaluable. This too shall pass, though for me it doesn't mean I will just wait it out. There are many things to see and do as my life continues to shape itself, and truly, that is the best way to expose any and all opportunities that would otherwise be missed.

Rallying Interactions

Today has been an eclectic collection of interactions. They were all positive. Now that is the definition of a good day.

Heartfelt, intellectually stimulating conversations, errands completed, playing wii with the best neighbors on the planet...ain't no Monday like this one. Even a somewhat abrupt end to the evening couldn't possibly alter the contentedness I took home tonight. Embracing the good things in life, despite all the negative crap that might try to sway my focus, is what life is suppose to be about.

While I've long known accurate explanation is key to communication, I occasionally require reminders. Being able to slow down, think and concisely state points-of-view really is critical in successfully communicating with others. Far too often I let my enthusiasm or passion get away from me and I miss key points I may have intended to make. The best thing about that is that if I'm open, I can hear and understand input and feedback that pinpoints the shortcomings in my position.

Thankfully I am not overly competitive or defensive about when I'm shortsighted or wrong. That isn't to say that I am never these things, but the reality is that I enjoy conversations that volley in a balanced and productive manner, so being sensitive is counterproductive.

I am by far ready for the rest of this week. Bring it on!

Rainy Day, Great Times

I had the good fortune to have a conversation today that put things in perspective for me in regards to writing. This brilliant, and amazingly funny woman shared something she had learned; essentially the times it is difficult to write, when there is just no real flow, are also an important part of the process. Those times, however long they may be, are when we are actively (whether aware of it or not) generating material through experience and observations. Complete truth.

As I've gotten older, I have become more selective about the people I interact with. At first I thought this would mean getting to know new people would be sporadic and lacking in depth. It is nice to say that assumption was wrong. While I don't feel the same draw to make friends as I did in my 20s, I find the new people I meet are worth the effort to get to know.

A life so full, yet it still stretches to fit more experiences and incredible people. How could I not be in love with this world I am part of? A wonderful life, indeed.

Spinning My Wheels, But Staying On The Right Road

Blog posting with a kitty on my lap, causing me to stretch my arms to reach the keys on my MacBook Pro is ... interesting.

I've spent the better part of the past three days racking my head over a thing or two. Not to the point of insanity, but pros, cons, what-ifs and probable outcomes have kept my mind going full steam. As exhausted as I am (my brain feels like a foggy wasteland of mush), sleep isn't coming over me easily.

These things are of personal consequence to me, and ultimately to those around me. It is such a deeply ingrained process - this analytical dance, that I haven't the first iota of a clue how to stop the madness. The best I've managed is to slow down the rapid-fire of thoughts and attempt to trust that all will work out as it is suppose to...no, as I want and fully expect it these things to turn out.

In the spirit of maintaining inner peace and balance, I've found that how my choices and decisions impact those around me is as important as how they affect me. Once I've made a move in any given direction, second guessing myself is irrelevant since the outcome won't change with would have, could have, should haves. I think on my options for some time, avoiding rash actions, and while this usually points me in the best possible direction, it also taxes my internal reasoning and energy flow. Thankfully, all of my big life decisions come at one time; enabling me to enjoy a bit of mental and emotional freedom once I've made the choices.

The difference between some of the changes that present themselves is often the level of emotional involvement or draw. Deciding on a new vehicle, for instance, is less about how I feel and more about what I think; whereas deciding whether to continue dating someone is more often than not a choice that is almost all based on feelings. While I often entertain fantasies of easy decisions, I know I would be bored beyond belief without regularly putting in some deep and much-involved thought.

In the end, the things that took time to decide have most often that have led to meaningful moments and lasting changes. In light of that, a sleepless night or two, and stress headache here and there are quite acceptable. It doesn't hurt to have belief in positive energy, either.

Always A Stomach Churner

A watched pot never boils.

This idiom has long been my go-to phrase whenever I need to remind myself to stop obsessing about whatever it is I might be waiting to happen, or come to fruition. Beyond true, and frankly, one of the better analogies that has stood the test of time. I mean, have you ever stood by the stove waiting for the water to boil and it seems to take forever? Precisely.

For me, feelings of an unsettled nature, like when change is occurring, are not easily pushed aside. I border on being fixated, and the stress that this produces wreaks havoc on my mood, state of well-being and overall focus. I am my own worst enemy at times. The bitch of it is that, almost every time, it is more than one thing, one aspect that has me precariously positioned in a kind of high alert frame of mind. I often wonder how I might approach having just one thing to wait out, versus the usual three or four.

Certainly the fact that all that nervous, excess energy won't last long is a comfort. At least to that part of me rooted in reason. No amount of reassurance can convince my emotional side to relax and go with the flow. The past week has presented scenarios and avenues that stand to greatly alter my current life, much for the better, yet these prospects upheave my sense of balance. While I am happy this feeling of limbo rarely prevents me from moving forward, I do wish my recovery from the dizziness it causes would be far faster.

A far cry from complaining, this is an observation I have made about myself several times, yet cannot seem to prevent from happening. I am well aware that everything works out exactly as it should, and most often it is in my favor, but the lack of control, however misperceived still gets me every time. At the moment, my best action seems to be redirection; no matter how frequent it is needed. I imagine that the more I learn about myself, and come to accept about life's effects on me, the more adept at avoiding this unpleasant unrest during life flux I will eventually become.

Every So Often I Feel As Though I Could Channel Veruca Salt

It occurs to me that longing is a gift. The slightly torturous pangs of expectation, regardless of what is being anticipated, are a colorful and vivid reminder of what we desire. Without yearning for something, or some end, we are just going about life getting and forgetting.

What I mean is that without having to exercise patience or pace ourselves, we quickly lose the depth of meaning from things that should make us feel overjoyed and full. Be it technology or the changing times, far too much of what we seek and attain comes with little effort or effects that fade too quickly. There is something to be said for striving, waiting, and eventually being bestowed with the holy grail of what we have long desired.

True and lasting appreciation comes from having held onto belief and trust that all things would eventually fall into place. How can we ever really grasp the value of the things and moments we have if we don't know how sublime the feeling of wanting and craving is? Without those aches, we cannot possibly understand the contentedness and bliss of finally feeling and having those things we sought out.

I am, at the moment, in a flux that has me anticipating several desired outcomes. The ache this has produced extends through every part of me. The energy the waiting and exercising of patience is generating is nearly more than I can bear. I will not cast aside the things that I desire simply because the road to get to them is slow and sometimes tricky to navigate. In the end, the time spent anticipating and waiting will make the rewards so much more worth having. And so much more memorable as well.

Maybe I Shouldn't, But I Will

Not everything that seems scary is necessarily to be avoided.

Those moments when you choose to allow yourself, your boundaries, to be challenged...that time can be a somewhat scary moment that really shouldn't always be avoided. This is where growth and life experience often occur. It is a factor in pushing and testing those boundaries that we often hold tightly. Are they necessary, and are they as strong as we may require them to be? Without testing those waters, there really is no definitive way to be certain of either.

The first time I watched both of my sons drive away in a vehicle that I did not also occupy was a HUGE test of faith. That moment, and the subsequent minutes that followed, were an unchartered territory wrought with stress and breathless moments, preparing me for the day they leave will the nest.  I'm still in the preparation stages of watching my sons go off into the big, wide world all on their own, but without that first car ride absent of mom, I wouldn't be this close to 'ready'.

Any experience, whether it is with an occupation, friendship, or life and death choice is a moment that defines and shapes the way we move forward. There are things that just shouldn't be avoided, because the potential for growth is so much more than the preservation of status quo is worth. Risk can be immensely beneficial.

I'd like to think I'm aware enough, of my surroundings and the flow of life, that I wouldn't prevent the forward progression of growth. I might hem and haw over semantics - and that is truly all the examples and excuses end up being, but the truth of venturing out of our comfort zones is risk and the belief that we are never given more than we can handle. Whatever we put out is what we get back, more or less. If I cower in a corner afraid of the things I don't understand, or am apprehensive about new experiences and people, exactly how do I expect to move from the very spot I occupy?

There are risks, calculated or not, that carry a weight far beyond any repercussions we might ever imagine. As tough as it might initially be, I am for the pushing of self-imposed limits to see just how far my growth really can take me. How about you?

Curbing Irritation And The Desire To Snap Back

Today I experienced two situations I have come to loathe at work; someone requested a RAT TAIL, and another client had no idea what she wanted to do with her hair.

There are things I just don't like to put my professional name on, like mullets and rat tails. They just scream dated and oh-so-awful and no self-respecting stylist wants to let anyone leave the salon with their name on such hideousness. Of course when the client has a reason like, I spent a year without hair due to chemo and I just want to remember how long my hair finally got, even though I want to cut the rest of it now...well, I make an exception.

I've gotten far better at dealing with indecisive people. I still get hung up on being slightly irritated when someone sits in my chair with no idea what they want, and after talking to them about every possible aspect of their hair needs, they sigh in the end and say it wasn't what they wanted. So, let me get this straight, you want something totally different, but you don't want to lose length. Your hair is fine and limp, but you want fullness...I am not a magician. I opt to interpret all we've discussed as re-angling layers and educating you on styling points and best product options, and yet you look at your hair and tell me you don't think it looks any different and were hoping for something new and exciting? I'm sorry, I can't believe I didn't understand that's what you wanted since I CAN'T read minds!

The whole point of a consultation is for the stylist to better understand what the client wants and whether those wants are achievable based on their hair and how much effort they want to put into it. It is far from the stylist's fault if you give no direction, even after they've spent ten minutes talking it all over with you. What is within the stylist's control is their own reaction to this no-win situation. I've learned that while I might be thinking all these things in my head the moment after the discontent with my work is aired, I refuse to allow it to ruin my day or even make me act differently towards a person who obviously cannot be pleased.

Opportunity for growth and betterment...opportunity for growth and betterment.

Another Step In The Better Direction

I love that my body reminds me that I shouldn't do certain things. Like after I've relived years gone by and land a couple cartwheels and round-offs, then attempt to demonstrate leg swing momentum to my son because I cannot adequately describe it with words, and my nerves start to sing their annoyingly painful song. I am not yet old, but my back didn't seem to get that memo. (Sigh)

On the bright side, I can still do both a cartwheel and a round-off fairly well. Granted I made a mental note halfway through the first one that taking my sunglasses off first would have been wise, but I stuck the landing. Participating is typically fun, though for this I think I'd rather sit back and watch my son.

It's difficult to be positive, yet accept limitations. By admitting I'm limited in whatever way I happen to be, it almost feels like a negative thing. The whole 'can't' thing...it's really a downer and my preference is to avoid using it wherever I can. Still, sometimes it is just unavoidable. Then again, I suppose I could opt for saying 'I choose not to do A because I'd really rather B didn't happen.', and then it's a choice and not so much a limitation.

Instead. Providing all the energy backing up the use of this word is positive, I'm inclined to make better use of it over self-defeating and self-limiting words. Also, I have a propensity for using the phrase 'I wish I could'; doesn't seem negative at first, but the limitations it immediately imposes are all kinds of negative. There are things I once did, and no longer do, because the outcome of pain does not appeal to me. Continuing to see my choices to remain as pain free as possible as drawbacks or negatives doesn't really serve my state of mind or overall emotional well-being. Adaptability is great, but the attitude with which it is embraced is crucial.

A friend called 'bullshit' on me yesterday for a statement I made that was oozing negativity. Despite the fact that I didn't necessarily feel negativity as I made the statement, he was 100% right. When I miss the opportunities to correct my own direction and negative utterances, it is great to know I have friends who keep me on the positive path.

The only real constant in life is change, and it is up to us to put all that positive energy out there to make the most of those changes. Every change brings me to where I am now, and where I will be tomorrow. Alternatives, options, and unexpected change all have a positive side which is far more beneficial to embrace. The last thing we should be doing is naysaying with negatives, not when the good stuff is so much better for us and those around us.

What To Do When You Just Aren't Feeling It

Some days there are more inspiring moments than others. Sometimes it's just easier to be open and write freely. Today has been a struggle; for various reasons, though none of which I want to divulge. It has been a good day, but at the moment I have far less interest in writing than I usually possess.

Whenever I find myself perplexed, with a conundrum I am unsure how to work out, caught between what I want and what I can actually have, my inner brat starts throwing a tantrum, and that basically roots me to whatever spot I happen to be in ... until she's finished. At least she doesn't seem to be all into it today. It's the little things, you know.

The weather was suppose to be cloudy all day, but thankfully the sun came out to play for awhile. Despite the overcast sky that rolled back in, I had a good time at the beach. The humidity was quick heavy earlier, but those clouds brought a cool breeze with them, making the air comfortable. The thing about Maine weather is if you don't like it, just wait a minute and it will change.

While I still have no true desire to write at the moment, I will consider that hurdle cleared as I've managed to produce a bit despite feeling as though I have no direction. And all while little white paws are stretching out on my keyboard and resting on my hands.

It's Really All In The Description

It occurred to me while writing today, that being able to describe an incredible kiss is far more difficult than detailing an entire sex scene. A kiss, more specifically the kind of kiss that would make anyone weak in the knees, has to be as carefully constructed in writing as possible; simply using a phrase like "they kissed" or "he pressed his lips to hers" just won't do. Being able to dissect and reanimate a breathtaking lip lock that nearly puts the reader in a character's shoes is my biggest challenge to date. Well, that and making the time to really sit down and write consistently.

Certainly it is true that an amazing kiss is relative to each of us. What makes me swoon might do little to  invoke breathlessness in someone else. Technique can make the difference between a ho-hum aftermath and full body tingles that last for hours. Sadly, there are a wealth of individuals who rush the entire step of kissing to get to the 'ultimate prize', making them forever lacking as kissing partners. Without adequate sensuality, a kiss cannot possibly induce the giddiness required to spark intense desire.

I mean, doesn't the following give a better picture than simply saying 'they kissed intensely'?

For days she'd wondered what it would be like to kiss him. As he gazed into her eyes, she felt a pull that made her hope he was thinking the same thing. The two moved closer until there was barely an inch of space between them. Her question was answered as he leaned in, hesitating for a moment, before gently pressing his lips into hers. Every ounce of her was drawn in as she moved her lips, slightly open, more firmly against his. The excitement spread through her, and she felt her body temperature rise as they matched each other in gentle pressure and light suction. Moving as though they were an extension of the other, his tongue brushed against hers perfectly, giving way as their lips joined again.   

Granted that was just an on-the-spot example, but it gets the idea across. Breaking a kiss down by describing specific parts like the moment lips make contact, the feelings that contact generates, and how the kiss moves and progresses makes for more invested reading. At least I think it does, just as finding another person who kisses exactly the way you do makes you appreciate the art of kissing like nothing else.

Spontaneous Outings Are More Productive Than One Might Think

It is my assertion that the state of euphoria occurs more often than most of us ever realize. Maybe we strive toward that end for an entire lifetime, making changes where we feel necessary, keeping our eyes and hearts peeled for some sign of that happily ever after, all the while never realizing that it appears in moments when we are experiencing what might possibly be defined as absolute contented bliss. Maybe we listen when such a state of mind reveals itself, the moment it occurs.

As I drove home this evening, far later than I had intended and certainly nowhere in line with my writing objectives, it occurred to me that as simple as the night's events were, I had experienced absolute, contented bliss. And I became fully aware that I had experienced moments like this before. There was nothing overly extraordinary about the few hours I ventured out. I was graciously introduced to some fun and amazing people, spent a few hours getting to know a relatively new friend, and was more in-sync with my surroundings than I have been in a very long time. I was me, the world didn't alter its course, and my soul connected with people just like me. Contented bliss.

This intentional living and positive energy output have absolutely created the kind of magnet I need ... and honestly, the kind that I deserve. By no means do I intend to discredit the incredible people who already fill my life. In fact, it is because of them that I am able to recognize quality individuals from those that might hold me back.

Tonight I was reminded of how underused our senses can be, and exactly what it feels like to experience intense joy. Regardless of where I go in life, I know it is possible to be happy. No matter what I do or don't do life will always present amazing moments that lead to an amazing life; all I need do is be open and ready to go with the flow.

Adrenaline Rush But Not The Kind I Prefer

It isn't often that I come home from work and just sit in the sun without doing anything else first. It's nice to be able to just stop and enjoy the moment. There is far too little of that today.

Of course there is a bit of a difference between relaxing and being in the moment, and watching a movie called Vile with your child. Messed up! I'm actually afraid my face might freeze in scrunched up horror.

A glass of wine, crickets chirping, warm air, and the ability to let my shoulders fall into a relaxed state are the makings of a near perfect moment. Sometimes it's all we need to give us the energy to tackle what might be left of our day. Or at the very least this serves as the perfect start to a night of leisure.

Horror movies, particularly that of the gore variety, are not relaxing in any way shape or form. I'm glad that I chose to have a moment of peace before the stress of this torture flick set in. True, I don't have to watch this, but I can't resist. Curiosity got the better of me.

While I'm not desensitized to the point of not flinching during this kind of movie, I'd rather get in touch with nature and enjoy a little tranquil time. Adrenaline isn't all it's cracked up to be. So not going to sleep tonight.

Dad

I started the day remembering a man who left this life far too soon, and finished it realizing my sons are among the desensitized youth of today. It's been a 'wide-spectrum' kind of day.

Years have flown by since I sat in a sterile hospital room with my family around my father's bed. His last breaths hitching, causing us all to tense and hold our own breath; the antiseptic smell, the sound of equipment beeping, wanting his suffering to end, but not wanting him to leave us. It all seems like just days ago.

Time is a funny thing, even more so when memories enter the picture. Other than the general knowledge that days go by, we age, our children grow; there really is no discernible gauge with which to actually feel how much time has passed aside from those things. Sometimes all that seems to keep things right side up are my two feet planted on the ground. There are things, mostly too painful, that I don't like reliving through recollection, because the difficulty in reconciling time that has passed to the here and now is way too difficult.

In a situation when the memories recalled are related to or about someone who has left your life (either by death or dissolution of relationship), even the good times are bittersweet to think about. Twenty years later, I still wonder what life would be like if my father were still alive. I love reminiscing about our time with him, but there's always an underlying tone of regret. We all feel it. It is hard to avoid...impossible even.

Being able to replace, or at the least overshadow that sadness with a sense of gratitude for the capacity to hold snippets of those moments for as long as my mind allows is the only way I have managed to keep the highest level of happy contained within them. Well, that, and sharing the memories as often as possible with others; especially those who were part of them.

I miss my father's voice, his laugh, his shiny, balding head, but I miss his presence most of all. I also remember that it is because of all of those things, that I truly appreciate the people in my life today. The only thing that would be worse than losing him, is having never known him at all.

Focused Listening And Empathetic Actions

Even on my best days I find it tough to be 'on' all the time. I feel honored that one of the roles I seem to serve in this lifetime is as a supportive, listening ear to those in need of friend. This doesn't mean that I don't often find myself at odds with the energy exchange that is rarely in my favor. Thankfully I have gotten better at channeling and dispelling what isn't useful to me, but what needed to be absorbed out of another person's life.

In my work I encounter people in a variety of distressful situations; both physical and emotional. If you are an active listener, and have an empathetic eye, recognizing these individuals isn't difficult. Whether I feel up to the challenge of extending myself or not, a quick reflection on how it feels to have amazing friends who provide this very outlet to me, pushes me to shelf any misgivings or irritations and listen.

Being able to do for another person, particularly one who has no other options, is what it means to be an active part of this human race. Have I stood there, faced with someone who has no sense of time, and wished they would wrap things up already? Absolutely. Of course, I immediately adjust my attitude and focus on meeting that person's need for interaction and consolation. Their absolute happiness may not be up to me, but honestly being a decent and caring person is.

When I consider the example we all are capable of setting, and obligated by empathy and compassion to attempt providing, ten minutes...hell, even an hour of my time isn't a lot to ask. Here's the surprise though, not only do I feel good about putting my own needs and interests aside to listen to someone else, I inch closer to the person I strive to be as a result. While it doesn't start out, or even ever become self-serving, there is no possible way not to benefit from this type of thing.

My life is better, because I choose better. Plain and simple.

When You Peel Away The Mask, Can You Live With What's Beneath?

While my life is mostly on-the-go, it is incredibly simplistic. I like this. Without the interference of drama, labels, other people's expectations, or mind-numbing-busy-myself-beyond-all-consciousness, life is there, completely accessible for me to explore and appreciate.

Describing myself was never a task I felt capable of. Mainly, I think in some part, I was afraid I'd paint myself in a specific light that I could never walk out of for another. I may be engaging and vibrant one minute, but introspective and quiet the next. I value every emotion I've ever experienced, and overall I am generally a happy person, but there was a time when I might have described myself as miserably unhappy and quick to fire back hurtful zingers. Imagine if I had owned that state of being and still carried it today. I shudder to even think about it.

No, I prefer to keep things simple. I am me, and however the person forming an opinion sees me, that is essentially part of who I am. There is no possible way for everyone I encounter to embrace all the things that make me who I am, and likewise of me with other people. Sometimes what a person sees is a misleading snapshot that ultimately chases them away. I try to be the truest form of who I feel I am, but there will always be those moments when I am off-color and unlike that me majority.

Keeping things simple, paves the way for consistency, and that has proved to be the surest way to continue living an unencumbered existence. People naturally gravitate to me because it is obvious what they see is the real me. I am able to present my perspectives clearly, and even bluntly at times, because I choose to see through the distractions of issues, hang-ups, and excuses, allowing me to focus on the simple truth.

Too often we allow ourselves to get caught up in the surface, that we forget there is a much bigger, awe-inspiring depth below. We pick up on one or two things, fixate and suddenly the entire thought process and emotion attached to a person or a situation is based on a fleeting idea or superficial component. When things don't turn out the way we expected, we are brutally crushed and the wind has been knocked out of us. If the romanticized notions are where we funnel our all; if the moment we feel a spark we dive in head first, the real emotion we are experiencing when things fall apart or take an unexpected turn away from where we thought we were going isn't heartache. Well...not entirely. The bigger, and yet still unacknowledged truth is that we know the misstep was at the very start.

We are upset with ourselves for leaping without looking yes, but more for allowing the insubstantial things to lead us around and make us act on things purely based on falsehood and fantasy. We were fooled. Most of all we cannot believe we'd ever let the shiny, pretty promise of fabulousness tempt us away from discovering the honest beauty beneath.

Simple doesn't mean boring. It doesn't require lackluster dreams or safety bumpers on every corner. It is the core, the stripped down center of everything. No designer styles, no name brand threads; nothing but the most prevalent, though sometimes most overlooked, quality to someone or something. At the heart of every interaction, every job or career path, every dream is an undeniable current that all that surface stuff has tethered itself to.

I went through life changing moments fairly early in my adulthood, even as far back as my childhood if I'm totally honest. The severity of those things sent shockwaves through me, enabling me to see what were the most important things in my life. When the surface cracked, simple is what kept me sane. The simple things were and still are the most consistent, reliable and meaningful points of balance and peace.

To be able to see and embrace the simple truth of life around you, you have to be patient and be willing to cast aside all elaborate and false expectations. If you can live with the simplest realities first, adding the extras later becomes easier and longer-lasting. No race was ever run without first running the entire course. Dream of winning, desire true love, but begin at the starting line and get a real feel for the miles that lie between you and that end. Simplicity provides the stability to push the boundaries of life, and shouldn't be skipped over.

Perfect Day For A Beach Trip

Overall, I tend to be a cautious person. If it seems risky, I either take multiple precautions, or I avoid it altogether. Whether it's spending choices, employment or life decisions, or chancing questionable weather conditions for a trip to the beach, risk can lead to better things.

In today's 'worst part/best part' moment, I was completely able to say I didn't have a worst part. The entire day from start to finish was amazing. Even full of tiny grains of beach sand, I wouldn't trade a second of the day for anything. Well, maybe that moment this morning when I witness a much-too-close for comfort near-collision because someone ran a red light, but other than that, I'd live it all again exactly as I did today.

Being able to spend long overdue, quality time with one of my closest and most treasured friends is always gratifying. Despite the fact that we nearly always have a ton to catch each other up on, there is a balance in conversation that is natural. While I can only imagine what anyone within earshot might have been thinking as they listened to us, there is little doubt they could recognize a genuine friendship.

The unfortunate aspect to living to work, it that times like today happen far too infrequently. It is, however, bearable when the interactions are of depth and substance. Within minutes it is as though almost no time has passed at all. Nothing but true friendship creates that kind of energy. Absolutely nothing else.

In Light Of The Alternative...

Like things attract more of the same. If you're negative and hostile, chances are the people you encounter are as well. At least the ones whose impact you are tuned in to. Of course if you are positive and cheery, the pleasantness your days are filled with is gratifying and fosters the continued state of happiness.

Making the most of every day, rather than wasting it away dreading circumstances and having no hope is the most essential part of maintaining a happy attitude. The ability to attract others with this same state of being, eventually makes it easier to choose the positive. I enjoy life because the alternative doesn't appeal to me.

Next to nothing is a constant, and there are few guarantees in life beyond birth and death. Making the choice to be happy can be a valuable constant in a world that challenges reflexes and decisions.

My Tie-dyed Attire Suddenly Has More Color

My mother has always said to be careful what you say out loud, because "you don't want to put bad stuff out there". I always wrote it off as her being a little superstitious, even down right silly. Given recent events, I humbly retract all previous opinions on this matter.

I have said, based on several experiences, that I am a magnet for wearing other people's alcohol at one particular pub. In reality, it is basically ANYone's alcohol that will find it's way onto my person. No joke, it happens. And to prove the point that my declaration would bring about more of this reality, last night I was once again 'baptized' with a drink all over my shirt and in my hair and shoes. (To be fair, I am quite happy I have short hair and was wearing flip-flops as it made this experience much less uncomfortable.) Without intending to, I stood in the wrong place at the most ill-fated time with a glass of cabernet, and was bathed in more than half the glass. The poor guy who had accidentally fist bumped my hand was horrified and immensely apologetic. I laughed it off and chalked it up to my mother's sage advice being ignored.

The lesson learned? My mother is far wiser than I might have ever thought, and never spending a lot of money on my attire makes it easier to let a piece ruined go.

Saying Goodbye

I love history. I adore anyone who is my elder. No, I really do. The amazing and exciting things they have seen. I could sit for hours listening to anyone of an older generation regale me with stories of their lifetime; particularly their youth.

When it comes to history I am, by my lonesome, a captive audience. The incredible things that have happened in this world before I ever came into existence amaze and intrigue me like nothing else. The elder generations astound me. I have spent my days talking to people who have lived nearly a century and find them beyond interesting. Our greatest treasures are those who have superseded our years and can still recall it all with clarity and color.

I am beside myself with sadness after having visited with an amazing and awesome soul this evening, as she lie breathing her last earthly breaths. I am a far more complete and worldly individual for having know this magnificent human being. Ninety-four years is incomprehensible to me at forty-two. Yet the year I was granted to interact and get to know this woman was a gift I will never forget being bestowed.

The weekly visits were some of the few moments I consider highlights in the reel of my lifetime. My solace comes from the knowledge that my life has been enriched beyond any expectations by a woman who has seen change and done things I could never imagine. What a life and a legacy you leave my dear Alta. I thank you for bestowing me with a gift I can never repay. The weeks to come will be lacking, though you will be in my heart and mind.

Those who have lived beyond our own years have so much to offer and should be revered like no one else. History is best when it is a living, breathing example...without a doubt. There is little I wouldn't give to be able to go back in time with this woman and see the orange groves she grew up in the way she saw them. To sit beneath the fig tree with her friend or to experience the early twentieth century as she did. What a crazy, intense and beautiful life.

While I am sad our time has come to end, I am grateful for the gift of seeing you one last time. You are and forever will be one of my favorite encounters in this life, Alta. Go peacefully into the afterlife and spread joy throughout eternity.

Parfait Or Onion, You Can't See All A Person's Layers From The Outside

Every one of us has a story. We've got quirks, issues - secrets few people know about. We are beautifully complex creatures with emotions, thoughts and so much more than anyone could ever tell from just looking at us from the outside.

Why then do we allow ourselves to become upset or form judgments based on the little we often know about another person? It is unfair, and frankly impossible, to expect everyone we encounter to act and react the way we believe we would. For certain there are basic human decency standards that most of us have adopted, but when it comes to specific situations the variables are many, making the possible outcomes great.

When I am fortunate to know a person over a lengthy period of time, I find I come by details that explain behaviors and things I might have found off-putting or confusing years before. Not only do I get a more rounded picture of who they are, I am also reminded that resisting the urge to judge in haste is the best course of action. There are always exceptions to that rule-of-sorts, but overall there might be considerably less misery and discourse if we all practiced restraint in this area.

I hear people talking about their impressions of another person often. It is always most interesting when it is a recollection of the past, coupled with the realization of how skewed their view was back then. When maturity is present, these misconceptions are easily forgiven; when it isn't, grudges continue to block our way.

I am not perfect, nor do I ever want to be. The ability to grow and learn is something I wouldn't trade for anything. A life with less drama, judgment, and resentment is the only way to completely enjoy love, happiness, and genuine friendships that last. I want to have as complete a life as possible. Don't you?

Seeing Through The Cloudy Recollections

Time has a way of distorting the past. Sometimes for the we remember things worse, but sometimes we recall them as better than they were. General consensus might be that painting things as worse would be the bigger mistake of the two. I don't agree. I believe that when we romanticize and remember roses when there were more thorns, we risk losing the resolve we need to make our present and future better.

There are things that have transpired in my life, events I have been deeply affected by, that I might brush off or gloss over today in conversation. Be it because I don't want to regurgitate the negative emotions associated with those events, or because time has clouded over my true memories, the lessening of the pain created ultimately isn't healthy. Ridding oneself of negative emotions is always good for the soul, but forgetting the real impact they had can undermine positive progress and continuity.

Keeping perspective is far different than holding grudges. By retaining the truest recollections, the risk of repeating or being caught in the same predicaments is reduced. It is possible to be positive without being a doormat. I try to remember as honestly as I can, and live as positively as possible. All that has happened has led to here and now. I'm not carrying the weight with me, but I won't forget how heavy it felt. It reemphasizes the better choices, and assures me I where I am and where I'm going are exactly where I ought to be.

Quick, Happy Thoughts

It's tough to have a bad day when the beach is involved. Even if it's only for an hour, the great day vibes follow ... even on Mondays. Unlike the past few summers, this year I've been fortunate to have incredible weather on my days off. The only negative thing about that is summer doesn't last long enough.

Despite my attempt to let the day go by without enjoying the sun, I just couldn't help but give in. Of course, I did manage to write, and I got to spend time with both my sons. As Mondays go, this one was awesome.

As long as I take the time to enjoy life, make the most of the hours I'm not working, that's all that matters.

Kittens, Road Trips, and Adjustments

When those little things that we take for granted suddenly stop, only then do we realize how much they were a part of our life. No matter how much we might have thought they were little annoyances or things we could live without, their absence says something entirely different. Most of us gauge our balance in life by those ordinary constants, so when they are missing, we can be slightly off kilter.

Seemingly silly as it is, this kitten and his acclimation to us and our home has highlighted a few things I'd taken for granted. His entire world changed yesterday afternoon. Every minor detail, each one of the constants he'd accepted as life in his 11-weeks was upended and taken away. I'm not going to lie, I have some guilt about that. It's one of the reasons I never wanted a kitten. Knowing we took him away from his brothers and sister, a little guilt is expected.

As excited as I am for my mother and step-father to explore the country on their way to Alaska, knowing they aren't an hour drive away is something it will take the three months they are gone to get use to. I'm sure that we will all survive, of course. I'd expect that we'll find other constants to rely on in the meantime.

The part about these little revelations that's great, is they keep me aware of things I might otherwise overlook. Sometimes perspective is only possible with reminders. Whether I choose to make the most of the opportunities these shake ups daily life present is up to me. I'm pretty sure if the kitten can adjust, so can I.

A Refreshing Reminder From An Unexpected Source

In the few short hours since adopting Oliver (the kitten), I've been reminded just how relationships used to evolve. Before social media, dating sites, texting and technology in general, getting to know someone took time. Whether the person had the potential to become a friend, or a significant other each party had to exercise some kind of patience in the whole 'getting to know you' phase. Almost no one takes their time to really connect anymore.

This 11-week old kitten is every bit apprehensive as he should be given all he knew of life abruptly changed. It's easy to take for granted the friendly and outgoing nature of other people's pets, since the component we often overlook is that those animals are with their families. Their sense of security hasn't been disrupted completely. Introducing a new pet into a home takes time, patience, and understanding. We can play with him, pet him when he allows, but what he needs most is freedom from any pressure to come to us.

As adorable and soft as this little fur ball is, speeding up the process of adjustment by picking him up, chasing him around, or approaching him too quickly won't help him settle in and get to know us. At least not the way we hope for. After having years to learn Simsim's personality; his likes and dislikes, it is a little strange to be starting over.

And just as with this kitten, I think more of us need to re-evalute how quickly we become involved with people we don't know. Life moves along at an ever increasing rate, it is easy to get caught up in rushing things to fit as much in as possible. The problem with that is we sacrifice depth for quantity.

I've essentially never given up that tried and true, take-your-time method when it comes to friends. This is one of the very reasons the friendships I have are layered and strong. Those closest to me I know confidently well. For the few friends who are new, or still in the creating friendship stage I wouldn't dream of entrusting them with my heart or my secrets, just as I would not want to prematurely be made aware of theirs. Solid bonds are made over time and no amount of social media can duplicate that.

All this and more can be said with regard to dating as well. It has become common place to rush through meeting, talking and assessing each other's potential as a partner right via text. As a writer I am aware that the strategic use of words can craft a reality that is believable, though often too good to be true. When we eliminate the slower process of seeing and watching expressions, body language, and studying the nuances that make a person who they are, we sacrifice depth. There is no substitute for face-to-face conversations, physical contact, and that frustratingly amazing waiting period; real attraction and dedication comes from taking time and allowing bonds to develop naturally.

Oliver may not ever be a cuddly cat, but we won't know what he is capable of in terms of affection and trust if we don't let him work it out in his own time. The less we try to rush our new family member, the less he will be seen as a 'replacement' for the love we lost. I never want to do anything that would lead me to relate to him as I did with Simsim. Our little family deserves the benefits of time in learning to relate and build trust. It is my opinion that anyone I choose to include in my life is someone I want to get to know and grow with; those cliff notes just don't compare to the real thing.

In All, The Quiet Times Balance Out The Noise

A day where the best experience is withdrawn, quiet and introspective. I have days like this once in a long while. Today was for the most part. There is nothing wrong, no kind of thing occurred to make solitude attractive. In the removed from it all position, I do not find overwhelming sadness; there is just a lull from most things.

I might describe the entire mood as flat, but somehow that is just not accurate. The thing is, I don't even really feel the need to define or explain. Aside from the mosquito that has been attempting to disturb the overall stillness of the evening, it has been relatively enjoyable.

For years I thought that these times of near stillness were some type of indication that I led a boring life. That idea is absolutely laughable to me now, since I am most often in near constant motion. I may not always be doing what I'd like, but I can never say life is boring. Trying or exhausting for certain, perhaps a little frustrating at times, though predominantly fulfilling and worthwhile. Were it not for these lulls in activity, I might not ever appreciate the act of being still, or relish the marathons of go-go-go.

It could be that the best, most effective way to recharge, refocus, and reanimate is to slow to a crawl and just exist for a time.

I Suppose There Really Is A Pro And A Con To Everything

I don't like thunder. Not even a little bit. I can't really explain why, it just makes me tense. When it rains, the biggest reason I find myself less than thrilled is the prospect of thunder. Those loud lightening cracks aren't cool either.

The fact that those type of storms don't usually last long is their only saving grace. Well, the lush greenery, post rain scent in the air, rainbows and peaceful quiet in the air are certainly great points. So it's pretty much just the thunder and lightening cracks that unsettle me.

Some of the best times I can remember as a kid where either during or just after a rain storm. Correction: some of the best SUMMERtime fun. Rain in cold weather just makes the cold even more miserable. Swimming in the rain, splashing in the still-warm puddles, and taking deep inhalations of the 'clean' air are unlike most anything there is in life.

Since it isn't likely that I will not get over my loathing of thunder, I just try to embrace the aftermath of rain. And at the moment, I'm listening to the sounds of birds, crickets and trees shaking off water droplets in the back yard. Completely peaceful.

Where's The Silver Lining Here? I Might Give At Least One Person Something To Think About

So, I spent the day still actively purging last night's negative energy encounter. This interaction has thrown me for a loop worse than I can ever recall having happened before. I will be happy when the last dregs of this misery soup have been rinsed away.

One of the things most stylists have had experience with is the 'let's make a deal' routine. After years of dancing around saying what I think with these particular clients, I've finally started standing up for myself and my work. Prices are as stated. I'm fairly certain these people's employers aren't negotiating their pay on a daily basis, so why should I?

Now don't get me wrong, I am all for bartering and for paying it forward here and there. The whole 'money's tight right now' even though in an hour your facebook is going to broadcast your new tattoo, night out drinking top shelf with friends and fantastic new Michael Kors outfit while rocking a sweet new 'do you couldn't pay the quoted price for is beyond old. Time, talent, and product aren't really negotiable and anyone who thinks so, might want to take a look at some of the individuals walking around with jacked up colors because they had their friends try to replicate a look at home. Want to negotiate my prices, the quality of what I use and the care in how I apply it will be negotiable as well.

Nearly eighty percent of the stylists I know are UNDERpricing their services. The products and tools we use every day have increased in cost, and overhead continues to rise, yet we have been charging virtually the same prices for almost ten years. Given the economy, raises in the workplace aren't common, but I'm willing to bet most of our clients have seen at least one cost of living increase in the last decade. Stylists (and honestly most people working in personal services) are actually making LESS money due to cost of business increases.

Don't get me wrong, I love my job. I chose to do what I do, and there are benefits I couldn't get working for someone else. At the end of the day, however, those things don't pay the bills. If I don't believe in my work and assert my worth enough by standing firm in my prices, it's time to take a hard look at the future. I'm not offering last season's styles, and I don't work in a bargain basement.

Most clients understand and appreciate their stylists. I love that I have the flexibility to donate services, gift someone I know with the occasional freebie, I just don't enjoy being expected to do these things because 'it's just me' or 'because hair isn't really work'. I've seen far too many stylists belittled, taken advantage of, and struggle to survive because apparently setting a fair price and believing their work earns it is egotistical.

In all, what I'm attempting to convey is that stylists should stand by their work and believe it is worth the price they set, and clients should understand the fee for service isn't 100% profit.

 

Louis, Louis, Oh...How Prophetic Your Words Were

Never underestimate the power that a seemingly innocuous conversation, which transpired earlier in the day, will have at the end of the day. If you're lucky, the effect is unexpectedly good. Typically, that's the case for me, but today...well, I wouldn't say it turned out well.

The fabulous mood that I was in after an impromptu conversation with a good friend, was one I didn't think could be squashed. I was wrong. Utterly, completely wrong. There truly are people out there who can suck every ounce of happy out of an area extending roughly three feet out from themselves. Lucky me, I work within people's purple circle of personal space, and today I got sucked into the mother of all neurotically negative vortexes.

My good friend made an observation about my propensity for being an empath; he posed it as a question, but one he already knew the answer to. In my line of work, being an empath is often beneficial. I am able to not only listen with my ears to client's requests, but I can also differentiate between what they are saying and what they often mean. The downside is that I can experience energies that are so unlike my own that I am left either completely exhausted or highly irritable. Today was both.

It is hard to imagine that anyone's presence could affect another person's mood so drastically, but even fifteen minutes with people is enough to alter my internal harmony. According to the internet, I'm an 'out of control' empath, which essentially means I have zero means to protect my own energy from the influence of others'. No, that doesn't suggest that I don't think for myself or am doomed to be a follower; it means that I am so in tune with the energies around me that I lose my own when another wanders into my space.

On the whole, I am perfectly happy to allow people's positive energies to invade and influence my chakras, as they broaden my human experience and fuel my own emotional and mental evolution. I don't need to center myself and find my balance when I have spent time in these individuals space, because there energy encourages and creates amazing balance and clarity. When someone is negative; either by being depressed, neurotic, or indecisive, it immediately drains my energy. On these occasions it takes me quite some time to reconnect and gather myself. These are the lingering effects of the undesirable side of what I do.

What is worse than having my own balance disturbed, is the fact that I can further the spread of negativity by entering someone else's space too soon. If I do not right my energy and expel the bad, my next client will likely end up leaving with a bit of the negatively charged atmosphere. Knowing how disconcerted I feel when I am impinged by the unhealthy aura of others, I wouldn't ever intentionally want to burden anyone else. The thing is, once I have been exposed, I have to rid myself of it. There is no way to simply repel it, or absorb and dilute it. I have to shed it as quickly as possible, preferably without using anyone as an energy waste receptacle. Or I need to be fortunate enough to have a non-empath who is capable of taking and processing bad energy. I find I don't come into contact with nearly enough of those. Pity.

While I've always known that I was an empath, I had no idea exactly how unable I am to navigate the energy I encounter. Without a doubt, this evening's events have called my attention to what is quite possibly the root of my challenges with energy, resolve and motivation. Nearly two hours later I am feeling my mood level; the irritable feelings have dulled and I no longer have an agitated desire to snap at everyone around me. Sorting through and recognizing such a weakness is a silver lining, because it means that improvement and maintainable balance are possible. I just need learn how to feel without being consumed.