An End Doesn't Have To Be A Dead One

Today I am seven years happily divorced. I mean no disrespect to those who may not share my lasting gratefulness at finally choosing to be responsible for my own happiness, nor do I mean to infer negative things about my ex-husband. The ultimate breakdown of my 12 year marriage began the day I walked down the aisle. Both my ex and I bear responsibility, but none of that matters anymore.

I don't regret finally making the choice to move forward with my life. My sons deserved (and will always deserve) a mother who isn't consumed with the negative energy a dysfunctional relationship packs. One day I woke up and realized that all of the reasons I had stayed so long were bullshit, and that these boys needed to be free from the turmoil. By choosing to end my marriage, I hoped both my ex and I would become parents worthy of our beautiful sons.

While I cannot speak for my sons' father, I know that leaving the toxicity of an ill-made relationship allowed me to grow as a person by leaps and bounds. No longer weighed down by the bleak outlook of a life wrought with arguing and bitterness, I learned that I am even stronger than I had believed. I had the uncluttered presence of mind to see that there are always choices, no matter how tough a decision or path might be. I discovered me.

I am far from perfect, and as a mother I may not always make the best choices, but I have spent the last seven years being every bit the loving, guiding, and dedicated mother my boys need. My approach to relationships has everything to do with how the other person and I compliment one another, and less to do with need, or obligation. What is most important about this, aside from seeing and actively owning my own worth, is that my sons both see that happiness comes from within themselves, and not from another person.

These days I am happy in my own skin, whether I am single, or I am seeing someone. I know that at the end of the day, the life and home I have made are all I truly need. If one day I get to share that with another person - great, but my continued bliss with life is not dependent on being someone's significant other.

My sons will leave home in the not-too-distant future, and whether I am left on my own, or I find myself in a mutually beneficial and healthy relationship, I know that I love who I am enough that happiness will always surround me. So, yes, I am grateful to be divorced. None of what I have experienced and done in the past few years would have been possible had I stayed mired in the negative energy I'd let box me in for too long. Though it's far from roses every day, this life I now lead is exactly what I had hoped for: Full of the freedom and opportunity to generate as much happiness as possible. At the heart of it, there really is nothing more amazing then embracing all the possibilities and celebrating even the simplest of moments.