Oh I Certainly Saw That Coming

I have internal struggles on a regular basis about everything from whether to eat a small treat that's laden with gluten and risk feeling ill, to wondering if it's wrong that I can't help but smile when someone who has fucked me over is finally paid back in kind by someone else. It's human nature to see comeuppance as a fairness regulator. I suppose the line of whether it is right or wrong to experience enjoyment over someone's misfortune or bad karma paying a visit lies in just how much we revel in it.

When I found out, through a series of events and conversations, that an ex-boyfriend's dawg-ways had finally caught up to him, the Inner Brat smiled and nodded. I don't believe that I would ever take such extreme pleasure in situations like this that I would broadcast the news to everyone I know, or that I would allow the feeling of validation to make me smug. Had revenge ever been a motivating factor, I could have brought about his current situation years ago. I believe in making my feelings and thoughts known and then walking away, shutting out any desire to even the score.

There have been a handful of times when I stooped to the level of the person who had wronged me, and frankly that only left me feeling as though I had just earned that hurtful offense. Being able to walk away from something like betrayal or intentional hurtfulness, with my self-respect intact is what I continually aspire to. Whatever disappointment and pain I feel does not give me license to retaliate or behave vengefully. Disappointment and pain are opportunities to change and grow. I might not wish for the undoing of someone who has wronged me, but when their path of deceit and dishonestly come full circle, it allows the release of whatever residual contempt for that I may have still carried.

Sometimes we need a sense of vindication to finally remove the last string that has kept us tethered to hurt. The only way to truly move on and heal our scars is to free ourselves from the luggage we insist on carrying around. We heal when we decide to let go.