I Might Only Be A Distraction To Some, But Everyone Serves A Bigger Purpose In My Better Existence

If I listened to my inner voice, really listened, I might avoid some of the unpleasant situations in life. I might avoid the pull of negativity. I'd certainly be happy all the time, instead of most of the time.

My youngest son called me out tonight. Evidently, the funk I've been in the past couple of days was far more obvious than I had realized. Just last night my neighbor mentioned I looked tired and not myself...and the kid confirmed the visibility of ick with his own observations. So, in the interest of positive energy production, I attempted to right my mood with music. It worked...well, as long as the music was playing.

I suppose that being in a mood that doesn't exude good feelings happens. Of course it goes against everything I've been working towards, and creates a kind of paradox. If I'm upset and irritable because I'm falling short of where I want to be, I push myself further from that place, instead of closer.

Sometimes I find myself in situations that I expected a more positive approach to life might help me avoid. As it turns out, my own energy only affects my perception and respective reactions. I am still going to encounter unpleasant or undesirable people and situations throughout my walk in life. I will continue to be a distraction, a means-to-an-end, a scapegoat, and a disposable presence, because while I'm busy correcting and adjusting my own behaviors, the journey other people are on (whether they are cognizant of it or not) intersects with my own, and frankly, serves to remind me of the path I left behind years ago.

As time goes on I may become more adept at recognizing these pitfalls and challenges before I ever allow one negative reaction to form, and I do look forward to that day. Until then, I will just continue to assess and regroup my emotions and thoughts; realigning myself with the road I chose and wish to remain on. Regardless of other people's intentions for me in their lives, I am who I am because I continue to work toward a shinier, more exuberant life despite the pitfalls along the way.