And So It Begins

Yesterday, as I went about the busy task of downloading all the materials I will be using from each of my classes and signing into all applications I will need, I found I had to frequently push self-defeating, fearful thoughts out of my head. I was, and still am, overwhelmed. Going back to school after six years isn't going to be easy, but then most things that are worthwhile aren't.

Why didn't I finish my Bachelor's degree six years ago? Well, working a full-time and a part-time job and raising two kids on my own, it was incredibly tough to stay on top of everything. After earning my Associate's I needed a break, and the prospect of adding more debt wasn't one I was looking forward to. You would think that someone in that situation might have been eligible for more grants, but I received minimal. The tuition bill was just too high for me to fathom adding another two years of school expenses. I did what was right for me at the time, mentally, fiscally and physically.

A number of things have changed in my life since that time. I've switched careers, my sons have grown and I now find that to be as marketable and engaging a job candidate I need to finish my Bachelor's. I've also found that I am more confident in my direction and major, which helps with the decision to once again take on substantial debt.

The fearful thoughts don't come from the prospect of expenses or the commitment to learning. I'm in a far more secure place in life than I was before, and learning is something that I hope I never stop doing. No, most of the reasons I had to put off furthering my education in 2010 have little to no impact on my decision to finally return. My apprehension comes from not knowing if I will be able to find a balance between work, school, and life. Of all the things I could be nervous about, it almost seems silly to me that this is my biggest concern.

My life has always been full. I run on the stress of a busy day-to-day, and there aren't many downtime periods that I don't find some way of cramming full with something. In short, I function quite well when the demands on my time and attention are high. This in and of itself is the reason that each and every time those pseudo-panic attacks pop-up I can squash them before they worm their way into my confidence and undermine my resolve.

Today, I dive in. Let's see how well I can strike that balance. No matter what, I'm in it.