Not Everything Needs To Be Named

There are certain subjects that are more difficult to write about than others. For a number of reasons. I find I often censor myself, or avoid the topic altogether rather than risk misinterpretation. Hurt feelings, drawn conclusions and the like are, admittedly, some of the worst foes a writer encounters...and the worst part is that the resistance to write based on any of those excuses is predominantly rooted in the writer's psyche.

There is an emotion, or rather a mood - a state of being that isn't envy, and does not really come close to jealousy either. At the moment I'm at a loss for the exact words or even an adequate definition, but somehow I've still been prone to experiencing it. While entirely infrequent, I'm familiar with the feeling, and even more so with it's fleeting nature. Thankful really, that it doesn't languish and make me ill.

I consider myself fortunate (yes, I know thus far I have been vague and reading further - should you choose to - will not lead to a more specific description of the above emotion) that I have planted myself in a positive place, because in those moments when I begin to feel uncomfortable and less than able to express exactly why, my mind automatically presents the alternate side; the positive energy tied to that previously negative moment.

There may be much about my life that I hadn't planned, but most of the surprises have been incredible ones, leaving me amazed that I could ever focus on something unpleasant in light of the incredibleness surrounding me. Sure, there was a time when I walked under that gray cloud, complaining I couldn't ever see the sun, but happily I've left that time behind. No, my life isn't all unicorns and rainbows, but choosing blue skies and contentedness is certainly nothing to ignore.

I don't need perfection; I really don't even need anything close to that. Just having a few really good reasons to leave the less than spectacular bullshit behind is enough to say that I'm happy. Enviable possessions, relationships that evoke jealous outsiders and the need to flaunt whatever and whoever are none of the traits included in my kind of happy. I don't need to define every negative emotion I encounter or experience; I just need to be able to continue to move on by into the sun, sporting a smile.