Not knowing what tomorrow had in store for me, use to stress me out. I would obsess over my choices, and what possible results they might bring in the future. I hated making choices and decisions. A careful life, without anything new or overly exciting, had lured me into an environment of false comfort and safety.
Instead of being happy, as I thought I might be, I just continued to settle for less, and accept the less than stellar situations as better than a life I couldn't predict. I was absolutely miserable. I didn't have the motivation to do much more than I was already doing, didn't see that new experience was part of growth, and I became intolerant of being alone with my own thoughts.
I couldn't stand myself, and it was difficult for those around me to want to spend time with me. Completely unhappy, without the will, or energy to change. Sometimes I am dumbstruck by how far I've come from who I once was. Of course I smile uncontrollably moments after the realization hits, because I know I won't ever be that person again.
I chose to seek the light, and leave the darkness behind; I chose to find the me I want to be. Am I there yet? Some days I feel like I'm incredibly close. I'm in no rush, though, because where I am allows me to experience more positive energy and happiness than any place I was before. I'm not rushing begrudgingly toward my life's end, I'm soaking up every amazing possibility, every second I can.
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