There is never a laid-back, easy-going period of time that lasts long in my life. Oh, it isn't as though there couldn't be, I just can't seem to keep from busying-up my days when a lull threatens to settle in. I suppose it's like I'm trying to pack in as much life as I can into the years I have left. While there is no way of knowing how many more years there might be, I can't see wasting time in the present.
I'm an experience junkie. If the Universe presents me with something, I will usually go with it because good or bad something will likely be gained. New memories, a lesson or an avenue to somewhere else my path needs to travel, it doesn't matter. We are here to live life and that cannot be done sitting idly by waiting for a 'good enough reason' to get up and get moving.
There might be times that aren't as chaotic as others, but I can never claim that my life is dull or boring. It might not always be active with things I want and that's okay because, at the very least, I'll be refreshing my perspective on the things I don't want in my life. I've found that after a particularly undesired event or experience, a fantastic experience follows a short distance behind.
If having gone through a divorce and having to figure out how to be everything to my sons brought me to this place of peace, balance and security years later, it was worth every painful second and each hard lesson I encountered. The subsequent dating ordeals that ebbed and flowed between the waters of awful and okay-but-still-not-right, and there is the distinct possibility that all the work I was doing on myself and the things I was learning about being with another person were to prepare me for where I am today. I have no idea where my current relationship will lead and while I might entertain a 'what-if' or two, I'm content going through each experience of being with this blue-eyed guy for what it is as the moments unfold.
As busy as my life is, all the ups and downs have helped me unclutter and relax my mind. If I'm idle too long, my head becomes a loud and thunderous place where thoughts, fears and the like congregate to party. The problem is that this party just amplifies all the wrong avenues of thinking, leaving me feeling edgy or worse. Staying occupied has been the best way to stay positive and moving in the directions that I choose because I'm willing to believe I can, I should and I deserve to walk down those happier, more fulfilling paths in life.
I can relax when it's beneficial, but I find more clarity in more hectic moments than those of quiet reflection. As with everything, there is a time and a place for us to do or feel anything in particular. We just need to learn to know when to get moving and when we can change things up and take a rest.
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