A friend posted this on Facebook yesterday. Of all the things that I could possibly say to someone struggling with life's obstacles right now, this is it. There is always an upside, a silver lining — a better tomorrow.
There have been people who have asked me how I manage to do the whole single parenting gig or enjoy life despite being alone off and on since I got divorced. Initially, when I was asked these questions I had no idea how to respond. It wasn't that I didn't understand the question, it's that I didn't see myself as doing anything out of the ordinary. To me, there was no other way to approach life.
The day I decided to seek divorce was the day my life turned for the better. I had finally put my own well-being front and center, knowing the results would ultimately benefit my sons. The best part of this was I had no clear vision for what the freedom from unhappiness and verbal/mental abuse would mean for me, for my life. I didn't have to know how things would turn out in five or ten years, I just had to believe it would be better than it had been up until that point.
I've said before that positive thinking did not come naturally to me. Maybe as a young child, but as I grew and suffered manipulative and physical abuse at the hands of a man that was supposed to be my father, I became cynical and negative. I expected the worst of people and life, and sadly, that is what I got more often than not. Obviously, there were exceptions like my supportive and loving family and my two amazing sons, but overall I wasn't experiencing much happiness or accomplishment.
I can pinpoint a number of defining moments, big and small when I look back over the past nearly nine years since choosing happiness over strife, though at the time I doubt I would have recognized much of it for what it was. Through the earliest part of my life transition, I was stumbling through, trying new things and it took longer than I wish it had to finally understand that all of the changes and good things that started happening were because I believed they were possible and that I deserved them.
At no point have I ever expected to avoid down times and difficult periods. Shit happens and in the end the only thing that matters — the one thing that ensures we will see the sun again, is how we choose to deal with it. We can avoid it and pretend it doesn't exist, but that just compounds issues that will eventually explode all over the place, making the experience of pain and disappointment far worse than it might have been otherwise. We could surrender to the grief of it all and hide from the light, losing our purpose and any ground toward happiness that we might have gained. I choose to acknowledge that shit times feel crappy, go through the emotions of anger, sadness and whatever else might come with the situation, but I do so, never loosening my grip on positive thinking and the belief that 'this too shall pass'.
A few days ago I had the opportunity to have a conversation with a long-time friend about this topic. I was honored that she would confide in me her current struggles, as I understand that willingly being vulnerable is a difficult thing — even with people you know and trust. While I don't pretend to know what it is like being in her situation as the person she is, the advice I offered — the words I wanted to leave her with, essentially came down to the picture above. Each and every day we have the opportunity to choose happiness. How we see the world, the things we experience and choose to find meaning in, all of it is the how, the where and the when of being happy.
Happiness is not a destination, it is an ongoing life experience that you have to choose to let into your life. The moment you realize that you can choose, that you are the author of your own story, you are able to navigate all the things that are out of your control so much better. It's all about choice; don't give away the one powerful tool you have throughout your existence by never using it.
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