Double Takes Often End At Appearance

Looking at old photos of my brother-in-law as a child tonight, I was honestly amazed at how much my nephew looks like him. I mean exactly like him. I'd challenge anyone to look for anyway that kid looks like my sister. I hadn't ever realized just how much he was his father's son until seeing those photos. Were it not for the crazy outfits of the fab 70s and rad 80s, I'd never have questioned that it wasn't my nephew.

We may look like our parents; maybe even more one parent that the other, but who we are is rarely the carbon copy our appearance may lead people to believe. The moment we enter into conversations, the similarities and uncanny features shared with our mother or father nearly always fade quickly. Regardless of upbringing and genetics, our thoughts tend to be, more often than not, our own...particularly as we age. Of course this doesn't always ring true, as there are many who are conditioned, rather than raised, leading to an only slightly altered copy of the original.

It's a parent's trap to see themselves or the other parent in their children. It's the basis for relating, and even (to an extent) demonstrating to the world around us what we have imprinted upon it. Of course this is beyond ego-based, but because it is drawn from a place so incredibly close to where parental joy emanates from, it's easy to ignore that we're somewhat unwilling to believe this child could truly ever be independent of us.

My youngest son is, appearance-wise, a mix of his father and I. Some of his ideologies and creative tendencies might have initially blossomed as part of genetics or upbringing, but they have quickly grown into something completely unique to himself. I find that I am frequently surprised and impressed at the person he is, and yes, I often pause in awe as I take it all in. Of course it is this way with both of my sons, though the youngest is far more expressive and open about who he is and the person he is journeying to become.

Like my nephew and the photos of his father, appearances can lead to misconstrued notions about individuals. It's more than likely we all have some traits, some mannerisms, a few quirks handed down through the act of having been raised, but we are not our parents - our children are not us. I find I need to remind myself of this anytime I begin holding someone to the standards or expectations of their parent or anyone they may remind me of. We cannot be true individuals if we don't shed preconceived notions. There may be similarities in life, but we are all unique and therefore should be treated as individuals.

Sharing isn't always the same as being.