And The Kids Have It!

“Do not ask your children

to strive for extraordinary lives.

Such striving may seem admirable,

but it is the way of foolishness.

Help them instead to find the wonder

and the marvel of an ordinary life.

Show them the joy of tasting

tomatoes, apples and pears.

Show them how to cry

when pets and people die.

Show them the infinite pleasure

in the touch of a hand.

And make the ordinary come alive for them.

The extraordinary will take care of itself.”

― William Martin, The Parent's Tao Te Ching: Ancient Advice for Modern Parents 

This morning a conversation I had about how, as parents, we want for our children to be able to preserve their solid sense of being as they grow up, was immediately followed by seeing this quote posted on someone's Facebook page. We start out in life, hopefully, with the thoughts that we can do anything, be anything, and that the world around us is a wondrous place. The moment that outside world works its way into our lives though, we slowly lose all that confidence. That innocent excitement about how we see ourselves is eventually chipped away at, until second guessing and insecurity replace it.

We start to realize something isn't quite right, but instead of trying to get back what we lost we strive for what society tells us we need. Bigger, better, extraordinary. To be loved, admired, and respected we seem to think we need to be more, when if we'd only believe in all we already are we'd have all of those things and from all the right people.

Rather than spend time finding faults and flaws in ourselves and others, we'd be wise to build on all the positive attributes we already possess. Not to mention take note of and foster all the good we see in others. That behavior begins with our children. If we encourage, compliment, and reinforce all the good that exists within them, show them how to love who they are, and to find amazement in even the most ordinary things, maybe they won't struggle to figure out how to make the most of their happiness as adults. Maybe, just maybe, there will be more people who appreciate the precious life they've been given, and help those around them lead fantastic, ordinary lives.

So Here's A Little Thing I Learned

As is the case with most bloggers, I write about whatever is currently of interest, or is happening in my life. Well, most being relative to this type of blog. There are days that are more challenging to write through than others; particularly if there's a lot going on. Life is currently providing me with a dizzying array of subject matter, but it seems to be thoughts surrounding expectations that are vying for the most attention right now.

I have horrible writing habits. I allow myself to be distracted by the most mundane and absurd things online, as well as around me in the physical world. Really, it's a wonder I manage to ever focus long enough to produce a few paragraphs, day to day. I would have to say that part of the reason I'm so scattered, and seem to lack commitment, is because I have unrealistic expectations of myself. My ideal situation for writing is so rigid at times, that the stress alone seems to push me further into a state of being easily distracted.

It wasn't until I unexpectedly found myself at the start of something new with a guy a friend of mine had been attempting to get me to connect with, that I even considered examining the whole process of setting expectations. Like why do we have to have them, when should they be let go, how often should they be altered...that kind of thing. It wasn't long before I realized that my life is one big series of run-on expectations, and some of them are so sorely out-of-date or ridiculous, it's crazy.

I think at least for me, that allowing my mind to expect specific things, particularly in areas that I am not familiar with, is a way of maintaining a feeling of confidence. As though simply expecting a result or outcome will keep everything within me in balance. I suppose that does work for the most part, but without allowing life to occur and present itself free of any preconceived assumptions or suppositions, aren't we just confining ourselves to select experiences? How is that the same as really living? If everything I do needs to fall within some presumption I make based on previous experience with a similar circumstance, how on earth will I ever learn or continue to evolve?

When I consider this, it occurs to me that I've been operating many facets of my life under a faulty mindset. Enter all those thoughts of should, could, and would. In order to feel secure in some things, having an idea of what will, can, or should occur is alright, but when that way of approaching uncertainty takes over every interaction, thought, or task...it's an impossible way to live. Not to mention it creates some very rigid standards, and that takes a toll on actually experiencing the world around us.

I find that, at the moment, I am grateful for having absolutely no idea what will happen with this truly incredible guy, and I'm going to continue refusing to allow myself to 'expect' anything other than respect and kindness along the way as we get to know one another. It isn't so much moving around blindly, as it is just being completely and absolutely open. That kind of experience has value beyond any kind of projection or summation I could ever make. And what a practice in learning to draw all focus away from things that distract needlessly. I don't think I ever would have thought there was a direct connection between focus and shedding expectations. Amazing how life presents lessons and a-ha moments...all we have to do is be receptive and open to what they hold.

Instigative Actions - 0, Ever-evolving Me - 1!

My overall composure and reactionary self was put to the test recently. A negatively charged interaction...okay, more like a belittling assault before an audience was launched on my person. My body tensed, anger coursing through every part of me, and then it stopped. Well, actually I made the conscious effort to recognize what was happening, and I snuffed what could have perpetuated a vicious circle of toxicity. I could have matched the verbal lashing with stinging jabs of my own, but I grabbed my phone and texted my frustration to a friend instead.

I've certainly gained more control over knee-jerk reactions, but this moment was a turning point. Not only did I resist the urge to retort, I also pushed myself to go one step further, and quietly gave the person what they wanted. It wasn't necessarily enabling the bad behavior as much as it was bolstering the positive energy level to right a quickly darkening atmosphere.

The moment realization dawns that balance and sense of peace are the most important things, it is far easier to see the path to restoring them. Knowing that I am capable of assessing what is actually occurring, even in the most familiar stressing situations, gives me confidence that I am always capable and up to the challenge of bettering myself. I may still have to work on how I react when my kids, or those closest to me, do or say something that irritates me, but progress truly is a beautiful thing.

It's Really Over

My last day working in Auburn was something I had dreaded and looked forward to for completely different reasons. The end of one chapter and the beginning of another, and it all happened with very little fanfare. The beginning and the close of the day were memorable, however.

Waiting in line to get a dark roast Dunkin coffee (and I am not really a fan of Dunkin Donuts at all), I rolled up to the window ready to pay for my order. The girl working the drive-up window handed me my coffee and breakfast sandwich (sans bread) and then told me the woman ahead of me had paid for my order. I've had this happen before, and I've done this for others as well, but it always has the same effect on me - renewed faith in the positive energy and amazing goodwill of others.

I went on to spend an hour and a half catching up with a great friend, before heading in to start my final day. We talked about a lot of things, and most of them we hadn't ever really touched on in the near decade we've been friends. I absolutely love the fact that there will always be things about my friends that I have yet to discover. No possible chance of boredom that way.

All scheduled appointments went off without a hitch, and then it was done. I left the salon feeling odd that each time I return, I will be a client and not a stylist. Definitely a most surreal experience after 18 years working in that area.

The end of the night went on far longer than intended, but being in the company of two incredible people made the departure in the wee hours of the morning worth it. Even through the ADD episodes, and less than chipper topics, there was really nowhere else I would rather have been than with them. Just a day of letting life happen, and feeling everything good that flowed around me.

Just Because It's Preconceived, Doesn't Mean It's Right

Disposing of expectations can be the key to enjoying life. Certainly it's good to set expectations and goals, but not everything has to be defined the moment it crosses our paths. Tough as it might be sometimes, our focus may well be better suited on the experience and not the destination.

This is something that has never been easy for me, and even with all the positive changes it still takes a lot of work to move beyond expectations. Half the battle is realizing it, I suppose. So it appears I'm not a completely hopeless case.

I'm fairly certain there is no foolproof strategy for staying clear of muddying thoughts, much like anything in life. It is likely, however, that continuing to be open to perception beyond previous experience may just be the most helpful approach. That's the one I'm trying out anyway.

Even After The Exhale, Some Of The Weight Remains

Even after a weight has been lifted, the result isn't always the relief that you might expect. Once in awhile the full spectrum of thoughts and emotions that were held at bay while bearing the weight, hits you all at once. The best thing that can be done is to remember to breathe.

I've had more than enough experience with weighty issues and less than relieving outcomes. The thing is, all the headaches, sleepless nights, and concocted scenarios, more often than not, are far worse than the actual outcome. Even knowing this, my mind just cannot resist the urge to put me through the emotional ringer.

While there is a definite shift in the kind of stress you feel once a burden is shared, or a situation is no longer yours alone to deal with, the impact doesn't necessarily lessen. Hopefully there are other positive people involved who are focused on the best solution, or path forward, rather than those who get caught up in finger-pointing and blame. No negative is truly ever made positive with more negative, despite what math might teach us.

I find that the best thing to do when it seems unavoidable to lament, or stress about what 'might' happen once a burden is shared, is to just keep interrupting my own thought process with reason. Even if you are the holder of information that could create upheaval, you are not ultimately responsible for the existence of that information. In the event that you are the receiver of said information, keep in mind that the messenger, or guardian of discomforting facts isn't the source of how the information makes you feel.

More positive comes from moving forward and working together than ever comes from dancing around the unimportant 'hows' and 'whys' with the person who doesn't have those answers. Listen, breathe, and process before committing to any questions, comments, or actions. Be open to, and patient for the positive guide within yourself; all that truly matters will be addressed far more effectively that way.

At The Risk Of Enduring Backlash, Here's My Two Cents

I finally got around to listening to U2's Songs of Innocence, and I have to say I like it. Even despite all the whining I've heard about the audacity of the band and Apple depositing this digital album into iTunes accounts for free. The phrases 'never look a gift horse in the mouth' and 'it's the thought that counts' come to mind.

While it may never cease to amaze me how quick people are to push negativity, particularly under the guise of defending one's rights, I've gotten a good laugh out of this instance. The arguments of privacy and security when the act in question deals with accounts containing sensitive personal and financial information aren't exactly invalid, but I've heard far more people outraged over what equates to A GIFT, than when their debit and credit cards are compromised shopping here, there, online, and everywhere. Look, the risk of putting personal and financial information online ANYWHERE is just that, a RISK. Is it so 'unbelievable' and 'wrong' to have an entire digital album deposited into your iCloud account free? I mean, you don't  have to download it, and from what I understand it is pretty easily returned/deleted.

Oh, go ahead negative energy people, point out all the ways U2 and Apple were ethically wrong to make this music available at no charge, or how your rights have been stomped upon. Lament at the injustice of it all. Here's the thing though; I would much rather have a gift deposited into my iCloud account (similar really to all those emails I somehow manage to get with attachments and what not in my email accounts - which I have no issue deleting), then have someone hack in and take all of pertinent information. We live in a digital world, and unfortunately, as is the case for everything in life, there is good and bad. I'm pretty certain had there been 'money' or 'credit' uploaded into these same accounts of the bitching, never happy, self-righteous, Apple owning public, barely a peep would have been heard about the 'wrongness' of it, or how 'unethical' the action was.

I'm an adult, and I consider myself fairly educated. Do I like the idea of how accessible my information really is today? No, but pointing all fingers at U2 and Apple hardly solves the vulnerability of a technical world. Conspiracy theorists, radical left-wingers, and the like, wake up and realize that the society we live in has been fighting for privacy long before some random music showed up in your iCloud account. As long as their is a yin for every yang, everything we experience in life will have good and bad. Isn't it time that we stop fighting the negative with negative, and start choosing to see and embrace things for the positive energy they foster?

I got free music, and it's actually good. Thank you U2 and Apple, I happily accept your unexpected gift.

Filling The Extra Time

Once again, I am preparing myself to end a particular chapter in my life. This end had recently been postponed by three weeks, making it odd since I've been functioning in limbo as a result. What is great, however, is being able to do so without much resistance, or negativity. There is nothing quite like experiencing proof that all that has gone into making substantial, personal changes is working.

I am okay with waiting; although it is still dependent on what I'm waiting for. The most difficult thing with this particular situation is that it has been impossible to make plans or commit to most anything as a result of the postponement. Thankfully, life is unpredictable, and I've had years of preparing for this type of pause.

There are those days when I start to feel antsy, and just want to be able to move forward. Those are the times that I just have to stop the flow of irritated thoughts, and remind myself that I am being given the chance to focus on other things right now. It isn't often that I get to function on auto-pilot, enjoying the whole process of a day without concerning myself with all the hoopla that typically goes along with it. Opportunities like that should never be wasted.

I'm happy to be able to say that I am not worried or stressed about what is to come. Everything will start to roll forward again, and I know this because I have never spent much time shuffling around on the same plain. I want more, I will seek more, and ultimately, I will achieve more; all because I am more.

Life Shines Through Anything, As Long As We Give It Something To Shine Its Light On

The problem with falling behind on writing a daily blog, is that I tend to neglect to jot down my ideas as they occur should I not be able to write posts on time. I suppose the argument that they weren't overly important subjects, or I wasn't meant to share my thoughts on that particular topic could be applied here. Regardless, knowing that ideas have escaped me before I could delve in and write about them, gives me a bit of indigestion.

I have an affinity for order with some specific things. Somehow they all seem to be related with things that aren't immediate seen by anyone else, which suggests that that need for order comes from a particular place within me. I am just as fanatical about properly organized and folded towels at the salon, as I am that my thoughts in these daily blogs follow the order of the days I have them. So, in this particular case of playing catch up, I've been trying to put myself in past states of mind since Thursday. Each post I've made in the past two days, really has to be about whatever thoughts I had on the day tied to a specific post.

Yesterday (the day associated with this particular post), I was in a quiet, reflective mood. The weather was shit, but I was granted the involvement in two incredibly happy moments. I took part in the 'pre-wedding' morning ritual of exceptional wedding updos for a dear friend, and unexpectedly got to welcome my parents home from their Alaska road trip.

My friend was so full of happiness, as she should be, and I was so honored to be a part of her day. It is one of the best human interactions in life: being part of someone else's joy. We get so much more out of this kind of moment than we give, if we are truly open and excited for another person's good fortune and happiness. I am a better soul for having shared in her bliss.

As it happened, my stay in Auburn for the day, put me in the right place and time to get to see my mother and stepfather return home after 77 days away. I watched them drive away on July 5th, and had no way of knowing I'd get to come full circle and be there when they arrived back home, fifth wheel and all. In being a part of wishing them well and celebrating their return, more happy has taken up residence in my life.

I am on a journey, as we all are from the day we are born. How we choose to experience all that transpires between our first and last breaths, defines our souls. Despite the need for order, I won't let those minor frustrations get in the way. I choose to capture as much happiness as possible, no matter what or who brings it to my personal, little sphere.

Really Goodell, You're Sorry??

Watching the press conference with NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell Friday, I was hoping for more than a few ridiculous apologies. Given the gravity of domestic violence in every day life, you would think there would have been something more; like specific apologies to the women and children caught up in the media circus these specific, criminal NFL players have perpetuated.  The man charged with being the checks and balances of this organization proved three things with his less-than-genuine apologies; 1) he doesn't get the seriousness domestic violence should be addressed with, 2) he is unwilling to acknowledge the reality that professional athletes are in the spotlight and should only remain there when they exemplify human decency, and 3) that he is unable to do his job effectively.

I'm actually having a difficult time reigning in my emotions on this one. As an avid fan of football, I find myself conflicted at the ways in which 'offenses' and 'consequences' have been levied. For Wes Welker to be suspended for four games, whether for Molly or for Adderall, when Ray Rice was only given a TWO game suspension for abusing his wife (whether the full video was available or not, the fact is he was seen at the very least draggining his unconscious wife from an elevator and then dropping her carelessly to the ground) is just fucked up. While Welker has been reinstated, and Rice has been dropped by the Ravens, this is a glaring example of preferential treatment of big money.

These athletes make copious amounts of money, ride on the high of fame, and the franchises that employ them have swept things under the rug, and excused bad behavior all in the name of keeping the mighty money machine running smoothly. This is where Goodell is supposed to come in. When cover-ups and paltry penalties become common place, the commissioner should be taking charge and setting it right...not fucking playing along!

In our school systems, in response to all the violence and senseless killings, zero tolerance policies have been instituted. If this is good enough for our children, children who idolize these very athletes, then why are we not holding these overpaid players to the SAME standards? This goes way beyond the current shake-up in football, it spans ALL professional sports. A six game suspension for a first offense is ludicrous, and hardly counts as disciplinary action worthy of most offenses. Second chances should only be given when all doubt and implication is cleared.

I wanted to hear zero tolerance. I wanted to hear that Goodell and the NFL were going forth with strict stipulations in contracts that IMMEDIATE action would be taken in the event of ANY criminal activity. If accusations are made, the player is placed on indefinite suspension without pay. In the event that player is cleared of charges, or allegations prove false, then reinstatement and retroactive pay is given. In the event the allegations prove true, they are released by their team, and if found guilty they are NEVER AGAIN eligible to play professional sports (the names Michael Vick and Ray Lewis come to mind here). Period.

Of course, as long as our society continues to support these professional sports, despite the allowances of athletes to run amok without real consequences, we are just as guilty as Goodell and the players themselves. We are essentially saying that we don't care about the victims; that we don't see domestic violence as a crime. The saddest part is, there has been a far larger uprising of players who don't condone criminal behavior, than there has been from the general public. These athletes who have suffered guilt by association are speaking out and demanding better. They don't want to play side-by-side with someone who beats his wife and children, not just because of the tainting of an entire sport, but because they know it's WRONG. I'm not saying that boycotts need to commence, but as a fan of professional football, I expect a better answer to this issue than Goodell and the commission provided.

In all of this, my silver lining is that I have a voice, and it's time I use it. What I have to say may make the smallest of ripples with any who choose to read my words, but a ripple still has an effect. We are more when we join as one.

What May Seem Awful At First, Might Look Less So When Seen From A Wider Angle

As I've reminded myself time and again, day after day, the senseless bullshit that generates negative energy isn't where my focus should be. The blessings around me, the people I love and care about, the opportunities and experiences I've had, and my health.

I was feeling particularly discouraged about my body imposing limitations on my activities. Nearly spoiled brat proportions, complete with tantrums. I want more than anything to begrudgingly wake up early, pull on running gear, and have my feet pound the pavement while Slipknot motivates my pace. A month ago, I started running again, and I managed to shave over four minutes off my total time. I was hopeful that my back issues had subsided and that I'd be able to resume something I loved.

Unfortunately, it wasn't to be. The all-too familiar nerve pinching and pain returned this week, giving me little option, but to cease running. The deterioration of my spine just isn't worth any satisfaction I get from a good run.

Then I read something so heartfelt, honest, and emotionally charged, I immediately changed my focus. No longer was I comfortable lamenting my misfortune of back issues, because there are far worse things to face. I have my health, I've watched my sons grow, and my future is ahead of me; full of possibilities. Through someone else's pain, acceptance, and sharing of both, I was able to reconnect with all that is right in my life, and on this journey.

http://www.huffingtonpost.co.uk/charlotte-kitley/bowel-cancer-charlotte-kitley_b_5836238.html

Oh No! Not Cuffed Jeans!!

I've tried to deny it, but there is no use. I'm living with a hipster. An adamantly set on perfected pant cuffs, and strategically coifed wisps of ginger colored hair kind of hipster. Oh, and he loathes comic sans font. Like really loathes it.

This kid of mine is really something. I now have to look up when I speak to him (which is interesting when the discussion is more like an ass-reaming), he's far more into his appearance than I was prepared for - I mean, even I'm not fanatical about each and every strand of hair, and he has opinions about things I wouldn't even have imagined concerning myself with. What to do? Love him; he is, after all, my baby boy.

That, and he makes me laugh all the time. Like to the point of crying. I can't imagine not having that kind of interaction around every day, and while I know it is inevitable, I'm trying to enjoy whatever moments I can over then next few years. Even if I have to listen to him mock Justin Bieber (ah, like a little too well), and complain that his sideburns aren't the same, or he insists on showing me youtube videos and memes that make NO SENSE whatsoever to me.

However inappropriate some might find our conversations, there is little that I imagine this hipster child of mine might not be able to say to me, or ask of me. From hair product to reciting supposed facts on sperm, he's basically covered it all. Maybe it's my style of open parenting, or maybe it's the tendency of a hipster, but whatever the reason, I can deal with the wardrobe fussiness and over-the-top self-image obsessing, if it means I get to laugh this much with my child!

Just How Much Discipline Do I Really Have?

Could I walk away if I needed to? Or could I turn my back and focus in the opposite direction if I wanted to? I'm not certain what ills my life would suffer, though it is likely to fair just fine. I suspect my clinging has more to do with whatever inadequacies I imagine I possess, than it does a true addiction to you.

Walking away means no instantaneous fix, all immediate connection is lost. Would it be so bad to find myself in the quiet room of blissful ignorance? Might my focus be more attuned to the dreams I've held so near and dear for so long now, that I may dedicate all previously allocated efforts into creating a reality worthy of having dreamed?

If I cannot cut the cord; sever the line between 'having to know' and 'working to be', how will I ever know? Do I want the things I do enough to resist complete consumption by fillers and distraction? There are just 110 days left in this daily post adventure, but I believe, with the right mindset I can redirect the time and purpose in which I approach the hours that pass into something more meaningful. Into what gives my life purpose.

Technology, binge watching, and social media, we've been seeing far too much of each other these days. It isn't that I don't revel in the preoccupation and entertainment you offer, I just think too much of a good thing can turn other things sour. The life around me is collecting dust, and before I forget how to experience those parts of life altogether, I think we need to start seeing less of one another. This isn't goodbye, I'm not leaving, or walking away; just stepping back and exploring things that once meant a lot to me before we started hanging out. Maybe one day, not so far down the road, we can all hang out together and make the most of everything; it could even be surprisingly more fun.

But, I've got to start before I can finish.

Cracking Down On Silly Distractions

I love when I'm listening to a song and a writing idea pops into my head. I don't love that this nearly always happens when I am driving. It has not escaped my thoughts that I need to embrace voice memos, as to not lose these finicky, and all too fleeting ideas. (Sigh)

Seriously, I cannot continue to allow viable seedlings to go unattended. The whole point of writing is to create, nurture, and share. If I cannot make it past the first fleeting eureka moments, then exactly what is it I am doing here? Passing time, and not much else.

Far too easily distracted, harvesting ideas at the most inopportune moments is just a hint of the overall my-own-worst-enemy that I have become. Seeking out a complete lack of internet connection and overall entertainment would be in my best interest. My son called me out on my attention-jngtto-the-wrong-things-to-avoid-what-I-really-want-to-be-doing recently, and sadly, he was spot on. I may well have committed to blogging and such, but it has become one of the many distractions that is pulling me from what I know I should be doing. What I want to be doing; writing something of novel proportions.

There is an unlimited supply of excuses, or so it seems. Each weighing more emphatically in my reasoning than the next, but ultimately not one of them is legitimate enough to justify the lack of progress I've made in recent months. Rather than be my own worst enemy, or my own road block, it's beyond time to be more. My own goal driver, my own cheerleader, and my own creative architect is really what I need to be...nothing else.

Somewhere In The Jumble, There Is Order

It never fails. The moment I sit down with my laptop, every intention of getting some writing done, Oliver gets comfortable on my lap for his morning nap. This wasn't so bad when he was little, but now that he has grown, I have to push my MacBook further out on my legs. The upside? Good posture and excellent arm stretches.

As much as I might initially groan about the challenge this curled up, purring mass of fur presents, it doesn't really last long enough to inhibit progress. It's a comfort thing. He likes to fall asleep, or at least nearly asleep and then stretches and moves to occupy the space beside me. Occasionally, he gives me that look of 'hey, I'm trying to sleep here' when I get into a groove and the keystrokes become a bit louder. Most often, however, he tolerates the sound of keys clicking, and eventually falls into whatever kitty dreams he's prone to having.

If I can push through the brief interruption of flow while he forces me to make room for him, and then the subsequent upheaval as he vacates that space, then his adorable cuteness is little match for my determination to create something of substance. He is pretty damn cute, though. It's my thinking that if I can resist the urge to take pictures, cuddle, or ooh and ahh over him and get things done, then I ought to be able to avoid falling prey to other distractions (ie, social media, netflix). That's one hell of a challenge.

Focus. There are days I have, and then there are those days where a person might think I'd never heard of it. Today, I'm somewhere in the middle. If I reign in my thoughts, I'm capable of a good stretch of concentration and productivity. There are always a number of things that need to get done, including playtime with a rambunctious kitten, but I don't need to let them consume my entire day. Now to put that into practice...

Time, Patience, and Self-control

The past few days have brought about big gains for me personally, with patience and maintaining inner balance. I am enjoying this new peace in the face of uncertainty. Granted, the nature of what is undecided is not as stress inducing as some things, but it does impact my life. This is a nice win for my sense of betterment and happiness.

My transition into a new job, has had me in a near constant state of high internal energy. This has provided ample practice for staying positive and level. I might normally have become irritable and impatient, given the limbo I am currently in, but letting go of what I can't change to begin with has made an enormous difference in my reaction.

Something else that isn't happening like use to, is that I haven't lost focus of what is important. Regardless of the time it may take to settle into this new position, the reality is that it's happening. I really don't want to miss anything by being consumed with what-ifs, why-nots, and when-exactlys. Where I am is really the best place for me to be.

Forgetting Isn't An Option

Each year that passes since the towers were brought down, I wonder if there will ever come a time when I don't tear up the morning of nine-eleven. I wonder if my sons and their generation, too young at the time of the attack to grasp what was happening, will ever truly understand the impact, immediate and long lasting, that horrible day created.

Time might mute some of the stronger feelings of panic, disbelief, and sadness, but it will never erase the memory of the heartbreak, uncertainty, and surprising strength that a people united brought. In my lifetime, there is no possible way I will ever forget any of it. I will continue to feel the loss, but I will also remember the solidarity that was gained.

I'll Take It All, Because It's All Part Of A Well-Rounded Life

The moment you realize the reality of a situation, you can never go back to how you saw things before. I have always known I had more potential than I've allowed myself to use. The difference between knowing it while living behind self-limiting excuses and breaking through the barriers of self-sabotage is recognizing the possibilities that are within my reach. Once I see the possibilities, I can't ignore them; the only way I can go is forward.

This really has no real drawbacks. Just because I might miss life ignorant of things that mean a little work, doesn't mean I ever actually want to go back. Clarity in any situation, for me means an opportunity for change, progress...ultimately, happiness.

Those times when my thoughts turn to the past, and bring up feelings of hurt or sadness, I no longer fight it. Acknowledging, and even accommodating these feelings doesn't mean that I'm giving into negativity. It keeps me whole, and being able to sit with those parts of me that are forever changed because of experiences I wouldn't wish on anyone, makes it possible for me to keep looking forward and appreciate even the smallest bit of good that touches my life.

I Hope You Experienced Happiness Today, And Every Day

In the course of any day, I find myself reflecting, or rather wondering about the level of happiness my friends and family are experiencing the moment I think about them. I always hope that they are feeling their best, and enjoying whatever they are doing. Just to boost the possibility that they are experiencing moments that are worthy of memories, I throw in a few positive thoughts and smile as I imagine that energy making its way to them.

My desire to see my loved ones have lighter, more blissful moments is what makes up a fair percentage of my own happiness foundation. Even the happy times of people I have distanced myself from, for whatever reason, still contribute to my own state of well-being. In wishing good things for any and all, it's easier to recognize, accept, and continue to attract positive energy in my own life.

No one is perfect; negative or upsetting thoughts cross our minds and raise all kinds of undesirable feelings. The thing is, it is completely possible to refocus and move forward. We shouldn't concern ourselves with not thinking less than stellar things; our goal isn't to control or stop natural behaviors. Our focus should be on increasing positive energy and thought; to practice replacing the thoughts we know are counterproductive, and to keep pushing ahead. Positive thinking and living become easier when you just put all effort into creating and projecting better things, and eventually leaving more and more of the negative tendencies behind.

I'm Happier When Those Around Me Are Happy, Too

Such perfect weather today. Were I to imagine a utopian setting, today's sun, temperatures, and slight breeze would be it. It's tempting to believe that weather like that would make it near impossible to be upset or have an off day. Well, at least I know that great weather makes it easier to smile and breathe in the happy.

I was pretty much overflowing with gratitude as I spent time with my sons, walked around an amazing city, and enjoyed cooking with tomatoes my fabulous neighbor shared with me. Just a basic spaghetti sauce, but just chopping up fresh vegetables, and adding Italian sausage gave me a small feeling of accomplishment. Of course, listening to Frank Sinatra, Harry Connick Jr., Louis Armstrong, and other crooners intensified the feel good vibes. For me, any kind of cooking isn't really cooking, unless there's irresistible music playing.

My youngest son and I sit here now, completely stuffed, and I cannot help but realize how fortunate I have been to have the life I have lived. Knowing there are even more amazing things just in front of me, it is even more obvious to me to pay the positive energy forward. So much of what I am thankful for, and so many of the people I am blessed to know, would have far less meaning were it not for fulfilling the desire to be more cognizant of sharing the love and happiness that all of it produces.

If I were to hoard the excitement, the comfort, the joy, then it is likely I'd receive less and less of it in the future. By sharing the elation and the buoyant effect of all that is positive in my life; either by directly making someone else happy, or radiating that energy wherever I go, I help create and perpetuate happiness and a continuous flow of positivity. The best thing about that, is that it isn't even remotely difficult. There is almost no thought required to bestow good feelings on those around you, unlike the time and effort that negative energy requires. In my opinion, it's far easier to smile, and a smile is the best way to boost that field of positive energy that surrounds us all.

I Don't Mind The Heat, Especially When I'm Having A Good Time

On hot and muggy days, like today, I am so very tempted to go out in the rain and just let it soak me through. Staring out at my deck right now, I want to stand outside the door and cool off the way the trees are. Hang on...I'm so gonna and make Riley take a picture of it.

Yeah, I'm good...it worked, but I don't really enjoy the whole raindrops-the-size-of-quarters on my face. The smell of everything after it rains, however...bring that on. I love it.

Those big, ass cracks of thunder, though, I'd rather skip it. Scary shit. I immediately think of my poor neighbor who is terrified of thunderstorms, and suddenly my own discomfort seems foolish. I am grateful the noise only discomforts me momentarily. I will take the rain any day, but the lightening and thunder can definitely stay away.

Despite the thunder and heat index, the day was near perfect. I got to spend some time with Nan catching up, something we don't do nearly enough of, and the complete lack of agenda was beyond relaxing. Life should be enjoyed with regular spontaneous moments. Pre-planning everything just isn't where it's at.

Heading off to enjoy the rest of my completely unplanned night!

New Chapters, More Awesome

Just one more week, and a near-18 year span of time doing hair in my hometown area comes to an end. Sad as I am to know I won't see some of my favorite faces again, I am beyond ready for a new adventure. They are in good hands, and I am overdue for change.

It has taken me nearly a year to accept that I have moved, and that my life is truly here now. I love that this new location has packed potential and positive energy that I could not imagine living without. I. Love. My. Life.

Sure, there are a number of ridiculous things I could focus on, distracting me from the life around me, but I can't, in good conscience, ignore the wealth of people, experience, and promise I have been gifted. My friends and family are worth every pang of disappointment I have every faced. The shear amount of amazing memories I have collected in 42 years, are of more value than I might ever begin to assess. And the potential for those things and so much more, makes nearly every risk a no-brainer.

I absolutely prefer to see the best in each and every day, because that alone brings out even more incredible possibilities, and I'm all about maximizing the best stuff life has to offer.

Easy Way? I Think I'd Prefer The Path With A Rounded Experience

My brain has currently slipped into a state of overworked mush. While I might be tempted to moan and groan, I just keep retraining my sights on what is to come. It's all about possibility, and the varying paths that lead to each have a journey that should be embraced, the bad, the blasé, as well as the good stuff.

No rushing, no willing away experiences that, despite their undesirable qualities, might provide insight, direction, and strength, and no shortcuts. To find true appreciation of each advancement, each change, and all the moments between where we start and where we strive to end up, we have to be willing to do the work, and follow the longer road. Otherwise, we miss so many things in between.

Anything worth having, any goal worth reaching, are left lackluster and disappointing if we skimp on effort, time, and work.

Just Because Plans Didn't Play Out...Something Good Is Right Around The Corner

Even the best laid plans and good intentions can be thrown off-course. I try to continually assess my 'attachment' to ideas, expectations, and routines to avoid total upheaval when the unexpected happens. And it does happen.

Rather than obsess or lament about what I expected or wanted to happen, I just push myself to move past the initial shock or disappointment, and focus on the value of not knowing what's around the corner. The beauty in that? It gives me the opportunity to continue filling my thoughts and soul with positive possibilities. Something good, something better, and something wonderful are all that much better when you don't have knowledge of how they will come into your life. Just believing- no, knowing that there are amazing experiences waiting for you to be receptive enough to receive them, practically guarantees they will happen.

What's more; that openness and assuredness put you in line for upgrading - more good stuff finds its way to you, because you started a pretty strong current of positivity. I can't speak for anyone else, but I'm looking to create a beneficial riptide of positivity in my life. Anything I can do toward that end is completely within my means. Besides, I'm fairly certain that in the event I am stumped as to how to move forward, I've learned enough to eventually figure it out and then some.

Making Myself Honey-do Lists

I believe my life has reached an all-time busy that necessitates list making. Sad, but oh so true. I can no longer rely on memory to ensure all things needing attention/completion will actually be done on time. (sigh)

The good things about this are that I won't forget anything important, I will finally be a bit less scatter-brained, and there will be no more 'oh shit! I forgot' moments :) In truth, the need for lists really should have been addressed years ago, but it would appear I was just not ready to be that kind of responsible. Well, that, and I didn't want to admit I couldn't keep it all straight in my head or that I might be getting older. Silly really, because lists are just insurance that errands and appointments aren't missed.

Just another example of letting my preconceived negativity surrounding something that really isn't a bad thing go. Easier said than done, but a little work isn't something I'm afraid of. Technology does make it easier to jot things down and keep them with you, and no more forgotten lists means a whole lot less aggravation when I get wherever I need to be.

Skipping Fun Doesn't Have To Be Boring

Choosing the responsible path, as opposed to the carefree one isn't always easy. Responsibility is often viewed as no fun, but I suppose it's all in how you look at where the option takes you. My life wouldn't be what it is - and I can't imagine it any other way, had I opted for the carefree route as often as I have the responsible.

I imagine the temporary excitement of a decision to throw caution to the wind, while neglecting necessary behavior in a balanced life might seem like the better outcome. Few people approach their daily routine and its many responsibilities with an appreciative mindset, but that's truly the key. Attitude and foresight are essential when weighing insane fun to steady, forward progress.

While I'm not suggesting all fun is pointless, or all responsible choices are boring, the reality of life is that most of us see the safe and responsible route as burdensome. No one wants to 'miss out' on a good time, and honestly, it's better for a person's soul to indulge sometimes. Of course, knowing when to opt for the fun, and when to pass is the best way to balance a life.

There are times the setback to the fun option just isn't worth the short-lived payout. I'm happy that I've learned the value of that particular consideration. Do I always feel warm and fuzzy about my decision to stay the responsible course? No, but I no longer spend the aftermath of decision lamenting about all I am missing like I did in my teen years. There is no possible way I will ever get to experience every enticing promise of fun that comes my way, and really, that fact just makes me appreciate the things I do get to enjoy all the more. And being able to have fun, make memories, and feel secure in life is the best possible example of balance and bliss that I could ever imagine.