I find myself torn between the thing I want most and all those moments that make life worth living that I will never get back. It is far more difficult to step away from friends and family than I thought it would be. Truthfully though, I hadn't thought it would be necessary to sit that part of my life out while I pursued writing.
Like packing to move helps you downsize your possessions, I would venture to guess a friend weeding will occur during the next few months as I decline outings and invites in favor of my very own world of make-believe. Those who know me, and who know the process, will undoubtedly be ready to pick up where we left off as soon as I am finished this project. Anyone who isn't, well it's safe to say that season of friendship has passed.
Where I able, I'd remove myself from my surroundings to somewhere isolated; forcing myself to work as diligently as necessary. As that is completely unrealistic, I have opted to test my resolve and dedication to a dream by making some fairly tough choices. While it may be overly dramatic and unnecessary, I will be writing my closest of friends with an upfront explanation (this also serves to ensure they won't be tempted to tempt me with the distraction of fun).
It hasn't ever really been in my nature to take time for me. Self-induced social avoidance seems, in some ways, self-absorbed. Of course it is, though this type of self-involvement isn't a negative thing. If I ever want to look back on my life and know I actively chased my dream, I have to engage in self-absorption. What's more, I need to find a way to be okay with that.
For far too long I have waned in dedication to a gift that I would be lost without. There is a William Faulkner quote that I have recently started using as my daily mantra: Don't be a writer. Be writing. I cannot have written anything, if I am not first writing. And so I begin...
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