Being True To Yourself Is Sometimes A Tough Thing To Do

The biggest arguments I have in life are with myself. Did I make the right decision? Was I justified in my actions? Will I ever make a choice and get on with (whatever it might be)? There are times when I feel as though I've lost, and given that I'm the only one involved, it's a bizarre feeling to have.

Of all my inner debates, I'd say the manner in which I conduct myself, particularly in precarious situations, is the most common. Far from a chameleon, my action (or inaction) are heavily dependent on other parties involved. While this approach has worked for the most part, I've begun to realize the unnecessary stress I am subjecting myself to - at the detriment of my soul's balance.

Treading lightly is necessary in some situations; typically any historical pattern of reaction from the other party automatically dictates such. Though more and more often, if I really take the time to assess more about past dealings with certain individuals, there is a common theme. Insecure and self-involved people seem to be more sensitive and likely to strong, negative reactions - the kind I prefer to avoid. Wishing to skip 'the drama' is understandable, but there are times when it occurs to me I am just placating, and feeding the beast. I'm not doing the other person or myself any favors by skirting through  all interactions.

Much like not taking responsibility for someone else's actions, I need to stop feeling responsible for any potential reaction of undesirable nature from other people. If I say or do something, without ill-intent, it isn't my issue how the other party chooses to deal with it. Regardless of relationship, I have the choice to walk away and let them sit with whatever negative or misleading emotions they conjure up as a result.

Currently, I find myself faced with an uncomfortable situation; sure to be the first in a line of many such events. I began considering the extent of my involvement in this particular, already heavy situation, because as history has shown, there will be false interpretations of my actions by an individual involved. Something inside me clicked however, and I made the decision to conduct myself as I would in any other, similar case and not give any expected reactions by this person a second of my attention.

To approach this, and all interactions like it, any other way is to compromise the person I am. I have worked far too hard to allow undesirable reactions to alter the good things about me. I have a big heart, and am innately caring; when someone is hurting or struggling I don't ever want to analyze my actions to the point that I withhold support or come off as disingenuous. That type of reservation just robs both myself and the other person of honest communication. I just can't have that.