I Like It Loud

Sometimes a girl needs a little metal to get shit done.

Staring down deadlines always gets my ass in gear, but when I can't seem to focus quite as strictly as I know I need to, I've got a backup plan. Metal music. First of all, I love it. Growing up in the town I did, the affinity for such loud and intricate music, complete with guttural vocals was high likelihood. A former mill town, the area's younger generation grabbed hold of the angsty, tough as nails music in an effort to break from the cycle of boredom, grim future prospects and obviously, from the plethora of pop tunes cramming nearly every radio station that came in.

It was, and still is, the music of my generation. Getting older has not diminished my penchant for lightning fast guitars, drums, low, deathly growls or ear piercing screams. I actually think I have a bigger appetite for this genre and definitely a broader appreciation for artists I didn't understand the first time around. In addition to this wider range of artist listening, I have come to realize that this music, in particular, lights a fire under my ass.

Far from feeling angry or aggressive, as I've been asked before, I've always liked that I can listen to this style of music for hours on end and remain even tempered. Maybe it's age for some people, but this just isn't a genre that tests my patience or grates my nerves, like say ... rap. No matter how pissed off the music and lyrics are, my mood stays light. I mean, let the artists get the ugly shit out and scream about it, because somehow it's like channeling my negative energy away from me without succumbing to the process. I don't know, maybe it's just me.

Thanks to the likes of Slipknot, Killswitch Engage, Trivium, Angel Vivaldi, Atreyu and Mastadon I got through some tedious, yet grueling work on several documents today. Hopefully, my neighbors didn't suffer an assault on their ears, as it is quite challenging to listen to this stuff at low volume. Now to kickback and enjoy a nice, long, holiday weekend.

So Long To Dreams

I have strange dreams somewhat frequently. Either bizarre circumstance or surroundings, or people I've lost touch with popping up unexpectedly. The ones that really get to me though, are the ones that have people I have intentionally cut from my life in starring roles. Those are the kind that stay with me for the better part of the next day.

The most recent of these featured a former friend and my ex-husband; neither of whom I want making cameos in my slumber, let alone be the main focus. It's not as though I put much stock in dreams and what they mean, but sometimes the effect is strong enough that I do stop to consider what may be going on in life. Often times, there are stressors or big changes happening that I am in the midst of and I haven't thought about how any of it impacts who I am. So while I don't usually delve into the overall meaning of a dream, occasionally I do pay attention to factors of life that may contribute to them.

The older I get, the less I recall my dreams. This is kind of a bummer, since I always had vivid dreams. I could recall dreams from weeks prior, but these days they all just blur together — if I remember anything at all. Maybe this is the result of being far more immersed in my waking life than ever before. I'm inclined to believe that is the case, as my days are filled with far more stimulus than any vivid dream could ever hope to compete with. In a sense, I'm living the dream of balance and happiness, so my sleeping mind truly lacks for nothing.

At least that is what occurs to me upon pondering the relative lack of dream recollection. My life is full. I am happy. The past couple of years have been spent giving energy to creating happiness and balance, so my subconscious has little wishing to do and its fictional fantasies no longer grab my attention. I'll take real life over dreaming every single time.

Finally Diving In

Finally decided to take advantage of a month-long free trial of HBO Now...yes, specifically to watch Game of Thrones. After avoiding spoilers for years now, I'm finally joining the masses and settling in to start my binge watching frenzy. If anyone wonders where I've disappeared to, I can assure you I am fine, though it might take awhile to hear back from me.

Two minutes in and I need to pause so I can finish this blog post. Clearly this is one show that begs for absolute focus, lest the viewer miss something important to the storyline. Pretty sure I wouldn't want to be lost in those woods. Oh so gripping from the get-go, however.

I adore shows and movies that transport us back to a time long before the world as we know it came to be. Granted, there have been liberties taken, as we truly have no way of knowing what the landscape looked like, how the people interacted, or what is a total fabrication...well, we may have some ideas, but it's not definitive. All the same, I am a longtime fan of Fantasy type shows, and five minutes in and Boromir (LOTR) graces the screen. Yeah, I'm going to be unreachable through season 6, no doubt about it at all.

Why start a series like this during the summer, you might wonder? Well, I managed to go six months without a single spoiler for Star Wars: The Force Awakens and was completely devastated the other night when I finally watched it. I know enough from the buzz about GoT that I don't want to delay starting this series any longer. It's a miracle I haven't gleaned anything from social media or my friends that watch the show. I'm going to resist the urge to press my luck and dive in now.

I beg of you, given my confession of GoT abstinence thus far, don't comment with any spoilers. Thanks!

It's Work But It's Worth It

I've become fairly adept at making everything I eat from scratch. It isn't that I didn't do it before starting this elimination diet, I just didn't get this involved. Much as I might have groaned about all the work that's required, the fact that I'm feeling better makes it worth the time and energy spent doing it.

As my diet slowly expands to include more and more foods, I find I manage the cravings for foods I can't currently eat better. There's also a kind of satisfaction in knowing exactly what I'm putting into my body. No sugars, preservatives or questionable ingredients, just food that's 100% what it's suppose to be. Hard not to feel good about eating that way.

Even though this way of eating is highly restrictive, there are ways to make it feel less so. I've gotten creative with cooking and pairing foods, and most of the time I'm happy with the outcome. Prior to this diet I wouldn't have considered making ice cream from bananas or avocados, or attempted to make Greek yogurt. I've always loved avocados and appreciated their versatility, but I'm finding even more ways to incorporate them into my meals.

Eating predominantly protein and fat is tough to stick to. Being able to get creative means trying new things, like making my own nut butters, nut milks and yogurt. The more I can do to keep myself from eating things that aren't on the plan, the better I feel, and that's really what the purpose of doing any of this is. To feel better from the inside out. If that means I have to make my own yogurt and nut butters, than I'll gladly sacrifice the extra time to get it done.

You Never Know Who Is Watching

I'd say that most of the time I'm only moderately aware that people are tuned into my presence. It isn't as though I'm that self-absorbed, it's more that I don't see much of what I do as something many people would be interested in enough to pay attention. Obviously, the exceptions are social media and direct interaction with people.

Yesterday I was having drinks on the deck of a local summer hot spot with the man I'm dating. We were enjoying the weather, the atmosphere, and the conversation. As people milled about, walking by on their way to the bar or back to their seats with their food, a man made a beeline for our table. I assumed, as we have not been dating long enough to know many of each other's friends, that this guy must know Mr. Blue Eyes. The look on his face said otherwise as the man went to shake his hand, offering congratulations. We exchanged looks of confusion and the man explained that he and his wife had been watching the two of us for quite some time. My initial thought was 'what on earth for?'

It turns out that this couple essentially thought we looked beautiful together. Despite the fact that it's nearly automatic to lose track of time and who is around us when we are involved in a conversation, it appears that people around us are quite aware of the energy we must be generating as we interact with one another. A perfect reminder that people do pay attention, even if our own focus is fixed elsewhere.

Even though the sudden confession from a complete stranger that he had been watching us talk was odd and slightly off-putting at first, it was nice to know that from the outside, the genuine connection Mr. Blue Eyes and I share is plainly evident to anyone who happens to see us. I rather enjoy knowing that our comfort and contentedness with each other is recognizable by more than just us. Yeah, I am on the road to outright smitten and I don't care who knows :)

It's Never Too Late To Make Amends

Never underestimate the power that owning your faults and making amends holds. No matter how much time has passed, say what you need to say to whomever you've wanted to say it. There is no guarantee they will accept your offering, but if by chance they do, it is likely neither of your lives will ever be the same — in the best of ways.

I recently witnessed an old friend seize the opportunity to apologize and extend the olive branch that heals with another long time friend of mine. At first, I felt like an intruder given the context of the conversation. Having been aware of the rift that had existed years ago, I was moved to tears as I stood watching this amazing thing take place. In a hundred years I would never have imagined this day would happen, let alone think I'd get a front row seat to it.

It was the first time in quite some time that the best possible part of my day had nothing to do with me at all. I was on the fringe of the situation years ago, as it affected me because two of my friends were no longer speaking to one another. There were so many factors, not the least of which was the utter lack of communication that is indicative of being a teenager. We all went about our lives, but I never forgot the sadness of it, and after the other morning, it is clear none of us had.

Wonderful things happen and doors to healing open when we least expect it. Whether it involves us directly or we are onlookers, the meaning, and effect of such an event should never be overlooked. When a person steps outside of their ego and owns their actions without looking for reasons to explain them away, the genuine light of their apology is a blessing that can't help but hit us in the core of our being.

I walked away from that moment with a renewed belief that people do change and they are capable of acknowledging the not-so-pleasant parts of their lives to make amends. I have so much respect and admiration for these two people and how they embraced each other's words. There aren't enough words to express the surge of love and positive energy that moment graced my life with. Days later I am still smiling and I likely will continue to for some time to come.

Hard To Believe It's Taken This Long

I've managed to surround myself with some of the most compassionate, kind and interesting people. The friends I have, particularly those closest to me are high quality souls that I am grateful to have in my life. When I woke up and started writing this blog, I had completely different ideas of where it would go, fueled by thoughts and people unrelated to what is directing my words now. I never cease to be propelled into wonder when I step away from my laptop and return a bit later, at the way life works. As overused as it is, amazing is the best word to describe it.

I've known all manner of people and find it particularly interesting to experience a snippet of what makes each of them tick. It's easy to find a groove with some people, while others are beyond challenging to ever find common ground with. Not to oversimplify it but in my experience there are essentially three types of people in life. There are those who are stingy with their time and energy, never making effort to invest themselves in relationships, those who take as though they are entitled to what they pillage from those around them or drain others of all they need, and then there are the kind of people who give and take in equal measure — contributing to the balance of their relationships. 

The friends that I have all of the latter type. I adore them for being even and open, and it inspires me to continue putting forth my best efforts with them, likely forging even stronger bonds as time goes by. I've had a toxic friendship or two, and the vast differences between those and the healthy ones are far too glaring to ignore. The obsurd thing is that until recently I didn't seem to be able to apply that same objectivity and observation in my dating life. Whether it was the desire to see things in people that I wanted to believe were present or an ongoing case of denial I'm not sure. What I do know is that I somehow managed to consistently avoid choosing partners from that amazing group of balanced, givers and takers. 

After a far longer stint than necessary of never knowing where I stood with some and having to face the obvious narcissism with the rest, the light dawns on Marblehead. The qualities that actually mean the most to me in my friends are the same that should be expected in a significant other. Why on earth would I continue to settle for less than what I know is possible from the tried and true relationships I've been so fortunate to have for most of my life? Yeah, that would just be downright silly.

Meeting someone who values the same type of interaction and balance as the I do seemed like something I might have missed out on, and I likely would have had I not opened myself up to the possibility of that happening. No matter what the future holds, the experience of being with someone who isn't elusive or suffocating, who enjoys talking about anything and everything, and who has emotional maturity in every way that matters has refined what I look for in the people I meet. 

Leaving the near masochistic penchant for narcissistic people behind is the most freeing and uplifting thing I could have ever imagined. Being able to engage and accept the balance of give and take is the absolute best lesson I have learned this year. No more fighting for space, no more vying for attention. Forging a connection with another person doesn't have to be a never-ending, uphill battle. It can be organic and fun — and honestly, that's exactly how it should be.

Nothing In Life Is Perfect

I occasionally find myself a bit off course from where I may have been headed. Busy days and the tendency to rely on my ever-aging memory when I should jot things down inevitably leads to missing things. Playing catch-up and gathering all those forgotten or skipped over items can actually be interesting.

There's little point in getting frustrated by revisiting things, making additional trips or having to redo something entirely, because that kind of mindset won't make getting on top of any of it easier. It might actually make it more difficult. As I get older, I have realized that the things I've absent-mindedly missed aren't usually detrimental to my overall journey. The time-sensitivity and relative importance of getting these things done are usually not set in stone as I might initially have thought them to be, but rather flexible enough to get to whenever I manage to get to them.

It is easy to allow our preconceived views about tasks and responsibilities to wreak havoc on our mindsets and sense of accomplishment. We are all too often our own worst critic. Being able to step away from whatever failure we believe to have allowed or created affords us the opportunity to lighten up on our expectations of ourselves. It is quite possible that missing that turn and having to spend ten minutes re-routing, delaying our plans, trip or arrival was necessary for the overall outcome of something in our life. Not getting to an errand or chore, or missing something we were looking forward to might present the benefit of hindsight upon contemplating how it was skipped over in the first place.

When we resist the urge to see failing as a negative thing, we open up the possibilities of doing a better job next time, being more prepared than we would have been originally and even being more open and aware of the impact or meaning that would otherwise have been lost had we succeeded the first time around. Failure is learning. It is an opportunity to practice and master. When we fail, we grow, so long as we focus on 'failing forward'.

Even The Worst Music Can't Bring Me Down

Ever have a moment when you think to yourself 'I'm on top of the world' because life is just all-around good? Well, I'm willing to bet that thought isn't immediately invaded by this irritating earworm.

I loathe The Carpenters. Not personally, obviously, but their music is like nails on a chalkboard. The problem is, my childhood was somewhat saturated by their happy-go-lucky sibling soft rock. The worst part that is I still know every single word to this day. Without listening to it. So, yeah, my day got off to a challenging start, to say the least.

Despite this attack on my blissful state of being, I am grateful to understand what it means to embrace happiness every possible moment. Being in an uplifted mood, truly enjoying life is more than possible even when all of the pieces of our days aren't in optimal positions. There are a few things I've been dealing with recently that aren't ideal, but life isn't perfect and that is what makes it all the exciting. I don't need all my 'i's dotted or my 't's crossed to experience joy. I only need to believe that each moment has the potential to impact me in the best of ways and resist the urge to let my thoughts go down the rabbit hole of negativity.

Even a nasty broken record of a song playing in my head can't ruin the possibilities of today. Even if nothing amazing occurs it's all blue skies and butterflies as far as I can see. When we have the ability to create our own positive outlook on our life, it would be a shame to let it waste away, unrecognized. Be your own sunshine-y, summer fun, whimsical influence, get out there and enjoy whatever today brings you.

It's All In How You Choose To See Things

I find that when I don't spend time fretting over how I will be able to get everything on my list done, I manage to get it all done just fine. My life is packed full of every kind of experience and none of it will wait for something else to get done. Time passes no matter what I do or don't do, but the more I check of my list, the more I'm able to focus on the fun stuff. That's just a no-brainer to me.

I welcome responsibility and the work that inevitably comes with it. Since feeling productive boosts my positive outlook on life, embracing the must-dos not only clears my head and frees my focus, it puts me in the most optimal mood to enjoy everything else. I might find I'm exhausted at the end of the day, but that just means I have the opportunity to choose between kicking back or pushing for that second wind. I never know what I'll end up doing, but just knowing I have the options to do either makes all the crazy tasks I've undertaken worth any amount of frustration and stress.

Keeping the benefits and likely outcomes in mind when I'm staring down a lengthy or arduous list of got-to-get-dones helps make relatively quick work of it all. A solid day of sorting through obligations doesn't have to be an unwelcome burden. I don't stay inside my head long enough to dread the time spent owning up to my responsibilities because negative energy has never gotten me where I want to go. I'll continue to get shit done and enjoy life every possible second I can, without begrudging the responsibilities that make the best possible mindset a reality.

This Kind Of Growth Is What It's All About

Struggles are what define our limits. Understanding that this is an ever-changing cycle means those limits are really just place holders and aren't rooted to any particular spot.  Without having to earn our place in life, we'd be purposeless and likely without an understanding of ourselves. I choose not to feel overwhelmed or put upon by the challenges I face, but rather see each as an opportunity to expand and grow.

The ups, downs and in-betweens are what create our existence. I prefer the ups, for sure, but I can't discount the downs or the in-betweens. Those moments give me the opportunity to reflect on the best things and problem solve the less than desirable. Each and every time I resist the urge to allow the negative tendencies of hardships or daily challenges to cloud my perspective, I'm learning something about myself and pushing my limitations further, and that is an invaluable process.

This year so far, in comparison to others hasn't been as full of awesome, but I can't say it's been awful either. There have been more frequent hurdles to get over or around, but that has added depth and a point of view that might otherwise have been skipped over. If you can have an open mind and appreciate the shit in life, than the good stuff is that much more enjoyable. Maximizing the good is what it's all about for me, so I'm ready for whatever presents itself and I couldn't be more up to the challenge.

Maybe That's Where Those Mysterious Bruises Come From...

The evolution of coffee in my life has gone from a cup or two on the weekends via drip maker to patiently going through the pour over process each and every morning. I love coffee, though I rarely have more than a cup or two per day. I would likely drink more were it not for the jitters I get from too much caffeine.

I've always had high energy. When I was a kid my mother would describe it as bouncing off the walls. I didn't understand it then, but there are days now when I feel like I'm going to burst out of my own skin so that description makes a whole lot of sense. Add a bit too much caffeine in there and I can barely contain myself, which is potentially dangerous for anyone around me. Ok, maybe not dangerous but definitely eventful.

Recently, I came to the realization that while I may feel lazy or unproductive at times, by typical definition I am anything but. I was told last night that my bar for lazy is high in comparison to most people. While I might have once dismissed that observation, when I consider a typical day in my life it is actually quite accurate. I sometimes wonder if I were to stop — like actually sit down and do absolutely nothing, would my heart stop? Unlikely, though I definitely think I would amass a surplus of energy quite quickly that would beg to be burned off.

I suppose that I ought to be grateful I'm on the go most of the time. I've been told by those who know my mother that I come by this always busy approach to life honestly. Yes, that apple didn't fall far from the tree. At 64 she is still busying herself the way she always has, so I'd venture to say I have years of this lifestyle ahead of me. I wouldn't want it any other way. It's always good to slow down and take it all in, but at the end of it all, I am just trying to pack as much living into the one life I've been given as I possibly can.

Maybe That's Where Those Mysterious Bruises Come From...

The evolution of coffee in my life has gone from a cup or two on the weekends via drip maker to patiently going through the pour over process each and every morning. I love coffee, though I rarely have more than a cup or two per day. I would likely drink more were it not for the jitters I get from too much caffeine.

I've always had high energy. When I was a kid my mother would describe it as bouncing off the walls. I didn't understand it then, but there are days now when I feel like I'm going to burst out of my own skin so that description makes a whole lot of sense. Add a bit too much caffeine in there and I can barely contain myself, which is potentially dangerous for anyone around me. Ok, maybe not dangerous but definitely eventful.

Recently, I came to the realization that while I may feel lazy or unproductive at times, by typical definition I am anything but. I was told last night that my bar for lazy is high in comparison to most people. While I might have once dismissed that observation, when I consider a typical day in my life it is actually quite accurate. I sometimes wonder if I were to stop — like actually sit down and do absolutely nothing, would my heart stop? Unlikely, though I definitely think I would amass a surplus of energy quite quickly that would beg to be burned off.

I suppose that I ought to be grateful I'm on the go most of the time. I've been told by those who know my mother that I come by this always busy approach to life honestly. Yes, that apple didn't fall far from the tree. At 64 she is still busying herself the way she always has, so I'd venture to say I have years of this lifestyle ahead of me. I wouldn't want it any other way. It's always good to slow down and take it all in, but at the end of it all, I am just trying to pack as much living into the one life I've been given as I possibly can.

Maybe That's Where Those Mysterious Bruises Come From...

The evolution of coffee in my life has gone from a cup or two on the weekends via drip maker to patiently going through the pour over process each and every morning. I love coffee, though I rarely have more than a cup or two per day. I would likely drink more were it not for the jitters I get from too much caffeine.

I've always had high energy. When I was a kid my mother would describe it as bouncing off the walls. I didn't understand it then, but there are days now when I feel like I'm going to burst out of my own skin so that description makes a whole lot of sense. Add a bit too much caffeine in there and I can barely contain myself, which is potentially dangerous for anyone around me. Ok, maybe not dangerous but definitely eventful.

Recently, I came to the realization that while I may feel lazy or unproductive at times, by typical definition I am anything but. I was told last night that my bar for lazy is high in comparison to most people. While I might have once dismissed that observation, when I consider a typical day in my life it is actually quite accurate. I sometimes wonder if I were to stop — like actually sit down and do absolutely nothing, would my heart stop? Unlikely, though I definitely think I would amass a surplus of energy quite quickly that would beg to be burned off.

I suppose that I ought to be grateful I'm on the go most of the time. I've been told by those who know my mother that I come by this always busy approach to life honestly. Yes, that apple didn't fall far from the tree. At 64 she is still busying herself the way she always has, so I'd venture to say I have years of this lifestyle ahead of me. I wouldn't want it any other way. It's always good to slow down and take it all in, but at the end of it all, I am just trying to pack as much living into the one life I've been given as I possibly can.

It's What You Have, Not What You Don't That Is Important In Life

There are a number of conflicting emotions rolling about inside right now. I'm angry that my sons don't have the kind of connection with their father that they deserve to have. I'm disappointed that the best effort he can muster is to lay guilt trip after guilt trip on them instead of owning his shit and actually  attempting real change. I'm saddened that the negative experiences I had with my mother's first husband have become that of my own children. Part of me wants to shake the sense into this man who has missed out on the most incredible years and growth of these amazing boys, but it isn't my place. My role is to be their mother; a constant and reliable supporting parent that guides, loves and consoles them when they need it most. I cannot fill the void their father created, but I can make certain their feeling of loss is as minimal as humanly possible.

Despite all the wishes, hopes and endless positive requests I've sent out into the Universe, the situation between my sons and my ex-husband has not improved. For reasons that aren't necessary to share, they have found it necessary to remain guarded and withdrawn from him. No matter how much I want for something better for all of them, I can only sit back and deal with the pain of not being able to protect the boys from disappointment and the ongoing ups and downs of such unfortunate dysfunction. There is nothing more in life that I could want for them, aside from living happy, productive lives than to have experienced the same love and involvement they have with me as part of a relationship with their father.

At the end of the day, my feelings are my own and do my sons no good. The ability to recognize and focus on the many positive relationships they do have with the other men in their lives is really what it all should be about. Rather than grow up jaded and bitter at the lack of paternal influence, they have learned to appreciate and celebrate the males who have always shown up and earned their respect, gratitude, and love. It's tough to stay mired in the ill-feeling surrounding what they don't have when they so willingly accept the family and friends they are always able to rely on. I love that the hand they were dealt in life has made them look on the bright side and own who they are. They may not have what other people do in two parents that would move heaven and earth for them, but they know they have the most intensely loyal and loving village with them forever and always. At the heart of it all, I couldn't ask for anything better.

Sometimes I Don't Succeed Like I Expected To

Realizing when I've overextended myself is tough. I don't like admitting that I'm human. I mean, I don't like not being able to operate at high speeds indefinitely, like some kind of super human. I'm fine with being human, it's the whole limitations thing I just don't embrace well.

The other side of acknowledging that I've taken on more than I should have is that nearly always I've opened the door to having others rely on me. Letting people down is just not something I ever feel good about. It doesn't matter if it is unintentional; if I fail to be available for someone, no matter how difficult it is for me to finagle it, I've still failed. Without a doubt, I am hard on myself, but I take standing by my words and my actions seriously. Walking away from things I've started, leaving them unfinished never feels good. Even if it's the best thing for my own well-being.

It isn't often that I have to bow out of things I've committed to, but even so it still feels awful. Getting past the guilt and negative energy is tough. When it comes right down to it though, I know that stepping away and being 100% honest with myself is what makes the most sense. No matter how much I want to apply my sticktoitiveness to a situation, it just doesn't work with everything. Sure, I pride myself on being dependable, loyal and hardworking, but every so often it doesn't pan out the way I had expected. When that happens I have to retreat and do what is best for me.

Though every intention was based in good will, there are things that just aren't meant to be or don't turn out the way I had hoped they might. Being able to hold my head up and refrain from berating myself for a failure is almost as tough as having to admit that I can't do it all. Like it or not, I'm not Super Girl; I kick ass most of the time, but there are moments and choices that have me sitting the bench for a bit. I tried something, it didn't work out, but the world doesn't have to end and walking away doesn't mean I don't know how to follow-through.

Sometimes it takes a few strikes to finally hit a home run. I tried it, it just isn't going to work, so it's time to step back and recharge. Something else will come along and when it does, I'll be better prepared to take it on.

No Chaos Here Today

I try not to wish the days away. Focusing on what isn't going the way I want, only makes me miss out on the things that are going well. Life cannot be everything we want at every second. Appreciation for the good things comes from a deep understanding of having lived through the not-so-good things.

Today was a rather ordinary day; if ordinary in my life were ever a steady stream of keeping busy and getting things done. I've come to realize that the norm for my days, centers around an all-too-fast pace, where I'm left to reflect on a rather blurry mental slideshow. When the hours pass and I continue to move forward through a day without feeling as though I'm traveling at 200 mph, I have to be grateful. It's always good to switch up the pace and when there's an appropriate amount of time to really think through things before taking action, a kind of balance is restored.

Uneventful doesn't necessarily mean nothing happened, for me it's more about nothing crazy blew up around me. Plenty of stuff goes on from the time I wake until my head hits the pillow for the night, it's just nice when I can think back on it all and remember most of how it all unfolded. I'm glad I see the benefit in slowing down and embracing life for all it is, it makes it far easier to stay positive and recognize happy.

What's In Coincidence

How do you interpret coincidence? It's one of those things that I don't usually put much stock in. Considering how populated this world is, it really isn't all that mind-blowing when you come across someone else who is wearing the same thing, knows the same people, has the exact same birthday or has had an eerily similar experience. I'd say that I find amusement in the 'idea' that coincidence could mean something more. Except, occasionally I'm too impressed by the nature or degree of similarities to another person's life to disregard them after they've provided entertainment.

I wouldn't stake my whole life on it, but there are some coincidences that reverberate more like signs and I choose not to discount them altogether. I still wouldn't base an entire decision on uncanny things. I'm not opposed to considering deeper meaning, however.

I think that coincidence allows us to find similarly minded people to have relationships with. When we bond with a person over a thing we have in common or some experience that's inexplicably similar, it's as though we are part of something bigger. There's a sense of belonging and kinship that allows us to almost instantly accept that that person is part of the same 'group'. There is no telling what the extent of the relationship will be, but the sense of camaraderie is why we pick to interact with them over others we happen to be around.

Not every friendship or relationship I have in life is based on or brought about by coincidence, but I will say there's something extra special about those that are or have been. There's a little extra something that adds depth and meaning to those connections that only shared coincidental experience can create.

  

One-liners

Maybe, just possibly, what seems like a setback or diversion from the path is something more powerful and longer lasting manifesting itself. 

I'm A Saturdays In The Park Kind Of Gal

I'm not going to lie; I'm having a tough time writing tonight...what with the Earth, Wind & Fire going on about September up in here. Sitting still to type and grooving like a total white chick in my Boston Red Sox comfies is a pretty big challenge. Especially when the youngin' is getting down with his equally white self along with me.

Pandora likes to test my music knowledge I think...I mean, why else would it play 'Everybody Wants To Rule The World" on 70s Scenic? Um, hello? Tears For Fears is Totally 80s (totally FOREVER), which I love, too, but don't mess with decade grouped music! Beyond messes with my mindset, I don't like switching gears like that. Especially when the very next song is from 1965. When I pick 70s, I want only the 70s. I mean, is that so much to ask?

I grew up in the 70s — ergo, I tend to love listening to the music (soft rock, classic rock, disco, and folk alike). It is no surprise that I still know the lyrics to songs I may not have heard in a decade or more. Nor is it strange that this music can put me in the best of moods. What is somewhat surprising to me is that I am willingly (albeit playfully) relating to the lyrics.

My dating life, as of late has me smiling most of the time. What started out as goofing with the whole 70s genre has actually kind of struck a chord with me. Now, I'm not talking world rocking, just that for the first time in forever I'm relaxed, enjoying someone's company completely, and finding that I relate to the freaking cheesy-ass lyrics the sound of the seventies owned in the most thorough of ways. Me. The girl who doesn't ever relate to even the slightest of romantic songs. Like ever. Go ahead and shake your head, I have several times.

My 'romantic' life isn't something I discuss much and that isn't likely to change. I don't ever feel the need to divulge specifics because frankly, I prefer to keep some things in life to myself. I did find that having realized that I'm on a 70s kick recently and making the correlation to my upbeat, happy mood and spending time with a particularly awesome someone, it warranted writing about. However briefly. Far from having preset expectations, the overall feeling for me is comfortable, slightly blissful and amazingly balanced. There are no irritations, no red flags, and the guy likes all kinds of music; even 70s! Being in a relationship, however new and undefined, that has no pretenses — well, let's just say I'm good with exploring every possible part of that if it happens to present itself. Being with someone with whom you have lots of common interests, thoughts and ideas is so totally underrated.

I'm going to finish my glass of Cabernet to America, surf the 'net a bit and revel in the happy that the day has graced me with. I'll likely text that blue-eyed, smiling Irish man until turning in for the night, and smile about it the entire time. I might even postulate the meaning of riding a horse with no name, through a desert and being happy no rain is falling for more than nine days. One thing I can say is that the 70s definitely gave us lyrics to reflect upon. No matter how confusing they might be.

Wind Me Up And Stand Back

It's not always easy, but admitting that I have limits is sometimes the only way to give myself a break. Plugging away at work, time can get away from me. So much so that I often find I can go from zero to stressed-the-fuck-out in seconds. That kind of shift in mood isn't exactly healthy or beneficial for anyone.

Maybe more important than knowing when to step away and take a break, is how I slow the amped up energy produced by the stress. That's always a bit of a challenge. I'm French and I come from a family that utilizes stress to get shit done, so it's almost a bummer to will that energy away. Of course, I prefer to function without charging everything and everyone around me up, so less stress is usually key.

I am sure that from a distance, I'm a bit of entertainment when I'm on a roll. I once had the nickname of 'Tornado'. While it was funny, the reality of that likeness has stayed with me and been at the root of my efforts to avoid laying waste to everything around me in seconds. I still find I get fired up quickly, but it's over almost as quickly as it begins most of the time. I'd almost bet it's still a bit of a show that amuses others. So long as it isn't adversely affecting those around me, I suppose I can call it progress.

Tomorrow is a new day and I have little doubt that it will provide another opportunity to work on my ability to keep stress in check. Until then, I'd say a good night's sleep is the best way to prepare myself for the challenge. That, and I'm just plain wiped out after the day.

Polonius Spoke Volumes In Just A Few Short Words

"This above all: to thine own self be true." ~ William Shakespeare

Before you speak, before you take action, look within yourself. Is this who you are? Is this what you truly mean to say? And in time, will you still stand by your words or your movements if done in haste?

Know who you are; pause long enough, to be honest with your heart and mind. Move and speak from your true core and not from the reverberations of the world around you. "To thine own self be true."

A Thought Or Two This Heavy Day

No streak of amazing days is ever unbroken. The hard things in life can stop us where we stand for minutes, hours or even days. Whether it is personal or environmental, some events have a way of reaching inside us and demanding our attention. Even if just for a few moments.

Sadness and anger are often thought of as negative emotions because they are not the first, second or even third choice most of us would make. I've come to think that theses aren't necessarily bad things in feel in life, particularly when they call our attentions to matters that ought not be ignored. They are profound alerts that change is either needed or in progress. 

If something ignites a fire or triggers action that leads to a positive outcome, it's hardly negative. Wallowing in or staying fixated on the anger or sadness is when the negativity rears its head. Using our pain to forge good change and new, healthier paths is how we avoid the lure of the darker things inside us. 

I find the recent tragedies that have befallen this country at the hands of dark souls difficult to discuss. I'm not certain what lessons there are to be gained in light of such violent and senseless acts, and it is possible that they won't be revealed for some time. While those of us who aren't directly involved or suffering loss might experience varying levels of sadness and anger, avoiding the urge to look beyond the disturbed individuals who made these tragic events reality in order to lay blame is crucial. 

We can only find unity against terror and hate if we do not allow the negative energy to spread out of fear and outrage. It isn't likely there will ever be a clear answer for why, though there will always be plenty of postulating as to the causes. Allowing ourselves to get stuck in trying to find explanations keeps us rooted in the negative energy of the event, rather than pushing us toward something better. The only way to make something out of such traumatic life altering times is to find a way to bring something positive forth. Right now, it might just be enough to resist adding fuel to the fires of hate. Negative words and actions don't alter the things that have already occurred, nor do they bring about positive change. Vengeful behavior begets vengeful behavior. Don't allow yourself to be a link in that chain.

Outside Stimulus

How do you process other people's bad energy without your inner harmony suffering adverse effects? 

After two decades of working in other people's personal space, I've managed to adopt a few helpful tactic to minimize the negative effects. I still find that I'm overwhelmed momentarily by strong instances of another person's negative energy. The good thing is I recover and regain my inner balance quickly.

Occasionally I have to do a little damage control, as I might slip into a mindset that isn't conducive to a happy life. The most effective way to combat taking on a bad attitude for me is breathing deep and then taking a step back mentally to analyze the root of whatever is bothering me. It's not the easiest thing to do, but working on myself rarely is. The things people say and do still affect me, sometimes more than I'd care to admit, but I see the bounce back from those things as an opportunity for growth.

Staying mired in a foul mood or feeling down because of things outside of our control is detrimental to maintaining our well-being and happiness. We are the makers of our own destiny therefore need to remember that other people's energy is temporary and will pass if we just learn to let it go. This isn't the same as ignoring what we are feeling. I have found the only way to truly let go of the ills that threaten to wreak havoc on our growth and progress is to let them stir the pot before scooping them out and tossing them. If I don't become familiar with them, allow those thoughts and energies to strike a chord - no matter how painful or unpleasant, I can't possibly hope to cast them out for good. 

The best way to recognize good from bad is to experience both. Familiarity is a great tool when paired with the desire to strive for happiness. There are some less than desirable moments that are beneficial to moving forward and achieving a better state of being. If we ignore them or throw them to the curb too soon, we miss out on the lessons and strengths we stand to gain by ensuring them. Hold onto them too long and we lose sight of where we were going and they may well bleed over into every facet of our life, preventing positive advancement and joy. There is a balance and it varies from experience to experience, person to person. Each day brings the possibility of opportunities to find our happy medium, which is exactly how I approach each dawn. Feel it all before you decide what to do next.

Four Weeks And I Feel Better Than Ever, But There's A Big Exception

I find that I spend a fair amount of timing weighing things. I utilize the bathroom scale, only to mutter obscenities at it and this freaking elimination diet, as it is getting in the way of my fitness goals. The food scale in my kitchen gets a workout so that I can effectively assess the necessary caloric and macrobiotic intake I need to preserve lean muscle. And I mentally gauge the benefits and drawbacks of most every major choice I face, leaving me a bit exhausted on the daily. Damn it, where is the freedom of just going with the flow on all counts? I know I experienced this at some point years ago, though I hardly recall the peace and joy I vaguely remember experiencing.

Getting older is wrought with shit that no one ever wants to believe will visit them one day. In a million years, I would never have even considered that I'd strip my nutrition down to the absolute basics and embark on the painstaking (and mood challenging) journey of adding foods back in one at a time. I hadn't really understood that a diet absent of nearly all sugar and starch would leave me mourning parts of me that were once full and far more shapely. I was enjoying life at a certain weight and had absolutely no desire to shed any of it, as none of it was unwanted. By no means a lack of caloric or macro intake, I've come to realize that protein, fat and minimal, specific carbs aren't the only essential nutrients a body needs to thrive and maintain.

The thing is, I'm torn. I do not want to continue down this slope of unnecessary weight loss, but I don't want to dive headlong into digestive hell again either. Overall, the past four weeks have left me feeling good, like really good. Sure, I may have to completely back off the cardio altogether, but lifting has always been my preferred workout anyway. I may have to consider a slightly different approach to food reintroduction; one that allows for a bit more 'weighty' sustenance than strictly protein, healthy fat and select complex carbs. As much as I would love to just say "fuck it all" and gorge myself on decadent foods, the aftermath just isn't worth the momentary satisfaction of indulgence.

So here I sit, continuing on the path of weight assessment in almost every form. Hoping that the coming weeks result in options that reduce the almost obsessive search for that happy medium, and flip the scales to tip in the direction I'd like to see them head in. I'm all about the gains; muscle, weight and well-being. Without a doubt I am loving my new and improved abs, but well, hell, I'm starting to really miss my tits and ass.

All Too Often I'd Like To Just Shave It All Off

My relationship with hair is sort of love-hate. My own, in particular. While I am grateful that I have the know-how and patience to style these mind-of-their-own tresses, the reality is that I will never experience a carefree, wash-and-go 'do that saves me time and effort that might better be used doing something more beneficial. Like say, oh I don't know, anything else.

Yes, I have hair, and yes, I am adept enough to style it most anyway I choose. There are days, however, when I would love to just shake the excessive water from it post-shower and go out into the world without looking progressively mad hatter-ish as these coarse, thick locks dry. No really, it's quite frightful for this head of hair to be mingling in public untamed and askew. The frizz alone amplifies the overall look of unkempt bed head.

My trusty sidekicks are ever-reliable hot tools that allow me to dry, curl, straighten and even gently shape my natural curl with minimum frizz. Should a zombie apocalypse befall us in my lifetime, I can only hope to strike gold in stumbling upon a butane cartridge store for cordless curling irons. Of course being in ownership of that all-too dated item from long ago would be a monumental boon as well. Trust me when I say that even a post-apocalyptic society would be forever grateful for such luck. No one needs the kind of jaw-dropping distraction of that kind when facing a horde of flesh eating, brain dead walkers.

Frightful though my unfinished coif may be, it protects my skin from the sun, keeps me warm year-round and adds a certain flare to nearly any look I happen to be going for each day. It allows me to create something akin to a signature look, that nearly anyone who knows me could recognize from a distance. Sure, I might be at odds with the time and attention that it demands, but I am well aware that I'd be a bit lost and sullen without it. So, I'll take the work and any aggravation because, in the end, I'm rather like Samson when it comes right down to it.

Sometimes The Best Things Come After A Storm

I never cease to be amazed at what a productive day does for my overall well-being and state of mind. When things get done, no matter how crazy everything around me gets, I'm mentally ticking off items from a list and doing a touchdown move or two. There is no denying the power of forward motion, particularly when the results mean you cross big things off and make room for other things that have been waiting to be addressed.

If I allowed the world to overwhelm me, like it has taunted me it would in the past, I doubt I'd ever manage to find the awesome in this life. I may still get amped up over things, particularly when they affect those I care about, but for the most part I'm focused on what I need to do and how best I can do it. If someone delays me or their actions cause a setback, I find another way around. It isn't going to get me closer to completing something I'm doing if I choose to switch gears and take on anger. That's just another hurdle between me and progressing to the next step.

I don't particularly care for driving in torrential downpours; granted, here in Maine those aren't all that frequent. Of course, there's always a choice in how I deal with it when it does occur. Today, I didn't white knuckle it or inhale sharply when people cut in front of me on the interstate without any notice or proper space. I just managed my own driving and slowly made my way home. The rain let up and stopped altogether a little over a mile from my house, and as I drove - the sun just behind me, a rainbow shown on the road, edging out from my left headlight and stayed with me until my direction shift made it disappear. Stop and go traffic ahead of me provided the perfect opportunity and location to snap a quick photo of a double rainbow in the distance.

I didn't get wound up by the things that were beyond my control, and I was able to find myself in a moment where I had absolute appreciation for things that are beyond my control. I doubt that I will ever tire of seeing rainbows after it rains, and I know that I was able to enjoy the ones I encountered today because my mind wasn't filled with negativity and counterproductive thoughts. These are the same reasons I am able to be productive and let it fuel how I feel about life and all that's in it.

Irish, Bourbon Or Scotch, I'll Take Mine Neat, Please

I love whiskey. Well, good whiskey, to be more specific. Of course, I'd love to drink the best of the best all the time, but I'm good with Jameson, Bulleit, Maker's and Powers. Hell, even Bushmills and Buffalo Trace will do. And before you get all high and mighty, I'm aware of the difference between whiskey, scotch and bourbon. I don't discriminate, I love them all.

This affinity is something of a new thing for me, so my experience is admittedly limited. I've been working on expanding my palette, so to speak, and I've begun making mental notes of those I'd like to sample in the coming months. Elimination diet be damned, this girl will give up all the foods she loves to find out what I should no longer eat, but nothing gets in the way of me and my whiskey.

The least experience I have is with scotch, though I've been perusing the cybersphere and schooling myself on the labels I think I might like. Johnny Walker Blue was my first and I dare say I'd enjoy exploring the more reasonably priced offerings from this distillery, but I wouldn't say no to their King George V. Ardbeg has a few varieties that pique my interest (though the bottle alone would be enough for me to throw one back). And Glenfiddich? Yes, please.

Irish whiskey is something I've not delved too far into. Beyond Jameson (which I adore), Knappogue Castle (14 and older), Powers and Bushmills, I haven't ventured far. A few that I am most interested in imbibing, be they single malt or blended are Connemara (any and all), Redbreast, Midleton, and Kilbeggan (preferably the 18-year old). Without a doubt, I lean toward the Irish, despite having a genuine like for scotch and bourbon.

As for bourbon, I believe I have managed to accrue the most experience in this type of whiskey. It might have been my days pimping spirits as a promo gal, that started me on the road to whiskey - though Jim Beam, Wild Turkey and Jack D might as well be two-buck chuck for all I care now. Ok, ok, I know those labels offer more expensive and palatable varieties, and I'm willing to give them a go.When the options are Buffalo Trace, Knob Creek, and Maker's, I'm far more interested in treating my taste buds to a drink. I have to admit that I'm quite intrigued by Elijah Craig (23-yr old please).

Along the path of taste acquisition, having a true appreciation for whether my favorite amber substance is pot stilled, blended, single malt, grain or unaged is a goal. This is a brave undertaking, of that I'm completely aware, but I truly feel it is one of the absolute experiences I must have in life. Yes, I am most certainly up for the challenge of refining my taste in the adult beverage genre of whiskey. I think I might just have a tasting partner who also enjoys drinking this golden nectar neat. Life is amazingly good when you share the love of whiskey with someone who is equally enthralled by its vibrantly delicious warmth.

I raise the last of this night's neat Bulleit to my fellow whiskey aficiandos.

Getting Sidelined Is Never Easy

Normally, I don't enjoy waiting on my children. I like that they are independent and capable. When they aren't able to do things for themselves, however, there is usually a good reason.

My overly enthusiastic youngest participated in a 4-day retreat with Maine Youth Leadership for the second time; this year as a junior counselor. I am in absolute support of him doing things that are volunteer-based, are a great addition to his transcripts for college and provide invaluable exercises and knowledge with real world application. Because of this, I don't mind helping him pack and transporting him (even if it involves a number of trips back and forth throughout the weekend because of prior commitments). He's actually pretty good at making sure he has everything he needs. He let his exuberance get the better of him and rolled his ankle pretty good while jumping around the other night. Now he's the household gimp; meaning my ass isn't likely to see the couch over the next few days ... unless he's sleeping.

Of course, I understand how frustrating it is to be dependent on others. After foot surgery last fall, I was at my wit's end two days into my heal time. The quickest and most effective reminder to appreciate one's mobility and independence is to have it taken away, albeit temporarily. This active teen is exhausted from the events of the past four days, and I'm rather happy he has dozed off next to me on the couch (yes, partly because I finally get to sit). I know that tomorrow he'll be irritable when he is rested and finds he's still pretty reliant on others to do things for him.

Despite the fact that it sounds great to have others cater to your needs, in reality, when you are independent and prideful of your ability to do for yourself, suddenly not being able to do some of the simplest things without help is a pisser. Especially if you're particular about how things are done. In this house, we are all particular, and that can be tricky under normal circumstances. Luckily, we favor forward movement, so getting caught up in the irritabilities or tripped up by the hurdles doesn't slow us down much. It doesn't hurt that I remember clearly exactly how it felt to be  limited by injury. Extending my efforts to keep him in a state that will let him heal more quickly really isn't a tough thing to do. Well, that and because he's my baby and always will be. I just can't pick him up and carry him to bed these days.

Thick And Thin

Having had the privilege of raising my sons alone, there are moments when I stand back and wonder how in the world we've made it as far as we have. Not that I doubt my children's or my own abilities to survive and thrive. It's just that with so much unpredictability ready to thwart our efforts at a moment's notice, I'm always slightly amazed that we always seem to 'trooper on' and experience real progress in spite of it all.

Certainly, each of us has had to make alterations in our own personal plans, but we manage to make it all work. Sometimes it looks as though it's going to be a messy situation, and truth be told, there have been occasional arguments, as well as miffed attitudes toward one another. Still, I believe that all three of us have little doubt that we will always be there when one of us needs something. If nothing else, this tells me I haven't strayed too far from the right path while raising them.

Life and the Universe are seemingly always ready with a challenge; particularly when it is the least convenient. Each of us may vent or become frustrated for a bit by the circumstances we find ourselves in, but there is never a time when we think we are truly alone in dealing with them. It doesn't matter what it is, there is always a way to make it work so that we can at least muddle through to the other side.

These are things that I am fully appreciating now that the boys are grown. To see them take action without prompting, own their shortcomings and push to be better — especially when someone else is dependent on them, well, that's a parenting win. I feel confident that no matter what, each of these boys will reach out to each other and to me should they ever need anything. We've built a family unit that thrives because we are there, we love deeply and we know that the only way to enjoy the good times is to have people with you. Those good times aren't nearly as sweet without having been through the bad shit together.

I haven't always made the best choices as a parent and knowing that my sons bore some of the fallout has made me even more dedicated to including them in decisions. They are part of the process and because of that, they have helped me see things from views I might otherwise have missed. I may still be the parental figure, but they are adults that have figured out how to be part of something for the good, bad and indifferent. They take it all because they know anything worthwhile isn't without a challenge.

We've been challenged a bit as of late, but we stick together and find solutions to problems, other directions when there is a roadblock, and encourage one another when a pat on the back or boost of goodwill can make all the difference. I love that this whole 'mom' gig isn't a flat, repetitive experience, and instead, the most intricate and fascinating adventure I could have ever asked for. Yeah, this mom thing really looks good on me ;)

Unexpected Isn't Always Bad.

At the end of the day, I sometimes find myself wondering how things played out so completely different from the way they looked as though they would when I first woke up. It isn't uncommon for plans to change or things to pop up, I mean, no day ever unfolds exactly the way I think it might. The complete departure from any expectation is relatively uncommon, however. Today was one of those days.

Far from complaining, I'm usually focused on understanding what happened to cause such a shift in things. Not that I manage to figure much of anything out, but I can never put the day to rest without at least trying ;)

It's when I don't get to tackle the things I need or want to that it becomes tough to avoid frustration. There is usually a good reason that delays occur, though in the moment those reasons often go unrealized. I suppose that's one of the many purposes of reflection. And I spend quite a bit of my time doing just that.

Whether it was planned or not, there is something to be gained in nearly everything we do from the time we wake, until we call it quits for the night. What we gain may not be clear right away, but it's often working behind the scenes to steer us in the direction we need to move. We might not understand it, but that's the beauty in it —we don't have to. As long as we don't allow ourselves to become lost in the hows and the whys, the progress we make when life takes the lead can make a real difference.

The day may have marched to its own beat without input from me, but I'm okay with sitting back with a glass of wine and reflecting on the things I did as a result of the unexpected path. I might actually learn enough to ditch those frustrating feelings when nothing goes the way I want in the future.

I'm Still A Bit Hungry, But This Too Shall Pass...Or So I'm Told

Too tired for words. Cooked, worked, worked out, did hair and ran around - in general it was almost a typical day. Almost. The exception is that the 'cooking' is far more labor intensive than it used to be thanks to this elimination/healing diet. The upside? Everything I make is organic and preservative free. Today I made almond butter, as well as almond milk, applesauce, butternut squash and spinach. To be fair, half of the first batch of apples didn't make it to the food processor as they spilled (quite unceremoniously) into the kitchen sink. Suzy Homemaker fail.

Truth be told, this way of eating has made me feel better, but I am bored to tears with the food options. I've managed to stick to it, despite the desire to just eat whatever I want, which happens to strike often. Having two boys in the house that eat virtually anything means there are tests awaiting me in every part of the fridge, freezer and pantry. Three weeks in and I've managed to pass those tests with flying colors — let's just hope that continues, because man oh man do I want a freaking cupcake or mess of chocolate bad.

The good news is that I now have a wider array of food choices than I did even a week ago, as I have not reacted adversely to anything so far. Not that I expected to. I have a relatively good idea of the foods that were causing me issues, but the exercise of going through the painstaking process of slow reintroduction, one food at a time means that I won't miss something. I suppose for now I will take these little wins and be happy. Hungry, perhaps, but happy nonetheless.

So, healing from the inside out while trying each new food has tested my patience (and occasionally made me question my sanity). I love to dine out and new, exciting foods are always on my agenda. That is, until I chose to get to the root of my digestive woes. Instead of lamenting night and day (something I am more than capable of, I assure you) about being hungry or wanting more exciting foods, I am embracing the opportunity to reset my system and learn more about food and cooking than I previously knew. I'm also realizing that it's been laziness alone that has kept me from making more things from scratch than I once did.

There is most certainly a high level of sacrifice in this way of eating, but so far it's been worth the frustration and longing. I may never be able to eat whatever I want, but I believe I will end up with the knowledge of what foods I should avoid. This makes for a happier, healthier experience with sustenance, and after years of letting unpleasant episodes get in the way of life, I'm not ready to throw in the towel just yet. Food and I are getting a do-over and I intend to make the most of it.

That Test Is Over.... Next...

It was a day of many emotions. Even the bleakest of these could not cast out hope; try though they may, the positive charge stands strong. The trials of the past twelve hours are far less important than the triumph that closes the door on today, preparing to welcome tomorrow with grace.