It's no secret that there is a difference between needy people and people in need. For some of us though, it can be tricky to recognize that difference. When a person is inherently kind hearted, even knowing the difference doesn't ensure they will put an end to the life-sucking attachment a needy person makes.
Maybe this will come across as insensitive or cold-hearted, but I have no time to spare in this life on needy people. I divorced a needy guy, and subsequently refused to date similar ones. I have cast off these types of friendships, and am all the happier for it.
Still, these life suckers who will never know happiness because they cannot loosen the grip, or give up that all-encompassing view of how everything affects them circle around me madly, waiting for an opportunity to latch on. Apparently, I need to work on my callous attitude. Then again, I'm willing to bet that needy people are like most parasites and will latch on to anyone given the opportunity.
Like I said, I'm sure this seems over-the-top unfeeling to some, but it serves a point.
A person in need is someone that might actually require the help of another person to get through a tough spot, or hold them up when they just don't have the strength to stand on their own. Not so different from what a needy person may seem to be requesting; except that a person in need is capable of moving forward after a time. They are also able to extend that very same assistance and kindness to others. In short, a person in need can take, but more importantly give.
In my own experience, the needy types are nearly always narcissists. These people are literally incapable of ever being empathetic. Sadly, their perception of the world around them is based solely on how it impacts and undermines their life. No amount of encouragement, love, or support will ever lead them to see things differently. For the rest of us, continuing to think 'if only I could make a difference', 'maybe if I try harder', or 'he/she just needs someone to understand them' will only serve to rob us of precious energy and time.
Does this mean I disregard needy individuals? No, but I know where to draw the line and how to avoid taking on responsibilities that are not mine to hold. Being co-dependent, or enabling someone to continue draining me emotionally is just not my idea of life. If I am responsible for my own happiness, then I choose to not engage too often or deeply with people who will never truly benefit from what I have to offer.
In the end, we each need to be able to look back on our existence without much regret. Letting go of feeling responsible for others who have never and will likely never be their own keeper goes a long way toward being free of regret. It is totally possible to be a good and caring person and not be host to emotional parasites.
No comments:
Post a Comment