I was in a funk yesterday. Despite being occupied and focused on work, life, and what-have-you, the weight of the day's significance did not escape my attention. My 18-yr old cousin, his girlfriend and two of their friends died in a horrific car accident 21 years ago. I have only heard about the accident detail over the years, I cannot imagine being the man who ran from his house and tried in vain to pull them from the wreck. If this day still has a somber feel to it year after year for me and my family, I have no idea what it is for someone who witnessed it all.
Jason was the kind of person you wanted to be around. Even as a little kid his smile would light up the room and his whole aura was happy. Sure, he had his moody moments as most teenagers do, but he had a zest for life that just emanated from him. It was natural and part of what most people loved about him.
While it was not the last time I saw him, my strongest, last memory of him was at my wedding reception just four months before the accident. He hadn't made it to the church for the ceremony and my aunt, uncle, and cousin Shonna were in Boston for Shonna's surgery. He walked into the reception and I swear the energy in that room changed. All of my other cousins, my sisters, and my step-brother seemed to instantly fall into a party kind of mode. Not that they hadn't been enjoying themselves up to that point - someone who shall remain nameless was buying them drinks, but when Jay got there so did the party vibe.
What I remember most of that night was seeing he and the rest of my family dancing up a storm. I was four months pregnant and exhausted, and I wished I could have had as much fun as he seemed to be having - and it was my wedding. The post party, from what I heard, was epic, although my mom and step-dad might say differently having to clean the mess left behind.
I gave birth to my first son, panged with guilt as it was just five weeks after my aunt and uncle lost their first born child. My bundle of joy came into the world amidst grieving and sadness, but the promise and possibility of this new life helped some of us heal. I will always know how long my cousin has been gone because it is how long I have been blessed with my oldest son. They never met in life, but maybe their energies passed during the time in between Jay's death and Brayden's birth. Of my two sons, Brayden has the same kind of smile that Jay had, and Riley, well, he's got a bit of the outgoing, party people energy my cousin possessed.
It's not reaching or kidding myself to see my cousin in my sons, as these things about them simply remind me of him in ways that instantly jog memories of him. They may not be evident to others who knew him, but they trigger thoughts of a person I loved and miss so much. As much as I wish he was still here, getting to know my kids, I will treasure every single memory I was fortunate enough to have with him. Eighteen years of fun, mischief and great times. Thank you for all of it, Jay <3
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