I've been wanting to write about something in particular, but have sat here weighing the pros and cons of doing so. I could just write it and keep it for myself; just to get the thoughts out of my head. But a conversation I had with one of my sisters keeps popping up, and the result is I am compelled to share.
Without revealing more than I wish to, or boring anyone with unnecessary details, here it is:
I have been granted a glimpse into the daily life of my nephew and niece. The briefest and most benign glimpse, and even this abbreviated experience pales in comparison to the battle they have endured for far too long. I say 'I have been granted' because I have been able to find value in an otherwise failed trial with a medication.
At this point, I will apologize for any odd wording, spelling choices, or completely irrelevant thought directions (though I hope to correct those things prior to publishing this entry).
Medication is something I've always tried to avoid. Other than the occasional ibuprofen, allergy or cold elixir, narcotics and long-term meds are something I've been fortunate to avoid...until recently. I reached a point where I could no longer manage my pain and remain functional for work (and let's be honest...LIFE) with over-the-counter remedies. The medication I was prescribed did manage the pain more effectively, but only just by making it bearable.
This 'glimpse' into my nephew and niece's battle is due to side effects. Aside from fatigue and headaches (both of which are tolerable), difficulty in concentrating and sometimes not being able to find the simplest of words has also spawned irritability. At first that might not seem like much in respect to controlling pain, but when you depend on concentration and fluidity in communication as I do with my day job and in my writing, it is. I pause for far longer than I should, either mid-sentence to a client (thankfully most of them know me well enough to laugh it off), or with my fingers poised on 'ASDF, JKL;' and the space bar on my keyboard, at first struggling to pull words that finish my thoughts from my head, and often fighting the fog of 'no thoughts' and trying to remember what I was thinking about to begin with.
I'm cognizant enough to realize this isn't normal for me, though the irritable outbursts and verbal snapping are tough to see coming and cut off before they are unleashed. I've found myself attempting to explain what's happening to cause this new behavior to both of my sons repeatedly. Unfortunately, they have born the brunt of my frustrations these past few weeks. I am just thankful they 'get it' and aren't holding it against me.
Verbal communication and creativity through writing are aspects in my life that I cannot imagine losing; the good news is I don't have to worry about that happening. Having the option of discontinuing this medication is a relief, though I wish my nephew and niece had that option. As an adult, I haven't been dealing with these side effects for an incredibly short period of time and the end is easy and within sight. I hadn't thought it was possible to admire my nephew and niece anymore than I already did for being the troopers they have been over the past five years, but I do.
They are amazing, resilient and so much more tolerant than I might have ever imagined. And much more so than I am myself. The worst thing isn't dealing with side effects; it's having to live with them for an undetermined amount of time with no promise of an end.
No comments:
Post a Comment