No Grass Growing Under Me

After a long-ass day, I wasn't going to write a post tonight. Of course, I can't give into being lazy, so here I sit. I'm not a fan of daylight savings, but this year it hasn't been as bad as I remember past years. Besides, the fatigue I'm feeling is most likely a result of the non-stop day rather than losing an hour yesterday.

The good thing about today being nearly over is that tomorrow is looking like it will be far more evenly paced in terms of what I need to get done. Were it not for those times when I'm so busy I can hardly focus I wouldn't appreciate the days I can get lost in one thing for hours half as much. Balance doesn't always mean the even distribution of effort and tasks every day, it just means that for all the boring there's too much excitement, and occasionally, there are times that are just right thrown in for good measure. When I say my life is balanced, I mean that it's nearly equally parts  shitshow and cakewalk.

 Come to think of it, it isn't as though I don't have more than I'd like to do lined up the rest of the week, it's more that my time will consist of less frequently broken focus because I will be taking it all on from one location — my couch! I may even have to set reminders to get up and move about, as there appears to be a lot of writing on the agenda. Not exactly the writing I'd prefer to be doing, but writing nonetheless.

I had no idea how busy life could get as a single parent, and though I don't for a minute wish that it were any other way, I do wonder what it takes to remove one's self from their children's lives and lay the entire burden of responsibility on the other parent. I have no regrets being as involved as I am, no matter how exhausted some days leave me, and the reasons are numerous. I may have all the weight of appointments, meal planning, guidance and parenting in general on my shoulders, but I also get an exclusive, front-row seat to all the wonderful things that my children have done, will do and the happiness life presents them with. By doing all the things other parents shirk away from, I've earned the priceless moments I will forever remember.

There may be fleeting seconds where I wish my boys had another parent to balance out their upbringing, but in the end, I know that their willing inclusion of me is evidence they don't feel their life is lacking in any noticeable ways. I'll keep racing all over creation whenever they need me to, because it's such a small price to pay for all the exceptional moments I'd hate to ever chance missing out on. Tonight, like most nights, I will fall asleep peaceful because I didn't leave the important things undone, I didn't take the lazy way out, and because I know that being there is more important than griping about being tired. Sleep will always be there, these moments will fade away and disappear, and I want to remember being part of them.