When I veer off a path, it isn't just one major change of direction. Most of the time it is little things that add up, and even though I might subconsciously know I'm headed off track, it isn't enough to stop the progression. Then I wake up one day and realize just how far from where I want to be I have allowed myself to get. I've got to get better at course correction.
After moving and acclimating to my new routine, there were definite moments when I knew I wasn't walking with the same intention as I had been. Few things about my life are as they were seven months ago; though whenever I am asked by someone I haven't seen in some time how things are, my response is 'Good. The same.'. I suppose there is a bit of truth to that, as my answer comes more from my own immediate recollection, and not so much from the point at which I last saw or spoke to that person.
Far too frequently, this internal acknowledgement comes with an overwhelming awareness of how much work lay ahead of me. I don't strive to get back where I may have been, but at least headed in the direction I had been going. Rather than allow these 'side trips' to upset or stress me out, I try to focus on what I have experienced and learned while on my unintentional break from a specific journey. Just because I've been ignoring a goal or path, doesn't mean life stopped. Whether I'm on task or not, the whole point is that I'm living.
There really is no straight and narrow to get wherever I want to go. Distractions, curiosity, responsibility, and fun have a way of filling my peripheral vision; it's no surprise I'd turn to see things from time to time. Berating myself for doing so is pointless, not to mention counter-productive to enjoying a more positive and full life. Sure I might get to where I am going far faster, but I would undoubtedly miss out on moments that may lay the groundwork for something incredible down the road; moments I can never get back once I've let them go by.
Picking and choosing what to follow and what to pass on is really just about what makes the most sense to me at the time. Maybe my life is altered in a way I am unable to see or predict, and maybe it is just reinforced in direction and meaning; that's what chance is. I am aware, at the moment, that I've taken a few more detours than I probably should have, but I've got a clearer sense of where I want to go as a result. Though my initial reaction might be to give in to the negative thoughts, every time I pause to regain my original focus my resolve is stronger. Reigning myself in has become an exercise in resilience, determination, and positive thinking. I'm not procrastinating, as much as I'm learning and growing. Time to take what I've recently acquired and adjust my course.
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