First impressions. It's always best to make good ones. I have no doubts that I've failed to rise to that level of interaction on occasion, but most of the time I achieve decent results. I am who I am, though I've found it beneficial to tone down certain aspects of my typical personality (aka foul-mouthed sailor) the first few times I'm around someone new.
I'm happy to say that I believe I made a good first impression this weekend meeting my Mister's children. They didn't appear overwhelmed, despite their somewhat shy demeanors, and for those that know me that is a feat! Just as I expected, I had the distinct feeling that I will grow to adore them. I couldn't have asked for a better introduction than this, as their father and I decided to meet up at a local bowling alley. The idea was neutral ground, not to mention enough activity to avoid awkward moments over just sitting and pushing conversation on them. My youngest son joined as well — he jokingly says I used him as a buffer. While it may seem as though that was they case, I felt it was important for Mister's sons to see me as a mother to my own children, rather than someone who is going to be infringing on their time with dad.
Both Mister and I have dated people who did not have children, and sometimes there is a big disconnect in how these people interact with our offspring. Kids are fairly observant and, while they might not be able to express it, they are affected by the lack of understanding and impatience. Buffer or not, allowing his sons to first see me as someone who is like their father and understands what it is to have children seemed like the best way to go. It might not work for everyone, but taking the stress out of the first meeting eased us all into more organic conversations than sitting across the table during lunch would have.
I like that there was no caution from Mister toward being affectionate in front of his sons. His willingness to allow his children to see him interact with someone this way provided me the kind of comfort I needed to relax and not overthink things. It also confirmed what I suspected from the months of conversations we've had about our sons, parenting and life — he's as open and real with his sons as I am my own. If there is one thing I know, it is that conflicting approaches to parenting can wreak havoc on a relationship. There is immense relief in knowing there will be support and encouragement between us when it comes to the other's kids, rather than disagreement and adversity.
Establishing a relationship that fosters continued growth is tough enough, particularly after divorce and becoming settled in your own ways. Adding children to that can be difficult and present serious hurdles. While I am under no illusions that a great first meeting means there won't be challenges ahead, at least I know that parenting styles and choices won't be one of them. That in itself is huge.
Looking forward to getting to know these two boys and appreciating that there aren't any unnecessary hangup minefields to navigate.
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