Oh It's Crowded in the House Tonight

It's quite probable a few things went better than most of my day, aside from dinner and seeing The Revenant, but at the moment, nothing comes to mind. It isn't as though things went badly, it's more that everything seemed out-of-sorts. I wouldn't say I'm displeased by what life's offerings were, I'm alive, still healthy, and, as far as I can ascertain, I'm sane.

It seems, as of late, that there are more topsy-turvy moments than normal. I realized all at once that I have an adult son, who wants to have a social life, another son who is nearly grown, and we live far too small of a space to exist comfortably. Years from now I will remember this time and wish to experience 'just one more moment' like this, but at the moment - not so much.

I remember what it was like being 20. Of course, I lived on my own by then. Life was just starting; I was no longer a kid. Despite tragic events, I still managed to experience the freedom that allowed me to make a complete ass of myself, party with my friends into the wee hours of the morning without parental consequence, and eventually, realize that living back home with the family wasn't as bad as I once believed.

There is little doubt that the freedom I had led to a deeper appreciation for what I had taken for granted. Looking at my own children, I wonder if I have held tight for too long. Life isn't what it was 25 years ago, nor will it be as it is now a decade into the future. Our need for independence may always nag at us, but the preservation of whatever lifestyle we have grown accustomed to carries far more weight. Will my sons kids find their footing in the world even later in years than they did?

Rushing them out and on their own path is not an objective of mine at the moment, but on occasion - like tonight I can't help but imagine when exactly my first little bird will leave the nest. And that thought is followed by the fleeting vision of solitude and peace. Oh, I wake from that little reverie quite quickly, because without a doubt, no matter how often the friends fill this small space until I want to run away, I know these are the memories that will bring me comfort when they have left my home for good.