Lest We Forget

I absolutely love seeing families exploring things right in their backyards, playing and learning, and simply spending quality time together they would otherwise have missed out on. It is heartwarming and such an amazing positive worth highlighting. What makes it difficult, however, is the reality that there families whose time is anything but harmonious right now. Some because of the turmoil they find themselves in amidst positive COVID-19 within their circle, but for far too many it's the abusive cycles that there is little to no break from.

Far from wanting to be a downer, I feel it part of my responsibility as a human being to understand and recognize the yin and the yang in situations. I cannot ignore that there are countless children, women, and men who are right now living in a full-time hellish existence at the hands of someone who is supposed to love and care for them. My childhood has the stain of abuse at the hands of a man who should have protected, taught, guided and loved me. Instead, I was subjected to aggressive over-the-knee spankings for a myriad of childhood errs – none of which were ever deserving of a black and blue backside that made sitting uncomfortable for days. Nothing that I said or did was ever so wrong or disrespectful that I should endure verbal assaults that left me in tears and in danger of a bruised bottom or face. I was a child that should have been lovingly taught right from wrong, through guidance and occasional consequences that re-inforced better choices without emotional or physical torment and abuse. I was fortunate. My mother divorced that man and at the age of 12, I was not made to continue visitation with him. I got out of that hell.

There is an appalling number of people who don't have that opportunity. Right now, for many, there is no work, no daycare, no school and it's causing stress – uncertainty, cabin fever, financial worry, and fear – that is heightening abusers need to control their surroundings through violence and terror. The recipients of this deplorable weakness known as ABUSE have no reprieve, no break, and no escape. There will sadly be a rise in injury and death incidences due to domestic abuse (spousal, partner and child) during this time of stay-at-home. Most of us go through our days right now, lamenting about having nothing to do, missing our family and friends and an array of other things, while someone in our neighborhood is being belittled, molested, brainwashed, raped, and beaten on a far more regular basis than before. It's impossible to not feel helpless.

I don't bring this up to throw negativity into an already gloomy situation. I call attention to it because it matters. It's happening and it's been a problem for longer than this virus's life span will be. There are people who are dealing with deaths of loved ones, both from COVID-19 and from other causes, that cannot comfort the ones they love or receive comfort in their time of need. There are people struggling with illness unrelated to, but certainly putting them at higher risk of contracting this virus. People are separated from their loved ones and have no idea when they will be able to hold them close again. And yes, there are millions of people dealing with all of these things AND being abused by someone in their home, as well.

Home is not a bad place to be unless you are one of those millions whose dwelling is a place of violence. We may not be able to do anything about what's happening next door, down the street or in the neighborhood right now, short of calling the authorities - which can make things worse but provides interruption and possible separation of the offender from the home. What we can do is be aware and share the somber weight that boredom is an absolutely amazing problem to have. Abuse of any kind is wrong. It's criminal to strike another person as a means to control, to take what is desired without consent as an exertion of power over someone, to neglect, starve, manipulate and demean. If you can offer a safe place, do it. If you can be a safe source of support and judgment-free compassion, be that. Just don't be ignorant to the fact that turning a blind eye or ignoring these things means they don't exist or aren't your problem.

We are in this life together and the only way we make it through stronger is to be united in all possible ways.