This might be too much information, not to mention a bit graphic. Everyone shits, however, so there really won't be much below that some people can't relate to. I never had an issue talking about shit before, so I really have no issue talking about it now.
Post-hemorrhoidectomy bowel movements are the worst kind of pain. Prior to surgery, like most people, I'd had a varied history of defecation that went from quick and easy to sweat-inducingly difficult. Hemorrhoids just complicated it. Two days after surgery, when I finally had to go, I traipsed down the stairs at 3 a.m. and braced for hell.
Immediately, waves of nausea hit as the searing pain shot through my ass to my stomach. I had never looked forward to a sitz bath so much in my life. After a half-hour, I managed to go back to sleep, completely unaware that I hadn't felt the worst of it yet.
There's a basic protocol that most surgeons give their patients who've elected to have hemorrhoid surgery. Fiber, fluids and pain meds. Ideally, high fiber diets and upped fluids should start a week before surgery. Thanks to the elimination diet I was on, high fiber wasn't happening. Needless to say this affected motility, and even with a couple doses of Dulcolax, it took awhile for that first substantial shit to actually happen. I am overjoyed, however that I never reached constipation, as that has to be a whole other hell of its own post-op. I had also arrived at the decision that I needed to ween myself from SCD (the diet I was following) as I had dropped more weight than I could afford to lose. I had no choice but to increase fiber and decrease animal protein, if I wanted to avoid becoming bound up. My only regret is that I couldn't make the changes gradually and my gut paid the price.
I opted for the most invasive and permanent surgery. No laser, banding, chemical injections or infrared light procedures, straight up scalpal and stitches. I'm grateful the anesthesiologist chose to do general anesthesia and that the surgeon opted to 'close' the incisions. The fact that there is even an option to leave the cuts open baffles me. We are talking about an area that is guaranteed to come into contact with bacteria — namely e. coli. Why risk infection?
Anyway, the closest thing I can relate the pain of this procedure to is childbirth. Specifically my first, as I tore and had to be cut nearly all the way through. That healing process, no matter how careful I was to clean the area post-bathroom visit was complicated by an e. coli infection, so you can imagine I have been extra diligent about things this time around. When I finally did have a full-on BM, I flashed back to delivering my sons. No fucking joke. I sat there in my tiny bathroom, sweating and biting my lip in pain, thankful the boys were not home to hear me whimpering. Understandably, my conscious reaction was to resist going at all, but there comes a time when your body takes over. Similar to contractions in labor, my abdomen wasn't giving into my fear of pain. In short order, my body cleared my colon, and I was left dreading the next trip to the bathroom.
Each and every time since then has been slightly less painful, aided by the quick shower off afterward. I refuse to allow anything to prolong this dreadful experience, so yes, I shower every fucking time I shit. Thankfully, I work from home. I also opted to wear sanitary napkins over the gauze they recommend. I haven't had to deal with a period in six years, so this has been an adjustment. It is a bit odd how similar an experience it is, though. The blood, the cramps, the inconvenience of it all. I couldn't muster the energy to go to the store myself — the simple act of sitting in the car is exhausting when you cannot get comfortable, so I sent my youngest to pick up a few things, one of which was sanitary napkins. Thankfully, he doesn't embarrass easily and I'm sure that he much preferred any potential thoughts at the checkout by the cashier or other shoppers were that he was getting them for their intended purpose and not for anal recovery. Unbeknownst to him (and I absolutely blame the stores who stock their shelves this way) he grabbed pads for incontinence, not menses. There is humor in this experience and I have no issue finding it. I'm grateful I didn't have to make the trip to the store myself, that he didn't choose Depends or Poise pads, and that absorbency is absorbency.
After that ridiculously awful passing of waste, I went online and ordered a Squatty Potty. I have zero issue admitting that. My only complaint thus far is that I ordered a 7 inch and was sent a 9 inch stool (yes, the 12-yr old in me sees the funny in that statement, too). I have an average height throne, so the two extra inches really aren't necessary. Regardless of that, the process of pooping has been greatly streamlined and made far less painful. Honestly, I have no idea why on earth it took so long for someone to market this. As odd as it may be the first few times, the result of a more comfortable and effective evacuation is worth the weird feeling of squatting over the bowl. I get the whole squatting over a hole thing in some countries, like China. Why on earth are we using toilets and whose stupid idea was it to sit upright when we shit? Untold years of anal issues have been caused by sitting to poo; I'm living proof. I only wish I had known the proper way to shit years ago. I might have saved myself the pain of surgery had I been able to avoid poor pooping posture.
All joking aside, the pain of this procedure, overall, has been far less than I anticipated. I haven't used the prescribed meds much (only to sleep the first few days), as a regiment of Advil and Tylenol has been effective. My activity has been greatly reduced, though sitting has become increasingly easier. I have yet to regret my choice, as I know the pain and discomfort are temporary, and the benefits of never having to deal with painful hemorrhoidal flare-ups again are worth every sharp and stabbing pain I am currently enduring. The challenge of gaining strength to push through pain is something I welcome, as sadistic as that sounds, I know that I can withstand more than I thought I could a week ago. That is progress and progress is a big part of what life is about. Who knew I'd find another layer of myself by going through ass pain? Got to love life.
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