So, Vulnerable Isn't Always A Negative

Until becoming a parent, I'd spent a majority of my life resisting emotional vulnerability. Despite the fact that I've experienced intense life events, both positive and negative, crying and feeling the depth of a situation remains difficult. No, I'm far more prone to reacting to situational stimuli, but I'm still not overly comfortable with some of those reactions. I had two unexpectedly profound experiences as a spectator recently; unrelated to each other outside of the time frame they occurred in.

The first was witnessing a woman fall onto the concrete sidewalk as she exited a pub in Harvard Square. The sound of her face smacking the cold ground, and the realization that she was so drunk she hadn't been able to even attempt to break her fall, left both my friend and I nauseous and shaken. A man, presumably a friend of sorts, lifted her off the ground and began to maneuver her to a bench. She was completely disoriented, and bleeding from the nose and mouth. Instinctually, I wanted to help, but everything happened so fast, and the sidewalk was bustling with people; not to mention the guy assisting her looked as though he wished they were invisible. As my friend and I continued on our way, I felt sick over what we had just seen. It took half a block to realize that the biggest reason I felt that way, was the fact that I had resisted offering assistance. I had paused briefly, after witnessing and assessing the situation, and in that momentary pause I allowed my discomfort with what happened to dictate my actions. This will be one of my not-so-proud moments for some time to come.

A couple of hours after the first incident of vulnerable emotion, a more positive one was experienced. The powerful effects of both Jillette Johnson and Mary Lambert's lyrics and voices seemed to plow into me like no other music I've ever heard live. Given the message and emotion behind the songs, I was moved to tears several times. Far from being awkward, the experience was more like uncovering boarded up windows and letting the sunlight in. At the moment, that's the extent of open honesty I'm able to muster; still processing the entirety of such an emotional awakening.