The decline of a man I wish I knew better. The thing with merging families when you're older and have a family of your own, is it is far more difficult to establish a deep connection. That isn't to say that it doesn't happen; it just take longer. And more importantly, it takes more effort.
I cannot say that I haven't spent quality time with my step-grandfather, but looking back over the past 19 years, I wish I had spent more time with he and my step-grandmother. I love his accent (extreme Maine), his always perfect flat top (you know imma pay respect to great hair), and mostly his laugh. There has never been a time when he has laughed that I haven't found myself laughing and smiling right along with him.
I don't care how old you are, or how old the people are who are poised to leave this world, there is not easy way to deal with it. Loss is loss, and what it would mean to lose someone close to you today, would likely not change much years from now. And when you are the one watching someone you love suffer the loss, it never becomes more natural or fluid. You hurt for them and wish, each and every time, that you could unburden their hearts, minds and souls of the enormity of their loss.
My step-father is an incredible person. He is beyond intelligent (earning him the name F'n G), he is personable, caring, funny, and seems to always have the perfect words or anecdotal story for every occasion. In many ways he is like his father. At least from what I have known the past two decades. Both men garner respect and genuine likability; a feat most of us aspire to, and while we may achieve it, it is with far less ease and a whole lot more effort.
One of the hardest things to comprehend for me, is watching a strong person decline in health. Regardless of how slow it happens, seeing someone who was active, independent and full of life dissipate into a person who requires assistance with the most basic of life's tasks is tough. It is difficult because we do not surrender our picture/image we have of the people we love easily, and we (whether meaning to or not) personalize the experience. It is not pleasant to see ourselves in similar situations, just as it isn't second nature to alter our realities when our loved ones are not well.
As with every end of life situation I have experienced, the short span of life is again emphasized. We are here for so little time, and our lives should be full of experience, laughter, and every little thing we can cram into it. I believe that my 'grandfather' has lived such a life. His face bears the signs of a full life, his eyes were always alight with ideas and thoughts churning away, and he hugged like he meant it.
My family of three has been recipient to knowledge, kindness, and memories enough to carry us through our elder years. Far from the same as continuing to have his presence, we will make due with the unexpected and amazing gifts he has given. For me, the gift of the best grandfather and role model I could ever have wanted for my sons will be at the top of the list.
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