There are things as a parent that carry a different weight than they do as a non-parent. The importance of any decision that affects your children becomes greater because the outcome affects more than just yourself. As a result, the meaning we attribute to such decisions and choices is typically far different than it would be otherwise.
Nearly every decision I have made over the past 20+ years has ben with my sons in mind. This is particularly true when it comes to relationships. Introducing my sons to someone wasn't anything I did lightly. For me, at least when the boys were younger, I was protective of who they came into contact with. Making the choice to introduce them to someone I was dating had to mean the relationship had lasting potential.
I've always taken that part of my parenting duties seriously. My marriage was my sons' first exposure to relationships and sadly, it was not the best example. They were exposed to an equally awful example with the first guy I dated. After that experience, I raised a wall that would need to be scaled between my dating life and my parenting life. Eventually, I thought I had met someone I could spend my life with and slowly included my sons. Another tumultuous end that I subjected them to had reaffirmed the wisdom of keeping my relationships separate from the rest of my life.
Since that last big breakup, my sons have only briefly met men I've dated. They are grown now and I've scaled back that wall quite a bit. I've also come to realize that while my own sons are old enough to process and handle my current romantic relationship, this protective wall is still beneficial. My children are not the only children that are affected by this relationship. I was happy and relieved when my Mister and I discussed our views on when to introduce the other to their kids. We share that protective instinct, which also means we that introduction as a serious next step in the relationship.
From the beginning, I was honest about wanting to wait to meet his sons. While I'd introduced him to mine early on, he has only just started spending more time with them. The decision to include me in his time with his sons had to be his. It's been nearly six months since we started dating and today I meet the boys I have heard so many stories about. I'd be lying if I said I wasn't nervous. This is a big deal in the world of single parent dating — at least the kind that I've chosen to participate in. I'm not worried about how they will perceive me; I think we have laid a strong foundation these past few months, spending time really getting to know one another and assessing the longevity factor. The nervousness comes from the changes that will happen following today. Moving forward and leaving the comfort of where we are in this relationship for something that includes and affects our children — when we've both botched it up a time or two before — well, that's something to be a little nervous about.
Beyond the initial scariness of what it means, I'm looking forward to getting to know these two boys beyond the tales their father proudly tells. T-minus one hour...here goes nothing!
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