My youngest son and I had a conversation that quickly escalated into a heated discussion earlier. It surrounded white privilege; specifically, his assertion that I have and continue to benefit from it. Being female and a single-mother, I instantly prickled at this viewpoint.
It would appear that I have done a good job maintaining balance while giving my sons the impression that I have everything in our life under control. So much so that my youngest son believed that white privilege, in the sense that he views it, actually applies to someone like me. Part of my heated response was aimed at myself for having allowed either of my sons to miss out on the reality of raising two children alone as a woman.
By no means do I mean to say that I know what other people, particularly women, from other races or ethnic backgrounds are subjected to on a regular basis in life. My irritation is that because I'm white, my son truly thought I benefited from it in the workplace, job market, etc. Setting him straight was my only goal before we went grocery shopping.
I had to remind him that I was never eligible for much in the way of any assistance, and I consistently worked two to three jobs to keep a roof over his and his brother's head. He commented that I had a better chance of moving up or likely got jobs based on the fact that I'm white. I had to pull him back down to earth on that one. Being a white female, I'm in a less desirable position when it comes to getting a job. Depending on the race, gender or ethnicity of other job candidates, my being white has no bearing (unless the employer is a racist ass). And I reminded him of the fabulous wage gap between men and women, regardless of race. Sure, white men typically top the pay scales (something that is bullshit), but how my child could deduce that white females were in the same room on that I have no idea.
Having to explain that his mother is still, in too many ways, a second class citizen was bizarre. No, it fucking sucked. I'm no fan of Hilary Clinton, but just seeing the crap that has been spewed about her based on gender, by Trump and the media just puts a spotlight on the reality that women are still far from equal. Yes, even if the woman is white.
I work my ass off and always have because there really are few other options. I'm fine with working hard, but when my son misinterprets my drive, motivation, and resourcefulness as white privilege I have to reassess the picture I've painted for them these past eight years. I wasn't born into a world of opportunity because being born white only really matters if you're male. I might not be subjected to prejudices that my sisters of color might be, but being a single mother comes with a fair amount of being judged and treated differently. And differently in a negative way; not one that would indicate white privilege.
Just today, shopping in Freeport for a suit for prom, a store clerk who was attempting to be helpful by suggesting other stores we might find what we were looking for, made an insinuation that went over my son's head. Her comment was off-hand and I'm sure she didn't think much of it, but if I had been a man shopping with my son, it would never have been said. She felt the need to state that the stores she was mentioning were a bit more high-end and pricey, having absolutely no idea what my financial situation might be. I might normally not have thought twice about it as I don't take offense to other people's judgments easily, but it was definitely a moment that would not have happened if I was male. People have made the assumption that I am helpless, in need of assistance, pitiable and weak because I am a single mother. I refuse to let that change my approach to owning my life. Being female is bullshit in this world because ultimately, we aren't equal and the color of our skin doesn't make a fucking difference (not that it should).
I am somewhat happy that my sons see me as equal to men, as this gives me hope that change is on the way for my gender. I've spent years protecting them from the opinions and prejudice that, be it right or wrong, come with being a single, white mother. When it came to securing credit or a new place to live, my single mother status essentially canceled out the color of my skin. Being white doesn't mean anyone out in the world will take me seriously or listen because I have a vagina. Having a vagina shouldn't be a limitation, yet in nearly all areas of life it often is.
Far from griping, I continue to do what I have always done and will always make my life what I want it to be. I have had to deal with many hurdles and dead-ends, and no-one has handed me anything because I happen to have been born white. My current job was a stroke of luck that I realize was more because of who I know than the color of my skin or my gender. I hope that my son has a clearer picture of the reality women face, regardless of the color of their skin and that while white privilege is sadly still real, he is in no position to point fingers. He is in a position to make a difference and effect change in this regard.
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