It was an all-around good day. I got a lot of little things accomplished, and was still able to do some fun things with my youngest son. Of course there's still one thing in my life that is bothering me, but I have come to the realization that I can't do anything about it. This doesn't exactly translate into freeing my mind from thinking about it. Bummer.
I was always in my demeanor to laugh things off, or walk around with a tough exterior, as though little ever got to me. The truth was, and still is, that I'm far more sensitive and affected by people's words and actions than I might ever let on. I've certainly gotten better at processing my feelings and dealing with issues far more quickly, to avoid falling into a slump of negative thinking, but every so often something manages to linger.
What to do? The way I see it, I have two choices; either allow myself to become consumed with thinking the issue to death and miss out on life in the meantime, or accept that I cannot change what is, at least at the moment, and continue to go about my life. I choose the latter. There is far too much going on around me to let pass by. Every so often the discontent of this one issue creeps back in, making me feel a little less than myself, but I just keep redirecting my energy to something productive, meaningful, and enjoyable. Really, that is the best I can do.
Shitty things happen in life, often times with no explanation. As nice as it would be to just brush everything off and walk away, it just doesn't work that way most of the time. In order to make sense of things, and for change to come of anything, you have to feel the full effects. There is no other way to know which direction will lead you the way you want to go, unless you can understand, or at least experience loss, disappointment, grief, anger, or disbelief. Once that happens, it's time to let go of your emotional attachment to whatever happened, and find happy again.
Occasionally, it takes letting go in stages.
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