Never underestimate the power that a seemingly innocuous conversation, which transpired earlier in the day, will have at the end of the day. If you're lucky, the effect is unexpectedly good. Typically, that's the case for me, but today...well, I wouldn't say it turned out well.
The fabulous mood that I was in after an impromptu conversation with a good friend, was one I didn't think could be squashed. I was wrong. Utterly, completely wrong. There truly are people out there who can suck every ounce of happy out of an area extending roughly three feet out from themselves. Lucky me, I work within people's purple circle of personal space, and today I got sucked into the mother of all neurotically negative vortexes.
My good friend made an observation about my propensity for being an empath; he posed it as a question, but one he already knew the answer to. In my line of work, being an empath is often beneficial. I am able to not only listen with my ears to client's requests, but I can also differentiate between what they are saying and what they often mean. The downside is that I can experience energies that are so unlike my own that I am left either completely exhausted or highly irritable. Today was both.
It is hard to imagine that anyone's presence could affect another person's mood so drastically, but even fifteen minutes with people is enough to alter my internal harmony. According to the internet, I'm an 'out of control' empath, which essentially means I have zero means to protect my own energy from the influence of others'. No, that doesn't suggest that I don't think for myself or am doomed to be a follower; it means that I am so in tune with the energies around me that I lose my own when another wanders into my space.
On the whole, I am perfectly happy to allow people's positive energies to invade and influence my chakras, as they broaden my human experience and fuel my own emotional and mental evolution. I don't need to center myself and find my balance when I have spent time in these individuals space, because there energy encourages and creates amazing balance and clarity. When someone is negative; either by being depressed, neurotic, or indecisive, it immediately drains my energy. On these occasions it takes me quite some time to reconnect and gather myself. These are the lingering effects of the undesirable side of what I do.
What is worse than having my own balance disturbed, is the fact that I can further the spread of negativity by entering someone else's space too soon. If I do not right my energy and expel the bad, my next client will likely end up leaving with a bit of the negatively charged atmosphere. Knowing how disconcerted I feel when I am impinged by the unhealthy aura of others, I wouldn't ever intentionally want to burden anyone else. The thing is, once I have been exposed, I have to rid myself of it. There is no way to simply repel it, or absorb and dilute it. I have to shed it as quickly as possible, preferably without using anyone as an energy waste receptacle. Or I need to be fortunate enough to have a non-empath who is capable of taking and processing bad energy. I find I don't come into contact with nearly enough of those. Pity.
While I've always known that I was an empath, I had no idea exactly how unable I am to navigate the energy I encounter. Without a doubt, this evening's events have called my attention to what is quite possibly the root of my challenges with energy, resolve and motivation. Nearly two hours later I am feeling my mood level; the irritable feelings have dulled and I no longer have an agitated desire to snap at everyone around me. Sorting through and recognizing such a weakness is a silver lining, because it means that improvement and maintainable balance are possible. I just need learn how to feel without being consumed.
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