In the few short hours since adopting Oliver (the kitten), I've been reminded just how relationships used to evolve. Before social media, dating sites, texting and technology in general, getting to know someone took time. Whether the person had the potential to become a friend, or a significant other each party had to exercise some kind of patience in the whole 'getting to know you' phase. Almost no one takes their time to really connect anymore.
This 11-week old kitten is every bit apprehensive as he should be given all he knew of life abruptly changed. It's easy to take for granted the friendly and outgoing nature of other people's pets, since the component we often overlook is that those animals are with their families. Their sense of security hasn't been disrupted completely. Introducing a new pet into a home takes time, patience, and understanding. We can play with him, pet him when he allows, but what he needs most is freedom from any pressure to come to us.
As adorable and soft as this little fur ball is, speeding up the process of adjustment by picking him up, chasing him around, or approaching him too quickly won't help him settle in and get to know us. At least not the way we hope for. After having years to learn Simsim's personality; his likes and dislikes, it is a little strange to be starting over.
And just as with this kitten, I think more of us need to re-evalute how quickly we become involved with people we don't know. Life moves along at an ever increasing rate, it is easy to get caught up in rushing things to fit as much in as possible. The problem with that is we sacrifice depth for quantity.
I've essentially never given up that tried and true, take-your-time method when it comes to friends. This is one of the very reasons the friendships I have are layered and strong. Those closest to me I know confidently well. For the few friends who are new, or still in the creating friendship stage I wouldn't dream of entrusting them with my heart or my secrets, just as I would not want to prematurely be made aware of theirs. Solid bonds are made over time and no amount of social media can duplicate that.
All this and more can be said with regard to dating as well. It has become common place to rush through meeting, talking and assessing each other's potential as a partner right via text. As a writer I am aware that the strategic use of words can craft a reality that is believable, though often too good to be true. When we eliminate the slower process of seeing and watching expressions, body language, and studying the nuances that make a person who they are, we sacrifice depth. There is no substitute for face-to-face conversations, physical contact, and that frustratingly amazing waiting period; real attraction and dedication comes from taking time and allowing bonds to develop naturally.
Oliver may not ever be a cuddly cat, but we won't know what he is capable of in terms of affection and trust if we don't let him work it out in his own time. The less we try to rush our new family member, the less he will be seen as a 'replacement' for the love we lost. I never want to do anything that would lead me to relate to him as I did with Simsim. Our little family deserves the benefits of time in learning to relate and build trust. It is my opinion that anyone I choose to include in my life is someone I want to get to know and grow with; those cliff notes just don't compare to the real thing.
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