Balancing Act

How do you deal with uncertainty? Do you let it eat at you day and night? Sweep it under the mental rug? Maybe those are the wrong questions. I think what's more important is are you happy with how you deal with uncertain circumstances and situations?

I'm the kind of person who can fixate on things. Of course, most people would likely say the same. There was a period of time (like all of my childhood right up until I got divorced at 36) when anything that was out of my control would have me wound up tighter than a coil, seconds away from being sprung. I'd run over possible solutions or outcomes incessantly, trapped inside my head with nothing but nervous, negative energy. Yeah, it was pretty damned miserable.

Things pop up every day, at any time, over and over again. After awhile you'd think those of us who obsess would realize we are defining crazy by continuing to let stress and the unknown get the better of ourselves. I think it was somewhere around 37 years for me to finally figure out that giving all the things that were questions without immediate answers, or problems without easy solutions, the best of my focus and energy was the fastest way to barricade myself from any kind of enjoyment in life. Shit happens, and there are going to be many times the answers evade us. Playing a never-ending game of hide-n-seek (that feels much more like search and prepare to destroy) rarely makes the kind of difference in situations that we somehow think it will.

Control is overrated. A false sense of control is even less appealing. Having a one-track mind means you're only partially present for everything else. That great vacation with the family, exploring, relaxing and making memories - yeah, you miss out on the full effect of it all when you can't set something aside and free up that much-appreciated example of love and respect called 'full attention'. The problems will likely still be there at the end of the week, but the opportunity to experience life during those seven days won't be, and there are no second chances.

What I find somewhat amusing is that when trying to alter habits that aren't good for us, we aren't obsessive or fixated on the new path, we are often still stealing regular glances at the road we stepped off of. How exactly is a person suppose to leave the habits, things, thoughts, and energy they don't want to hold onto anymore behind if they keep it all well within view? 

Solutions, change, better opportunities - these things will remain out of reach and unattainable as long as we refuse to let go of the unknowns and other things that grab our attention completely. I know that for me, nearly none of the things I fixated on were things I could let go of slowly, bit by bit and expect to see real results. Financial stresses, relationship issues, whatever the problem I was facing, and will continue to face, the only way resolution happens is by putting both feet on the path that feels right and walking, face straight ahead. Life works out the way it does, and while it is essential to be aware and actively taking responsibility for where we are at and how we get to wherever we are going, we need to make sure we aren't stuck in a loop of going over mental checklists and delaying actual trip. 

It is necessary to be mindful of an issue, but a tragic error to let the issue become the overall theme of the mind.