Sometimes I actually fool myself into thinking I'm actively doing something when it's more like I'm just getting creative with my procrastination. I'll occupy myself with something that keeps my busy, but it's far from what I intended to do. Almost every time it's avoiding writing. Not writing here, writing that I need to continue in order to finish a book.
Today, given that I have several directions going on in this book, I printed off what I have so far. Not to edit so much as to combine ideas into chapters and mark where I can expand and go further. Trying to flip between the sections on my laptop isn't as effective. I need to have the pages in my hands physically to connect and define each potential chapter. The realization I came to is that I'm only a third of the way finished, and I need to hone in on a tighter presentation.
I may have gotten a little more decisive with my direction, but this need to peruse what I have was still a form of putting off what I really need to do, which is just write. One could say my blog is a distraction. But at least I'm writing, keeping active in self-expression through words. The whole Netflix binge watching has been out of control, and unlike blogging or writing freelance, it does nothing whatsoever for my creative side. I've finished the last series I intend to watch, and my nights are now dedicated to working on my own tale.
In truth, I putz around with whatever I can find to occupy my time when I am at a crossroads in life. Even though I know that my time would be better spent actively pursuing whatever task or goal is at hand, procrastination allows me to think when something doesn't feel right. Of course I get carried away and that's when stepping away from the main road can impact productiveness. I can be my own worst hurdle.
I can also be my own worst critic. As is likely the case with this whole writing thing. Given the subject matter and the kind of message trying to be conveyed, stepping back in the form of reading what has been written is actually beneficial. I can see what I've got, what I still need, and hopefully get a clearer idea of how to make it all connect. Rather than sit here playing self-analyst, I truly ought to be filling in the spaces that are lacking, so that the lines are more easily drawn together.
There's always accountability, too. I've put my shortfalls out there, and now it's not just me who knows I play this game with myself. So with that I intend to dive in for at least an hour tonight. And now, this post written and television off, there are no distractions to pull me in another direction.
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