I Was An Awkward, Overly-Energetic Child

I absolutely believe a person is only as good as the people they have around them. Think about it. Every person you know that makes you smile just thinking of them, that sets examples you strive to follow, that brightens any area they occupy - they all have amazing souls flanking them throughout their lives.

Though I've said it many times before, it bears repeating: I am awestruck by how many incredible souls have touched my life these past 42 years. From family to friends, old and new, then there are those who stayed a short time, and even a few who have made numerous cameos. Not to wax-poetic, but I am luckier than I might ever have imagined I could be, and only hope I prove through my own life and actions to be as deserving of these people as anyone should be.

When I think back to my childhood, there's always a twinge of discomfort. I know that there were so many good things that I should remember, but the gravity of the negative lingers heavy and vivid. Even though today I can recall unhappy events or negative feelings and swiftly choose to focus on better things, the ugliness of things beyond my control can never be forgotten. Like it or not, those times are a part of who I am; they are part of the many reasons I am this version of me.

Like so many kids, I was teased and made fun of when I was young. Certain things about my home life made me stubborn; thicker skinned, so I was able to shake off the cold and hurtful stuff - at least as far as my taunters could see. While my mother wouldn't agree, I was an awkward child. Red hair, coke bottle glasses, and beyond crooked teeth. Cute was never a word non-family members would use to describe me. Gawky would be more like it. It's funny how I can still feel the pang of alienation that came with being called four eyes, among other names. My true friends were few, though they made up for the less than accepting majority.

I was loud, high strung, and often over-the-top exhausting. The desperation to be accepted can sometimes lead to over doing it in the hopes it will distract others from what has previously been determined as undesirable qualities. Of course as I got older, those tendencies weren't as prevalent; they were slowly replaced by flippant indifference.

When I was six, I had the good fortune of being a first-grade student in a young teacher's classroom. She wasn't worn out from years of bad attitudes, unruly children, or demanding curriculums. On the contrary, she was patient, accepting, and full of enthusiasm. It was contagious. For a relatively poor child with a host of afflictions just waiting to be exploited by other children, this teacher was a gift. When I think of the impression she left on my life, what I see and still feel is a warmth only acceptance and being cared for by another person can produce. I was always an affectionate child, and in that time it was acceptable for students and teachers to hug one another. She never refused, even when she was near maternity leave. I was never the kind of student that sat quietly, listening to instruction; I was overly social and needed redirection fairly often. Were I to have taught a child like I once was, I doubt I would have had the grace and heart this teacher did.

I moved away after that year, but I never forgot that teacher and just how much I loved going to school because of her. Even with the wonder of social media, I never thought I'd ever interact with this incredible woman again. Surprises do happen and not only am I in touch with her again, but she took time out of her day to surprise me with flowers and a quick hug and hello at one of the salons I work at today. What an awesome thing it is to have the chance to get to know a person who impacted my childhood as an adult all these years later. Such an amazing gift.

Life events such as this certainly have a diminishing effect on those negative memories. I might have once been a cross-eyed, redheaded stepchild, but I've always been a genuine soul with the ability to gravitate to positive and amazing spirits. I am more than what you see, I am the reflection of those incredible individuals, including that wonderful teacher, and the amplifier of our collective positive energy. May we all be able to say the same.