Own Your Awesome Parenting

Of all the things I've started and stuck with in my life — and sadly there are fewer than there should be, I am proud to say parenting has been the most successful. I am far from perfect and there are many things that, looking back, I would do differently. Those things aside, every challenge that has be presented to me has been an opportunity to rock motherhood. And more often than not, I have to say I'm doing a damn badass job and owning this life role.

Now I can't take all the credit for a job well done. My sons are exceptional kids. They've disappointed me on occasion, done things they knew they ought not do, and tried to buck me when I've put my foot down, but each and every time they face their shortcomings and own that shit. Talk about instant parenting gratification. If you can't recognize your own successes as a parent without fear that others will think you're full of yourself, you're doing the whole parenting thing wrong. Be confident in what you know you do well, it helps you get better at the things you still need work on.

There are days when the evidence of parenting well is more evident than others. Those are the times that I celebrate, if only internally, the best challenge life ever presented me. Often it's simply due to hearing someone speak highly of my sons, or when I see them together not totally hating each other just because they are brothers. The times when I have to verbally reign them in are some of the most profoundly amazing moments, however. As teens each of my sons has veered off track of not only my expectations, but of their potentiality. When they are capable of so much more than they are achieving, I've got to get real.

Without a doubt the often one-sided (at least at first) conversations begin with them cursing me out inside their heads as they hear only every third word I am saying. Somewhere toward the middle of the discussions — each in his own way, they start to visibly become more receptive. Their shoulders relax, their facial expression lighten and the verbal and physical acknowledgement of what is being said is communicated without resistance. For this very reason I repeat my initial message a few times, varying how I say it slightly. I know they aren't even remotely hearing me the first time, and occasionally not even the second.

I had such a conversation with my youngest son this afternoon. The topic was his future; more specifically what he needs to start doing over the next year and a half to prepare himself for the things he has his heart and mind set on. My oldest son is stubborn and gets heated quickly; not unlike myself. We can rail at each other and five minutes later be laughing. This kid though, he's über emotional and it can take three times as long to get to the heart of the matter, while he works through his roller coaster ride of reactions. Frustrating as it can be for me, I've learned that he will hear what I am saying and make adjustments without having to revist the discussion several times.

We hit that common ground and understanding in record time today. There was even acknowledgement of the validity of what I was saying. For a 16 yr-old who automatically, as part of the biological make-up of a teenager, assumes adults are slow to grasp how things are growing up today, this was epic. The most encouraging and rewarding thing for me is knowing that both he and his brother are fully aware that what I do, I do to make sure they are always striving to improve, to live up to their abilities and to succeed in life. They know that I take my role as their mother more serious than anything else in this life, and that I am there for them whenver they need me. Whether it is as an ear to bend, a source of advice, help with something, teaching them life tools or busting their asses because I know they can work smarter, they don't question my dedication or love.

Life isn't perfect and I'm beyond grateful for that. Without trials, tribulations and those tough moments, we wouldn't have the chance to push each other toward greatness, or lean on someone when things get hard to navigate on our own. My kids know that I am not afraid to get in their space and challenge them, so they expect more of themselves and try harder as a result. They won't slack off completely, but I find that when they are just having a rough go of it, they will let off their drive long enough for the fail-safe known as mom to kick in and push them when they need it most.