Home Is Where The People You Love Are

After a month of living here, I've come to love the quiet mornings. It's different here for sure. There's no thick, wooded area to buffer from the surrounding neighbors, but these new neighbors are tucked away in their homes until well after 7. The feeling of being hidden in a little community is gone, though the almost non-existent sound of cars in the distance is similar to being far removed. I do miss the interaction with my neighbors in South Portland, however. That aspect has not yet found an equivalent. There is just no replacing people who are near and dear to your heart.

The overall strange feeling a new place can carry has left and what is left is a feeling of home. Of course, no matter where we go, the boys and I never lose sight of what makes a place home. Had my oldest moved out, I think it may have taken longer for me to feel this way. Without a doubt, just having my two loves with me makes any transition relatively smooth. They are what grounds me, what gives me purpose, and what has always made me whole.

This is a reality that is harboring major life changes and adjustments. The peace and contentedness of having my children with me under the same roof is coming to the end of it's run. All the little irritations of getting under each others' skin, the worry, the frustration and the joy will undergo full metamorphosis when they go out into the world. I know it is inevitable but it doesn't make it any easier to accept.

Each and every day I have with them now has a faint, underlying urgency to it. I barely notice it's there, but I am aware of it nonetheless. The collection of memories is in high gear and my appreciation of the men these boys have become is greater than I could have imagined. As a mother, I may worry about them leaving the nest, but beyond the maternal protectiveness, I know they will find their place in the world. I've just got to find some way of accepting that it will be without much involvement from me. While they may not say it, I know that both of them are thinking these same things, only from their own wide-eyed, inexperienced perspectives.

There is no stopping time, so I'm determined to enjoy what time I have left in my life as it is, and hoping to have the grace to embrace the changes when they come about.