Hard To Believe It's Taken This Long

I've managed to surround myself with some of the most compassionate, kind and interesting people. The friends I have, particularly those closest to me are high quality souls that I am grateful to have in my life. When I woke up and started writing this blog, I had completely different ideas of where it would go, fueled by thoughts and people unrelated to what is directing my words now. I never cease to be propelled into wonder when I step away from my laptop and return a bit later, at the way life works. As overused as it is, amazing is the best word to describe it.

I've known all manner of people and find it particularly interesting to experience a snippet of what makes each of them tick. It's easy to find a groove with some people, while others are beyond challenging to ever find common ground with. Not to oversimplify it but in my experience there are essentially three types of people in life. There are those who are stingy with their time and energy, never making effort to invest themselves in relationships, those who take as though they are entitled to what they pillage from those around them or drain others of all they need, and then there are the kind of people who give and take in equal measure — contributing to the balance of their relationships. 

The friends that I have all of the latter type. I adore them for being even and open, and it inspires me to continue putting forth my best efforts with them, likely forging even stronger bonds as time goes by. I've had a toxic friendship or two, and the vast differences between those and the healthy ones are far too glaring to ignore. The obsurd thing is that until recently I didn't seem to be able to apply that same objectivity and observation in my dating life. Whether it was the desire to see things in people that I wanted to believe were present or an ongoing case of denial I'm not sure. What I do know is that I somehow managed to consistently avoid choosing partners from that amazing group of balanced, givers and takers. 

After a far longer stint than necessary of never knowing where I stood with some and having to face the obvious narcissism with the rest, the light dawns on Marblehead. The qualities that actually mean the most to me in my friends are the same that should be expected in a significant other. Why on earth would I continue to settle for less than what I know is possible from the tried and true relationships I've been so fortunate to have for most of my life? Yeah, that would just be downright silly.

Meeting someone who values the same type of interaction and balance as the I do seemed like something I might have missed out on, and I likely would have had I not opened myself up to the possibility of that happening. No matter what the future holds, the experience of being with someone who isn't elusive or suffocating, who enjoys talking about anything and everything, and who has emotional maturity in every way that matters has refined what I look for in the people I meet. 

Leaving the near masochistic penchant for narcissistic people behind is the most freeing and uplifting thing I could have ever imagined. Being able to engage and accept the balance of give and take is the absolute best lesson I have learned this year. No more fighting for space, no more vying for attention. Forging a connection with another person doesn't have to be a never-ending, uphill battle. It can be organic and fun — and honestly, that's exactly how it should be.