If you aren't a parent, I am not entirely certain you would understand ... before I became one, I am quite doubtful I would have myself. Of course, now I relish in the amazement and hold tight to all that I am fortunate to have simply for having become 'mom'.
On days when I break a nail, trip over my feet, spill coffee on myself, whack my elbow on the corner of something hard, hit every single red light between my starting place and my destination, have a disagreement with someone I care about, or simply wish I had never left the comfort of my bed, I am gratefully still a mother. One look into either of my sons' faces and all of the maddening moments that seemed so awful and consuming just step back out of sight, absent of their former power over my state of being. Though they may be nearly grown, there are those rare occasions that the love I am overcome with just being near them, sends me back to the day each of them was born.
The relationship and bond I share with my sons are unique to each of them, but so absolutely wound together as one amazing amplifier for my heart and soul. In my life I could never imagine being without either of them, and I am certain nearly all of me would die should that horror ever come to pass. Though I may have ambitions and desires that seem independent of my role as mom, there is not one thing that I could ever achieve that would bring me any amount of happiness were my sons not somehow part of it.
Through the sleepless nights, the challenges of childrearing and the acceptance of my changing role I have found the remedy for disappointing days and stressful times. Nothing whatsoever as much as the smiles of both my sons could ever brighten those dark moments and every dull, gray day. It may sound simple, but it's an effect that would be impossible without the interwoven complexities a child creates the moment they touch their mother's world.
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