Something I Wish More Families Knew: My PSA

As a stylist, I have amassed a wide array of professional experience over the years. I can perm, color and cut with ease, as well as perform a host of other hair services. I am a licensed cosmetologist, certified color educator, and well-trained, listening ear. What I am not is a relief care taker for elderly clients with Alzheimer's and dementia. No hair stylist should ever be considered an alternative to actual relief aides, regardless of any qualifications they may have previously come by.

I completely understand the desire to maintain an older loved one's (who may no longer be cognizant of their hair/nails/body) appearance. It is done with the intention of preserving the dignity and pride that person once had. When families care enough about their loved ones to make sure they are adequately dressed, that their hygiene routine is uninterrupted, and that their hair is neatly coifed it shows how much they still see that person the way they always have. Helping preserve dignity is by far one of the most devoted acts of love.

The thing is, when people continue to care for aging and ailing loved ones who require 24/7 care, they sometimes lose sight of that loved one's safety. People drop off their children, parents, spouses and siblings at salons everyday for hair services, returning to pick them up once they service is done, and their errands completed. On the whole, I personally don't mind this, but there are instances when it is inappropriate and potentially hazardous to the individual and to others in the salon.

When a person has dementia or Alzheimer's they are in a state of confusion, often accompanied by fear. There is no real concise sense of time, and often the only thing keeping this person tethered to a reality that makes even a small amount of sense, is a familiar face. Take a confused individual out of their environment, place them in one with loud sounds, lots of people and someone they don't know (or have no long term memory of) invading their personal space - you can imagine the level of fear can go up quickly.

I wish that people, like the daughter of a woman whose hair I permed and cut today, knew these things. She may think she knows, but her actions say otherwise. My heart ached and my sense of what's right burned, as this woman hustled her 89 yr-old mother, who shuffles and lists as she walks, into the salon, asked how long she would be, and promptly left. This woman, stricken with Alzheimer's, was placed in my care, without so much as a contact number. While I am a completely aware and capable person, not all stylists are. This daughter has been fortunate thus far that her absence hasn't provoked combativeness in her mother. I am sure that her mother's docile, sleepy demeanor has given her this false sense of security, but it is a dangerous form of denial. Fear and uncertainty can, and often do, surface when the afflicted individual no longer has a tether to keep them even.

Salons are NOT the place to 'drop off' your confused parent, sibling, or spouse. Stylists are using sharp implements, hot tools, and there are cords and chemicals that present unlimited hazards. It is a recipe for disaster should that loved one become physically combative.

If you are caring for, or know someone who is caring for a loved one with dementia, Alzheimer's, or any mental deterioration, do not leave them anywhere there are not certified/trained individuals. Most importantly, remember when that loved one is removed from their surroundings for ANY length of time, YOU are their anchor to a reality they have all but lost footing in. While it is important to maintain dignity and routine, it is crucial to do these things with them. If you cannot stay, reschedule to a time or day when you can sit and wait with them.

I cannot stress this enough. It is commendable to keep your parents and loved ones home to care for them in their later years. Know your limits, seek help or a break when you need it, but never forget that even a seemingly innocuous detail can launch the person you know into an unsafe situation for everyone involved.